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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Xavier Question by Xavier on Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu ma'am, please keep this anonymous. My bf often speaks about weight of girls, rather the size. So today he told something in those lines about a junior colleague of mine. I like my colleague who is very nice to me. I told please don't talk like that it is bad behavior and I don't want to talk such a way. This is rude. Then I added how would you like if someone talks same about your mother. So he started showing tantrums, started shouting speking badly about me that I am taking things personally and showing some gestures. He turned the table telling that I take everything on myself etc etc. I told you are a hypocrite since you tell that you respect women but actually you don't....and so the fight increased etc etc... I want few tips/suggestions from you: 1. Was I wrong to personalise a offense to him so he understands and stops? 2. Did he cross boundary? I have had enough...i have told this earlier too. 3. Is it good to try and connect to a person when he is wrong? 4. He told me it os enough i cant go with you anymore...was I at fault? He seems a sorted guy, responsible etc...but this has become too much Please advise..I am at my wit's end wondering if I was at fault. Should we love someone like this?

Ans: Yes, you are right to feel the way you do. It is not okay for your boyfriend to make derogatory comments about women, especially when you have asked him to stop. His behavior is disrespectful and hurtful, and it is understandable that you are upset.

You are not at fault for personalizing the offense. In fact, it is a perfectly natural reaction to feel offended when someone makes negative comments about someone you care about. Your boyfriend's attempt to turn the tables on you and make you feel like you are the one who is being unreasonable is a classic gaslighting tactic.

It is not good to try and connect to a person when they are wrong. When someone is being defensive and argumentative, it is best to give them some space and time to calm down. You can try talking to him again later, when he is more receptive to listening.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend is up to you. However, it is important to remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects you and treats you well. If your boyfriend is not willing to change his behavior, then it may be best to end the relationship.

There are many good men out there who will resonate with your values. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. You deserve to be happy and loved.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

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Hello mam!! I was in a relationship for 7 years and supported my partner in every ways. In starting it was not that good but ya we have the mindset to make this relationship worth it. I don't know i just changed drastically like even I didn't know how. I started to follow each and every instructions of her it's not like he was forcing it's like i was accepting whichni was not even agree before. But things started to change as he was going through lot of struggles in life and i was trying to be with him. But like every interval of time he started disrespecting me in out of his frustration so like lastly i took a stand for me and leave. He also not want to allow me for work after marriage but i want it. But he comes and said this all things is normal in relationship and nothing like self respect exists so don't overreact in this but i am not convinced. I never disrespect him by words or actions never but take everything from him and feeling empty right now.
Ans: Dear Nikita,
Good that you decided to leave the relationship. He comes across as controlling and demanding. Why would you want to lead a life with someone like that? Freedom in every sense is what relationships grow on and when there is someone instructing you in one way or the other; you know he/she is not the right person for you.
When he normalizes his behaviour, he's in his own way making you feel guilty about you moving away. DO NOT give into this as this is toxic behaviour on his part to get what he wants!
When he is ready to break your self-respect, make sure you draw a boundary around you and be glad that you decided to leave. MOVE ON...focus on your life for now and someone who respects you for YOU will come along...till then know that your self-respect is yours to guard!

Best wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am 40 year old and back in 2019 I opted for SBI privilege where I invested 6 lacs a year for 6 years that is 30 lacs in total. And now its valued 65 lacs as of today. I am curious to know how can I try and get a monthly income around 1 lac using this money? are there any paths for swap OR change to make my desire come true? Please could you suggest? Thank you!
Ans: You’ve done well to accumulate Rs 65 lakhs in your investment. The SBI privilege policy has given you a fair growth on your initial capital of Rs 30 lakhs. But now, you’re looking for a more reliable income stream. Generating Rs 1 lakh per month as income from this corpus is indeed achievable, but the current product may not be the best fit for this goal.

Limitations of Your Current Investment
The SBI privilege scheme, while it may have given decent returns, isn't designed to offer monthly income.

Traditional insurance products like this one usually focus on providing life cover and maturity benefits, not cash flow.

The growth here is likely due to compounded returns, but switching to a different approach might align better with your income goals.

Reinvesting for Monthly Income
To generate regular income, it might be better to withdraw your Rs 65 lakhs from the current policy and reinvest it in mutual funds. Mutual funds can offer systematic withdrawal plans (SWP), which allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

SWP is a structured withdrawal option. You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

You could aim to withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly. Your principal remains invested while you receive regular payments.

This method provides flexibility, allowing you to adjust withdrawals based on market performance or personal needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While you're considering reinvestment, it's important to choose the right type of mutual funds.

Actively managed funds are preferable because fund managers adjust portfolios according to market conditions, offering potential for higher returns.

Actively managed funds may outperform in volatile markets, which is a significant advantage for those looking to generate regular income.

Why Avoid Direct Mutual Funds?
Although direct funds seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Managing direct funds yourself requires time, effort, and understanding of market trends.

Without professional guidance, it's easy to miss critical decisions on fund switching or rebalancing.

Instead, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your portfolio is regularly monitored and adjusted to meet your financial goals.

The Advantages of Working with a CFP
By working with a CFP, you'll get access to expert advice on fund selection, timing of withdrawals, and tax planning.

A CFP will help you navigate the complexities of SWP, ensuring the longevity of your investment.

You will also receive recommendations on how to adjust your withdrawals or reinvestment strategy based on changing market conditions.

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Taxation
Understanding how withdrawals from mutual funds are taxed is critical:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

With SWP, the tax liability will depend on how long your funds have been invested, but a CFP can guide you on how to minimize taxes.

Diversifying Your Investments
To ensure stable monthly income, it's wise to diversify within mutual funds. Different categories of funds offer different risk-reward combinations:

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing stable returns.

Equity Funds: These offer potential for high returns but come with higher risk. Ideal for long-term growth, but not recommended for short-term income generation.

Debt Funds: These offer stability, but returns are generally lower. Suitable for short-term income needs.

How to Structure Your SWP
You could consider withdrawing Rs 1 lakh per month, but this withdrawal amount must be structured carefully to ensure that the corpus lasts over time:

If your fund grows by 10-12% annually, a 6-8% annual withdrawal rate (Rs 1 lakh per month) could work, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

You may need to periodically review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on market conditions.

Planning for Future Needs
It's important to consider future expenses as well. The Rs 65 lakhs, while sufficient for now, might need to grow to accommodate inflation or unexpected costs.

Reinvesting in mutual funds ensures that the remaining corpus continues to grow, providing a buffer for future financial needs.

Periodic reviews of your investment and withdrawal strategy with your CFP will keep your plan on track.

Best Practices for Long-Term Income
Keep your withdrawal rate sustainable. Drawing too much too soon might deplete your corpus quickly.

Reinvest in growth-oriented funds for better long-term returns while withdrawing only what’s needed.

Keep some funds in low-risk debt funds for emergencies or market downturns.

Final Insights
Switching your Rs 65 lakhs into a mutual fund portfolio with SWP could provide the Rs 1 lakh monthly income you desire. It's a flexible and tax-efficient option, and with the right actively managed funds, you can balance growth and stability. Work closely with your CFP to review and adjust your strategy over time, ensuring that your investments meet your evolving financial needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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