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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu I have been married for 18 years with 2 teenage daughters. My husband has temper issues and I feel he is a perfectionist. He feels that whatever he says or feels is the only correct way to do it. I have a full time job though he earns much more than me. He travels a lot so I am the one running household, kids’ responsibilities, my own job and taking care of a bedridden father in law but nothing seems to matter. Sometimes I feel no matter how much I do it is never enough. I am wearing out, I have become irritated and cynical because of my marital relationship. I thought his anger will subside and he will mellow down with age but it seems to worsen. Something just keep my mouth shut so that he doesn’t pick up one more thing to put me down. I just don’t want to separate because I have 2 wonderful kids for whom we are one happy family. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's easy to get angry, throw the weight around and then make people around believe that 'This is who I am!'...
No! It's another way that adults behave having a temper tantrum and it's not okay...
Obviously, it will cause a huge strain in a relationship. In fact, if you and your husband had a better level of compatibility and understanding, the same situation at home with all the responsibilities that you are handling would not be weighing you down.
Emotional support can absolutely be a game changer for a couple who have young children and aged parents to care for and to be on the same page as a couple can help...
These anger issues have a source to them and hence need to be addressed...Else you will be stuck with the daily chores feeling the anguish and then the blame game will slowly begin...
Address this with a lot of patience (like you already have...) Communication between the two of you can take shape in the form of:
- Listening more than talking
- Expressing more than complaining

These small tweaks will first ensure smooth engagement between the two of you...and also, you should know...his anger can just be a form of him asking for attention but he does not know how to ask for it. So, it has to change from anger into expressing...
Does all this change take time? YES and constant and patient work...Marriage is work! And the benefits of bringing back a happy family is always seen in the children first...it's priceless...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

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Relationship
 Hi, Please guide me. I am into 10 years of married life with a son of 7 years, both are working... It's an arranged marriage, but we got 6 months to know each other, initially as usual everything seems to be of roses but then comes with reality check.. We both are extremely incompatible.. our views, thoughts, interest, choices never match.He has the habit of pin pointing on everything I do, it's hard to maintain my calm, as I have to manage school, my son, home everything. He helps in daily chores, we stand together in rough times but otherwise we can't discuss any situation with each other.My mother in law also emotionally abuses me by hurling cheapest meanest nasty comments. My parents never listen to me, they expect me to compromise... I'm tired, frustrated.. could you help?
Ans:

Dear PS,

After a few years of marriage, reality can hit hard and then you realize that there are no commonalities between the two of you.

But isn’t that something to celebrate?

We would not be very happy with someone who is just like us. The differences bring in newness and a fresh outlook every moment. So, instead of focusing on the fact that you have nothing in common, why don’t both of you fix your eyes on what is good in the marriage and what each of you bring into each other’s lives?

A marriage therapist can guide you as this is something that they do day in and day out; by bringing awareness to what is beautiful in each other…

And kindly focus on your marriage. Your mother-in-law is simply reacting to the environment in the house and does what she knows.

Sometimes elders do not know the right way to deal with things that they never experienced.

When she sees her son stressed, she might feel it’s because of you and hurl abuses at you.

Each one is dealing with the situation in their own way. I suggest you focus on your marriage that is obviously important to you.

Do remember, storms may lash, but the ones who truly believe in the power of the Sun to relieve them, not only survive but thrive.

So believe that you have the strength to grow out of this and create a beautiful life. And you have mentioned that your husband and you stand together in rough times, so he is anyway going to be with you in this as well. Simply confide in him and grow together.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's clear that both you and your wife are experiencing significant distress, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. Focus on active listening, empathy, and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Encourage open and honest dialogue with your wife, and be willing to listen to her concerns and perspective without becoming defensive or dismissive It's commendable that you recognize the need to work on your anger and reactions. Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Money
I'm having 35L lumpsum. Please suggest investment strategies to make it to 1CR in roughly 5 YEARS or before. Experienced & Professionals please suggest. I need help. Please.???? Your valuable insights & suggestions are MOST WELCOME. THANKS IN ADVANCE. KINDLY HELP ????????????
Ans: let's approach this with a realistic perspective. Achieving a 1 crore target in just 5 years from a 35 lakh lump sum is quite ambitious and may involve high-risk strategies. It's essential to understand that aiming for quick riches often leads to disappointment and potential loss of principal.

Instead of chasing unrealistic targets, focus on sustainable wealth-building strategies. Consider allocating your lump sum across a diversified portfolio of assets such as equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and possibly some exposure to real estate investment trusts (REITs) or gold ETFs for stability.

Aiming for a reasonable annualized return of around 12-15% is more realistic over the long term. Remember, slow and steady wins the race in wealth accumulation. Avoid falling for get-rich-quick schemes or high-risk investments promising unrealistically high returns.

Prioritize your financial goals, whether it's wealth creation, retirement planning, or other objectives, and tailor your investment strategy accordingly. Consult with a certified financial planner to create a personalized investment plan aligned with your risk tolerance and financial objectives.

In conclusion, while it may not be feasible to achieve a 1 crore target in just 5 years with a 35 lakh investment, adopting a disciplined and diversified approach to investing can help you steadily build wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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Money
Hello Jinal, greetings, I have been investigating in the below funds. Please let me know whether I should continue my SIP of 40K in these below funds for next 10,15,20 years. Investing since Apr 2023. Age 33, goals: retirement, children education and marriage. Funds: 1. Axis growth opportunities direct fund. 2. DSP Value fund direct. 3. SBI multi cap direct fund. 4. PPFAS flexi cap direct fund. 5. Quant tax saver fund direct. Reason to choose these funds to get diversified categories as well as international exposure. Adding more, like each funds strategies are different from each other.
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to long-term financial planning! Your chosen funds indeed offer a well-rounded portfolio catering to various investment objectives. Each fund's distinct strategy enhances diversification, mitigating risk and maximizing returns over time.

Axis Growth Opportunities fund provides exposure to high-growth potential companies, aligning with long-term wealth accumulation goals. DSP Value fund, focusing on undervalued stocks, adds stability to your portfolio, crucial for achieving financial milestones like children's education and marriage.

SBI Multi Cap fund's flexibility in investing across market caps ensures adaptability to market dynamics, essential for sustained growth. PPFAS Flexi Cap fund's international exposure offers a hedge against domestic market volatility, fostering global wealth creation opportunities.

Quant Tax Saver fund not only aids in tax efficiency but also provides a unique investment approach, complementing the other funds' strategies. However, it's vital to monitor fund performance periodically and rebalance if necessary to stay aligned with your goals.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:
Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):
• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Remember, investing is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay disciplined, and trust the process. Your dedication to systematic investment will yield significant results over the years, securing a comfortable future for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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Money
Hello Sir, greetings, I have been investigating in the below funds. Please let me know whether I should continue my SIP of 40K in these below funds for next 10,15,20 years. Investing since Apr 2023. Age 33, goals: retirement, children education and marriage. Funds: 1. Axis growth opportunities direct fund. 2. DSP Value fund direct. 3. SBI multi cap direct fund. 4. PPFAS flexi cap direct fund. 5. Quant tax saver fund direct. Reason to choose these funds to get diversified categories as well as international exposure. Adding more, like each funds strategies are different from each other.
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to long-term financial planning! Your chosen funds indeed offer a well-rounded portfolio catering to various investment objectives. Each fund's distinct strategy enhances diversification, mitigating risk and maximizing returns over time.

Axis Growth Opportunities fund provides exposure to high-growth potential companies, aligning with long-term wealth accumulation goals. DSP Value fund, focusing on undervalued stocks, adds stability to your portfolio, crucial for achieving financial milestones like children's education and marriage.

SBI Multi Cap fund's flexibility in investing across market caps ensures adaptability to market dynamics, essential for sustained growth. PPFAS Flexi Cap fund's international exposure offers a hedge against domestic market volatility, fostering global wealth creation opportunities.

Quant Tax Saver fund not only aids in tax efficiency but also provides a unique investment approach, complementing the other funds' strategies. However, it's vital to monitor fund performance periodically and rebalance if necessary to stay aligned with your goals.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:
Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):
• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Remember, investing is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay disciplined, and trust the process. Your dedication to systematic investment will yield significant results over the years, securing a comfortable future for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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Money
Hi I'm Atish, I want to invest a lumpsum of 3lakhs in which fund I should invest please guide.
Ans: Hello Atish,

Investing a lump sum of 3 lakhs requires careful consideration of your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Here's a suggestion on where you could invest:

Given the current market conditions and your investment horizon, consider allocating your lump sum across a diversified portfolio of mutual funds. Since you're investing a significant amount at once, it's crucial to mitigate risk by spreading your investments across different asset classes.

You can consider investing in a combination of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap equity funds to capture growth opportunities across market segments. Additionally, allocating a portion to debt funds can provide stability to your portfolio and reduce overall volatility.

Look for mutual funds with a proven track record of consistent performance, low expense ratios, and experienced fund managers. Consider funds that align with your investment goals and risk appetite.

Before making any investment decisions, it's advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner who can assess your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can help you design a personalized investment strategy and select suitable mutual funds to achieve your objectives.

Remember to review your investments periodically and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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Money
Hi sir I started my investment in dsp mutual fund with 11,000 from July 2023 and in Bank of India mutual fund in small flexi and multi cap 4000 each every month from December what could be me return after 15 years
Ans: Predicting the exact returns of mutual fund investments over 15 years is challenging due to market uncertainties. However, we can estimate potential returns based on historical performance and certain assumptions.

DSP Mutual Fund and Bank of India Mutual Fund offer a range of equity-oriented funds, which historically have provided higher returns over the long term compared to fixed-income investments.

Assuming an average annual return of 12% for DSP Mutual Fund and 10% for Bank of India Mutual Fund, which are reasonable estimates based on historical market performance, we can project the future value of your investments.

Considering your monthly investments of 11,000 in DSP Mutual Fund and 8,000 (4,000 each) in Bank of India Mutual Fund, let's calculate the future value using a mutual fund calculator.

After 15 years, your investments could potentially grow substantially, providing a significant corpus for your financial goals. However, it's essential to review and adjust your investments periodically based on market conditions and your financial objectives.

Keep in mind that these are projections based on historical data and assumptions. Actual returns may vary depending on market performance and other factors. It's advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized investment advice tailored to your specific needs and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir I am 58 years old. I never invested any stock market or shares or any such market funds I was working in gulf country. Earned around 8cr . Now all in fixed deposits. I was busy during my job time. I was only concentrate my jobs .now I want advice how to invest on My atleast half amount MF smilar funds. I also invested realestate around 25 years back. Now all got good appreciation. I have 2daughter and one son.daughters are earning good salary. Son studying.no loan or no commitment . Please advice how I can invest on MF stock linked market so I can make enough better growth than fixed deposits
Ans: It's commendable that you're considering diversifying your investments beyond fixed deposits, especially given the potential for higher returns in the stock market. Let's explore how you can begin investing in mutual funds (MF) and similar funds with a portion of your wealth.

Since you're new to the stock market and MFs, it's wise to start with a conservative approach. Consider investing a portion of your fixed deposits into balanced funds or equity-oriented hybrid funds. These funds offer a mix of equity and debt instruments, providing growth potential while mitigating risk.

Given your substantial corpus, you have the flexibility to invest in a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across different categories. Allocate funds based on your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon.

For long-term wealth creation, equity mutual funds, particularly large-cap and multi-cap funds, can be suitable. These funds invest in well-established companies with strong growth potential, offering the possibility of higher returns over time.

Consider investing systematically through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), which allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. SIPs help in rupee-cost averaging and reduce the impact of market volatility on your investments.

Since you have no immediate financial commitments and your children are financially independent, you can afford to take a long-term view with your investments. Focus on staying invested for the long haul to benefit from the power of compounding.

However, it's crucial to consult with a Certified Financial Planner who can assess your financial situation, risk appetite, and investment objectives. They can help you devise a personalized investment strategy and guide you through the process of investing in mutual funds.

In conclusion, by diversifying a portion of your wealth into mutual funds, you can potentially achieve higher growth than fixed deposits over the long term. With careful planning and professional guidance, you can navigate the complexities of the stock market and work towards your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |190 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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Relationship
Hello Sir/Ma'am, Myself Sachin. Basically I'm from Thrissur (Kerala) where I born. But in terms of education, I did my schooling & colleges from Pune (Maharashtra). My DOB is 30th October 1984. So right now I'm 39. Till now I'm single trying to get a life partner to have a good understanding since 7 years. However, no one I got yet. Even I tried dating through online dating app called quack quack where sometimes I get a positive responses. But later on, that relationship doesn't prolongs. In this situation, what shall I do to have a good life partner? Right now I reside in Coimbatore (Tamilnadu) with my parents in one of the senior citizen complex. In terms of education I did my BBA from Delhi University. Also have work experience into customer support voice process for about 9 years. Currently I run my business as a photostat in Coimbatore.
Ans: Hi Sachin,

I understand that dating can sometimes be very frustrating. You have every right to start wondering whether it will work or not. Since you have already tried dating apps and even had a positive experience, I would ask you to recognize that as a win first. Second, let me share some tips with you that might help you find the right kind of matches:

- Write a detailed and attractive Bio. What should it include? 40% about yourself- your education, your quirks and habits, likes and preferences, and everything that makes you you. 10% about what you can offer as a partner. 10% about the type of relationship you want. Do you want to date exclusively, or are you looking for casual? Are you looking to get married or long-term dating? Mention it clearly to attract the right matches. The remaining 40% should be about the kind of person you want to date. Your idea of a perfect partner. It would save you a lot of time and energy on the relationships that start strong but eventually fizzle out.

- The display picture can play an important role. Always pick a recent and clear image to never mislead anyone. Choose an image that shows you in your element, preferably smiling because that makes you seem warm and welcoming. Refrain from over-editing.

- Another important step is the first message. Write a detailed and personalized first message instead of a Hi.

Other than this, I would ask you to have patience. Regardless of the mode of dating, finding the right partner can take time in certain instances. Good things take time.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |190 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1981 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi i am 42 yrs i am govt servent going to retire at 58 currently my salary 60pm from last one years i started investing in mutual fund 10k in nippon small cap 5k in sbi large and small cap and this years started 5k in nippon flexi cap fund currently i hav 24lac in ppf account also need to make small home for that i need 40 lac suggest me some should i take home lone or use my savings for that
Ans: Considering your retirement in 16 years and your current investment in mutual funds and PPF, let's analyze your options for purchasing a home.

You're off to a good start with your mutual fund investments, providing potential growth over the long term. However, investing in equity funds for a short-term goal like buying a house carries risk due to market fluctuations.

Given your timeline and the need for 40 lac for a home, it's prudent to explore multiple avenues. Utilizing your savings in PPF is an option, but it might not cover the entire cost.

Taking a home loan could be a viable solution. It allows you to preserve your savings and spread the cost of the house over a longer period. However, consider the loan's interest rate, tenure, and your ability to repay post-retirement.

Alternatively, you could partially fund the home with your savings and take a smaller home loan, reducing the burden of EMIs post-retirement. This approach offers a balance between utilizing savings and leveraging loans.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to assess your risk tolerance, evaluate loan options, and devise a suitable strategy aligned with your financial goals and retirement plans.

In summary, weigh the pros and cons of using savings versus taking a home loan, considering factors like interest rates, repayment capacity, and post-retirement income. With careful planning, you can achieve your goal of owning a home while safeguarding your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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