Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AM Question by AM on Jun 24, 2022Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Anu ma'am,
I'm a class 12th JEE aspirant. Right now my life is actually seeming to be over. I have my board exams going on and JEE mains on head.
The exams are not a problem but those expectations of performing good are.
I've been a good student till now. Scored 96.6% in 10th and was always a sincere and obedient child.

My father is an alcoholic and mother, a typical Indian housewife who is all nice, hardworking, busy with house chores, frustrated and tired all day.
Before the pandemic life was much easier to me. I would go to school and forget all these problems with my family.
Oh I didn't mention that my father sometimes turns abusive and beats my mother. I don't know how safe it is to share here but I wish to confide in you. So this pandemic ruined it all.
I had to face the reality of my life at home. I couldn't join any coaching or tuitions as this is not that developed place.
I had to manage my studies with all this stress. I kind of ruined all my progress and image as a decent performer in school.
I would never in a million years blame my environment for this.
My parents love me and always wish the best for me. But right now I'm scoring really low in boards as well as JEE mock tests.

All this is breaking me. I always wished to study hard and explore a world outside this little, not so happy house. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get a good government school. I want to make things happy between my parents and maybe if I earn well, I can do something...I don't know what but seems like money can fix a lot of things.
I'm really so depressed...I was on anti-depression pills but felt like not to continue them as they made me overthink more...I don't know why.
Nowadays I would just go on and sit uselessly or sleep for the entire day as I just want it to get over.
Nobody sees how sad I'm.
My father is busy with his office work and mother is depressed and traumatized to some levels.
I feel like I can't burden them with all this anymore.
I talked to my father to get things healthy but he gets all angry and aggressive.... and I'm really weak to face that both mentally and physically.

I really wish that you get time to write back to me. I really need some help.
I read an article where you answered some queries and couldn't stop myself. I just want to see if it's actually over or I have anything still left in this world for me :(
Thank you

Ans:

Dear A,

Thank you for reaching out.

My response will be out here and shared online but your name does not appear, so it will be strictly confidential.

Sometimes we get into situations that we obviously don’t want to be in; like I am sure you didn’t want to be in a place filled with doubts and anxiety.

But hey, do you realise what’s nice about you?

You have a trait that doesn’t believe in blaming her parents and indulging in self-pity. And that’s wonderful and you know why?

Because when you shift focus onto yourself, you start to step up and do something more useful like value and respect your own life.

So, why don’t you start with listing down all the things that you are good at.

Next, the way you used to study earlier was effective; bring that schedule and pattern of studying back.

Write down the goal/outcome clearly and put down steps to achieving it. Exams are just one part of your life and not your entire life.

As for improving your environment, all that you can do now is, fortify yourself from the heated debates and sadness and how?

By spending time with friends who support and care for you, listening to music, indulging in things that you love doing.

And lastly, smile a lot! It will make you feel wonderful from within.

Celebrate what you have and live that moment! And most importantly, love yourself and the rest will follow…

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I recently came across your self-help series on rediff com and couldn't resist myself from writing to you. I am a 25 year old woman living with her parents and a younger brother. I somehow managed the lockdown in 2020 but since last year, my life has been way more challenging.Things have been really tough since April last year. My mother started her dialysis. Before that, she got hospitalised twice within a month. However she is back home. But due to her dialysis session, her legs ache making her difficult to walk. Her hands have stopped moving due to hypertension so I am taking care of her.My father retired last year. So he's stressed about many things. He is over inspecting my every little action and criticising me for no apparent reason. I haven't got a suitable job despite working in an educational consultancy (They haven't even given my first salary). My boyfriend is encouraging me to work hard for my upcoming competitive exam and earn everything I want. But I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I have lost the zeal. And nowadays he has hardly any time for me.My ex-boyfriend hasn't returned Rs 20,000 he borrowed from me. When I confronted him, he avoided me and told me to back off. Sometimes I feel like taking a loan.Lastly, I have incomplete submissions of diploma course which I couldn't submit on time and I am requesting for extra time but I didn't get any help.Though I feel that things will get better but most of the time, I feel like quitting. Today my father scolded me again, so I went to terrace. I screamed and cried and decided to end my life. I have become so alone. I am wondering when my life will be on track. I am not a bad person. I know I have flaws. But why has life become so tough? I am only getting rejections and failures. I don't know what to do. How do I tackle with all of these? Please help me. I am totally exhausted.
Ans:

Dear AB,

Breathe! And breathe again and once more…

Life is filled with all things great and challenging as well. Challenges come to us as a growth path; one that we must walk on to unleash more of our inner power.

Challenges within the family, education related challenges, personal challenges and more are part of anyone’s life.

How we deal with each defines our journey and shapes our mindset as well.

Have you felt like playing the victim in each challenge and hence feel low and dejected and that prevents you from finishing what you have taken up?

I might be wrong here, but what seems to be happening is every activity is left mid-way due to lack of confidence from within. And then the loop continues and you have termed it as a rejection and failure. We receive what we put out there; so why don’t you try something different?

Why don’t you pick something (one at a time) and see it through till the end; it will give you a great sense of achievement and to do this; simply visualize the path from the start to the end and then jumping for joy at your victory.

Request your boyfriend to play the role of an accountability partner, so that he keeps your ups and downs in check.

Commit to him as to what and when you will finish; and to motivate yourself, keep visualizing your victory and success point and the happiness that you will feel from within.

As for your parents scolding you, they only look at your welfare.

Sit them down and tell them that you need their support and that you are embarking on a new journey.

I am sure that they will be rooting for you. Life is beautiful, make it count and you know you can!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Sir as i do partial drop with bsc i decided to give my third attempt in last but at end 3 months before my exams i feel ill ,my both college exam and this exam come college exam finish exactly 1 day ago i am always a topper in school ,college but i feel like devested i am 19 soon to be 20 i know i can't give my 100 percent but i feel like dead now getting depressed as my brother ,sister get their respective dream college i am still struggling i feel like a lost ,failure ,directionless ,defeated daily i feel like miserable althought it not my fault I feel bad like how miserable i become because of that i can't even focus a single thing i even started eating less food ,locking myself ,silence nobody is mocking me but i feel like i lost myself how should I will be successful again Being doctor is my always dream ,i standup on my own 2 times but now i feel like devested can you please tell me how to get harmony and again in my life and be successful
Ans: I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but I can offer some guidance and support to help you regain your motivation and find success again.

Recognize that setbacks are normal: It's important to understand that setbacks and challenges are a part of life. Many successful individuals have faced failures before achieving their goals. It's essential to see this phase as a temporary setback rather than a reflection of your worth or abilities.

Take care of your mental and physical health: Your well-being should be your top priority. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and engaging in regular exercise. Taking care of your physical health can positively impact your mental well-being and help you regain focus and motivation.

Seek support: Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. It could be a family member, friend, or a professional counselor. Sharing your emotions can provide relief and help you gain a fresh perspective on your situation. Additionally, professional guidance can assist you in developing coping strategies and setting realistic goals.

Set small, achievable goals: Rather than overwhelming yourself with the pressure of becoming successful immediately, break down your ultimate goal of becoming a doctor into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate each milestone you achieve, no matter how small. This will help you stay motivated and build momentum.

Learn from your experiences: Reflect on the challenges you've faced and the mistakes you've made. Use them as opportunities for growth and learning. Understand that setbacks can provide valuable lessons that contribute to future success. Embrace a growth mindset that sees failures as stepping stones toward improvement.

Rediscover your passion: Reconnect with your love for becoming a doctor. Remember why you initially pursued this dream and the impact you hope to make in people's lives. Reignite your passion by researching inspiring stories, engaging in related activities, or volunteering in healthcare settings.

Develop a routine and study plan: Establish a structured routine that includes dedicated study time. Break down your syllabus into manageable portions and create a study plan to cover all the necessary topics. Consistency and discipline will help you regain focus and make progress toward your goals.

Celebrate your strengths: Acknowledge your past achievements and the strengths that have helped you succeed in the past. Remind yourself of your abilities and the qualities that make you unique. Cultivating a positive self-image can boost your confidence and motivation.

Stay positive and resilient: Avoid dwelling on negative thoughts or comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone has their own journey, and success comes at different times for different people. Maintain a positive outlook, even during challenging times, and believe in your ability to overcome obstacles.

Take breaks and practice self-care: It's important to take breaks and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Engage in hobbies, spend time with loved ones, or engage in mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga. Self-care is essential for maintaining a healthy balance in life.

Remember, success is a journey, and setbacks are part of the process. Stay resilient, believe in yourself, and keep moving forward. With determination, perseverance, and the right support, you can regain your harmony, rediscover your path, and achieve your dreams.

..Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |2006 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Please help me, I am 20 years old. I pass out class 12th from Maharashtra board in 2022, I have been preparing for NEET exam from class 11th, 2 years I studied in Aakash Institute gave NEET after class 12th, my first attempt 289/720 (2022). After that I decided to take one year drop, so I went Kota studied in Allen Institute for one year, My father took a loan of 5 lakhs for me, but again I failed in second attempt 362/720(2023), came back home, enrolled in a private university for bsc biotech and along with it I again start preparing, now only 6 days left for exam & i have not touch my book since last 1 month, I studied hard for few months after second failure but then I quit studying I waste my time into relationship,porn, overthinking, masturbation etc. Now what I should do I know I will fail again in my third attempt but what I will do after that? Should I start prepare for UPSC? Should I do BBA ? Im totally confused about my future! ease someone help me should I take regular admission into some university? Should I do BA? Im totally fucked up, I have even tried to end my life so many times, I have even ran away to haridwar when I was in Kota ..but things dont happen according to me i always failed in anything I do...My friend now are in their third year they will complete their undergraduation & im here whining about my life.. even my parents have started to hate me..leave relatives...please guide me my mental health has been derailed by these exams...please help me ???? i dont jave even friends to whom i share my pain and from whom i should get guidance
Ans: Hello,
first of all, you need to calm down & settle down your negative thought process. At least you are clear & honest enough to admit your mistakes. That's the first step towards success.

Decide your goal & make a road map to achieve it. Follow it diligently & avoid distractions that come along the journey. If you are unable to control your negative thoughts seek professional counseling. All the best.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7953 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Why do Debt Funds offer lower returns as compared to Equity Mutual Funds?
Ans: Debt funds and equity mutual funds serve different purposes in an investor's portfolio. Debt funds offer stability and lower risk, while equity mutual funds focus on high growth with higher risk.

Below are the key reasons why debt funds provide lower returns than equity funds.

1. Nature of Underlying Investments
Debt funds invest in bonds, government securities, corporate debt, and fixed-income instruments.

These instruments provide fixed interest, leading to predictable but lower returns.

Equity mutual funds invest in company stocks, which have the potential for higher capital appreciation over time.

2. Risk-Return Tradeoff
Lower risk means lower return potential in debt funds.

Debt investments focus on preserving capital rather than aggressive growth.

Equities are volatile, but over the long term, they tend to generate higher returns.

3. Interest Rate Sensitivity
Debt fund returns depend on interest rate movements in the economy.

Rising interest rates reduce bond prices, lowering returns in debt funds.

Equity funds are less impacted by interest rate changes and benefit from economic growth.

4. Inflation-Adjusted Returns
Debt funds often fail to beat inflation in the long run.

Equity investments provide inflation-adjusted growth due to rising corporate earnings.

Holding equities for longer durations results in compounding benefits.

5. Growth Potential
Equities represent ownership in businesses that expand over time.

Business growth translates to higher share prices and higher returns.

Debt instruments provide fixed interest, which limits potential upside.

6. Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual funds enjoy lower long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax rates compared to debt funds.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per the investor’s income tax slab, reducing post-tax returns.

This tax treatment makes equities more attractive for long-term wealth creation.

7. Market Performance
During economic growth, companies generate higher profits, leading to higher equity returns.

Debt fund returns depend on interest rate cycles, making them less rewarding in growth periods.

Equities have historically outperformed debt over longer durations.

Finally
Debt funds provide safety and stability but offer lower returns.

Equity mutual funds outperform over time due to business expansion and compounding.

A well-balanced portfolio should include both debt and equity, based on financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Harsh

Harsh Bharwani  |75 Answers  |Ask -

Entrepreneurship Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Listen
Career
Sir I am a Engineer by profession snd working in Qatar. Same time i had Cost accountant Degree and passed out way back at 2009. After that no touch with Cost Accounts. Now i am 48 yrs and after few yrs i want to move back to India. But that time if want open a cost accounting firm, what would be the best move i can do to open the consulting firm?
Ans: Hello Mr. Heman,
Reestablishing your career in cost accounting and setting up a consulting firm in India requires careful planning. Start by updating your knowledge through ICAI’s continuing education programs, industry seminars, and professional courses to stay current with evolving regulations and industry practices. Reactivating your ICAI membership and obtaining a Certificate of Practice (CoP) is essential to offer consulting services legally. While still in Qatar, gaining practical exposure by offering freelance or part-time cost auditing or GST advisory services to Indian firms will help establish credibility.

Next, choose a suitable business structure - Sole Proprietorship, LLP, or Private Limited Company - based on your growth plans and compliance preferences. Register your firm with the Ministry of Corporate Affairs and obtain the necessary licenses. Conduct thorough market research to identify your target clients, understand industry needs, and define your service offerings, such as cost audits, financial consulting, and management advisory. A well-structured business plan with clear financial projections will help ensure long-term sustainability.

Investing in technology and infrastructure is crucial. Setting up a professional office, adopting modern accounting software, and leveraging cloud-based financial solutions will enhance efficiency. Building a strong professional network is equally important - reconnect with former colleagues, join industry associations, attend networking events, and establish a digital presence through a website and social media to attract clients.

Lastly, focus on compliance and quality assurance. Adhering to ICAI regulations, tax laws, and ethical standards is critical for maintaining credibility and trust. By systematically following these steps, you can successfully transition back into cost accounting and establish a reputable consulting firm in India, ensuring a stable and rewarding career.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1013 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Listen
Money
Can I change my plan from star FOH to Star Assure. In plan migration form What I write in PED column. my policy number was taken on 19 February 2021, in the first week of March 2021 suddenly my blood pressure increased, due to which the doctor asked me to undergo angiography. After that the doctor asked to do angioplasty immediately and thus on 18 March 2021 I got angioplasty done. Now I am completely healthy, since my illness occurred within 31 days of taking the policy, company agent told me that there is no provision to cover any health related problem within 31 days. Company agent told me that there is no provision to declare any illness midway. Now I am completely healthy. Company not include my above mentioned health condition in my policy. And compny given me reply "Dear Mr. Jain, We acknowledge the receipt of your mail. With reference to our previous telcon, this is to inform that any disease or ailment/illness if found after inception of policy. It is not required to disclose under policy. But if you still wish to disclose the disease then kindly find the attached PED inclusion form, fill and submit us for further evaluation. Note : To note the disease in the policy PED form is mandatory. We request you to provide the Medical reports/ Discharge summary /any relevant /First consultation paper / medical document of the said procedure/diagnosis, which shall be kept for our reference. " What can I do.
Ans: Hello;

Regarding plan migration feasibility you may check with your insurer/insurance agent.

If you want to inform the insurer about your later acquired illness you may furnish the details to them as per their requirement and check their feedback on the same.

Their feedback will decide your next course of action.

Best wishes;

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x