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AB
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Love Guru 187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

Asked on - Aug 25, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hello love guru.
AB this side. In 2019, I finally met the love of my life. The true love. My soul mate. He is everything a girl could ask for. And the best part is he also reciprocates the same. Despite the initial disapproval from my mom, I haven't given up yet (She rejected on the basis that he is my friend's relative and my mom doesn't like my friend that much). Also my friend never wanted me to be with him; thanks to their childhood banter. But you know love is love.
So in 2020, thanks to the pandemic, I had to quit my job and come back home. So my partner and I decided to prepare for UPSC and UGC NET respectively in order to win our families' approval for marriage. The actual problem is that he assigned me some note making work and I never completed it on time. I have done this twice. I feel bad and guilty. I feel like breaking up with him. Because of me, he is never able to get prepared for his exams. But he never wants to give up and encourages me to try one more time since he is preparing for 2023 exams. I do want to marry him but my demons are hovering over my future. I don't know what to do? What can be done in this situation? Please help me. Am I too late ? Or there is still some hope left?
Sincerely 
AB

Ans:

I don't understand what the problem is exactly... or are you inventing one?

All you need to do is put your nose to the grind and get the notes done! Work hard and help out and if you can't, well then find someone who can.

But why would you break up with him over something like this? What a ridiculous conclusion to come to!

 

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Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2022

Asked on - Aug 23, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hello Anu, Hope you are doing well.
PLEASE HELP ME. I have never had a girlfriend.
I am a 31 yr old guy with so many things that changed me so badly and I am just aggressive than before.
Today I am writing you this as I am in a complete anxiety situation that I don't know where to start from.
I don't know how safe it is to share here but I wish to still share with you.

So this scamdemic ruined it all.
A girl entered my life and now acts like female Devdas.
Sometimes she says I'm just a friend. Sometimes she craves to meet me.
First let me tell you my personal life issue.
I got married in 2016 but it didn't last more than year.
I got married in January and in April 2017 my life changed.
It was an arranged marriage. The girl was new and I was happy. In April, she left me with her parents and in October she got married.
Later, I found out that she married her past love. But they blamed me and I went into depression for almost 6 months.
Today after almost after 5 years I am in the same scenario.

The girl I am getting married to is arranged through relatives. She is nice, simple and down to earth but still there is this anxiety.
My first marriage was also arranged through relatives so I am having the same anxiety.
I faced several rejections for no reason. I don’t drink or smoke and wanted to go for love marriage but in my case it never worked.

Before meeting this girl whom I am about to marry I was in touch with another girl who was not ready for marriage.
Now suddenly she is acting like a female Devdas.
When I asked her out, she took me for granted and now suddenly she is feeling broken so I am in a fix.
I don't know if this second arranged marriage attempt will go down well.

My engagement will be on the same date as of marriage so I don't know what to do.
Please help me come out of this dilemma as I am having so much guilt and pain deep inside.

Ans:

Dear AB,

Any obsession to make it something happen is going to only make you run around in circles.

Is it possible for you take a step back and take a breather?

When we don’t chase things or people, they come to us.

Focus on your second marriage that’s about to happen instead of focusing on the girl who seems to be acting like a ‘devdas’.

But are you in a position to mentally and emotionally to get into a commitment like marriage?

The new girl will come into your life with a whole new set of expectations.

What I understand from what you have shared is that you want the second marriage to happen differently from the first one.

Then why are you making a reference of the girl who is acting like she has been wronged by you?

Are you ready for the marriage?

Please get into it only when you are sure that you can move past your experiences with the earlier partner/s. Else you will be projecting your emotions onto the new partner and get into a loop of doubts all over again.

Be wise; all the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Asked on - May 16, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I recently came across your self-help series on rediff com and couldn't resist myself from writing to you.
I am a 25 year old woman living with her parents and a younger brother.
I somehow managed the lockdown in 2020 but since last year, my life has been way more challenging.
Things have been really tough since April last year. My mother started her dialysis. Before that, she got hospitalised twice within a month. However she is back home. But due to her dialysis session, her legs ache making her difficult to walk. Her hands have stopped moving due to hypertension so I am taking care of her.
My father retired last year. So he's stressed about many things. He is over inspecting my every little action and criticising me for no apparent reason.
I haven't got a suitable job despite working in an educational consultancy (They haven't even given my first salary). My boyfriend is encouraging me to work hard for my upcoming competitive exam and earn everything I want. But I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I have lost the zeal. And nowadays he has hardly any time for me.
My ex-boyfriend hasn't returned Rs 20,000 he borrowed from me. When I confronted him, he avoided me and told me to back off. Sometimes I feel like taking a loan.
Lastly, I have incomplete submissions of diploma course which I couldn't submit on time and I am requesting for extra time but I didn't get any help.
Though I feel that things will get better but most of the time, I feel like quitting.
Today my father scolded me again, so I went to terrace. I screamed and cried and decided to end my life.
I have become so alone. I am wondering when my life will be on track.
I am not a bad person. I know I have flaws. But why has life become so tough?
I am only getting rejections and failures. I don't know what to do. How do I tackle with all of these? Please help me. I am totally exhausted.

Ans:

Dear AB,

Breathe! And breathe again and once more…

Life is filled with all things great and challenging as well. Challenges come to us as a growth path; one that we must walk on to unleash more of our inner power.

Challenges within the family, education related challenges, personal challenges and more are part of anyone’s life.

How we deal with each defines our journey and shapes our mindset as well.

Have you felt like playing the victim in each challenge and hence feel low and dejected and that prevents you from finishing what you have taken up?

I might be wrong here, but what seems to be happening is every activity is left mid-way due to lack of confidence from within. And then the loop continues and you have termed it as a rejection and failure. We receive what we put out there; so why don’t you try something different?

Why don’t you pick something (one at a time) and see it through till the end; it will give you a great sense of achievement and to do this; simply visualize the path from the start to the end and then jumping for joy at your victory.

Request your boyfriend to play the role of an accountability partner, so that he keeps your ups and downs in check.

Commit to him as to what and when you will finish; and to motivate yourself, keep visualizing your victory and success point and the happiness that you will feel from within.

As for your parents scolding you, they only look at your welfare.

Sit them down and tell them that you need their support and that you are embarking on a new journey.

I am sure that they will be rooting for you. Life is beautiful, make it count and you know you can!

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Asked on - Sep 06, 2021Hindi

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Relationship
I'm working in a company for last 10 years and have been a consistent good performer. The management recognises it too.

But in the last 2-3 years one person from Finance (same as my level) has been consistently interfering and keeps talking negative about my work.

He makes my working as routine and not much significant to current output by constantly talking / pushing to management mentioning negatives of my doings.

He is dominating the entire company and our management knows it but doesn't contradict him on face and keep avoiding issues when we talk of it.

He controls all our efforts and denies execution / completion even if approved by CEO quoting himself as finance controller and approves for other things who doesn't object to him.

On confrontation he avoids us and changes his stance - denies he ever did it.

It is becoming very difficult to bear every day frustrations though I haven't allowed him any chance to say on my performance as every year we surpass targets with 10-15% higher achievement and collections front too we succeed efficiently.

He is been responsible for legal matters and hasn't been effective of recovery of bad debts and smartly puts onus on others for default / losses.

Pl advice me directly on mail only as I've many things to share but above should give you my mindset.

Ans: Dear A, I hear you. What still is unclear from what you have shared is what is it that you want clarity on from me?

Do you want to build a stronger mindset to deal with the situation?

Assuming (I have to assume here because, I don’t know how this is affecting you) that this is possibly keeping you on your toes as to what will be his next move, this maybe affecting your peace of mind; the only thing that I feel you can do is develop a strategy to checkmate him at every instance.

By now, you know his pattern of doing things and causing nuisance and then conveniently hiding things, it should give you an edge by simply predicting his next move and staying ahead in the game.

Most times, using the mind to strategize is more helpful rather than using it to obsess over why the other person is doing what he/she is doing.

We cannot ever control another person’s behaviour, but what we can do is reflect within and play the game smartly without creating a huge ruckus. In the end, based on my assumption, it's your peace of mind that you can be in no matter what happens outside you.

Based on the strategy through his patterned behaviour, it should give you a good head start before you embark on any project/meeting/presentation or whatever. You have experienced it and been in the midst of it all; now Observe and

Change what you do; without ever thinking that he is the one to change. He will at his own relevant time.

Spend your energies not on controlling him but on yourself and how you can plan, evaluate and execute. Focus on oneself can go a long way in changing things; personal pr professional.

(My answer is based on what little I could gather from your question)

Best wishes.

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