Hi Anu, I have been reading your articles for quite some time.
I am 40 years old in a marriage for last 12 years. I have a 11.5 year old son.
My marriage is going through a very rough phase. My husband doesn't leave any chance to abuse me, doesn't matter where and with whom we are
My husband proposed to me knowing I have Vitiligo (discoloration of skin). Plus I was not as rich as him.
I did make him aware of this before going ahead. His family was against our marriage still he went ahead.
From the day of marriage he suddenly changed, and started abusing me in and out.
First I thought my mother-in-law is creating problems which she did every time we came together.
Infront of every maid and in the absence of my husband she tried to humiliate me based on my skin condition and financial status. But she'd become caring in his presence.
After five years of marriage, for a few years we were away from family.
It was peaceful and we had a nice time. But during the lockdown and online school we were back with the same problem. Now the condition is that I cannot stay with my husband.
My family is very supportive but suggest that before taking any step I should think of my child. And that we should both sit and talk.
If I try talking to my husband I know it will end in a fight.
Kindly suggest which way should I go?
Ans: Dear KB,
Maybe someone from the family or his friends have commented on your condition and made him feel that he made the wrong choice.
Even if it’s that, when he knew and had no objection, what is a man’s word is that he keeps it no matter what!
Now that he has gone back on it, it’s natural for others to take advantage of it and mock you for what the society considers as ‘not beautiful’.
In a way, we are obsessed with some sort of standards for what’s beautiful and what’s not. Beauty standards, you might call it so!
He seems to be a different person with his family and without, it suggests that he may not have a very strong mind to back up the decision of marrying you in the first place possibly against the wishes of his family.
Abuse, at no point is justifiable and you need to take a strong stance and draw a boundary as this is going to continue.
Your family has made a wise suggestion and for the sake of the child, it might be worth the effort to sit down have that chat with your husband however hard that might be.
Do not compromise on the fact that this so-called beauty standards and labels within his family will continue. Be unapologetic about who you are and own your beauty your way.
This is non- negotiable and you need to state this clearly when you have that conversation with him. Period!
All the best!
