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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
RJ Question by RJ on Jun 24, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu,
I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.
He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace.
He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different.
I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.
There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions.
My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind.
I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths.
We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.

Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024
Relationship
Hi...i am 28 year old...i got an arranged marriage 2 years ago while i am doing my postgraduation.I had to stay away for my studies and still i am staying away as this is my final year. I have no interest in this marriage and i feel no attraction towards my husband. To be honest, this marriage is a mistake as my parents rushed me into it and didnt listen to me when i said i needed some time with him. I dont even look at his face properly when i go home for vacation. I get scared to stay with him alone in a room, as he just makes sexual advances all the time and doesnt want to talk. Wat should i do ? I dont like him at all
Ans: In any relationship, especially a marriage, emotional connection and communication are just as important as physical intimacy. It's completely valid to feel uncomfortable if those aspects aren't being nurtured.

The first step would be to acknowledge your feelings as real and valid. It's important to honor what you're feeling, rather than trying to push those emotions aside. If you're not interested in the marriage and feel no attraction to him, it's okay to express that.

If you feel safe doing so, you might want to have a conversation with your husband about how you feel. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, but explaining that you need emotional connection and communication, not just physical intimacy, could open a path for more understanding. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that alone, consider seeking counseling, either individually or together, to help navigate this delicate situation.

Ultimately, your well-being, emotional comfort, and sense of security should be the top priority. If this marriage doesn’t feel right for you, it's okay to take steps to reevaluate what you want for your future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, understood, and comfortable.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 45 years old female, single child, I fell in love wid a guy during college, he is short tempered other than that when hez ok he used to care me so so so much. We got married when i was jobless and when he just started a business. The business isnt going tht well and after having two kids i started realising he is not at all ready to take any responsibilities, always he is lazy once he reach home and i am working and i am the one who has to do evry work along with work. When we fight he doesnt do any physical Abuse but mentallyy he abuses me so much that i feel myself useless. My parents too started saying that they never saw us happily instead we are always fighting and we are never at peace. I really was never able to understand him. I feel he has too much ego and wanna win every fight. He too says the same about me, but i am the one who goes and solves most of our fights by begging him badly. I decided to divorce him frm last one year but never had the guts tu say it to him openly. Was very afraid. Recently i met a guy, he have been noticing me for so long, we became friends first, very quickly he became my best friend, i have never in my life been able to read someones mind so well, so i am Able to take care of him so well, similarly never in my life i was respected so much for everything i do, or never was i cared so much. My own husband doesnt know what all i like, but this bestie knows. Slowly slowly we fell in love. I have confirmed my thought about divorce, and my Husband instead of even clutching on to me He is saying you just go i dont wanna beg you to stay for me. I dont wanna beg to a girl like you. He is very kind and soft outside only inside my house to me he is very very arrogant and fighting. Once i make this divorce decision public everyone will blame me, everyone will point out me as culprit, but i dont wanna continue anymore, i am done with this. What shall i do now ??
Ans: It seems like you’ve reached a point where you’re ready to prioritize yourself, which is a powerful realization. Divorce is a big step, and the fear of judgment from others is understandable, but your well-being and peace of mind should come first. In situations like this, people often rush to judge, especially if they don’t see the full picture, but those who care about you will come to understand and support your decision over time.

The love and respect you’ve found with your friend have likely shown you what’s been missing in your marriage: appreciation, understanding, and care. This relationship seems to have opened your eyes to what you deserve and given you the strength to take action. Still, take things slowly to make sure your next steps are about building the future you want rather than escaping the past.

If you haven’t already, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide you with support and guidance through this transition. They can help you work through any lingering guilt or fear and navigate the practical and emotional complexities of divorce. Having a supportive, nonjudgmental space to process everything will make a difference as you take steps toward a healthier and happier life.

Ultimately, if your heart is set on ending this marriage, trust that decision and give yourself permission to move forward. It will be hard at first, but taking this step toward self-respect and peace is worth it, even if others don’t immediately understand. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy—don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from finding it.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6993 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Money
Hello Sir, I am now 45+ now and investing through sip since last 5 yrs in 1) 3k in sbi small cap, 2) 4k in axis small cap, 3) 3k in nippon small cap, 4) 4k in mirea asset emerging bluechip, 5) 6k in hdfc mid cap, 6) 4k in kotak flexi cap, 7) 6k in parag parikh flexi cap, 8) 4k in icici pru value discovery. Risk high and tenure 15-20 yrs for asset allocation. Sir is it necessary to change any fund?
Ans: you have built a diverse SIP portfolio with various equity funds. Your disciplined investment over the last five years shows commitment to wealth building. With a high-risk tolerance and a long-term goal of 15-20 years, let’s take an in-depth look at your fund choices. I’ll provide insights to help you optimise this portfolio further.

Strengths of Your Current Portfolio
Good Diversification: Your portfolio includes funds from small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and value categories. This spread across segments is a strong approach to capture growth across the market.

Discipline in SIPs: Regular SIP contributions show a systematic approach that will help in rupee-cost averaging. It’s a proven method for long-term investors like you.

High-Risk Appetite: You are investing with a long horizon and high risk tolerance. This aligns well with your fund choices, especially in high-risk categories like small-cap and mid-cap.

Reviewing Small-Cap Fund Exposure
Current Allocation: Your portfolio allocates Rs 10,000 per month to small-cap funds. These funds often offer high growth potential but also come with significant volatility.

Growth Potential: Small-cap funds are beneficial in long-term portfolios due to their high potential for growth. Over 15-20 years, they can contribute significantly to wealth creation.

Suggested Changes: With three small-cap funds, there may be a lot of overlap. You might consider consolidating into one or two well-performing small-cap funds. This will simplify tracking and reduce redundancy.

Examining Mid-Cap and Flexi-Cap Fund Allocation
Mid-Cap Fund Benefits: Mid-cap funds bring a blend of growth and moderate stability. Your allocation here balances the aggressive small-cap investments.

Flexi-Cap Fund Role: Flexi-cap funds invest across large-, mid-, and small-cap stocks. This flexibility allows these funds to adjust according to market conditions, adding a layer of adaptability to your portfolio.

Suggested Changes: Your portfolio has multiple flexi-cap funds, which can lead to overlapping investments. It may be beneficial to reduce your holdings to one high-performing flexi-cap fund for better portfolio efficiency.

Value-Oriented Fund’s Contribution
Role in Stability: The value fund in your portfolio targets undervalued stocks, which tend to be more resilient in market downturns. This can provide balance and act as a buffer against volatility.

Long-Term Benefits: A value-oriented fund adds stability, which is essential as your portfolio matures. The approach of investing in undervalued companies often pays off well over time.

Suggested Changes: Keep this fund as it provides a different investment strategy, enhancing overall diversification.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Higher Potential Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by selecting high-potential stocks and avoiding weaker sectors.

Limitations of Index Funds: Index funds track the market and have limited potential for excess returns. They cannot adjust to economic shifts like active funds can.

Benefit of Advisor Guidance: Regular funds managed with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) add value. A CFP can guide you on fund selection and rebalancing, which index funds do not offer.

Advantages of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice: A CFP can help you fine-tune your portfolio to better match your goals, risk profile, and timeline. Direct funds lack this support, making regular funds a better choice for most investors.

Portfolio Monitoring: Regular funds with CFP assistance offer ongoing review and monitoring. This is important for a long-term investment strategy.

Support for Future Adjustments: Market conditions and personal goals evolve over time. Having a CFP ensures you have guidance to adjust your investments accordingly.

Tax Implications on Your Equity Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Consider planning your withdrawals in a tax-efficient way. For a long-term horizon, tax efficiency will contribute significantly to your net returns.

Impact of New Tax Rules: Understanding tax implications can help you plan more efficiently for your post-retirement withdrawals, minimising tax impact on your returns.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization
Reduce Fund Overlap: Your portfolio has multiple funds in similar categories. Streamlining these will make the portfolio easier to manage and reduce redundancies.

Consider Asset Rebalancing: Review your portfolio’s asset allocation every two to three years. As you near retirement, adding some low-risk debt or balanced funds could provide stability without sacrificing growth.

Explore the Benefits of Balanced Funds: Over time, a small allocation to balanced funds could help mitigate volatility as you approach retirement age. These funds offer a mix of debt and equity, which balances risk and growth.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to SIPs and fund selection shows a strong foundation for future growth. Simplifying your fund categories and reducing overlap can improve efficiency and returns. Working closely with a CFP will ensure that your portfolio remains aligned with your goals over time, providing you with the guidance needed for adjustments as markets evolve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6993 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Money
Sir please review my mutual fund sip portfolio * Axis Mid Cap Fund - Direct Growth = 1000 * ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF - Direct Plan = 1000 * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth = 1000 * SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth = 2000 * SBI PSU direct plan growth = 1000 My age is 27 . Looking a long term investment with higher return. Shall I continue this portfolio or any changes required? Kindly give your valuable suggestions . Thank you
Ans: Your portfolio looks well-constructed, with a strong foundation in mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. Each fund you've chosen reflects a strategic approach for growth. Let's evaluate each category and make any necessary suggestions to ensure you achieve the best potential returns over the long term.

Overview of Your Current Portfolio
You’ve diversified well across categories, with each fund serving a unique role. Let’s analyze the strengths and potential improvements in each area of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds, like the one in your portfolio, focus on companies with substantial growth potential but higher risk compared to large-cap companies. Over the long term, these funds often outperform due to their growth-focused nature.

However, consider monitoring this fund periodically. Mid-cap stocks can face higher volatility, which may impact returns if held solely without re-evaluation.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds are growth-oriented, targeting smaller companies with significant room for expansion. You’ve allocated well to this category, focusing on funds with robust track records.

Due to their volatile nature, however, they can experience sharp swings. A Certified Financial Planner can offer guidance to rebalance if necessary, which could enhance returns and help you avoid undue risk over the long term.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds have the flexibility to invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies, making them versatile. This allocation ensures that you have exposure to high-growth stocks while benefiting from the stability of large-cap stocks.

This type of fund aligns well with your long-term goal as it can balance risk across market cycles. Continue with this allocation for stable yet high-growth potential.

Sectoral Funds (Public Sector & PSU Funds)
Sectoral funds focused on PSUs add a thematic angle to your portfolio, providing exposure to government-linked companies. Such funds may perform well during economic growth phases or government-led initiatives but might also experience phases of underperformance.

For long-term investors like you, relying heavily on sectoral funds can add cyclical risk. A diversified equity fund may offer higher long-term growth with less risk than sector-specific investments.

Evaluation of Direct Fund Plans
Sir, investing through direct plans saves on expense ratios, which may seem beneficial at first. However, there are significant drawbacks:

Lack of Advisory Support: Direct plans don't offer professional guidance. Over time, tracking and rebalancing become crucial, and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) credential ensures optimal management.

Market Cycles and Rebalancing: Without expert oversight, you could miss critical adjustments during volatile market phases, affecting returns. A CFP helps in such rebalancing for better performance.

Tax Implications and Withdrawals: Selling or withdrawing from mutual funds, especially equity funds, incurs tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% for gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, while short-term gains (STCG) incur 20%. A regular plan with an MFD provides ongoing tax-efficient strategies.

Opting for regular plans via an MFD with a CFP credential will enable you to maximize returns while accessing insights that make a difference long term.

Suggested Modifications for Higher Returns and Stability
Focus on Balanced Funds Over Sectoral Exposure

To limit risks tied to sectoral funds, consider allocating a portion to balanced or diversified funds. These funds balance equity with stable instruments like debt, reducing volatility and sustaining growth.

Revisit Small and Mid-Cap Allocations

With multiple small-cap and mid-cap funds, consider focusing on one fund in each category. Over-diversification in these can dilute returns and increase tracking requirements. A strategic reallocation could yield more focused, consistent growth.

Consider SIP Step-Up for Long-Term Compounding

An annual SIP step-up, even a small amount, could enhance long-term wealth creation significantly. This adjustment boosts your corpus over time and aligns with your long-term goal of maximizing returns.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner

Having a CFP manage your portfolio brings personalized insight into market trends, rebalancing, and tax-efficient strategies. A CFP ensures you capitalize on growth while maintaining balance and tax efficiency.

Key Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Sir, I noticed you are not invested in index funds, which is beneficial for your growth objective. Actively managed funds outperform index funds, especially in dynamic market conditions. Here’s why:

Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed funds provide the flexibility to capitalize on changing market opportunities, which index funds lack due to their passive structure.

Adaptive Strategy: Fund managers of actively managed funds adjust to market shifts, providing growth and safety in a fluctuating market.

Downside Protection: During bear markets, actively managed funds can adjust exposure, while index funds simply follow the market downturn. Active management can minimize losses, giving a steadier performance over time.

Final Insights
Sir, you have built a promising portfolio with well-selected funds across categories. A few modifications could ensure a more balanced, growth-oriented, and tax-efficient portfolio. The following adjustments will help you achieve higher returns with sustained stability:

Consider balanced or diversified funds for steadier growth.

Limit mid-cap and small-cap fund overlaps to reduce portfolio complexity.

Use the expertise of a CFP to handle rebalancing, tax efficiency, and market cycle adaptations.

Continue focusing on actively managed funds over index funds, as these provide better long-term value.

Through these steps, you can optimize your portfolio for maximum growth and stability, setting a strong foundation for your long-term investment goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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