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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Sankar Question by Sankar on Aug 31, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 years old married who is woking at an establishment of a Public Sector company. I am holding a senior position. I have one female colleague who is of my age and married. She very frequently comes to my cabin and sits with me. She sits very close to me almost touching my body. She is very frank with me and discuss very personal things with me. She adores me a lot. Since last couple of days, I have started missing her when she is not around. I don't know how to overcome this situation. I think she also has liking for me. Please advise what to do
Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1025 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Career
I'm 18 years old and currently preparing for neet as a dropper student. I'm from bihar but I live in haryana since my childhood. I have a boyfriend, he is doing btech and it has been 1.5 years since we are together we love each other he supports me in everything but the problem here is I lied him about my birthplace and told him that I belong to UP as UP is a bit better place than bihar. Idk i just feel ashamed to tell anyone that I'm from bihar so I just tell everyone that I'm from UP. Now I'm feeling very guilty in my own that I lied to him about such a basic and important thing and yesterday he Also mentioned that his mother never want a bihari girl, and he is a punjabi. I just don't know what should I do how will he react after knowing the truth and also I'm afraid that he will broke up with me.. I'm also having my neet exam in 6 months. I planned that i will tell him after my exam but I'm just feeling too guilty that I'm hiding this thing from him
Ans: Hello.
Keep mum for the next 6-7 months. Keep a safe distance from your boyfriend. Focus only on NEET preparation. Try to excel in NEET. Wait till the results are out. If you score well and get admitted to Govt Medical College, then open up in front of your boyfriend. He and his family members will accept you because you are becoming a doctor! But after taking the NEET examination, if you feel that you can't score as expected, then tell the truth to your boyfriend. If he loves you from the bottom of his heart, he will forgive you. But if not. then you assume that god has saved you from him!
Last but not least:- Dedicate your 24 hours only for NEET preparation. This time will never come in your life again. You can be a KING in just a few days with solid preparation and will get lifelong respect in society. The bright future is in your hands and not in the hands of your boyfriend.
Best of luck with your upcoming NEET Examination.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Career
my Son has done BTech in computer Science in 2023 from NIT Jalandhar and campus placed in Indian Fintech and earning 15CTC. He is gaining experience there for more than one year for now. What is advisable for future course go for Masters in USA or any other country or continue with job in India by switching companies. Due to job market crunch he is also preparing for upto Group B level Govt jobs as Plan B. What would be best advice for long term and settling after marriage.
Ans: Please have one directional goal. No dual policy. Let him go for MS from some good American University and after that he can get a good job in USA. No point in switching companies in India. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Forget about Govt. job in India. His talent won't be utilized and there will be routine transfers. So hit the bull's eye. Have a decent GRE and TOEFL score, have three good recommendation from his professors, one good SOP (statement of purpose) and after seeing the GRE score I will suggest the universities. Mostly in all the reputed universities of USA at least one student of mine is there sas a Professor and half of the year I stay in USA. No worries. I am there to counsel him. Only he must fix one aim. No ambiguity. Have unique aim, work hard with proper decision, rest the guidance will be given by me. Recommended more than hundred students to different reputed universities of US right from Princeton to Texas A&M, Clemson to Vermont. Never forget that I AM THERE BY THE SIDE OF YOUR SON LIKE AN INVISIBLE SHADOW TO PROTECT HIM AND GUIDE HIM.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6970 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 39 years old working professional with take home salary of Rs. 2.25 lacs/month. I have taken home loan in last month for Rs. 30 lacs with monthly EMI of Rs. 60k. My monthly House hold expenses are Rs. 50k. From 2022 I am investing Rs. 35k in MF via monthly SIP in ratio of 40:30:20:10 in Large:Mid:small:Debt. I have 2 Sons for 8 years and 3 years respectively. My Goal is to have sufficient corpus for their higher education and to achieve financial independence ASAP. Pl guide..
Ans: Your proactive approach towards securing financial independence and planning for your children’s education is commendable. At 39, you have a robust salary, structured expenses, and disciplined investments. Let's examine your financial standing, assess your goals, and outline strategies for optimal growth and security.

Current Financial Overview
Monthly Income: Rs 2.25 lakh

Home Loan EMI: Rs 60,000 (new loan of Rs 30 lakh)

Household Expenses: Rs 50,000

Monthly SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs 35,000 (split across large, mid, small-cap, and debt funds)

You have taken significant steps with a home purchase and ongoing SIPs. Let’s optimise these resources to achieve financial independence and build a corpus for your children’s education.

Goal-Based Financial Planning
1. Higher Education Corpus for Children
Education expenses rise significantly due to inflation, particularly for quality higher education.

With your sons aged 8 and 3, plan for their higher education in 10-15 years.

To achieve this, increase your SIPs in equity-focused funds. Equities provide inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Maintain a systematic approach, with SIPs focused on growth-oriented funds (large and mid-cap funds are ideal).

Regularly review this corpus every 2-3 years to ensure it aligns with educational costs.

2. Financial Independence
Early financial independence requires strategic savings and investment growth.

Aim to build a corpus that covers at least 25 times your annual expenses.

At present, Rs 50,000 monthly expenses indicate a future goal corpus of Rs 1.5-2 crore, adjusting for inflation.

Your current SIPs are a great start, but gradually increase SIPs to achieve a sizeable retirement fund.

Consider adding more equity exposure for growth and inflation protection, while adding debt as retirement nears.

Debt Management and EMI Strategy
Home loan EMI is Rs 60,000, a significant commitment for 20 years. This can limit cash flow for other investments.

Aim to prepay your loan when possible to reduce interest outflow and loan tenure.

You may consider setting aside a small portion of bonuses or salary hikes for periodic prepayments.

Reducing debt earlier will provide more cash flow to focus on investments.

Optimising Your SIP Strategy
Equity Allocation: Your SIP allocation is split 40:30:20:10 across large, mid, small, and debt categories.

Large-cap funds offer stability, while mid and small caps drive growth. The debt allocation provides balance but may be increased as you approach retirement.

Avoid Index Funds: Index funds, while popular, lack active management, which can be limiting. Actively managed funds adjust to market conditions, providing a higher potential for returns. Certified Financial Planners (CFP) can guide you on the best funds for your goals, particularly with growth in mind.

Consider Regular Funds Over Direct: Regular funds provide personalised guidance, performance reviews, and rebalancing through Certified Financial Planners, which direct funds lack. Regular investments managed by certified experts offer better long-term growth.

Building Contingency and Protection
1. Emergency Fund
Ensure an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses (about Rs 4-6 lakh), kept in easily accessible accounts like liquid funds.

This fund will protect your long-term investments in case of unexpected expenses.

2. Insurance Needs
Adequate life and health insurance are essential, especially with dependents and ongoing liabilities.

Life insurance should cover at least 10 times your annual income, which could be achieved with a simple term insurance policy.

Health insurance for the family is essential to avoid dipping into savings during medical emergencies. Ensure coverage is comprehensive to handle inflation in healthcare.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
New tax rules affect mutual fund capital gains. For equity funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab. Plan to withdraw strategically to minimise tax impact.

Periodic portfolio reviews and structured withdrawals can help reduce your tax liability.

Nurturing Long-Term Wealth Growth
PPF and Debt Instruments: PPF and debt mutual funds provide stability but may fall short on inflation-adjusted growth. Maintain debt instruments as a smaller part of your portfolio until retirement nears.

Equities for Wealth Accumulation: Equities remain ideal for long-term goals like retirement and education due to their inflation-beating growth.

Review your mutual fund choices periodically to ensure they are high-performing and aligned with your growth goals.

Final Insights
Achieving financial independence and funding your children’s education are achievable with disciplined investments, a focus on growth, and debt management. Regular monitoring, along with a Certified Financial Planner’s advice, will ensure you stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Career
I am a 29 year old completed her Masters in Psychology 5 years ago. Presently i am working, on a contractual basis ,as a Patient Counsellor for Oncology department in a local well reputed hospital and my work contract is coming to an end. I always aspire to make a mark in the field of Psychology and contribute in a better way for Indian space, bring awareness and popularity in India. My mind also goes to UGC NET or school counseling, plus I am yet to do any M. Phil or PhD yet however I am little unsure regarding my capacity. But I do want to go ahead in my career. I need your guidance regarding taking the next step for a better career. Please help me out.
Ans: I am really very happy to see the positive mind frame of yours. I do think teaching ( i.e. College Teaching) will be the best job for you. At a time you and teach and counsel. Please don't be unsure about your capacity, from your writing it is crystal clear that you do have the required capacity to do M.Phil and Ph.D. Only your age is a bit high, because if you do M.Phil and Ph.D then it will take at least six years time and by that time you will be 35. If you are ready you can apply to some Universities of Germany for doing Ph.D directly. There M.Phil is not required. In Germany for ladies education is free. Only you need to have knowledge of primary German language for a smooth sailing. In school there is little bit use of Psychology, because the subject of Psychology is not there.
Your next step will be having a permanent job. Unless the basic needs are assured you can't concentrate. In India very few persons get job satisfaction. So if you appear for the state PSC exam, you may crack it, but Psychology won't be there, you may be a Deputy Collector or Sales Tax Officer with periodic transfer and lot of respect cum status. But don't be morose. Even being in other job you can give free counselling of Psychology online free of cost just to pursue your hobby. My basic answer is that first grab a full time job and then pursue your passion. Right now don't go for M.Phil and Ph.D.Higher degrees and age are proportional to each other. In last five years you must have completed M.Phil and started Ph.D. But no point in lamenting over the spilt milk. So two option 1) Do Ph.D from Germany 2) Grab a Govt or Private job which is not contractual. Take proper decision. That is the most important thing in career building. Never go for split mind and never try for true option. Make your aim fix and target it and I am sure you will achieve it.
Now just procure a permanent job and pursue your hobby of Psychology.Best of Luck. Prof. Mukhopadhyay

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |173 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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