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Is it Okay to Develop Feelings for a Female Colleague at 50 with a Loving Family?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Rupannita Question by Rupannita on Nov 25, 2024Hindi
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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. Now we both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,

Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old married who is woking at an establishment of a Public Sector company. I am holding a senior position. I have one female colleague who is of my age and married. She very frequently comes to my cabin and sits with me. She sits very close to me almost touching my body. She is very frank with me and discuss very personal things with me. She adores me a lot. Since last couple of days, I have started missing her when she is not around. I don't know how to overcome this situation. I think she also has liking for me. Please advise what to do
Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,
Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |237 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Career
My granddaughter is preparing for NEET 2025. She has born in Telangana and studied upto 1st class in Telangana. Due to her father’s overseas assignment at USA she moved to USA and studied upto 10th class there. The family moved to India in 2023. So she is now doing Intermediate now in Telangana. My question is whether she comes to be local for Telangana state or not for NEET admissions.
Ans: Hi Prabhakara,

Greetings!

Your situation is quite unique. Your granddaughter was born in Telangana and is now pursuing her +1 education there after a gap of nine years. However, according to the government norms for NEET 2024, meeting the requirements to establish domicile in Telangana may be challenging.

NEET Domicile Criteria
In the context of MBBS and BDS admissions for state quota seats in Telangana, it is important to understand the distinctions between local and non-local candidates as stipulated by the Telangana NEET admission rules for the year 2024. The local status is further subdivided into areas associated with Osmania University (OU), Andhra University (AU), and Sri Venkateswara University (SVU). AU’s local area comprises seven districts, while SVU’s area encompasses five districts. Non-local candidates are exclusively eligible for 15% of unreserved seats, whereas local candidates can vie for both the 15% unreserved seats and the remaining 85% of seats allocated within their respective local areas.

Telangana Local Area Candidates:
Students hailing from the districts falling under AU, SVU, or OU regions are considered local area NEET domicile applicants for MBBS/BDS admissions in local institutions, as well as any other educational institutions under the purview of the State Government situated within these local areas.
AU Local Area: Srikakulam, Vizianagaram, Visakhapatnam, East Godavari, West Godavari, Krishna, Guntur, and Prakasham.
OU Local Area: Adilabad, Hyderabad, Rangareddy, Karimnagar, Khammam, Mahaboobnagar, Medak, Nalgonda, Nizamabad, and Warangal.
SVU Local Area: Ananthapur, Kadapa, Kurnool, Chittoor, and Nellore.
NEET Domicile Criteria for Telangana:
To qualify as a local candidate, applicants must fulfill one of the following criteria:
1. Studied in a school/college within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
2. Resided within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
For candidates who do not meet the above criteria but have studied in educational institutions within the state for a minimum of 7 consecutive academic years, ending with the year of application for NEET, the following conditions apply:
– They are considered local in relation to the local area where they have studied for the maximum number of years out of the said 7 years.
– If the period of study in two local areas is equal, they may choose either for local status.
– If they have not studied in any educational institutions in the state but have resided in any local area or two local areas (for an equal period) for a minimum continuous period of 7 years, they may be considered local.
The following categories can apply for the 15% unreserved seats:
1. Candidates who have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of study outside the state, or whose parents have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of employment outside the state.
2. Candidates whose parents are employed by the state or Central Government, Public Sector Corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions, and similar quasi-public institutions within the state.
3. Candidates whose spouses are employees of the state or Central Government, Public Sector corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions recognized by the Government or University, or other competent authorities, and similar quasi-Government Institutions within the state.
Domicile Criteria for Management Quota Seats:
Candidates from across the country are eligible to apply for Management Quota seats (Category B and C-NRI) if they meet the requisite subject and qualifying mark criteria in their 10+2 education.
Applicants who have completed their qualifying education outside Telangana state must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” from the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Candidates who have completed their qualifying education outside India must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” issued by the Association of Indian Universities, New Delhi, and the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Given the details above, your granddaughter would need to have resided in Telangana for a minimum of four years to obtain a residence certificate. Since she was born before the state formation, I recommend consulting with a Notary Public to explore potential benefits or exceptions. This is my suggestion.

...Read more

Rajesh Kumar

Rajesh Kumar Singh  |49 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, GATE Expert - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2024Hindi
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I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her of her life and killing themselves, can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent (age 29) but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

...Read more

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