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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 52 year old married manwith good physique and working as a higher group executive . For last few months I m in a relationship with a married lady who works with me and in just next subordinate to me who is married and 40 yr old. In my married life though I love my wife, she is keeping distance from me and our relationship is not at all in good shape. Also We r staying in separate house. I have a son 18yrs. My extramarital partner is also not happy in her family life. But she is very caring and expressed her respect and affection for me. I also care for her and I expressed my feelings to her. We respect each other very much and we feel good when we together. Our relationship is purely mutual respect and caring. No physical attraction for each other ,except occasional hug with affection. I donot know the future of our relationship. What should I do. I tried to just move on but unable to do so. She also tried as she told me, but whenever we come across we could not resist to think again and again for each other. Please advise.

Ans: You are having an emotional affair, not a physical one. You have a choice — you say you love your wife, so one option is to try and salvage your marriage. The other one is closing that chapter and moving on with your extramarital partner — but is she willing to do the same as well? No point remaining stuck in limbo for years to come. Make a decision as to your future and move ahead.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11152 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2026Hindi
Money
Namaste Kindly suggest me that how could I achieve the goal of 5 crore,my current investments are in (with 10% increase every year) Axis large cap mutual fund - 1600 UTI Nifty 50 index fund - 1600 HDFC Nifty smallcap 250 index fund - 1000 HDFC Nifty midcap 150 index fund - 1000 Bandhan small cap fund - 1000 PPF - 150000 Thanks
Ans: It is very good that you already started investing across multiple mutual fund categories and also contributing regularly to PPF. Increasing SIP by 10% every year is a powerful strategy. This alone can help you move strongly towards your Rs 5 crore goal.

Now the important step is to structure your portfolio correctly so the journey becomes faster and safer.

» First step before planning Rs 5 crore goal

To reach Rs 5 crore successfully, three things decide the result:

– how many years available
– how much monthly investment possible
– how regularly SIP increases every year

Since your SIP already increases by 10% yearly, your probability of success improves significantly.

If horizon is:

– 10 years → requires aggressive allocation and higher SIP
– 15 years → achievable with disciplined growth allocation
– 20+ years → very achievable with moderate SIP increase

Longer horizon makes goal easier.

» Review of your current investment structure

Your present investments include:

– large cap category fund
– multiple index category funds
– small cap category fund
– PPF contribution

This shows diversification effort. But some improvement is required.

Currently index category exposure is high in your portfolio.

Index category funds have limitations:

– they only copy market returns
– they cannot identify future strong companies early
– they cannot shift sectors when valuations become expensive
– they cannot reduce downside risk during corrections
– they cannot generate extra alpha above market

For a large target like Rs 5 crore, actively managed category funds support better long-term growth probability.

So gradually reducing index exposure and increasing actively managed allocation improves results.

» Suggested improved mutual fund structure for Rs 5 crore goal

A stronger structure would be:

– Flexi cap category fund (core growth engine)
– Large & midcap category fund (balance + growth)
– Midcap category fund (acceleration engine)
– One small cap category fund (limited allocation only)
– Continue PPF as safety anchor

This combination improves long-term compounding strength.

» Role of PPF in your Rs 5 crore journey

Your yearly PPF contribution of Rs 1.5 lakh is excellent.

Benefits:

– completely tax-free maturity
– stable compounding
– supports capital safety
– reduces portfolio risk

PPF should be continued without interruption.

It works as the foundation layer of your portfolio.

» How much SIP normally required for Rs 5 crore target

To reach Rs 5 crore:

You must follow three rules:

– increase SIP every year (already doing correctly)
– avoid stopping SIP during market corrections
– keep equity allocation strong for long horizon

Most investors fail not because of wrong funds but because they stop SIP during market volatility.

Your 10% yearly increase strategy is very powerful here.

» Important correction required in your current allocation

At present:

– small cap exposure already exists
– index exposure is high
– flexi cap exposure missing

Better adjustment:

– add flexi cap category fund
– add large & midcap category fund
– limit small cap allocation to one scheme only
– reduce index exposure gradually over time

This improves return consistency.

» Additional steps to reach Rs 5 crore faster

You can strengthen your journey further by:

– increasing SIP whenever income increases
– investing bonuses through lump sum
– reviewing portfolio once per year
– avoiding too many schemes
– staying invested minimum 12–15 years

Consistency matters more than timing.

» Finally

Your discipline of investing across categories, contributing to PPF, and increasing SIP by 10% yearly already puts you on a strong path toward your Rs 5 crore goal.

To improve success probability further:

– reduce excess index exposure gradually
– add flexi cap allocation
– include large & midcap category fund
– continue only one small cap category fund
– continue PPF without interruption

With these improvements and long-term discipline, achieving Rs 5 crore becomes very realistic.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |11074 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 24, 2026

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