I am 52 year old married manwith good physique and working as a higher group executive . For last few months I m in a relationship with a married lady who works with me and in just next subordinate to me who is married and 40 yr old. In my married life though I love my wife, she is keeping distance from me and our relationship is not at all in good shape. Also We r staying in separate house. I have a son 18yrs. My extramarital partner is also not happy in her family life. But she is very caring and expressed her respect and affection for me. I also care for her and I expressed my feelings to her. We respect each other very much and we feel good when we together. Our relationship is purely mutual respect and caring. No physical attraction for each other ,except occasional hug with affection. I donot know the future of our relationship. What should I do. I tried to just move on but unable to do so. She also tried as she told me, but whenever we come across we could not resist to think again and again for each other. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for the clarity. Yes, it would be wrong to cheat on your partner but it would also be wrong if you get into a relationship with this woman and later leave her to start your own family. It is best you avoid these complications and let her find someone who would love her despite the circumstances. It would most certainly be wrong of you to take away her chance of being loved and maybe, someday, have a better future.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.