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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 52 year old married manwith good physique and working as a higher group executive . For last few months I m in a relationship with a married lady who works with me and in just next subordinate to me who is married and 40 yr old. In my married life though I love my wife, she is keeping distance from me and our relationship is not at all in good shape. Also We r staying in separate house. I have a son 18yrs. My extramarital partner is also not happy in her family life. But she is very caring and expressed her respect and affection for me. I also care for her and I expressed my feelings to her. We respect each other very much and we feel good when we together. Our relationship is purely mutual respect and caring. No physical attraction for each other ,except occasional hug with affection. I donot know the future of our relationship. What should I do. I tried to just move on but unable to do so. She also tried as she told me, but whenever we come across we could not resist to think again and again for each other. Please advise.

Ans: You are having an emotional affair, not a physical one. You have a choice — you say you love your wife, so one option is to try and salvage your marriage. The other one is closing that chapter and moving on with your extramarital partner — but is she willing to do the same as well? No point remaining stuck in limbo for years to come. Make a decision as to your future and move ahead.

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |218 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, I am 40 year old, my take home is 1.41 lacs per month. I have 11 year old daughter and 3.5 year old son. I am investing 12.5k per month in SSY (27 lacs in total) and 12.5k per month in PPF (6 lacs in total). Investing around 4k in SIP in index fund (1.2 lacs) and I have around 30 lacs in FD. I have taken 1cr term insurance and have 10lakhs health insurance for family. FD is not giving me satisfactory returns and not beating the inflation. I am planning to invest 25 lacs in buying a site. I don't have any loans and don't have major commitment other than children education. I request you to guide me on future investments, I would like to get a constant income of 1-1.5 lacs PM after 5-6 years.
Ans: Hi Ajay, understand the SSY and PPF are also not givin you enough returns, your SIP in index funds and FD all are ineffecient return making assets. Buying a site will not ensure liquidity when you will need it the most, and 10L health insurance for a family of 4 is low as well.
Having a constant income of 1-1.5L p.m. means annually 12-18L of income, and to have a passive income like that, your corpus should be 15-16x of the annual income --> which means we are looking at 1.8Cr to 2.7Cr of corpus in the next 5-6 years.
There are a lot of flaws in your investment strategies because at one place you are wanting to lock in money at a site, in SSY and PPF and on the other you are looking to earn 1-1.5L p.m. which is possible through liquid investments.
I would love to help you out, but to me it feels like there is a gap in the knowledge about investments and personal finance. If you are wanting to have a detailed conversation about your investments and where you can park your money to grow it to have the monthly income you want after a certain number of years, visit my website www.slwealthsolutions.com

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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |218 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I m a 44 yrs old . My salary 85k net per month. Rent income 1.20 lakh per month. Fixed deposit 46 lakh PPF 21.35 lakh Lap loan 46.50 lakh OD loan 6.50 lakh. Mutual funds 2.75 lakhs Shares 3.25 laks Property in Noida, jewar, dwarka , Rohini and faridbad. My wife is earning 50k per month but not contributing in assests we spend his salary on vacations and foods and cloths as she don't want to save. According to her it is my responsibility to provide foods and investment. At this age I m going to lose my jobs. I can manage all things with rental but how can I build up financial assets from here on and my triple source like salary, rental and interest helps me a lot in past. I m simple man with basic needs no extra expenses on me. But kids are in college in class 9 how can I build assests and ensure their good education
Ans: Hello Sanjiv, you have a lot of money parked in debt instruments like FD, PPF and not-liquid assets like properties as well. I would advise you to calculate your income from each asset on a yearly basis in % terms. I think that will give you a true picture of what you are earning as of now vs what you can earn in equity mutual funds which are managed by professionals.
We can have a detailed conversation around your situation and I can help you understand what re-shuffling can be done in your asset portfolio (with continuing rental+interest income) with greater capital appreciation, visit my website www.slwealthsolutions.com if you are interested

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