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Conflicted Feelings for Female Colleague: Can I Navigate Love and Loyalty?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Rupannita Question by Rupannita on Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,

Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old married who is woking at an establishment of a Public Sector company. I am holding a senior position. I have one female colleague who is of my age and married. She very frequently comes to my cabin and sits with me. She sits very close to me almost touching my body. She is very frank with me and discuss very personal things with me. She adores me a lot. Since last couple of days, I have started missing her when she is not around. I don't know how to overcome this situation. I think she also has liking for me. Please advise what to do
Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. Now we both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,
Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1190 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025Hindi
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I gave 12th class exams last year scored 81% dummy school had 66 and 77 percentile in mains 1 and 2 and 90.2 percentile in mhtcet being a non Maharashtraian. 123 in bitsat. Took a drop, studied hard yet scored 60 percentile in mains 2025 first attempt. Feeling disheartened havent been able to study nicely after results. Will it be practical to focus on mains 2 as i doubt my capabilities or bitsat entirely? Or any other exam i have a good scope in? Wish to get into a tier 1 clg (have delhi domicile as i did my 12th from delhi). If yes, how do i build the momentum and get back to studies and which exam should i be focusing on since i have failed mains 1 also.
Ans: Hello dear.
Remember, the JEE exam and passing engineering from 1st tier engg college can't be a parameter of success in life If you look nearby, many people are successful, but none of them have completed their engineering from 1st tier college or cleared JEE like competitive examinations. You tried your best but failed to crack JEE in 1 or 2 attempts. No problem. You are not alone in this worst situation (as per your thinking)! You also gave the MHT-CET and got a good percentile (90.2). You could be admitted to a good private engg college with this percentile in Maharashtra. But why you did not take this decision is not clear. I would like to suggest you, please drop the idea of appearing for JEE this time and clear any state-level engineering entrance examination. Take admission to a reputed private engineering college and start you journey in a fresh mood. For your reference, there are 10 engineering colleges in India where you can get admission without a JEE score. To know more details, please copy and paste the following link into your browser- https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/education/news/10-engineering-colleges-in-india-for-pursuing-btech-without-jee-main-2025-score/articleshow/118162587.cms.
Focus either on the state-level engineering entrance examination or choose the best options from the given link, if your financial position is strong.

If satisfied with the reply, please like and follow me, else ask again.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1190 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 15, 2025

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My son has got 91 percentile in the recent jee exam , he has next attempt in april, but i feel its difficult for him , can i know about other good colleges in karnataka , as im based their. interested in computer science and aeronautical degree, also advise some recent good courses for his career in india.
Ans: Hello Manoj.
Do not get stressed at this stage. Even though his score is 91 percentile in 1st attempt, he can do well in 2nd attempt. But from the safer side, ask him to appear in the Karnataka State Engineering Entrance Examination also. Even if he scores less in JEE on 2nd attempt, he may good college via the state entrance examination in CSE or aeronautical engineering as per your wish. For your reference, there are 10 colleges in India where you can get admission without a JEE score. To know more details, please copy and paste the following link into your browser- https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/education/news/10-engineering-colleges-in-india-for-pursuing-btech-without-jee-main-2025-score/articleshow/118162587.cms.
There are no such courses to be called as recent. The choice of courses depends upon the interest of your son. Hence there is no need to hurry and get into panic at this stage. Let him appear for both exams first, Ask about his interests, and then choose the course accordingly. I would be happy to suggest you after knowing his scores in JEE+State entrance + his liking.
Till then, ask him to focus only on two engineering entrance exams. Best of luck to your son for upcoming exams.

If satisfied with the reply, please like and follow me, else ask again.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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