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Anu Krishna |835 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by sangeeta on Feb 21, 2023Hindi

i am 44 widow, have lost my husband in 2015, but recently have in relation with my colleague but he is married and younger than me

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
What is your question? I only can assume that you are confused about being in a relationship with your married colleague.
Yes, it can become an ugly mess when his wife finds out...also, when there are so many other eligible men out there, why would you choose a married man and taking in all the complications that will come with it?
And mind you, the moment his wife gives him the ultimatum, he will run away from this before he even has a chance to tell you or explain anything to you.
So, spare yourself of all this unwanted excitement and anguish and invite people who will respect you for who you are and where you are in your life at this moment.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |835 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

Question by SJ - Nov 01, 2022Hindi

I am very stressed these days. I am in love with a married man. He happens to be my colleague whom I met in 2020.Initially it was just a senior junior relation where he would help me in official matters. At the same time, I was recovering from a break up followed by severe health complications. Slowly, I started spending time with him, in the office only talking about office issues then my personal life. He too shared some of his and eventually I started developing feelings for him. But since I knew he was married I would always maintain that distance. I just wanted a healthy friendship but may be my personal turmoil was to the extent that I needed an emotional support and so I confided in him. He too would understand me, give me support and I could feel that he likes me. One day I confessed my feelings and he too reciprocated. He had told me earlier that he is living a compromised married life where there is no emotional connection. However, he will continue with it as his wife is dependent on him and I said I don’t want to break a family. But I have fallen in love with him. His presence has given me such solace I cannot describe. I don’t want to break a home. So, I have started maintaining distance as well but I really miss him. I feel I lost a friend in the process.

Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

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