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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
T Question by T on Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ! I am a 38 year old divorced woman. Its almost 10 years that I got divorced, from a man with whom I was married for 2 months. Since then, I never had a long relationship with anyone. For the past 1 month, I feel I have developed feelings for my cousin (sister) who is 10 years older to me. She too is divorced, long back. (2006). I understand she too has feelings for me. What should I do. Please suggest.

Ans: Navigating feelings for a family member can be complex, especially when considering societal norms and potential family dynamics. It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to proceed in such a situation.

First and foremost, it's important to consider the potential implications and consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with your cousin. While relationships between cousins are not legally prohibited in many places, they can sometimes face social stigma or disapproval from family members.

Before taking any further steps, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your cousin about your feelings and concerns. Discussing your mutual feelings in a respectful and sensitive manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your feelings and the potential impact on your family dynamic. They can also offer strategies for communicating effectively and managing any challenges that may arise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pursue a romantic relationship with your cousin is a deeply personal one that only you and your cousin can make. It's essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and consideration for the feelings and well-being of everyone involved.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, and seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can help you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Relationship
Hello . I had a physical relationship with my first cousin sister in my teens .We were in love and wanted to marry too. But obviously it was not possible.Now we have started talking again . And I want to have this relationship again as I really desire her . Is it ok to go ahead ?I am 58..She is 53. I am divorced . She is married . Please advise .
Ans: Dear Aasheesh,

You’re 58 now, divorced, and perhaps seeking a meaningful connection or revisiting something that felt unfinished. She, however, is married. This is an important factor to consider deeply. Any attempt to reignite a romantic or physical relationship would not only involve her but also impact her spouse, her family, and potentially her sense of stability and well-being. While your feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment, so too are the commitments and responsibilities she has in her life now.

It’s also important to reflect on why these feelings are resurfacing now. Is it about her specifically, or is it more about reconnecting with a time in your life that felt exciting, safe, or deeply connected? Sometimes, our desire to rekindle a past relationship stems from wanting to recapture the emotions and experiences associated with it, rather than the person themselves. Understanding this distinction can help you clarify what you truly want and whether pursuing it is the right path.

If you feel the urge to express your feelings, I would encourage you to do so with honesty and respect, but only in a way that doesn’t cross boundaries or disrupt her life. You could share how much that connection meant to you and how happy you are to be back in touch. However, I would advise against pursuing a physical or romantic relationship unless her circumstances change, and even then, it would require careful consideration from both of you.

Ultimately, this is a moment to reflect on what you truly need and value at this stage in your life. If you’re yearning for love and connection, there are ways to explore this that honor both your past and the present realities of your lives. Perhaps it’s worth exploring these feelings further with a therapist or counselor, as they can provide a safe and supportive space to delve deeper into what this relationship represents for you and how best to navigate it.

You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and so does she. The key is finding a path forward that honors both.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8342 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2025
Money
Greetings!!!! I am 43 years Old, I had started 10k per month TATA AIA SIP in previous year for total 7years Plan. I want to education plan for my 1 kid who is 6 years old now. Please advice and guide me about more investments plan, as i am still confused about future growth and any plan for my wife age 38years.
Ans: You're at a critical financial stage. Planning for your child’s education and securing your family’s future are both top priorities. You've already started a ULIP, which is a start. But let’s take a deeper 360-degree view of your situation.

Below is a detailed plan, broken into simple sections for better clarity.



Assessment of Your Current ULIP Investment

You're investing Rs. 10,000 per month in a 7-year ULIP.



ULIPs mix insurance with investment. That reduces the growth power of your money.



Charges like premium allocation, fund management, and mortality charges reduce returns.



Your actual invested amount is much lower in the first few years.



ULIPs have limited flexibility in fund switching and partial withdrawal rules.



Maturity benefits are taxed if the annual premium exceeds Rs. 2.5 lakh. Be cautious of this.



A ULIP is not ideal for education goals or long-term wealth building.



As a Certified Financial Planner, I suggest surrendering this policy and moving funds to mutual funds.



You can continue till 5 years to avoid surrender charges if already started.



But do not renew after the 7-year term. Don't increase contributions in this ULIP.



Planning for Your Child’s Higher Education

Your child is 6 years old. You have around 11-12 years.



College education in India or abroad can cost Rs. 30–60 lakhs or more.



Instead of ULIPs, invest in diversified mutual funds. This will give better inflation-adjusted returns.



Use a mix of large cap, flexi cap and small cap mutual funds.



Start SIPs in these funds with a long-term horizon of 10-12 years.



You may also consider goal-based child education funds that are actively managed.



Don't invest in direct funds. They look cheaper, but don’t offer guidance.



Always invest through a Certified Financial Planner via a regular plan.



Your investment will stay aligned with your goal as the planner will guide with rebalancing.



Use a dedicated SIP only for child’s education goal. Don’t merge it with retirement planning.



Suggested Action Plan for Child’s Education

Shift future contributions from ULIP to SIPs in active funds.



Start with Rs. 20,000 per month SIP only for education.



Review this SIP every year and increase it by 10%-15% annually.



Add lump sums like bonuses or yearly increments into the same goal fund.



In the last 2 years before the education goal, shift to debt funds slowly.



This will protect your accumulated amount from equity volatility.



Investment Plan for Your Wife (Age 38)

She has a long horizon. She can invest for both retirement and her independent needs.



Open a separate mutual fund folio in her name.



Start SIPs in flexi cap, large & midcap, and hybrid funds in regular plans.



You can start with Rs. 10,000 per month and increase gradually.



You may also use her PPF account for additional tax-free corpus.



Avoid investing in gold, insurance policies, or real estate for her.



Ensure she has her own health insurance and a term insurance if she’s working.



If she’s not working, then create an emergency fund in her name.



That gives her independence and safety if she needs cash.



Family Protection with Insurance

You did not mention your term cover. You must have it if not already.



Ideal cover should be 15–20 times your yearly income.



ULIPs or LIC endowment policies should not be considered for protection.



Avoid investment-linked insurance plans. Keep insurance and investment separate.



Review your existing insurance covers. Add riders like critical illness and accident if needed.



Tax Efficient Planning

Use Section 80C wisely. Don’t just rely on ULIP or LIC plans.



Max out PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and children tuition for tax saving.



Invest in actively managed ELSS funds for better returns than ULIPs.



Avoid index funds for tax planning. They may underperform in volatile markets.



Debt funds are taxed as per slab now. Use carefully if short horizon.



Track capital gains if you sell mutual funds. Use new tax rules for equity funds:



  - LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

  

  - STCG taxed at 20%



Plan redemptions well in advance to manage taxes efficiently.



Retirement Planning (For You and Wife)

Start a separate SIP for your retirement corpus. Do not merge with other goals.



You have 17 years for retirement. That’s good for wealth accumulation.



Invest in a mix of actively managed flexi-cap and large-cap funds.



Add hybrid funds to reduce volatility as you near retirement.



Continue EPF, and increase VPF if possible. It is tax-free and safe.



Don't consider NPS if liquidity is important. Maturity rules are rigid.



Use mutual funds with regular advice to stay on track till age 60.



Exit ULIPs and Poor Insurance Products

You mentioned TATA AIA ULIP. Continue for 5 years to avoid penalty.



After that, exit and move funds to SIP in mutual funds.



If you or wife have LIC endowment, Jeevan Saral, or ULIPs, surrender them.



Reinvest maturity amount into SIPs in regular mutual fund plans.



Do not fall for insurance agents who pitch plans as tax saving or guaranteed.



Emergency Fund and Liquidity

Keep at least 6 months of family expenses in a liquid mutual fund.



Don’t use your SIP or education fund as emergency source.



You may open a separate savings bank linked sweep account for this.



This fund will help if there is any job loss, health issue, or urgent need.



What Not to Do

Don’t invest in new ULIPs or insurance-linked plans.



Avoid direct mutual fund investments. You won’t get guided rebalancing.



Do not use your child’s education fund for house down payment.



Don’t pick index funds. They underperform in sideways or bear markets.



Don’t buy land or gold as an investment for your goals.



Final Insights

You are at a very strategic life stage. You have time and income strength.



ULIPs will not help you grow wealth. Shift to goal-based mutual fund SIPs.



Separate goals: child education, your retirement, wife’s security, and emergencies.



Invest only through a Certified Financial Planner for customised long-term support.



Review all goals every year. Increase SIPs with income.



Protect family with pure term insurance and health insurance.



Focus on building wealth in regular mutual funds, not through insurance products.



Real financial freedom comes when goals are funded without stress.



You have a clear head start. Use it with discipline and right guidance.



Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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