I am 29 years old. I work as a software engineer. During Covid time I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel very bad about it.
She was just passing her time with me but I really loved her and I am now struggling to move on. I even had suicidal thoughts sometime back.
I feel like nothing is happening in my life. I feel like I'm stuck in my past.
Life is boring like hell, no interest in any activities.
I have 7 years of experience but only getting paid 12 lakhs per annum, this also bothers me every time.
Everyone I meet acts good with me only for their advantage.
No one is available when I need them. None of my friends take me seriously.
Any advice from you will be really helpful.

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

Now let’s focus on what you might be bothered by. See, if you are going to depend on the external environment to increase your confidence or self-esteem, then you are setting yourself up for a rude disappointment.

Your state of mind is your choice which is the one that dictates how you perceive the environment around you.

If you wake every morning feeling sorry for yourself, do you think you are going to perform well at work?

Shying away from a social life just because you are body shamed pushes you back into an unfavorable state of mind where you shut away even a few ‘good’ people.

Why deprive yourself of the little joys just because some people measure you by how you look?

What do you get by giving into that drama that these people have created?

More agony, I presume! And then the loop goes on and on…

Do check a few inspiring videos on how people have overcome body shaming and take a leaf out of it and start living for who you are; people start respecting you when you respect yourself first.

Well, romantic feelings sometimes may not be reciprocated; but you feel sad because you already are in a self-pity mode; what if your mind space was stronger?

A rejection from a girl, would have still been fine and would have been easy to move on.

Sorry, I need to be honest and show you the mirror, rather than just cheer you up. Get up, stand tall, show up. Show Up, no matter what!

Respect yourself for who you are…you are your best Ally…Now, I want you to dust yourself off of all the feelings that are not useful and Show Up and Take Charge…watch how things change…

Best wishes and simply Show Up…You can do this…

Dear S,

It’s like being unsettled has become a way of life. And you haven’t become aware that what you are living with in terms of uncertainty is mostly self-created.

You are seeing it with academics, work, relationships. It’s a pattern which must be broken provided you wish to see a massive change in your life.

Ask yourself:

1. What do I seek from life?
2. Where do I see myself in the professional space?
3. What do I wish for in a relationship/partner?

Now, check if your thoughts and behaviours align with what you wish for.

For eg: If you are looking at losing weight, if your behaviour is no exercise and reaching out for a midnight snack, you will never get to what you wish for.

So, if you want to feel more certain and have a certain level of wellbeing and grip in your life, you need to come up with some sort of fool proof plan and stick with it.

If you haven’t been very fine with academics, surely you can still put your best foot forward in your workplace taking more initiatives and thinking about how to grow there.

With relationships, start asking yourself, how can I add value to my partner?

It’s time you took responsibility for your choices and its results. So, if you want massive changes in the results, change the way you think and do things.

Am I getting through to you here?

Nothing is dead; you just have to inspire yourself to think and do different.

So, self-pity isn’t going to get you anywhere.

If he was a narcissist, good things didn’t work out…time to move on rather than make more excuses for your life not going anywhere.

Do you know now what you must do? Just Step Up!

Best wishes!