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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SR Question by SR on Aug 23, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I am 29 years old. I work as a software engineer. During Covid time I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel very bad about it.
She was just passing her time with me but I really loved her and I am now struggling to move on. I even had suicidal thoughts sometime back.
I feel like nothing is happening in my life. I feel like I'm stuck in my past.
Life is boring like hell, no interest in any activities.

I have 7 years of experience but only getting paid 12 lakhs per annum, this also bothers me every time.
Everyone I meet acts good with me only for their advantage.
No one is available when I need them. None of my friends take me seriously.

Any advice from you will be really helpful.

Ans:

Dear SR,

When you don’t value yourself, why expect anyone to value you?

Thinking of attempting to take your life just because of a failed relationship only means that your life is always in someone else’s hands.

Obviously, your earning capacity is the way it is as you are not working to your full potential.

How can you with the way you think about yourself!

Your life is important and it counts. Value it; love yourself more.

Indulge in some hobby and treat your friends the way you want them to treat you. And if you feel that people act good with you only to take advantage of you, ask yourself if you are giving them your full attention while you are with them.

Time to stop pitying yourself, smile a lot, reassure yourself that this moment is a new beginning and most importantly: Love yourself even more.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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Relationship
I don't know how to start but things are not good in my life. I lost my father 3 months back which still does not go out of my head. I met a girl recently and developed some sort of feelings for her but she is not at all interested in me which made me more sad as I feel as I am just not good enough. Due to my professional work I am not living with my family and their tensions extra. I have zero friends who talk regularly to me or ask about me. I have a thin body so people body shame me and it decreases my morale and confidence. Profession is also not going as good I thought due to relationship issues with my manager. Everything is making me more sad and lonely. Please give me something to cheer. Don't want to live life like this.. I am writing this with a heavy heart.
Ans: Dear HS, I am truly sorry for your loss; the passing away of a loved one is never easy on anyone.

Now let’s focus on what you might be bothered by. See, if you are going to depend on the external environment to increase your confidence or self-esteem, then you are setting yourself up for a rude disappointment.

Your state of mind is your choice which is the one that dictates how you perceive the environment around you.

If you wake every morning feeling sorry for yourself, do you think you are going to perform well at work?

Shying away from a social life just because you are body shamed pushes you back into an unfavorable state of mind where you shut away even a few ‘good’ people.

Why deprive yourself of the little joys just because some people measure you by how you look?

What do you get by giving into that drama that these people have created?

More agony, I presume! And then the loop goes on and on…

Do check a few inspiring videos on how people have overcome body shaming and take a leaf out of it and start living for who you are; people start respecting you when you respect yourself first.

Well, romantic feelings sometimes may not be reciprocated; but you feel sad because you already are in a self-pity mode; what if your mind space was stronger?

A rejection from a girl, would have still been fine and would have been easy to move on.

Sorry, I need to be honest and show you the mirror, rather than just cheer you up. Get up, stand tall, show up. Show Up, no matter what!

Respect yourself for who you are…you are your best Ally…Now, I want you to dust yourself off of all the feelings that are not useful and Show Up and Take Charge…watch how things change…

Best wishes and simply Show Up…You can do this…

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I'm here to let my feelings out. I'm 23 years old, working in IT. I have never been a person orientated towards studies not just now but even as a kid. I never knew that this would take a toll on my life like this. I'm. Not happy with my job. I'm not passionate about it. Clearly I'm not performing well. Neither am I trying to. It's been a long time since I felt like I have things in control. Right now I can't control myself, my feelings, my thoughts, my brain process. After the lockdown began I have totally lost everything that I was left with. It's been a very long time since I have been happy about what's happening in life. I don't know what to do. I was depressed for 3 years due to break up. I think meeting that person made my life upside down. It was a very bad influence on me. He was a narcissist. Which is what has made like this today I guess. I have nothing in control, I don't know if I'll be able to make things right in my life, if I'll ever be better again. There's too much confusion, fear, pain and sadness inside of me. I'm stuck in the same place for years now. I have no confidence to do anything. I don't believe in myself, I cannot talk to myself in a good way. If something wrong happens to me today, I accept it. I do not have the strength to fight against or for anything. I feel hollow. I feel like there is absolutely nothing inside of me left. I feel like there nothing I can do to make my life better. The solution to make this right for my family is to k*** myself. Because I don't see hope. Even though I have dreams, I don't believe in myself that I will be able to fulfil them. Because I don't have the spark of life in me. Everything inside me dead. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if you'll be able to help me. But I'm not able to deal with myself. The pity I have on myself. The disgust I have on myself.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s like being unsettled has become a way of life. And you haven’t become aware that what you are living with in terms of uncertainty is mostly self-created.

You are seeing it with academics, work, relationships. It’s a pattern which must be broken provided you wish to see a massive change in your life.

Ask yourself:

1. What do I seek from life?
2. Where do I see myself in the professional space?
3. What do I wish for in a relationship/partner?

Now, check if your thoughts and behaviours align with what you wish for.

For eg: If you are looking at losing weight, if your behaviour is no exercise and reaching out for a midnight snack, you will never get to what you wish for.

So, if you want to feel more certain and have a certain level of wellbeing and grip in your life, you need to come up with some sort of fool proof plan and stick with it.

If you haven’t been very fine with academics, surely you can still put your best foot forward in your workplace taking more initiatives and thinking about how to grow there.

With relationships, start asking yourself, how can I add value to my partner?

It’s time you took responsibility for your choices and its results. So, if you want massive changes in the results, change the way you think and do things.

Am I getting through to you here?

Nothing is dead; you just have to inspire yourself to think and do different.

So, self-pity isn’t going to get you anywhere.

If he was a narcissist, good things didn’t work out…time to move on rather than make more excuses for your life not going anywhere.

Do you know now what you must do? Just Step Up!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
A bit long story I'm 21 student preparing for medical competative entrance exam for past 3 years (21-24).2 year ago this phase I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a girl I met in my class .But it didn't last long due to the problems created due to distance as she couldn't understand myself and I couldn't understand herself.so there was a misunderstanding and I couldn't hold on as I was in heavy pressure by exams and financial problems.so I couldn't handle and I felt like too early and broke up with her by losing my mind.she was completely disappointed as I didn't speak to her for more than an year due to one more year preparation.i missed her very much but I didnt tell her.I missed govt seat in border mark and the same year she got into a relationship with another guy in her class.i don't blame her. But I feel like my entire life is shattered and I couldn't move on from that girl till now.I couldn't concentrate on my career too.im kind of person who is always confident in all aspects but I have totally lost my mind .I can see that in an danger situation as age is running and family pressure, everyone of my classmates are far ahead of me I couldn't withstand this situation and couldn't make proper decision in any aspect. Mam please help me out.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  | Answer  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 29, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am 27 years old girl corona made my life a waste. Just before corona I left an assistant job to go for regular studies then due to corna I got stuck being jobless. I really wanted to study in regular as in graduation I did from open university. Time being I tried govt job preparation but nothing happened. I got gap of 2 years i couldn't find another job. At the end I did get my post graduation mba completed but I didn't get a job of my education all are of calling & backend. Currently its been 3-4 months nothing is working, application getting rejected every time. During final year exams my bf broke up with me from a 8 year long relationship. Please answer me
Ans: To rebuild your career after completing an MBA, identify transferable skills such as management, communication, leadership, and problem-solving, and match them with job roles beyond just calling and backend work. Revamp your resume by highlighting your educational qualifications and skills, and showcase internships, projects, or certifications completed during your MBA. Upskill strategically by considering short-term certifications relevant to your MBA specialization, such as digital marketing, project management, or data analytics.

Get a ton of useful information on "Resume Building," "LinkedIn Profile Building," "Job Search," and "Salary Negotiation Skills" by tuning in to the free webinars hosted by Vikram Anand, Sakshi Chandrasekar, and Sawan Kapoor. Take advantage of these kinds of free webinars to keep yourself busy and increase your self-assurance.

Job search strategy should include applying for jobs that match your skills, using job portals like LinkedIn, and Indeed, and networking actively on LinkedIn. Consider exploring freelance projects or paid internships related to your MBA specialization.

Emotional healing is essential, and it's important to acknowledge the pain of the loss of a relationship. Focus on self-care activities that uplift you, such as journaling, exercising, reading, or joining support groups. Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce anxiety. Seek professional support if feelings of sadness or self-doubt persist.

Set small, achievable goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed and redefine success as personal growth, resilience, and continuous learning. Remember that progress takes time, and you are not alone in this phase. Stay patient and persistent, as your breakthrough will come.
All The BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ‘Careers | Finance | Health | Relationships’.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 21, 2025Hindi
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Money
I'm 32, with no savings other than my monthly SIP of 5000 which i have been doing since 2022 september. I have no financial backing, could you help me with a break up of how i can start investing and saving.
Ans: At 32, starting with Rs. 5,000 monthly SIP is a good first step. Building wealth requires a structured approach to saving and investing. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you achieve financial stability and growth.

Assessing Your Current Situation
You have no financial backing, so an emergency fund is critical.

Your monthly SIP indicates discipline in investing.

Prioritising goals and systematic planning will strengthen your finances.

Step 1: Establish an Emergency Fund
Save at least 6 months' worth of monthly expenses in a liquid fund or savings account.

Allocate a fixed portion of your income every month for this purpose.

Emergency funds should be easily accessible but not used for routine expenses.

Step 2: Manage Expenses Effectively
Create a monthly budget to track income and expenses.

Identify unnecessary expenses and redirect the savings towards investments.

Follow the 50-30-20 rule:

50% for necessities (rent, food, bills).
30% for discretionary spending (entertainment, hobbies).
20% for savings and investments.
Step 3: Continue and Enhance SIP Contributions
Your Rs. 5,000 SIP in equity mutual funds is a good start.

Gradually increase the SIP amount as your income grows.

Choose funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Step 4: Diversify Your Investments
Equity Mutual Funds

Continue investing in actively managed funds for long-term growth.
Focus on funds with consistent performance over 5-10 years.
Debt Funds or Fixed Deposits

Allocate a portion to safer instruments for stability.
These options can balance risk in your portfolio.
PPF (Public Provident Fund)

Open a PPF account for tax-saving benefits and long-term compounding.
Invest a fixed amount annually to build a secure retirement corpus.
Gold for Wealth Protection

Allocate a small percentage (5-10%) to gold (SGB or gold mutual funds).
Gold acts as a hedge against inflation.
Step 5: Focus on Insurance and Risk Coverage
Purchase a term insurance policy with adequate coverage (10-15 times your annual income).

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance to cover medical emergencies.

Avoid investment-cum-insurance policies as they deliver low returns.

Step 6: Plan for Long-Term Goals
Define specific financial goals like buying a house, retirement, or children's education.

Assign timelines and cost estimates to each goal.

Invest in equity for long-term goals (10+ years) and debt for short-term goals (1-3 years).

Step 7: Tax-Saving Investments
Use Section 80C instruments like ELSS, PPF, or NPS to save taxes.

ELSS funds provide equity exposure with tax benefits under Section 80C.

Avoid locking excessive funds in low-return tax-saving options.

Step 8: Automate Savings and Investments
Set up auto-debit for SIPs and savings to maintain consistency.

Automating investments reduces the temptation to spend unnecessarily.

Step 9: Regular Monitoring and Review
Review your portfolio every 6 months to track performance.

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the right asset allocation.

Avoid frequent fund switching, as it may impact long-term returns.

Final Insights
Starting with limited resources can feel challenging but is achievable with discipline. Build an emergency fund, manage expenses wisely, and grow your investments systematically. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimise your portfolio and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thinking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me ask you one thing, if you knew a plane was going to crash, would you still get on it because you are worried you will reach your destination late? No, right? Similarly, if you know this marriage could be really tough on you, with the added responsibilities of a teenager and another soon-to-be teenager, do you still want to go ahead with it, just because you might have to stay alone for a while longer?

I can't really make a decision for you, but I can urge you to rethink this alliance. It's great that you are trying to compromise but do not compromise so much that nothing that you want is given any importance. You cannot ask a father to send his child to a hostel so that you can have some privacy; similarly, no one can force you to raise him as well. The best decision would be to either reconsider the relationship or have an open conversation and come to a middle ground that works for all.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How do I 32M get over my insecurity with 30F? (Seeking Advice) Met this girl via matrimony exactly 2 months back. We connect well. Our families have met recently and it went well. Somehow we found a lot of connections between our families. That's just a bonus. Her family likes me a lot and they wanted to do Roka when they met us last week. I had told her, that no matter our bond, we should talk a lot and give it 3 months before going for roka. We live in different metro cities and have met twice now. About her: She is 30, well behaved & spoken(most important thing for me), smart, good looking, and is extremely polite. She is an army brat, has had a lot of freedom from family. Due to her father's job, they kept getting posted to different cities so she doesn't really understand family part of things. She's in a IT job. About me: I'm 32, okayish guy, in IT. To take things ahead I need to know my partner's past. I have no judgements at all but need to know stuff. Getting to know things over time bothers me a lot. I've tried to work on it, and have always made sure I don't bother the other person too much. After a month of talking, she told me that she had a casual boyfriend for an year. All her friends were dating in Bangalore and she decided to try it out. Found a guy through bumble and started dating him. So, according to her there were no feelings, just a person for her to go to places with, have drinks, and party. She likes drinking a lot and I have never taken a sip. She said that it was just a phase and she was immature. This happened between 2018(Nov) to 2020(march). So, it's been like 5 years. Never dated anyone after that. Since covid(2020) she's been living with her parents due to wfh. I have been completely ok with that but new things surfaced and they are messing with my head. While snooping around her facebook I figured out who that person was and this guy is super close to a person in my distant family. In fact they both were flatmates until their respective marriages. This distant cousin of mine knows me and knows her really well. These 3 used to hangout a lot and he has seen her come to their flat regularly. Infact, she had a good bond with my cousin as well. There are things that bother me and I really can't shake things and feel super awful in my gut. She mentioned that she and her ex had a common love for drinking and regularly visited pubs, got drunk, and partied. This means that they would be staying at each other's place as well. This is something super old but bothers me a lot. Specifically the fact that she would be drunk partying with someone for an year and sleeping with him, with no feelings. Secondly, I found some posts where she has liked a post about this guy on fb/insta from mid-2021. I have already confronted her twice to share everything and we shall never discuss this again but this bothers me a lot. Secondly, now that I know the timelines I can figure out what photos have been taken by her ex. There's even a photo of her sitting on a messy bed, where she's cutting her bday cake. They celebrated it together. I found my cousins page and some other pages from which I knew it's the guy's room/flat. I know everyone has a past. She has come clean to me but somehow my brain is so split. Sometimes her nature and behaviour with me make me not care about anything. And then I know the bed, flat, and her actions with some guy. Then there is this angle where the ex's flatmate is my distant cousin and knows about her well.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is important for you to need to know her past and you mentioned that you merely want to know, and would not judge. But judging is exactly what you are doing. A lot of people have exes, a lot of people have occasional drinks- we can't judge people based on their past. She has opened up to you and all you are doing is snooping around. To be honest, it seems like you are really more concerned about her ex and past than about how amazing a person she is. I have only one piece of advice, if you think you can't get past her past, let her go. No one deserves to be judged by their past.

And think of it this way- you asked, and she told you. She was not obliged to, but still understanding your 'need' to know 'everything,' she confided in you. And this is how you are paying her back. Moreover, so what if she had an ex, or dated casually? How does that affect you right now? Ask yourself the same question and I think you will know the answer to your own dilemma.

Having said it all, marriage is a big decision. If you think her past can hamper your future, please rethink this relationship. It is best for both of you.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

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Money
I am 49 and plan to retire in 2 years time.. I currently have a MF corpus of about 1.8 Cr, a PF of about 1 Cr and properties worth 2 Cr. I have been investing in MF's since 2014 through SIP's and currently have 70K monthly SIP. Please advise if I would be comfortable in 2 years, my estimated monthly expense post retirement would be approx 2 Lakhs per month
Ans: Your current corpus of Rs. 1.8 crore in mutual funds and Rs. 1 crore in PF is significant. The additional Rs. 2 crore in properties adds to your wealth but doesn’t provide immediate liquidity. Let us evaluate if your corpus will sustain your post-retirement expense of Rs. 2 lakh per month.

Estimating Post-Retirement Corpus Requirement
You plan to retire in 2 years, at age 51.

Assuming a life expectancy of 85 years, the corpus needs to last for 34 years.

An expense of Rs. 2 lakh per month means Rs. 24 lakh annually.

Adjust this amount for inflation to calculate future needs.

Current Investment Contributions
Your Rs. 70,000 monthly SIP builds your corpus over the next 2 years.

SIPs offer rupee cost averaging, reducing market volatility impact.

Assess the fund performance regularly to maximise growth.

Diversification of Investments
Your corpus is spread across mutual funds, PF, and properties.

PF provides a stable, fixed return but lacks flexibility.

Properties offer wealth accumulation but are less liquid for immediate needs.

Mutual funds remain a primary source of liquidity and growth post-retirement.

Evaluating Monthly Withdrawals Post-Retirement
Withdrawals should balance your monthly expenses and ensure corpus longevity.

Avoid withdrawing large amounts in the early years of retirement.

Consider a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for withdrawal strategies.

Role of Inflation and Healthcare Costs
Factor in inflation’s effect on expenses over 30+ years.

A 6% inflation rate doubles your monthly expense in 12 years.

Allocate for increasing healthcare costs with age.

Importance of Emergency and Medical Coverage
Keep at least 6 months' expenses in a liquid fund for emergencies.

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance for unexpected medical costs.

Tax Efficiency in Withdrawals
Equity mutual funds' LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Debt fund returns are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liability on gains.

Active Funds vs. Direct Funds
Actively managed funds optimise returns by responding to market changes.

Direct funds lack professional support, affecting long-term efficiency.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner to select regular funds.

Disadvantages of Relying on Real Estate
Properties are illiquid and may take time to convert to cash.

Rental income may not cover Rs. 2 lakh monthly expenses reliably.

Maintenance and property taxes further reduce returns.

Recommendations for Portfolio Restructuring
Increase Allocation to Growth Assets

Continue SIPs in equity mutual funds for growth potential.

Review funds for consistent performance and portfolio alignment.

Add Balanced and Debt Funds for Stability

Include balanced advantage and debt funds for steady income.

Debt funds reduce overall portfolio risk.

Plan a Withdrawal Strategy

Use the SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for predictable income.

Withdraw from equity funds after 3 years for tax efficiency.

Avoid Over-reliance on PF and Real Estate

PF offers safety but limited returns.

Use properties strategically for potential downsizing or sale.

Final Insights
You are on track to retire comfortably, provided you optimise your investments. Plan your withdrawals carefully, factoring in inflation and tax efficiency. Work with a Certified Financial Planner to refine your portfolio and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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