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Anu Krishna |1318 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by S on Dec 27, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu,
I'm here to let my feelings out. I'm 23 years old, working in IT. I have never been a person orientated towards studies not just now but even as a kid.
I never knew that this would take a toll on my life like this. I'm. Not happy with my job. I'm not passionate about it.
Clearly I'm not performing well. Neither am I trying to. It's been a long time since I felt like I have things in control. Right now I can't control myself, my feelings, my thoughts, my brain process.
After the lockdown began I have totally lost everything that I was left with. It's been a very long time since I have been happy about what's happening in life. I don't know what to do. I was depressed for 3 years due to break up. I think meeting that person made my life upside down. It was a very bad influence on me.
He was a narcissist. Which is what has made like this today I guess.
I have nothing in control, I don't know if I'll be able to make things right in my life, if I'll ever be better again. There's too much confusion, fear, pain and sadness inside of me. I'm stuck in the same place for years now. I have no confidence to do anything. I don't believe in myself, I cannot talk to myself in a good way.
If something wrong happens to me today, I accept it. I do not have the strength to fight against or for anything. I feel hollow.
I feel like there is absolutely nothing inside of me left. I feel like there nothing I can do to make my life better.
The solution to make this right for my family is to k*** myself. Because I don't see hope. Even though I have dreams, I don't believe in myself that I will be able to fulfil them. Because I don't have the spark of life in me. Everything inside me dead. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if you'll be able to help me. But I'm not able to deal with myself. The pity I have on myself. The disgust I have on myself.

Ans:

Dear S,

It’s like being unsettled has become a way of life. And you haven’t become aware that what you are living with in terms of uncertainty is mostly self-created.

You are seeing it with academics, work, relationships. It’s a pattern which must be broken provided you wish to see a massive change in your life.

Ask yourself:

1. What do I seek from life?
2. Where do I see myself in the professional space?
3. What do I wish for in a relationship/partner?

Now, check if your thoughts and behaviours align with what you wish for.

For eg: If you are looking at losing weight, if your behaviour is no exercise and reaching out for a midnight snack, you will never get to what you wish for.

So, if you want to feel more certain and have a certain level of wellbeing and grip in your life, you need to come up with some sort of fool proof plan and stick with it.

If you haven’t been very fine with academics, surely you can still put your best foot forward in your workplace taking more initiatives and thinking about how to grow there.

With relationships, start asking yourself, how can I add value to my partner?

It’s time you took responsibility for your choices and its results. So, if you want massive changes in the results, change the way you think and do things.

Am I getting through to you here?

Nothing is dead; you just have to inspire yourself to think and do different.

So, self-pity isn’t going to get you anywhere.

If he was a narcissist, good things didn’t work out…time to move on rather than make more excuses for your life not going anywhere.

Do you know now what you must do? Just Step Up!

Best wishes!

RelationshipReply

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Anu Krishna |1318 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Question by AB - May 16, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I recently came across your self-help series on rediff com and couldn't resist myself from writing to you. I am a 25 year old woman living with her parents and a younger brother. I somehow managed the lockdown in 2020 but since last year, my life has been way more challenging.Things have been really tough since April last year. My mother started her dialysis. Before that, she got hospitalised twice within a month. However she is back home. But due to her dialysis session, her legs ache making her difficult to walk. Her hands have stopped moving due to hypertension so I am taking care of her.My father retired last year. So he's stressed about many things. He is over inspecting my every little action and criticising me for no apparent reason. I haven't got a suitable job despite working in an educational consultancy (They haven't even given my first salary). My boyfriend is encouraging me to work hard for my upcoming competitive exam and earn everything I want. But I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I have lost the zeal. And nowadays he has hardly any time for me.My ex-boyfriend hasn't returned Rs 20,000 he borrowed from me. When I confronted him, he avoided me and told me to back off. Sometimes I feel like taking a loan.Lastly, I have incomplete submissions of diploma course which I couldn't submit on time and I am requesting for extra time but I didn't get any help.Though I feel that things will get better but most of the time, I feel like quitting. Today my father scolded me again, so I went to terrace. I screamed and cried and decided to end my life. I have become so alone. I am wondering when my life will be on track. I am not a bad person. I know I have flaws. But why has life become so tough? I am only getting rejections and failures. I don't know what to do. How do I tackle with all of these? Please help me. I am totally exhausted.

Ans:

Dear AB,

Breathe! And breathe again and once more…

Life is filled with all things great and challenging as well. Challenges come to us as a growth path; one that we must walk on to unleash more of our inner power.

Challenges within the family, education related challenges, personal challenges and more are part of anyone’s life.

How we deal with each defines our journey and shapes our mindset as well.

Have you felt like playing the victim in each challenge and hence feel low and dejected and that prevents you from finishing what you have taken up?

I might be wrong here, but what seems to be happening is every activity is left mid-way due to lack of confidence from within. And then the loop continues and you have termed it as a rejection and failure. We receive what we put out there; so why don’t you try something different?

Why don’t you pick something (one at a time) and see it through till the end; it will give you a great sense of achievement and to do this; simply visualize the path from the start to the end and then jumping for joy at your victory.

Request your boyfriend to play the role of an accountability partner, so that he keeps your ups and downs in check.

Commit to him as to what and when you will finish; and to motivate yourself, keep visualizing your victory and success point and the happiness that you will feel from within.

As for your parents scolding you, they only look at your welfare.

Sit them down and tell them that you need their support and that you are embarking on a new journey.

I am sure that they will be rooting for you. Life is beautiful, make it count and you know you can!

Best wishes!

Relationship

Anu Krishna |1318 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am 39 years old single working woman and stay with my parents. From the year 2022 I have been through lot of struggles, heartbreak and Financial problems till date I am dealing with. there comes a day sometimes where I feel like to leave everyone and run away or to end my life. I always dream of getting married to a better guy and have good life but it didn't happen. i always wanted a secure life but god has some different plan. I never did bad to anyone but people whom I helped always betrayed me and now I have trust issues also. Right now I am going through lot of challenges in life. please help me for the solution as i cant find anything. It seems like all the door has been shut. ..... but y????? Y its always me ??? I always wanted a peace in life ... Happiness with lots of Love from Family and Friends. I am seriously confused what to do ??? Seeing me in such condition my Mom and Dad are always depressed ... Mom always cry for me ... I cant see them in such condition and that also because of me. Please help me or give me some good solution

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Swallow what I am about to tell you with a pinch of salt.
Life isn't a cakewalk for anyone; so learning to accept how things pan out is the only way to deal with disappointments.
So, it's not that only you are struggling in life; I am sure that you will also agree...

The more you indulge in self-pity and the 'Why Me', you are not just suffering, but also people around you who care will struggle and suffer for you. Instead, snap out of it NOW! Either you act like a victim OR play the HERO of your life...this one thought-change will actually make you handle your problems better and objectively. So, what does a HERO do?

They Take Charge, they look at their challenges objectively, move into the solution space and drop down options as to how you can get into a better financial position. Reach out to someone who can help you out in this area and slowly you will get a grasp of how to manage yours struggles and when one area of your life starts to get better, other areas also start to get better.
Be patient, have faith and know that Life is Beautiful and so, live with what it offers you during that roller coaster ride. This is not a pep talk BUT for you to take note and do something intentional to change the course of your Life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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