Hi Anu, I'm here to let my feelings out. I'm 23 years old, working in IT. I have never been a person orientated towards studies not just now but even as a kid. I never knew that this would take a toll on my life like this. I'm. Not happy with my job. I'm not passionate about it. Clearly I'm not performing well. Neither am I trying to. It's been a long time since I felt like I have things in control. Right now I can't control myself, my feelings, my thoughts, my brain process. After the lockdown began I have totally lost everything that I was left with. It's been a very long time since I have been happy about what's happening in life. I don't know what to do. I was depressed for 3 years due to break up. I think meeting that person made my life upside down. It was a very bad influence on me. He was a narcissist. Which is what has made like this today I guess. I have nothing in control, I don't know if I'll be able to make things right in my life, if I'll ever be better again. There's too much confusion, fear, pain and sadness inside of me. I'm stuck in the same place for years now. I have no confidence to do anything. I don't believe in myself, I cannot talk to myself in a good way. If something wrong happens to me today, I accept it. I do not have the strength to fight against or for anything. I feel hollow. I feel like there is absolutely nothing inside of me left. I feel like there nothing I can do to make my life better. The solution to make this right for my family is to k*** myself. Because I don't see hope. Even though I have dreams, I don't believe in myself that I will be able to fulfil them. Because I don't have the spark of life in me. Everything inside me dead. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if you'll be able to help me. But I'm not able to deal with myself. The pity I have on myself. The disgust I have on myself.

Dear S, It’s like being unsettled has become a way of life. And you haven’t become aware that what you are living with in terms of uncertainty is mostly self-created. You are seeing it with academics, work, relationships. It’s a pattern which must be broken provided you wish to see a massive change in your life. Ask yourself: 1. What do I seek from life? 2. Where do I see myself in the professional space? 3. What do I wish for in a relationship/partner? Now, check if your thoughts and behaviours align with what you wish for. For eg: If you are looking at losing weight, if your behaviour is no exercise and reaching out for a midnight snack, you will never get to what you wish for. So, if you want to feel more certain and have a certain level of wellbeing and grip in your life, you need to come up with some sort of fool proof plan and stick with it. If you haven’t been very fine with academics, surely you can still put your best foot forward in your workplace taking more initiatives and thinking about how to grow there. With relationships, start asking yourself, how can I add value to my partner? It’s time you took responsibility for your choices and its results. So, if you want massive changes in the results, change the way you think and do things. Am I getting through to you here? Nothing is dead; you just have to inspire yourself to think and do different. So, self-pity isn’t going to get you anywhere. If he was a narcissist, good things didn’t work out…time to move on rather than make more excuses for your life not going anywhere. Do you know now what you must do? Just Step Up! Best wishes!