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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
MS Question by MS on Aug 05, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu. I hope you are doing well. I follow your column and read your posts.
I have a different issue. I am single and 30+ years. I have no complaints as I did not find any suitable guy to marry. I had a happy and busy life before Covid. However after Covid, lockdown and this work from home life has become monotonous. I not only lost my uncle due to depression but lost my friends due to fights and misunderstanding. I believe in giving importance so I tried to patch up with my friends but they prefer to break all the connections and move on. I have always had a thing for respect and to be valued. I moved away too coz I felt it was the right thing to do but somewhere it hurts me a lot that I am not able to hold on to my friends who knew me for so many years. How can someone get abandoned and not want to talk and sort things out?
I feel I am overthinking it when the others are not even bothered or thinking about me or it. I really want to move away and focus on my life and career. I try doing it but many times there are so many things that reminds me of them and I get stuck and emotional again.
I am trying some meditation and journaling but it does not seem to clear my mind.
Hence I thought of checking with you.
Let me know if you have any advice for me.

Ans:

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu. I hope you are doing well. I follow your column and read your posts. I have a different issue. I am single and 30+ years. I have no complaints as I did not find any suitable guy to marry. I had a happy and busy life before Covid. However after Covid, lockdown and this work from home life has become monotonous. I not only lost my uncle due to depression but lost my friends due to fights and misunderstanding. I believe in giving importance so I tried to patch up with my friends but they prefer to break all the connections and move on. I have always had a thing for respect and to be valued. I moved away too coz I felt it was the right thing to do but somewhere it hurts me a lot that I am not able to hold on to my friends who knew me for so many years. How can someone get abandoned and not want to talk and sort things out? I feel I am overthinking it when the others are not even bothered or thinking about me or it. I really want to move away and focus on my life and career. I try doing it but many times there are so many things that reminds me of them and I get stuck and emotional again. I am trying some meditation and journaling but it does not seem to clear my mind.Hence I thought of checking with you. Let me know if you have any advice for me.
Ans:

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu. I hope you are doing well. I follow your column and read your posts. I have a different issue. I am single and 30+ years. I have no complaints as I did not find any suitable guy to marry. I had a happy and busy life before Covid. However after Covid, lockdown and this work from home life has become monotonous. I not only lost my uncle due to depression but lost my friends due to fights and misunderstanding. I believe in giving importance so I tried to patch up with my friends but they prefer to break all the connections and move on. I have always had a thing for respect and to be valued. I moved away too coz I felt it was the right thing to do but somewhere it hurts me a lot that I am not able to hold on to my friends who knew me for so many years. How can someone get abandoned and not want to talk and sort things out? I feel I am overthinking it when the others are not even bothered or thinking about me or it. I really want to move away and focus on my life and career. I try doing it but many times there are so many things that reminds me of them and I get stuck and emotional again. I am trying some meditation and journaling but it does not seem to clear my mind.Hence I thought of checking with you. Let me know if you have any advice for me.
Ans:

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11000 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2026

Money
Is it advisable to invest in Midcap and Smallcap ETFs in India compared to Midcap and Smallcap mutual funds? While I understand that Midcap and Smallcap mutual funds may offer higher percentage returns compared to ETFs, the main issue is that no mutual fund consistently remains at the top in terms of returns. The best-performing mutual funds can change over time, making it necessary to monitor and switch from underperforming funds to top-performing ones regularly – a process that can be quite cumbersome and also incurs capital gains tax when exiting a fund. On the other hand, since ETFs track their respective indices, their percentage returns closely mirror those indices, eliminating the need for frequent switching or selling like in the case of mutual funds. However, I am uncertain whether keeping investments in ETFs over the long term (10 years or more) will yield returns comparable to mutual funds once capital gains tax is factored in during fund switches. Could you provide some insight into this?
Ans: I appreciate your thoughtful comparison of ETFs versus mutual funds. You are asking a very practical question and it shows good financial awareness. Let’s look at this carefully so you get clarity without confusion.

» What ETFs and index-linked products really do
– ETFs that track midcap and smallcap indices simply mirror the performance of those market benchmarks.
– There is no active management or stock picking to protect you during weak markets.
– When indices fall sharply, ETFs will fall by almost the same percentage. There is no defensive action.
– Index-linked products may seem low maintenance, but they do not adapt to market changes.

» Why actively managed midcap and smallcap mutual funds are different
– Actively managed funds have professional managers who choose stocks based on research, valuation and risk.
– They can adjust exposure to sectors and companies depending on market conditions.
– This means that in volatile phases, they can protect capital better than index trackers.
– Over long periods, learning to stay invested in well-managed funds often leads to better risk-adjusted outcomes.

» The challenge of “top performing” funds changing over time
– It is true that past performance ranking changes every year. No mutual fund stays number one forever.
– This is why selection should be based on long-term consistency, process, risk management and quality of management. Returns alone should not be the only criterion.
– A Certified Financial Planner helps you choose funds with good fundamentals, not just recent high returns.

» About monitoring and switching funds
– Frequent switching based only on short term performance is not a strong investment habit.
– Every switch can trigger capital gains tax for equity funds if sold within one year at higher short term tax rate, or after one year you still need to consider LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh at 12.5%.
– Good investing means giving time for your chosen strategy to work unless there is a clear reason to change.

» Why ETFs are not always better for long-term goals
– Just because ETFs avoid switching does not mean they give better returns after tax. They still rise and fall strictly with the index.
– In falling markets, index trackers cannot reduce risk, but actively managed funds can.
– Even though ETFs may look simple, they can lead to larger drawdowns when markets are weak since they cannot adapt.
– In the long term, protecting capital during weak phases is as important as chasing returns.

» When actively managed funds make sense in midcap and smallcap space
– If you have a long-term horizon (10 years or more), actively managed funds can add value through stock research and risk calibration.
– They aim for better risk-adjusted returns over full market cycles, not just bull phases.
– With a CFP’s guidance, you can build a diversified portfolio that balances midcap, smallcap and broader equity exposure without frequent tax-triggering switches.

» Practical investor behaviour perspective
– ETFs can make investing easy, but easy does not always mean better outcomes.
– Investors often buy ETFs and then fail to rebalance or adjust when markets change.
– With actively managed funds, the fund manager’s decisions complement your long term holding discipline and take some burden off you.

» Final Insights
– Avoid choosing investments just by how they are labelled (ETF or mutual fund). Look at what they actually do in markets.
– For midcap and smallcap exposure over 10 years, actively managed funds tend to offer better alignment with long-term goals and risk control than index ETFs.
– The idea that ETFs avoid switching costs is true, but it is not a strong enough reason to ignore the flexibility and risk management that active funds provide.
– Tax impact matters, and with wise planning you can manage gains efficiently without frequent switches.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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