Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son.
Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy.
He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely.
I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city.
After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter.
I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met.
We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months.
We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes.
Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care.
I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.
Pls guide me if am right or wrong.
Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.
Ans: Dear MS,
You did know the perils of an extra marital app and knew what you were getting into.
You have two ways of looking at your situation.
1. If you choose to continue, you are constantly going to have to juggle between your marriage and this relationship
2. If you choose to be exclusive into your marriage, then you are going to possibly be with a man who is who he is
Now, which side of the fence feels more comfortable to you, is something that you need to assess. Also, external validation is something all of us fall prey to sometime or the other in our lifetime.
Ask yourself:
- What is lacking in my marriage that is forcing me to step out and explore?
- Have I tried to communicate my needs to my husband?
- Are there things that I could have done differently to have a better relationship with my husband?
This might give you a chance to understand where you are and what you can do to give your marriage a fair chance if that is what you wish to do.
Whatever you choose, do remember basing your happiness on an external source will always be short lived and all it gives you is heartache.
Be wise, choose wisely and maybe it’s time to laugh a lot, take a step back, breathe and look at what IS in a different way.
If you still waver, do know that whatever is going on also has an impact on your son. So, steady yourself first, do a reality check and then choose.
Be well and happy!
