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I'm marrying in 3-4 months, but I'm scared: Arranged marriage jitters?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 28, will be engaged in 3-4 months. It's an arranged marriage. I have met the girl one time, that too she was accompanied with her parents as her family is very conservative. We spoke privately for about half an hour. I know it's still not enough but I was able to have a good conversation. She was nervous at first but I made her feel comfortable and it was then time well spent. She is a sweet girl, even my maa papa like this girl but on the other hand, I am also getting worried as the days are coming near. Sometimes I feel like postponing the event. Is this normal? I also fear of things that happens in nowadays like getting divorce, extra marital affairs, alimony etc. What if she finds a better partner after marriage? Will she leave me? Due to this I cannot have proper sleep recently. Any suggestions to calm my nerves?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Many people get cold feet before getting married. It is very normal. All your questions are valid but you need to understand that in every relationship, it all comes down to trust. Whether you marry this woman or someone else, you have to trust her. And no one can really tell what the future holds. So we focus on the present and hope for the best.

I suggest speaking to your would-be partner a little more in the meantime. Getting to know her will put these doubts to rest. I'm sure she is equally concerned about what kind of person you are. Moreover, it is always a good idea to get to know each other better before committing for a lifetime. And, in case, you still think you need to postpone the event, do not shy away from doing so. It is better to take some time and make the right decision than to make a wrong decision in a hurry.

Hope this helps.
Best Wishes.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 16, 2023Hindi
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hi gure. i am unmarried fall for one girl through online marriage app and we are planning for marriage. few days back we got engaged as well.but after that i am in think that she is avoiding me. she go to sleep early even we were not in talk that much. i always in overthinking that she may have affair or she may ditch me. i cant control my emotion for her. if i cant get her call i called her madly. its make me so depress, nervous. i can not concentrate on work , other imp things. what should i do to get out of this help me ? help me get out of this sir
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

While overthinking can destroy a relationship, if you feel in your gut that something isn't right, there might be some truth and reason to it. My advice would be to have an open discussion about the same with your girlfriend.

We often see people making commitments but backing out later owing to several issues; it can be family-related or something else completely. It is better to speak about your worries right now than to get married and regret it. Maybe your partner is no longer interested in you or maybe she is facing some other trouble altogether; the only way you can understand what's happening is if you ask.

Don't beat around the bush or lose sleep over assumptions; sit your girlfriend down and ask her what's the matter. If she is no longer in love with you, you should consider yourself lucky to have learned it now rather than later, when things are more official and there are no breakups, only divorces. You deserve to be peacefully in love, not worrying about losing it every waking minute.

Hope this helps.

Best Wishes!

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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

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My name is Umesh and my age is 28 and loving girl age is 18 since two years ago. Before started the relationship i spoken to her mother she agree for marriage. Now I am asking for engagement because two years happened and her mother discussed with her brother. But brother is not agree. Girls is saying you should wait after some time he will agree. Note girls father is ded. As I mentioned my age 28 family is forcing me for marriage but girls family not agree. Girls is agree but she wants to wait again for next two years without any confirmation. What should I do. Should I wait her or can I move forward
Ans: There are a few things to consider in this situation.

First, it is important to remember that you are both adults. You are free to make your own decisions about your relationship. However, it is also important to be respectful of your families' wishes.

Second, it is important to be realistic about your expectations. It is possible that the girl's brother will never agree to your marriage. If you are not willing to wait indefinitely, then you may need to move on.

Third, it is important to communicate with your girlfriend. She needs to understand your feelings and your concerns. If she is not willing to compromise, then you may need to reconsider your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to wait for your girlfriend is up to you. However, I would encourage you to consider the following points:

Why are you in a hurry to get married?
There is no need to rush into marriage. You are both still young and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

Are you sure that your girlfriend is the right person for you?
You have only been dating for two years. It is important to make sure that you are both compatible and that you have similar goals for the future.

Are you willing to wait indefinitely for your girlfriend's brother to agree to your marriage?If you are not willing to wait, then you may need to move on.

If you do decide to wait for your girlfriend, I would recommend that you set a deadline. This will give you something to work towards and will help you to stay motivated. It is also important to communicate your deadline to your girlfriend so that she knows what to expect.

There are many other girls out there. If you are not willing to wait for your girlfriend, then you can easily find someone else. However, it is important to remember that finding the right person takes time. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and find someone who is right for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Latest Questions
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Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 30 years old not married & now my parents are forcing me to get married. I think i am good looking guy. It's not like i have never been with girls. I have had brief flings with multiple girls. And there was one girl whom i was in a platonic relationship with with lot of emotional sharing & have spent a lot of time with her. The same goes with another girl. Both of them have told me that i have been pretty cool & girls would like me to be their bf or husband. But i am not able to accept anyone because of the guilt that of my past that i never had a relationship. Never been able to tell anyone that i had a gf. I know this is wrong to compare my life but i can't stop thinking that way. Can you tell me what to do? Like a contsant regret of not having a very steamy cool fancy relationship from outside. I know relationships have it's own ups & downs. But this guilt is killing me that i missed out lot of things in life & if get married in an arranged marriage i would feel myself to be a looser who couldn't even find a girl on his own. Though i know all of these comparisons are wrong & i should be rational. I am not able to help it. Please help me out
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. More people than you could imagine go through this same phase. But as you mentioned, these are just thoughts; there is no truth to them. Not having a relationship does not make you uncool. It merely means that you did not meet your perfect match yet. I understand that you feel like you have missed out on something and that feeling is valid. It might not be reasonable, but it's very natural to think this way. I can suggest one thing- why don't you try a dating or matchmaking app to find your own partner? That way, you will be keeping your parents' wishes and won't let yourself down either. It will also give you more control over choosing your life partner.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

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Hi, I got married to my ex gf in an arranged setup. I had a 7 year of relationship with her before breakup. My career switch try from private to govt job was the reason. When I failed I returned back to corporate. 3 years after the breakup her father who is a good friend of my father sent proposal which led to our marriage. No one knew that we dated. We never had a word between the acceptance and marriage. None of us initiated the conversation. When she came after marriage her behavior towards me in private is totally strange. We never had an emotional conversation. Neither we discuss romance nor intimacy. In private we hardly have any intellect discussions which was an eternal part before our breakup. But when she is in public she behaves like she cares for me a lot. She is a darling of everyone in the house whether my parents or siblings. Most of the time she remains with my mother and she has good bond. In front of her she cares for me a lot. She had this double faced attitude from the first day. Our intimacy is limited to my ask she could agree or disagree but she never initiated it. She was pretty passionate before our breakup which I never saw after our marriage. I tried everything but nothing has happened she never opened up. She disconnected with almost all our mutual friends after marriage. Whenever I tried through some of her friends she says to them I overthink a lot. Marriages and relationships differs. All useless and weird reasons. Everyone blames my teenage short temper issue. Which I have completely overcame when I started working. After marriage we had a boy. She says no for a next child for which I am fine. But the problem is now my child is growing and she has started understanding her hypocrisy. Now she blames me for teaching him wrong things. We hardly had fights as she walks out or I won't say word usually after she didn't answer for anything. I am unable to see the light in this relationship. She had 3 relationships in between but I never had one which I never discussed. Now I hardly ask for anything. Day by day we are becoming only room partners or fake couples in public. Everyone sees her as an ideal daughter in law or wife due to her public hypocrisy. Please guide.
Ans: Dear Salman,
I understand that marital issues take a huge toll on people. Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. I strongly suggest you seek professional help- you can either opt for personal counseling sessions to manage the distress caused by your partner's indifference, or the best approach is to convince your wife to go for marriage counseling with you. It would be good to get to the root of the matter; why is she behaving a certain way, where is this coming from, are there unresolved issues from when you dated? These questions will finally get an answer and you can work on them together. If she does not agree to go, tell her to do it for your child. No child should have to see their parents unhappy with each other.

Hope this helps.

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I want to give NEET exam but my 12th in Maharashtra Board marks are less than 150 in PCB (general), so I am not eligible. can I give retest of 12th to get better marks so that I can give NEET.
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For pharm D: Minimum qualification for admission to. – a) Pharm.D. Part-I Course – A pass in any of the following examinations - (1) 10+2 examination with Physics and Chemistry as compulsory subjects along with one of the following subjects: Mathematics or Biology. (2) A pass in D.Pharm course from an institution approved by the Pharmacy Council of India under section 12 of the Pharmacy Act. (3) Any other qualification approved by the Pharmacy Council of India as equivalent to any of the above examinations. Provided that a student should complete the age of 17 years on or before 31st December of the year of admission to the course.

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