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Arranged Marriage: She's Distant, Am I Overthinking?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1759 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 28 years old, about to get engaged in couple of months. It's an arranged marriage. Before that I met with the girl. At our first meeting, she was little shy and hesitant at first but still we were able to have a good conversation. However after that, as usual parents wanted an answer and without beating around the bush, we agreed. Now we talk sometimes but mostly chat regularly but it always feels like I am the one who is putting more efforts like starting the conversation, giving gifts, cracking jokes.. sometimes it feels like an interview round like me just asking questions and she is just answering. Our chat does not last more than 5min. I just can't understand why is this happening. I am pretty confident talking to people but I can't find out why this is so awkward. Am I overthinking or is this normal?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You put too much effort only when you expect a certain outcome. Why don't you just enjoy getting to know her gradually rather than thinking what you have to gift her? Is it not possible to take it slow and see what comes out of it. Maybe she is rather shy and likes to take things slow?
And what's the point timing things like chats? It will always seem like it's less or not enough. What should be enough is that you and she like one another and start this journey together by accepting one another and not focus on what's not happening. If you are still in doubt, maybe what might help is doing things that she likes but together. You are putting effort in a manner that you know BUT is that the manner that she understands and responds to?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |693 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 28, will be engaged in 3-4 months. It's an arranged marriage. I have met the girl one time, that too she was accompanied with her parents as her family is very conservative. We spoke privately for about half an hour. I know it's still not enough but I was able to have a good conversation. She was nervous at first but I made her feel comfortable and it was then time well spent. She is a sweet girl, even my maa papa like this girl but on the other hand, I am also getting worried as the days are coming near. Sometimes I feel like postponing the event. Is this normal? I also fear of things that happens in nowadays like getting divorce, extra marital affairs, alimony etc. What if she finds a better partner after marriage? Will she leave me? Due to this I cannot have proper sleep recently. Any suggestions to calm my nerves?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Many people get cold feet before getting married. It is very normal. All your questions are valid but you need to understand that in every relationship, it all comes down to trust. Whether you marry this woman or someone else, you have to trust her. And no one can really tell what the future holds. So we focus on the present and hope for the best.

I suggest speaking to your would-be partner a little more in the meantime. Getting to know her will put these doubts to rest. I'm sure she is equally concerned about what kind of person you are. Moreover, it is always a good idea to get to know each other better before committing for a lifetime. And, in case, you still think you need to postpone the event, do not shy away from doing so. It is better to take some time and make the right decision than to make a wrong decision in a hurry.

Hope this helps.
Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 28 years old, about to get engaged in couple of months. It's an arranged marriage. Before that I met with the girl. At our first meeting, she was little shy and hesitant at first but still we were able to have a good conversation. However after that, as usual parents wanted an answer and without beating around the bush, we agreed. We went out once for lunch once and it was good. We got to know each other a little. But after that it's mostly chats. It's like I always start the conversation and end it. She may want to take things little slow which I respect. I am an introvert person, but at least I try to have a conversation. But even the chats feels like an interview round, she doesn't even ping me or calls me. Even I asked her if she has a boyfriend or is she happy with the marriage which she responded positively. That was a sigh of relief. Last we talked was on Valentine's day where we exchanged gifts and had some chats. But after that no more talks till now. For a month I stopped texting her as it always seems I am always eager to talk and also to check whether she will revert back, but not once in a month she called or texted me. Isn't she a little bit curious to know me? Now I feel tired to always ping her and asks her about her daily life. Maybe it seems like I am putting a lot of effort or maybe I am overthinking, but I just want to assure myself that I am taking the right decision. Sometimes I even feel if this marriage will work out or not. It's like I am taking a huge gamble on my life and letting destiny decide my faith.
Ans: A relationship, even in its early stages, should not feel like a duty. While some people do take time to open up, a complete lack of initiation from her side raises important concerns. Communication is not just about words; it’s also about effort, interest, and a willingness to connect. If she truly wanted to get to know you, even at a slow pace, there would be at least some level of curiosity or effort from her side.

It’s good that you gave space to see if she would reach out, but her silence for an entire month speaks volumes. This is not about overthinking—it’s about acknowledging your feelings and recognizing whether the emotional energy you are investing is being reciprocated. If she is this distant now, it’s fair to wonder whether this pattern will continue after marriage.

Rather than silently carrying these doubts, it would be best to have an open conversation with her. Express your feelings calmly and ask her directly about her thoughts on the relationship. It’s important to know whether she is truly interested or just going along with the marriage out of obligation. Clarity now can save you from deeper emotional struggles later.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and both partners should walk into it with confidence, not just because it was arranged or expected. If her response still feels indifferent or passive, you have every right to reconsider. This is your life, and you deserve a partner who values building a connection as much as you do.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |693 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 08, 2025

Relationship
Hello Gurus, i am M 30 I called a girl in an AM setup. Parents are involved and they talk to each other as well. After 2-3 months of continuous talking to her over phn i am convince their family is good and even she is a very good person. So we decided to meet her in person and also parents are meeting. Even though everything seems to be positive i want to check with you since its my first meeting in person is there any advice or suggestion that can help me navigate myself ? What things are imp to discuss even though we have discuss things over phn like emotional intelligence, kids, where to live etc. Your advice would be helpful for sure.
Ans: Dear Shan,
That’s a really good question. Before going to her place, try to build a mindset of understanding her, without any preconceived notion or pressure to get married. In terms of discussion, to understand emotional compatibility you can observe her behaviour- how she deals with stress, or how she might deal with conflict. Discuss daily life expectations, like what you like to do on weekends, do you enjoy occasional drinking or partying, do you enjoy spending time with friends, family gatherings, disciplined lifestyle, etc. Discuss about each other’s work life balance, expectations from in-laws and any non-negotiables. You should also discuss kids- if they want them, if you want them, and also when. Get clarity on expected living arrangements to avoid any future conflicts. These should be more than enough for a first-time meeting.
Hope these help

..Read more

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Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |241 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2026

Money
Hi, I am 55 years of age, an NRI working in Dubai and my company has a medical insurance policy that covers all medical expenses for me and my wife all over the world. In 5 years time, upon retirement, I will relocate back to India. Will I be able to take a medical insurance policy for myself and my wife at the age of 60 years ? If I take a medical insurance policy now, would it help in reducing the insurance premium ? Kindly advice.
Ans: Hi Girish

You are 55, working in Dubai, and currently covered under your company’s medical insurance worldwide. That cover is excellent, but please remember one important thing: it ends the day your employment ends. Health insurance planning has to look beyond employment.

Can you take a health insurance policy in India at age 60?
Yes, you can. Most insurers in India do allow entry at 60 years and even later.
However, at that age:

Premiums are significantly higher

Medical tests and scrutiny are much stricter

Any lifestyle condition or past medical history can lead to waiting periods, exclusions, or higher premiums

So while it is possible, it is not ideal to start fresh at 60.

Will taking a policy now help reduce premium later?
The bigger benefit is not just premium, but certainty and continuity.

If you take a policy now at 55:

You enter at a lower age slab

Mandatory waiting periods (usually 2–4 years) get completed well before retirement

By the time you are 60, the policy becomes mature and far more useful

Underwriting happens when you are younger and healthier

Premiums will still rise with age, but you avoid the sharp jump and uncertainty of entering as a new senior citizen.

But since you already have full medical cover, is this necessary?
Think of this Indian policy as a retirement safety net, not a replacement for your employer cover.

You do not need to actively use it now.
You just need it to run in the background, so that when you return to India, you are not forced to buy insurance at the worst possible time.

Many NRIs make the mistake of postponing this decision and then struggle at 60 when options become limited.

What kind of policy should you consider?
Keep it straightforward:

A family floater for you and your wife

Decent coverage, not the bare minimum

Focus on hospitalisation benefits

Buy it with the intention of continuing it for life

Avoid over engineering the policy. Simplicity works best in health insurance.

Final advice
Health insurance is one area where early action quietly pays off later.
You may never thank yourself at 60 for buying a policy at 55, but you will definitely regret not doing it if a medical issue arises.

Most obvious question how can I take the family floater insurance most insurance will issue when you are visiting India

Few insurance will issue incase your are not able to visit Indian the cost of medical test in your abroad hospital or clinic will cost you heavy on pockets

Naveenn Kummar
Chief Financial Planner | AMFI Registered MFD
https://members.networkfp.com/member/naveenkumarreddy-vadula-chennai

...Read more

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Komal Jethmalani  |445 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2025Hindi
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I recently entered menopause, and I’ve noticed my weight going up no matter what I eat or how careful I try to be. Earlier, if I skipped sweets for a week or reduced portions, I could see a small difference, but now it feels like nothing works. My metabolism seems to have completely slowed down, and I also experience sudden mood swings, bloating, and fatigue. It’s quite frustrating because I’m eating mostly home food — chapati, sabzi, dal, very little oil — and I even try to go for walks regularly. Still, my clothes have become tighter and I feel more irritable than before. Some friends say it’s just hormonal and can’t be helped, while others suggest cutting carbs or going on a high-protein diet. But I’m not sure what’s safe or sustainable at this stage. Is there a specific kind of diet that can help women during menopause manage their weight, energy levels, and mood swings without feeling constantly hungry or deprived?
Ans: During menopause, weight gain and fatigue are common due to hormonal changes and a slower metabolism, but the right diet can help. A balanced approach is beneficial, such as a Mediterranean-style diet or a modified high-protein plan that emphasizes whole grains, lean protein, healthy fats, and plenty of vegetables. This supports weight management, stabilizes mood, and boosts energy without leaving you hungry. Pairing this with strength training, good sleep, and stress management can help you manage weight, energy, and mood swings sustainably.

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