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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hey love Gurus I am 24 year old male. Well educated and decent looking. But i have never had a girlfriend not had i ever kissed a girl. I have also never bothered much on this until my 20 year of age. But now for past year or 2 it has started haunting me a bit because I am scared of what would happen when i get married. I don't have any sort of experience and this scares me. I know it's too early to think of marriage but still I feel low when this topic comes to my mind. Please guide me. I really need a good advice Is it that I am thinking too much?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's totally normal to feel anxious about the future and any relationship to come your way in the future. Here are some advice-

• Be kind to yourself. You are not alone in this. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Some start dating early, some start late. Some have more experience than others. But everyone has to face firsts. While it is natural to feel anxious, with the right partner and at the right timeline, things often tend to work out better than we imagine.
• Focus on building confidence. You are more than your dating experience. Pursue a hobby, socialize, work on developing new skills, work to improve your body and mind. Everything in turn will increase your confidence level.
• Educate yourself. You can read books on anxiety or if you have a clear idea of what about a relationship or what about marriage is making you conscious, you can educate yourself on that part. What is known to us, rarely makes us feel anxious. We mostly fear the unknown.
• For your future first relationship- take it slow. Communicate. What you are comfortable with, what you aren't, communicate everything.
• If your anxiety is interfering with your day-to-day activity, I recommend seeing a professional. It's still early and nipped in the bud, this anxiety will lead to nothing serious. But if you let it take root, it might be more difficult to manage.

Understand that it is okay where you are. Also, as you mentioned, you are too young to worry about it. But since you are already worrying, I am glad that you seeked help.

Best Wishes.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i am 32 year old guy still virgin ..marraige isgeeting delayed ,few years back i had friend who is helping me ( Only Oral ) but now she is no more with me , iam kind of feeling depressed for not getting married tell me what to do ?
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge and understand your feelings. Feeling down about your current situation and the delayed path to marriage is natural. These emotions are valid, and recognizing them is the first step towards addressing them. It's okay to feel disappointed or anxious, and it’s essential to approach these feelings with compassion for yourself.

Take some time to reflect on your expectations around marriage and intimacy. Often, societal pressures set specific timelines and standards that don’t align with everyone’s unique journey. Consider whether the pressure you're feeling is coming from external sources or your own expectations. Understanding this can help you set more personalized and realistic goals that align with your true desires.

Focusing on personal growth and self-care can be incredibly rewarding during this period. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, building new skills, and nurturing your mental and physical health can boost your confidence and overall well-being. This personal development often attracts new opportunities, including potential relationships, by making you feel more fulfilled and self-assured.

Expanding your social circles is another step that can open up new possibilities. Consider joining clubs, attending social events, or participating in online communities that match your interests. These activities can help you connect with like-minded individuals and build meaningful relationships, which could potentially lead to finding a partner.

Seeking professional support can provide valuable guidance and perspective. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you navigate your feelings of depression, explore underlying issues, and develop strategies to manage your emotions and expectations. Therapy can also help you build confidence and improve your approach to relationships, making you feel more equipped to handle the dating world.

Reflect on how you’re approaching dating and relationships. If marriage is a priority for you, it’s worth considering how you're searching for a partner. Are you clear about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a relationship? You might find it helpful to adjust your approach, whether it’s trying different dating platforms, being more open to meeting people through friends, or exploring matchmaking services.

It’s also important to be patient and open to different possibilities. Relationships often develop when you least expect them, and being patient with the process can alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling. Trust that your journey to finding a partner is unique and unfolding at its own pace, even if it doesn't follow the timeline you had envisioned.

Embrace your past experiences, including those with your friend. They are part of your personal story and contribute to who you are today. These experiences don’t define your future relationships or your worth. Instead, view them as learning opportunities that have helped shape you and prepare you for future connections.

Remember that your value and happiness are not solely tied to being in a relationship or getting married. Focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself, and be open to the relationships that come along the way. Your path to finding a partner is unique, and it’s important to remain hopeful and proactive in creating the life you desire.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Moneywize

Moneywize   |165 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m from Pune. I’m 48 with two children. Should I invest in ELSS funds to save tax, or should I focus on traditional instruments like PPF and fixed deposits?
Ans: Deciding between Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and traditional investment instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Fixed Deposits (FDs) depends on various factors, including your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment horizon, and tax-saving needs. Here's a comprehensive comparison to help you make an informed decision:

1. Understanding the Investment Options

a. ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Schemes)

• Nature: Equity Mutual Funds with a tax-saving component.
• Lock-In Period: 3 years (shortest among tax-saving instruments under Section 80C).
• Returns: Potentially higher returns as they are invested in equities, but subject to market volatility.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum are eligible for deduction under Section 80C.
• Liquidity: Relatively higher liquidity post the lock-in period compared to other tax-saving instruments.

b. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

• Nature: Government-backed long-term savings scheme.
• Lock-In Period: 15 years.
• Returns: Moderate and tax-free returns, revised periodically by the government (typically around 7-8% p.a.).
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum qualify for deduction under Section 80C. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free.
• Safety: Very low risk as it's backed by the government.

c. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

• Nature: Fixed-term investment with banks or post offices.
• Lock-In Period: Varies; typically no lock-in for regular FDs, but tax-saving FDs have a 5-year lock-in.
• Returns: Fixed interest rates, generally lower than ELSS but higher than savings accounts. Current rates vary but are around 5-7% p.a. for tax-saving FDs.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh in tax-saving FDs qualify for deduction under Section 80C.
• Safety: Low risk, especially with reputable banks.

2. Factors to Consider

a. Risk Appetite

• ELSS: Suitable if you are willing to take on market-related risks for potentially higher returns.
• PPF & FDs: Ideal for conservative investors seeking capital protection and guaranteed returns.

b. Investment Horizon

• ELSS: 3-year lock-in period, but generally better for medium to long-term goals.
• PPF: 15-year commitment, suitable for long-term goals like retirement or children's education.
• FDs: Flexible, but tax-saving FDs require a 5-year lock-in, suitable for medium-term goals.

c. Returns

• ELSS: Historically, ELSS funds have outperformed PPF and FDs over the long term, but with higher volatility.
• PPF: Offers stable and tax-free returns, which are beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.
• FDs: Provide guaranteed returns, useful for capital preservation but may lag behind inflation and equity returns over time.

d. Tax Efficiency

• ELSS: Returns are subject to capital gains tax. Short-term (if held for less than 3 years) gains are taxed as per your income slab, while long-term gains (exceeding ?1 lakh) are taxed at 10%.
• PPF: Completely tax-free returns.
• FDs: Interest earned is taxable as per your income slab, which can reduce the effective returns.

3. Recommendations Based on Your Profile

Given that you are 48 years old with two children, your investment strategy should balance between growth and safety, considering your proximity to retirement and financial responsibilities.

a. Diversified Approach

A balanced portfolio that includes both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs can help mitigate risks while aiming for reasonable growth.

• ELSS: Allocate a portion (e.g., 30-40%) to ELSS to benefit from potential equity growth, which can help in wealth accumulation for retirement or funding children's education.
• PPF: Continue contributing to PPF for long-term, stable, and tax-free returns. Given its 15-year tenure, it aligns well with retirement planning.
• FDs: Use FDs for short to medium-term goals or as a part of your emergency fund, ensuring liquidity and capital preservation.

b. Consider Your Tax Bracket

If you are in a higher tax bracket, maximizing tax-saving instruments under Section 80C can provide significant tax relief. ELSS, PPF, and tax-saving FDs all qualify, so diversifying among them can spread risk and optimize tax benefits.

c. Assess Liquidity Needs

Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for unforeseen expenses. While ELSS has a shorter lock-in compared to PPF, both still tie up funds for a few years. Maintain a separate emergency fund in a more liquid form, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

d. Review Your Risk Tolerance

At 48, with retirement possibly 10-20 years away, a moderate risk appetite might be suitable. ELSS can offer growth potential, while PPF and FDs provide stability.

4. Additional Considerations

• Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a highly liquid form.
• Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are crucial, especially with dependents.
• Debt Management: If you have any high-interest debt, prioritize paying it off before locking funds in fixed instruments.

5. Consult a Financial Advisor

While the above guidelines provide a general framework, it's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or advisor. They can offer personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Finally, both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs have their unique advantages. A diversified investment strategy that leverages the strengths of each can help you achieve a balanced portfolio, ensuring both growth and security. Given your age and family responsibilities, striking the right balance between risk and safety is essential for long-term financial well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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