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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 23, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
Relationship

I'm 40 years old and my husband is 50 years old. We have been married for 12 years now. We have a son who is 8 years old. My husband has always been a workaholic, which I have known from the beginning and have accepted it. He is a doting father to my son. But for the past year, he seems to have changed a lot. He still continues to be a doting father, his behaviour with me has changed a lot. We hardly talk, except regarding matters related to our son. I have confronted him on this and he says he is very busy with work. He says nothing is bothering him. But it feels like that is not true. It feels like he is angry with me but denies it. I feel ignored and like he is avoiding me. How do I resolve this?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, firstly, you were okay with something that you were not okay to start with (him focusing on work mostly) and that has set a stage for your relationship that you are and will be okay with it and he will continue to be that way without addressing his role as a husband.
Now, what is the reason for the change in his behavior, you can just keep guessing by playing games in your mind. The only way to resolve this is: to actually learn how to communicate with each other as adults, as husband and wife. The two of you have never bothered with it, yeah? Then now bother yourself by learning this new skill. Talk, communicate, listen and then take on the role of a wife in the marriage. Do the things that you would have wanted to, small expectations, those little arguments...even these can be communication letting the man know that as a wife you care and you do want your man to fulfill little things for you.
He then will start to feel useful in the marriage which is a big thing for men and once he feels that is being valued, he will tear down his wall and show up as a man and as a husband and not just a father.
So, a lot of work from your end as well for him to reciprocate and then it's a constant momentum from thereon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, iam 30 yrs old and have been married for 7 years. My husband is 34 years old, I have a 4 year old daughter. My husband is an army man. My daughter was born during covid so for almost 1 year me and my husband were in long distance. After that my husband took both of us along with him. We used to be happy together but at times whenever I used to show little irritation or talk about something he used to get impatient and frustrated. Even our intimate moments got reduced. I tried to talk even about it but his male ego never accepted my confrontation. Now again we had to stay away due to his work-life. I too started working. I felt maybe because of work stress he was like that. And when I'll also start working I'll understand his problem. But though my work is stressful and I try to take out time to talk to him romantically. But he feels so distant. Whenever I try to ask him, he gives me reason of work, weather, what not. I know he cannot cheat on me as he calls just me whenever he gets time. I'm not concerned that he doesn't love me but what's wrong with out intimate moments. Why is not interested. Atleast he can talk to me about his issue instead of just shouting or blaming me for being too desperate. I feel so hurt and distant. In angry moments i get this thought of going away from him.. finding solace in someone. But i just try to wane that thought away. Please help me..
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the struggles in your marriage. The stress of your husband's military career, long periods of separation, and raising a child during the pandemic have taken a toll on your relationship. Your husband's impatience and frustration might be his way of dealing with stress, which affects your intimacy and communication.

Try to approach conversations with empathy and express your feelings calmly, focusing on how you feel rather than what he's doing wrong. Small gestures of affection and quality time can help rebuild your connection. Couples therapy could also be beneficial, providing a safe space to work through issues together.

Take care of your own well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and maintaining support from friends and family. This self-care will give you the strength to address the challenges in your relationship.

Your feelings are valid, and seeking help shows your commitment to your marriage. With patience and professional support, there's hope for rekindling the intimacy and closeness you desire.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Mam, I'm 36 yrs. old my husband is 46 now we have 2 sons. Before marriage my husband was in love with another girl. under pressure of parents that girl married to someone else and left city. later few months we got married. For few days of marriage everything was good he used to treat me nice and use to take out for shopping outing etc. i got pregnant he same year during my pregnancy he had to go to abroad for office work for 8 months, so gap came between us. he completely changed he minimized talking, chatting with family. we ignored may be due to work pressure he became like that. later i came to know he is interested in meeting new ppl especially ladies going with them for lunch dinner n all. after few years he met ex-girlfriend without our knowledge stayed with her few days. so, years passed he ignored us and always scolding getting angry with little things he started maintain distance with us. after 8 yrs. again i got pregnant. He used to go for site visits to other places he stayed back at hotels going with other Females spending time with them. through Facebook he made lot of friends always doing videocalls and chatting with them. everything i knew but i confronted him he uses to scold and flies from the spot saying if u want to stay, stay or else get lost. because of kids i had to stay. now he is renting a house in a same city where we live, (agreement was in his laptop bag) and we don't know what is going on? he never shares and opens anything with us. I asked him many times if u don't want to live with me divorce. He never liked me in this marriage he is always treating me anger. I feel loneliness in my life. Need help what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It must surely be shocking BUT over the years I am sure you would have felt it all slipping away...
He's just in the marriage with no great emotional connect with you; I don't know how he's with the children.
Knowing that over the years, he has not any great attempt to work on the marriage and bond with his family, do you feel that he is going to do that in the future?
Rather than 'BEG' for his time and attention, what if you started to focus on yourself and your children and start afresh? He's anyway living elsewhere...can you take this opportunity and actually figure out what you want from life, from your marriage?
Are you willing to be unsettled like the way you are now even 10 years from now?
A few answers will hit you hard; BUT don't waste anymore time waiting and watching for someone to accept you. It maybe an endless wait-game.
Of course, you do have an option of asking an elder member of the family to step in and intervene and hope that he will have a change of heart. But, be prepared to take a strong stance where required. He's doing this even more as he realizes that you are weak and won't object and 'anything goes' with you.
NO, it doesn't, right? Then buck up and speak for yourself. Whatever it is, come from a place of strength. Try the route of familial intervention first and then a lot will be clear as the way forward for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Money
Hello sir. I have invested Rs.1.00 lac in SBI Magnum Children's Benefit Fund- Investment Plan- Direct Plan - Growth. Actually I was planning to invest this amount in gold. However, after an intense inquiry and research from the Internet I decided to invest in SbI plan. Please let me know whether I did the best thing not opting for gold investment and investing in SBI Plan.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on taking the time to research and make an informed investment decision. That’s always the first step toward wealth creation. You’ve taken a thoughtful approach, and that is something to truly appreciate.

Let’s now evaluate your decision with a 360-degree view.

Why Choosing Mutual Funds Over Gold Can Be a Wise Decision

Gold is often used for preserving wealth, not creating it.

Over the long term, gold gives moderate returns.

Gold does not produce income or dividends.

It only grows based on price appreciation.

Mutual funds, especially equity-based ones, are better wealth creators.

They compound your money with professional fund management.

Equity funds outperform gold over long durations like 10–15 years.

Mutual funds are more aligned with long-term goals like child’s education or marriage.

Equity funds, though volatile in the short term, deliver better inflation-beating returns.

So yes, not choosing gold and opting for a fund is a better long-term move.

About SBI Magnum Children’s Benefit Fund – Investment Plan

This fund is not a typical diversified equity fund.

It is a hybrid fund meant for child-centric goals.

It has exposure to equity and debt.

Its goal is to provide long-term capital appreciation with some safety.

It’s structured with a lock-in for a few years.

This prevents premature withdrawal and keeps investments stable.

Suitable if your time horizon is long (8 to 10 years or more).

Also ideal if this money is for your child’s future education or marriage.

What This Fund Does Well

Offers equity upside with controlled risk.

Invests in equity (for growth) and debt (for safety).

Encourages long-term goal-based investing.

Limits withdrawal temptation with lock-in.

What You Should Be Aware Of

It may not perform as strongly as aggressive equity funds.

Returns may be moderate compared to pure equity funds.

Fund performance can vary depending on fund manager's strategy.

Lock-in means you can’t redeem early if needed.

Did You Make the Right Choice?

Yes, considering:

You had Rs 1 lakh and considered gold.

You switched to a goal-based mutual fund for children.

You moved from wealth preservation to wealth creation.

That’s a good decision for long-term financial planning.

You are now in a product with better potential and strategy.

Few Suggestions Going Forward

Don’t stop at just one-time investment.

Plan a monthly SIP if the goal is 5 years or more away.

Align it with a long-term goal like education or marriage.

Don’t redeem mid-way due to market dips.

Review this fund every year.

Check if it continues to match your goal and risk appetite.

Better Than Gold – Here’s Why

Gold gives no compounding; mutual funds do.

Gold is volatile during uncertain times.

It has storage issues and taxation headaches in physical form.

Mutual funds are digitally held and easy to manage.

Long-term gains in equity mutual funds are tax efficient.

For child goals, equity funds offer the best mix of returns and growth.

Final Insights

You’ve made a smart choice by avoiding gold and choosing a goal-based mutual fund.

Gold is emotional and traditional. Mutual funds are logical and long-term focused.

For children’s goals, equity-based hybrid funds are more aligned.

Just make sure you review it once every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

If you’re serious about this goal, continue investing more in small steps.

SIP is the best tool for building big wealth slowly and safely.

This one-time investment is a good start. But do plan further contributions.

Your money now has a higher chance of growing meaningfully.

And most importantly, it’s aligned with a real life goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Money
Sir, I am 45 years old and want to invest in equity mutual funds. I have time horizon of 10 years . Can you suggest me some good funds in large cap category, IT sector theme fund, 1 or 2 small/midcap funds or any other fund you think would be good for long term. I want to start SIP of Rs 40000/- across 4 mutual funds.
Ans: Your intent to invest Rs 40,000 per month in equity mutual funds for 10 years is a strong move.

Your fund choices across large-cap, IT sector, and mid/small-cap categories are sensible.

Let’s look at how to structure this investment efficiently.

Investment Objective Assessment

You have a long-term vision.

Ten years is a healthy horizon for equity.

SIP is the right approach.

Rs 40,000 monthly is a good contribution.

Your Ideal Asset Allocation Strategy

Diversify across categories.

Blend large-cap, sectoral, and mid/small-cap funds.

Avoid putting too much in one theme.

This lowers risk and boosts consistency.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds invest in stable, top companies.

Ideal for long-term wealth growth.

Less volatile than mid/small-cap funds.

Good for capital preservation with growth.

IT Sector Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

IT sector can give high returns.

But it’s highly cyclical and sector-dependent.

Limit allocation to protect from volatility.

Use as a return booster, not a core.

Mid and Small-Cap Funds (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds carry high growth potential.

But they are more volatile and risky.

Suitable for your long-term horizon.

Split the allocation between mid and small caps.

Keep an eye on market trends regularly.

Flexi Cap or Multi Cap Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

This gives you market-wide exposure.

Fund manager picks across market segments.

Offers balance and flexibility in returns.

Helps when market cycles shift.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds for Long-Term SIPs

Direct funds miss advisor insights.

You might make emotional, untimely exits.

They lack personalisation and professional guidance.

Regular plans via a CFP-MFD give strategy support.

Expert monitoring helps long-term discipline.

Stay Away from Index Funds

Index funds don’t beat the market.

They lack fund manager expertise.

No downside protection in falling markets.

Actively managed funds aim to outperform indices.

They adapt during market changes.

Review Your Plan Regularly

Review performance every year.

Rebalance based on life changes.

Switch underperforming funds if needed.

A Certified Financial Planner will guide you.

Monitoring is as important as starting.

Taxation Aspects You Must Know

Equity mutual funds have two tax rules.

Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh: taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains: taxed at 20%.

Holding for 10 years is tax efficient.

Stay invested to maximise post-tax returns.

Emergency Fund Planning Before SIPs

Keep at least 6 months of expenses saved.

Don’t invest this in mutual funds.

Use liquid funds or bank deposits.

This protects your SIPs during emergencies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan Later

After 10 years, use SWP for income.

It gives tax-efficient regular withdrawals.

Avoid lump sum exits.

Plan withdrawal strategy 1-2 years before maturity.

Should You Include Sectoral Funds Beyond IT?

Sectoral funds are risky.

Don’t add too many of them.

You already plan IT sector exposure.

Focus more on diversified equity.

This improves overall stability.

Insurance and Health Coverage Are Essential

Review your term plan now.

Make sure it covers all your liabilities.

Have health cover for your family.

Don’t rely only on employer policy.

Your SIP Distribution Suggestion (Rs 40,000)

Large Cap Fund: Rs 14,000

IT Sector Fund: Rs 6,000

Mid Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Small Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Flexi or Multi Cap Fund: Rs 6,000

Strategy to Add More SIPs Yearly

Increase SIP by 10% annually.

This boosts compounding significantly.

You’ll reach bigger goals faster.

Link SIP increase to your salary hike.

Final Insights

Your investment plan is smart and timely.

Your SIP amount and time horizon are ideal.

Diversify smartly across fund types.

Avoid direct plans; take regular funds via CFP.

Stay away from index funds and too many sector bets.

Review your plan yearly with your Certified Financial Planner.

Tax efficiency and goal focus are key to success.

Your long-term wealth is built step by step.

A clear path and steady discipline will help you achieve it.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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