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Archana

Archana Deshpande  | Answer  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 14, 2025

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2025
Career

I am 32 and I have been working really hard to build my career. I love what I do, and I've invested a lot of time and energy to grow in my role. But somehow, at work, especially during informal conversations, people often ask me questions like, 'When are you planning to settle down?' or 'Any baby plans on the horizon?' or even worse, 'You should start thinking about family before it's too late.' Sometimes these are casual remarks during lunch breaks, after meetings when the tone turns casual. Surprisingly, it's not always from older colleagues. Even people my age do it. It's personally frustrating because the underlying message seems to be: Your career is fine for now, but surely you will slow down or quit once you get married or have kids, right? It feels like no matter how well I perform or how passionate I am about my work, there's always this unspoken assumption that it's all temporary. I don't want to snap or sound defensive because that often backfires. At the same time, I also don't want to smile politely and let these questions continue. I want to protect my boundaries while still being professional and graceful.

Ans: Hi!!

To be in a position where you are today and say, ' I love what I do', is simply stupendous, congratulations!

In the context of you being 32 and still unmarried will definitely get you the comments that you are receiving... and like you said they are happening informally casually... so just treat them that way, casually... answer them, don't avoid them or don't show annoyance. Just answer them with a ,"not happening anytime soon, ask me after 02 years", or any other casual remark you deem fit.

I can understand the frustration...forget about what other people are trying to imply etc , they are just casual remarks and take them that way.
"I don't want to snap or sound defensive because that often backfires", this is your remark I am requoting, don't give too much importance to it, if you are sure of what you want in life, you don't have to explain anything to others, it is none of their business any way, just shrug your shoulders and move on! You can't change people...
Also I would like to state, that it is ok to take a break when you marry or have a child after marriage... it is so normal, and thankfully you are in an era where these are recognized as important milestones in life and a women after a break is welcomed back with open arms by the same organizations. With your kind of credentials I don't think you'll ever have any problem getting back to work after a break.

Wishing that you make peace with yourself and the world around you...work is just one part of life. Take care of yourself and all the very best!!
Career

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Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  | Answer  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Mar 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2024Hindi
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Career
Ashwini, does a woman's career end at 40? I am 39, working in a private bank and facing some politics at the workplace. I have heard casual remarks from younger colleagues who feel that women should retire by 40 because they are unable to handle pressure and work deadlines and begin to have health issues. I don't agree at all. How to deal with this bias?
Ans: Hi Mam,

It's disheartening to see that you are facing gender and age biases at workplace and I feel happy you have realized this is a biased behavior. Few aspects you can look at -

Engage in mentorship programs and professional networking. Connecting with both younger and more experienced professionals can help break down stereotypes and foster a more supportive work environment.

Educate and speak to your higher up’s / Hr to organize workshops, or training sessions that promote diversity and inclusion. Encourage open conversations about age and gender biases and their impact on the workplace.

If you feel comfortable, consider having a private and professional conversation with the colleagues making such remarks. Share your perspective, experiences, and the impact of their comments on a collaborative work environment.

Identify allies within your workplace who share your views on diversity and inclusion. Collaborate with them to address bias collectively and create a more inclusive workplace culture.

Your skills, experience, and contributions are valuable at any age. By actively addressing bias and promoting a more inclusive workplace culture, you contribute not only to your own professional growth but also to the positive transformation of the workplace for others. In my opinion speak about it.

Hope this helps

To Your Success
Thanks and Regards
Ashwini Dasgupta
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello gurus, Please guide me how can i handle a colleague who is constantly making fun on me asking me some irritation questions like you are aged and when will you get married please suggest me how to handle this sometimes even my boss ask me these questions , please guide me how should i respond to this as we are part of same team.
Ans: When dealing with colleagues, and even your boss, who make inappropriate comments or ask personal questions about your age and marital status, it's important to approach the situation with a combination of assertiveness and tact.

First, it's crucial to maintain your composure. Responding calmly and without visible frustration sends a message that you are in control and not easily perturbed by their comments. The goal is to address the behavior without escalating the situation or creating unnecessary tension within your team.

You might begin by addressing the comments directly but politely. For instance, the next time someone makes a remark about your age or asks about your marital status, you could say something like, "I understand that you're curious, but I prefer to keep my personal life private." This sets a clear boundary while remaining respectful.

If the comments persist, it can be helpful to explain why these questions are inappropriate. You might say, "I know these questions are often meant in good humor, but they make me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if we could focus on work-related topics." This approach communicates your feelings clearly and asks for a change in behavior without accusing or blaming.

It's also important to have a plan if the behavior continues. If your direct approach doesn't lead to improvement, consider discussing the issue privately with your boss or a trusted HR representative. Frame the conversation around your need for a respectful and professional work environment. You could say, "I've noticed that personal questions about my age and marital status are becoming frequent, and they make me uncomfortable. Can we find a way to ensure our conversations remain professional?"

Throughout this process, it's vital to remain consistent. Continue to calmly assert your boundaries each time the issue arises. Over time, this consistency will reinforce the message that your personal life is not up for discussion at work.

Remember, you deserve to work in an environment where you feel respected and comfortable. By addressing the issue directly and professionally, you can help create a more positive and respectful atmosphere for yourself and your colleagues.

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