I am 32 and I have been working really hard to build my career. I love what I do, and I've invested a lot of time and energy to grow in my role. But somehow, at work, especially during informal conversations, people often ask me questions like, 'When are you planning to settle down?' or 'Any baby plans on the horizon?' or even worse, 'You should start thinking about family before it's too late.' Sometimes these are casual remarks during lunch breaks, after meetings when the tone turns casual. Surprisingly, it's not always from older colleagues. Even people my age do it. It's personally frustrating because the underlying message seems to be: Your career is fine for now, but surely you will slow down or quit once you get married or have kids, right? It feels like no matter how well I perform or how passionate I am about my work, there's always this unspoken assumption that it's all temporary. I don't want to snap or sound defensive because that often backfires. At the same time, I also don't want to smile politely and let these questions continue. I want to protect my boundaries while still being professional and graceful.

Ans: You have identified the problem correctly. You can either disregard that feeling of being junior and enjoy what you are doing and prove yourself as the best. Other than that you can start something on your own. There are no other options I feel. Regards and best

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The more you indulge in this, the more you are going to indulge in self-pity and this doesn't lead you anywhere other than you feeling sorry for yourself even more. It's an exhausting loop; break the loop and NOW.

Ask yourself:
- Do these people actually say this to me OR am I just imaging it all?
- At 25, do I have the power to establish my identity or am I at the mercy of others?

You know the answers to both and also know that figments of imagination in a negative loop can only be self-destructive. So break this loop...Certain instances/events may have caused you to feel all this BUT this kind of self-talk isn't useful.
Your self-talk is something only you can control; so do just that...Write a set of positive and happy things about yourself.
If you don't value yourself, why should anyone else do it?

All the best!

Ans: Hi Mam,

It's disheartening to see that you are facing gender and age biases at workplace and I feel happy you have realized this is a biased behavior. Few aspects you can look at -

Engage in mentorship programs and professional networking. Connecting with both younger and more experienced professionals can help break down stereotypes and foster a more supportive work environment.

Educate and speak to your higher up’s / Hr to organize workshops, or training sessions that promote diversity and inclusion. Encourage open conversations about age and gender biases and their impact on the workplace.

If you feel comfortable, consider having a private and professional conversation with the colleagues making such remarks. Share your perspective, experiences, and the impact of their comments on a collaborative work environment.

Identify allies within your workplace who share your views on diversity and inclusion. Collaborate with them to address bias collectively and create a more inclusive workplace culture.

Your skills, experience, and contributions are valuable at any age. By actively addressing bias and promoting a more inclusive workplace culture, you contribute not only to your own professional growth but also to the positive transformation of the workplace for others. In my opinion speak about it.

Hope this helps

To Your Success
Thanks and Regards
Ashwini Dasgupta
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a Skill or Attitude?

Ans: When dealing with colleagues, and even your boss, who make inappropriate comments or ask personal questions about your age and marital status, it's important to approach the situation with a combination of assertiveness and tact.

First, it's crucial to maintain your composure. Responding calmly and without visible frustration sends a message that you are in control and not easily perturbed by their comments. The goal is to address the behavior without escalating the situation or creating unnecessary tension within your team.

You might begin by addressing the comments directly but politely. For instance, the next time someone makes a remark about your age or asks about your marital status, you could say something like, "I understand that you're curious, but I prefer to keep my personal life private." This sets a clear boundary while remaining respectful.

If the comments persist, it can be helpful to explain why these questions are inappropriate. You might say, "I know these questions are often meant in good humor, but they make me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if we could focus on work-related topics." This approach communicates your feelings clearly and asks for a change in behavior without accusing or blaming.

It's also important to have a plan if the behavior continues. If your direct approach doesn't lead to improvement, consider discussing the issue privately with your boss or a trusted HR representative. Frame the conversation around your need for a respectful and professional work environment. You could say, "I've noticed that personal questions about my age and marital status are becoming frequent, and they make me uncomfortable. Can we find a way to ensure our conversations remain professional?"

Throughout this process, it's vital to remain consistent. Continue to calmly assert your boundaries each time the issue arises. Over time, this consistency will reinforce the message that your personal life is not up for discussion at work.

Remember, you deserve to work in an environment where you feel respected and comfortable. By addressing the issue directly and professionally, you can help create a more positive and respectful atmosphere for yourself and your colleagues.