My hubby says i should obey him for living happily with him, he will not give divorce and is a responsible father. Im a working woman who is capable of taking decisions without his support financially and emotionally. The big problem is he neither talks to me nor is interested in me but still values marriage and a wife who will be for society. I cannot see any reason to obey him in 21st century, so what should I do?

Ans: Dear Richa,
You are financially independent and any decision you take for your life will be based on that, right?
Who knows what the future hold and one can only be hopeful that all that is done in the present times yield a good result in future.
So, whatever decision you want to take, do that keeping what it is right now...also, have faith in your capability to earn and hold your head high BUT do give your marriage a fair chance considering your son may also get rattled by any harsh decision. Do you not feel that it is time to actually confront your husband. What is he planning on doing? Sitting and waiting for something to happen for him?
He has possibly got into a place where it is comfortable not to work and things happen around him for him and everyone else. So, there really is no need for him to lift a finger. Urge your in-laws to talk to him and drive some sense into him. If he still makes no move to get proactive and take on his part of responsibilities within the marriage, think about how long and how far you want to go with this. A bit of coaching/therapy can help, but only if he willing to see that it's needed for him. More than anything, I want you to have faith in yourself and play to your strengths.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first goof-up was being okay with a person who said that he loves someone else.
Your second goof-up was trying to make the marriage work by doing what your father-in-law wanted you to do (check phone).

In both cases, you placed HOPE over your common sense. Maybe it did not occur to you that you are stepping into a world that may never let you live a normal married life?

Now, my question to you is: What freedom are you talking about? This same freedom will someday come back to haunt you as there is no family system that you are part of, no relationships to be part of...Is this okay with you?

Marriages or Life partnerships are not like: you mind your own business and I will mind mine. There is communication, trust, mutual respect, love, affection, giving-receiving...do you think your marriage will have this OR can the two of you work towards this? If YES, give it your best shot else, you really must think: What do I want for and in my life?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

Ans: it's important to recognize that your well-being and safety, both emotional and physical, are paramount. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect or to live in an environment where they feel demeaned or controlled. The constant shouting, taunting, and lack of financial support are serious issues that should not be ignored, as they can significantly impact your mental health and sense of self-worth.

Your feelings of being trapped are compounded by societal expectations and the fear of judgment. However, it’s crucial to remember that society’s opinions should not dictate your happiness or well-being. Living in a situation where you’re constantly subjected to mental harassment can have long-term detrimental effects on your mental health and overall quality of life. It’s natural to fear what others might say, but your peace of mind and the well-being of your children should take precedence.

The support of your mother-in-law and sister-in-law is a positive aspect, but it seems that your husband’s behavior continues to be a source of distress. It’s essential to have a candid conversation with them about your feelings and explore whether they can help mediate or influence change in his behavior. However, if his actions persist and there’s no willingness on his part to change or seek help, you might need to seriously consider your options.

If you’re contemplating leaving, it’s important to plan carefully. This might include seeking legal advice to understand your rights, especially concerning your children and financial support. You could also consider reaching out to a counselor or support group for emotional guidance, as they can provide you with the strength and clarity to make decisions that are best for you and your sons.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave is deeply personal and should be made based on what you believe will bring you the most peace and stability. It’s not an easy choice, and it requires a lot of courage and self-reflection. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and creating a healthy environment for yourself and your children is not selfish—it’s necessary. Whatever path you choose, know that you have the right to seek happiness and to live a life free from harassment and control.