Dear Pooja, my husband and I share a very friendly relationship. When we have disagreements, we often tend to forget that our child is around. In the past few months, we have been arguing a lot and this seems to have taken a hit on our son. He is behaving strangely at school. He has got into trouble with other kids in his class and is often caught scribbling at his desk. He gets angry and throws tantrums in public. When we tried talking to him, he seemed normal but he did mention to the counsellor that even my mom and dad fight when they are angry. Since then we have mellowed down a bit. But how do we address this to our child?

Ans: Dear Shubham,
How is it possible for a 5-year old to understand logic when he is throwing an emotional fit (tantrum)?
Like you said it yourself; when it could have been stopped and changed, it wasn't done. He probably felt that it was fine to behave 'violently' (though I don't understand the context in which you use this word).
Now. all of a sudden when you and your wife are trying to stop him, he is pulling away as this behaviour was rewarded earlier. he has your earlier silence as your love and affection for which which he fears will be withdrawn now if he stops his behaviour.
So, logic isn't going to work; it doesn't work with adults, and here the child is merely 5 years.
So undoing what was done is going to take a lot of effort and patience (beyond all the talk that you and yoir wife are doing).
Start by:
- ignoring his tantrums; he will time-out himself in exhaustion
- talking to him at his eye level; get down on your knees, so he doesn't feel intimidated by your height
- hugging him a lot; a caring touch is worth a thousand words
- telling him how excited you both were when he was born; this can ensure that he will be special even after the arrival of the new baby
- distracting him with creative things; story telling and fine motor skill games improve focus and concentration
- cutting down on foods filled with sugar; sugar boost is artificial and can make a child or anyone go a little anxious
- ensuring him that he is loved a lot; saying it aloud while hugging him will soften his behaviour over time

Try these and I hope they work. If not, kindly without delay seek an appointment with a professional who can deal with children at your son's age.

All the best!

Ans: This happens in children who develop mobile addiction. You need to consult a psychologist

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you haven't asked me a question, I can't suggest much.
But can say only this: You son's behavior towards you is only a CRY for your attention. He does not hate you; he just wants you around but does not know how to tell you.
Be patient and show him love even if he does not accept it initially. Things will change slowly but surely.
And oh, you did what you thought was right at the time when you did it. So, don't blame yourself; instead focus on how to win his affection back and how to give him the attention that he has wanted...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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