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Pooja

Pooja Khera  |21 Answers  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Jan 16, 2023

Pooja Khera has a PGDM in human resources from Amity University and is a happiness and wellbeing coach certified by Yale University. She also has a master's degree in astrology and is a tarot card reader as well.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2023Hindi
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Dear Pooja, my husband and I share a very friendly relationship. When we have disagreements, we often tend to forget that our child is around. In the past few months, we have been arguing a lot and this seems to have taken a hit on our son. He is behaving strangely at school. He has got into trouble with other kids in his class and is often caught scribbling at his desk. He gets angry and throws tantrums in public. When we tried talking to him, he seemed normal but he did mention to the counsellor that even my mom and dad fight when they are angry. Since then we have mellowed down a bit. But how do we address this to our child?

Ans: Hi there! As adults, our arguments in a marriage or relationship are inevitable. But with kids around, we need to be more cognisant of the fact that kids get influenced very quickly. Since their emotional spectrums are being developed when they experience arguments or fights, they begin to believe that is normal , but since they are unable to process the frustration that arises , they tend to take it out in their own behaviour with their peers and in their social settings. The best way to address this with the child is through a counsellor or a therapist. As parents who are arguing or fighting, you are the trigger or their anger and instability and the trust factor or the feeling of you being the safe space for them has been compromised. Have your child consult a professional coach or counsellor who will ensure the child gets a safe space to express and will help re build the bridge between you and your child with their expertise of handling the child's psychology and helping your son process his feelings.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello Anu - we have a 5 year old son and he's getting out of our control these days and we don't know how to handle him. His actions and tantrums are mischievous and hurtful at the same time. Earlier he used to get scared from his mother but she's also losing control over him these days. If we scream or shout, he repeats the same things that kind of irritates us more. If we try to be reasonable with him, it's of no use - he takes us for granted. If we tell him about repercussions on his actions like a timeout or no tv time or no play time, he does not listen and at the end we give him to his crying. He also becomes uncontrollably violent at times - though he thinks it's a game, but in reality his actions literally hurt us. I know partially I am to blame as when he was younger, these violent games looked fun but now that he's older and stronger, they are not fun anymore to me or anyone in our house. I've tried to explain him, but at the end he is just 5 years old! Every morning to night it's a mountaineous challenge for us. My wife and I talk after he sleeps, decide what to do or not do from the next dat but bam! it's just the same routine every single day. Moreover my wife is pregnant with our second child so I fear this might have a bad effect on our 2nd baby as my wife remains stressed out. I know this could be every parent - but then if it happens that often, is there a solution? Can you help us?
Ans: Dear Shubham,
How is it possible for a 5-year old to understand logic when he is throwing an emotional fit (tantrum)?
Like you said it yourself; when it could have been stopped and changed, it wasn't done. He probably felt that it was fine to behave 'violently' (though I don't understand the context in which you use this word).
Now. all of a sudden when you and your wife are trying to stop him, he is pulling away as this behaviour was rewarded earlier. he has your earlier silence as your love and affection for which which he fears will be withdrawn now if he stops his behaviour.
So, logic isn't going to work; it doesn't work with adults, and here the child is merely 5 years.
So undoing what was done is going to take a lot of effort and patience (beyond all the talk that you and yoir wife are doing).
Start by:
- ignoring his tantrums; he will time-out himself in exhaustion
- talking to him at his eye level; get down on your knees, so he doesn't feel intimidated by your height
- hugging him a lot; a caring touch is worth a thousand words
- telling him how excited you both were when he was born; this can ensure that he will be special even after the arrival of the new baby
- distracting him with creative things; story telling and fine motor skill games improve focus and concentration
- cutting down on foods filled with sugar; sugar boost is artificial and can make a child or anyone go a little anxious
- ensuring him that he is loved a lot; saying it aloud while hugging him will soften his behaviour over time

Try these and I hope they work. If not, kindly without delay seek an appointment with a professional who can deal with children at your son's age.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ! 20 years ago, I was under a lot of stress raising my two kids while my husband worked abroad. I didnt realise that I was being terribly insensitive to my teenage son's need for attention and understanding. I did not understand at that time that his stubborn behavior and desire to be alone and the visible signs of hatred towards me were due to lack of outward expression of love from me. I used to think that I had to be even more strict with him to correct him and to bring him up well, not by being soft or kind. I also beat him at times and compared him with others with the intention of making him improve in his performance. All mistakes on my part which he has made me realise now . Today he is married and has a child. He showers her with affection. He hates the sight of me and doesnt want to talk with me saying I am the worst mother any child could ever have. I know I must suffer for my earlier behaviour. Just sharing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you haven't asked me a question, I can't suggest much.
But can say only this: You son's behavior towards you is only a CRY for your attention. He does not hate you; he just wants you around but does not know how to tell you.
Be patient and show him love even if he does not accept it initially. Things will change slowly but surely.
And oh, you did what you thought was right at the time when you did it. So, don't blame yourself; instead focus on how to win his affection back and how to give him the attention that he has wanted...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8190 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2025Hindi
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Money
I can invest Rs 10,000 every month for 10 years. Kindly suggest investing options -- where should I invest? How much wealth can I create after 10 years?
Ans: Investing Rs 10,000 per month for 10 years is a great decision. It will help you build substantial wealth over time. Here’s a detailed assessment of the best investment options and the potential returns you can expect.

Investment Options for Rs 10,000 Per Month
1. Equity Mutual Funds (Actively Managed)
Suitable for long-term wealth creation.

Professional fund managers make investment decisions.

Offers better flexibility compared to direct stock investment.

Can generate high returns over a 10-year period.

Ideal for those who can take moderate to high risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Provides stability to your portfolio.

Lower risk compared to equity mutual funds.

Useful for balancing risk and return.

Returns are better than FDs over a long period.

3. Hybrid Mutual Funds
Invests in both equity and debt.

Suitable for investors looking for stability with some growth.

Balances market volatility better than pure equity funds.

4. Gold Investment (Sovereign Gold Bonds - SGBs)
Offers capital appreciation and fixed interest income.

Safe investment backed by the Government of India.

Can act as a hedge against inflation.

5. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Tax-free returns.

Provides capital protection.

Best for those looking for safe and guaranteed returns.

Lock-in period of 15 years, but partial withdrawals allowed after 5 years.

6. National Pension System (NPS)
Ideal for retirement savings.

Provides tax benefits under Section 80C and 80CCD.

Investment mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Partial withdrawal allowed after a few years.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Equity Mutual Funds: Rs 6,000 per month

Debt Mutual Funds: Rs 2,000 per month

Gold (SGBs): Rs 1,000 per month

PPF: Rs 1,000 per month

This diversified approach helps reduce risk and maximize returns.

Expected Wealth Creation After 10 Years
The wealth you create depends on returns from different assets. Here’s an estimate:

Equity Mutual Funds: Can generate higher returns over 10 years.

Debt Mutual Funds: Provides stability with moderate returns.

Gold (SGBs): Prices depend on market demand and inflation.

PPF: Offers safe and steady returns.

You can expect to build a significant corpus by following this plan.

Why Not Index Funds?
Index funds do not offer active management.

They simply track market movements without strategy.

Actively managed mutual funds can beat index funds over time.

Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Higher potential for wealth creation with actively managed funds.

Final Insights
A mix of equity, debt, gold, and PPF creates a balanced portfolio.

Stay invested for 10 years to benefit from compounding.

Review your investments every year.

Consider increasing your SIP amount whenever possible.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for better guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1152 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

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Money
Sir, Age: 26 Subject: NPS ( National Pension Scheme) Scheme Choice : LC 75 ( Aggressive Auto Choice) Tier : Tier 1 Pension Fund: ICICI Prudential Pension Fund Current value of scheme : Rs. 57927/- Investing Rs. 5600/- on a monthly basis My goals: Want my portfolio to beat inflation and provide a pension of Rs. 1 lakh monthly ( in hopes that beating inflation value of Rs. 1 lakh does not decrease over time) Time horizon : 34 years Questions: 1. Sir will my NPS scheme beat inflation? 2. Is the Pension Fund ( ICICI Prudential) a good choice or should I shift? 3. Will one lakh pension after 34 years be enough to support my lifestyle? (Assuming that everything pans out smoothly) 4. Judging by today's tax law income up to 12 lakh p.a. is non taxable, will I be taxed on my pension still if the law remains as is? (Hypothetical question) My details : 1.Unmarried, never planning on marriage or kids ever. 2.Current utility bills amount to Rs. 15,000 per month 3. Other expenses Rs. 5-7k per month. 4. I have other investments too, but I want to know if I can rely on NPS in old age or not. With this information alone, is retirement with NPS feasible?
Ans: Hello;

Your current expenses add upto 22 K per month.

After 34 years this amount will be 1.6 L per month considering 6% inflation.

This would need a corpus of 5-6 Cr.

Your current investment would fetch you around 1.2 Cr which is quite low.

You need to invest minimum 25 K per month in NPS to expect 5 Cr+ corpus build after 34 years. (A modest 8% return considered from NPS)

Also you may shift from Auto choice to Active choice so as to ensure 75% allocation to equity upto 50 age.(In Auto choice after 35 age equity allocation is tapered down).

You are allowed to have different fund managers for different asset classes based on their performance in respective category.

Current fund manager looks okay however you need to review performance every year.

For generating retirement corpus it is better to have 2-3 investment avenues rather then a single one.

A mix of EPF/PPF, NPS and MFs should be more appropriate.

Best wishes;

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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