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Pooja Khera  | Answer  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Pooja Khera has a PGDM in human resources from Amity University and is a happiness and wellbeing coach certified by Yale University. She also has a master's degree in astrology and is a tarot card reader as well.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Pooja madam, my wife began hating her mother in law since last 15 years . They dont speak and dont see eye to eye. The issue was ancestor property division... Now my daughter has grown up. She will get married next year, my wife does not want to invite mother in law or even talk about them.. My wife earns more than me ... my mother in law is a widow .. how can I solve this marraige inviting problem , kindly suggest a remedy..

Ans: In this case, your wife is the one who needs to decide what sort if relationship she wants with her mother. If she feels, the relationship cannot be mended, then my suggestion is that you may just want to have a conversation with her and give your suggestion. Pls let the final decision be of your wife as she would not like to be forced into anything, no matter even if it is the relationship with her mother. It is also not your sole responsibility to mend their relationship. Pls take a measured approach.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

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I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

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Relationship
I am 64, retired living in own house together with wife, son and daughter -in law for last five years. Both, son and daughter are professionally qualified, well placed and earn good. The daughter - in law out of last five years stayed away for half the time for one reason or the other at her mother place. She is very egoistic and arrogant and fight with everyone in family for no great reason including, son and my married daughter whenever she comes to our place to meet us. She has an objection her coming to our place. She has ones threatened us of complaining to police and women organization, Stree Mukti Sanghatana. She makes mountain out of anthill every time so we have stopped talking to her. The couple is staying with us, we bear all family expenses and don't expect even a penny from both son and Daughter in - law as ,when ones money of Rs. 15 K was asked to, she refused and made an allegation that we want dowry in this form . Son help us with some monthly expenses every month. She is staying alone away from us for more than 6 months now. My son is also tired of her behavior. We even have approached her mother, she also keep hand on deaf ears as she also does not listen to her and one brother. Please advice, what do we do in the circumstances?
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Kindly convey to your son and daughter-in-law that they live in a separate house. (This is a suggestion but you know your family better; so act accordingly). This will not only give them the space but will also keep finances separate between you and your son. Sometimes a joint family system does not work for all families and this space of separation can help resolve differences or bring the emotions to a neutral place. Either case, at least you and your wife need not go through stress everyday.
Distance helps bring people together and too much of familiarity is only making it worse. Do try this and hope things settle soon.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2023Hindi
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I am 37yrs old, married for 6yrs now, my wife - 35yrs, having a kid of 14 months.We both are working. My wife is very dedicated person, and takes care of household . I respect her this attitude and try to contribute in whatever possible ways. My problem is - my brother in law(elder than my wife, and unmarried currently) is staying since 1.5yrs with us. Due to personality differences, it is not easy at all to get along in day to day activities with him. And, my wife gets upset if I hint her - to ask him stay separately. Please help me, how to make her realize this - as it is causing stress and it's not easy at all to continue like this for long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am assuming that your brother-in-law is your wife's brother which explains why she may not want to ask him to move out.
But, if there is a general discomfort and personality clashes, I guess you must express your concerns to your wife. Too much of being on each others' faces only causes stress around the house.
See if there can be a WIN-WIN in this situation where the brother-in-law can visit over the weekends or your wife can visit him when she wishes to. That way, she will not feel the pain of asking him to move out.
If this also doesn't work out, do make her aware that this is putting a strain on the marriage. If she cannot talk about this without it upsetting her or understanding the impact of her decision to have her brother at home, then she needs to know that she has begun to take her marriage for granted.
So, talk to her on moving towards the WIN-WIN...that seems like the only way out through this situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi
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My wife got posted in distant place 10 years back. I had to ask for help from my inlaws as our child was very young. They started to live with her. After 1 year she got transferred back to the place where I was living. She got a flat from the company and we started to live together. Since then my inlaws are also staying with us. They purchased another flat nearby but are not willing to move there. Now, the problem is that whenever me and my wife have a quarrel she just stops talking and starts to take decisions in consultation with my inlaws. I am completely out of the loop in these circumstances. Over the years my relationship with inlaws has gone sour and quarrels with wife have been lasting longer (upto 2 months). My inlaws are otherwise well behaved but their presence somehow is hindering the process of natural reconciliation between me and my spouse or I am perceiving the situation incorrectly. Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you all have done is jumped impulsively into one situation, made it comfortable asking people to help and then jumped back into the original situation and not knowing how to ask the same people to stay away!
Your wife has to grow out of her parents being around and you have to understand that your in-laws have got used to stepping in while you were away.
It's about time that you and your wife had a mature conversation on how to manage your family yourselves and be responsible for raising your child. But do remember to deal with your in-laws carefully. After all, they gracefully kept their lives on hold to help your wife and your child. Without hurting their sentiments, you are going to have to convey to them that you are thankful for what they have done for you BUT now you would like to be there for your family. Initially, this will hurt them and your wife, but anymore of this game will pull you and wife away from one another. So, they do need to move out...
You are not cutting strings but simply loosening the grip it currently has which is unhealthy for your marriage. Hope that your wife also understands this which means she will put you to test and in her mind or vocally compare what you bring to the table and how her parents supported her. Bear with it and as the two of you work together in putting the family back together, she will eventually understand that this is for the best.

All the best!

..Read more

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Career Coach  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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I am a 41-year-old consultant working for an IT firm for the past 16 years. Lately, my job has been very demanding. I have been working 14 to 16 hours at work, with no weekends or holidays. The work pressure is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I was unwell for two weeks and have been advised by doctors to consider taking up a less stressful job. I have a masters in finance. Do you have any suggestions on what alternate career options I could consider?
Ans: Absolutely, it sounds like you've been burning the midnight oil for quite some time! It's crucial to prioritize your health and well-being, especially when the demands of your job start to affect you physically and mentally. Let's explore some alternative career avenues where you can still leverage your expertise and experience in finance without the overwhelming stress:

1. Financial Technology (FinTech) Specialist:

Step into the world of FinTech, where your expertise in IT and finance can revolutionize traditional banking and financial services. By developing innovative solutions that streamline processes and enhance user experiences, you'll contribute to a more efficient and accessible financial ecosystem, all while enjoying a less stressful work environment compared to client-facing roles.

2. Cybersecurity Analyst in Finance:

Protecting sensitive financial data is paramount in today's digital landscape. As a cybersecurity analyst specializing in finance, your dual proficiency in IT and finance equips you to safeguard financial institutions from cyber threats with precision and expertise, all while enjoying the stability of a role focused on risk mitigation rather than high-pressure client interactions.

3. Quantitative Analyst (Quant) in Finance:

Dive into the world of quantitative analysis, where your technical prowess and financial insight can drive data-driven decisions in portfolio management, risk assessment, and trading strategies. By leveraging your combined knowledge, you'll excel in roles that prioritize analytical rigor and strategic thinking, offering a more predictable and structured work environment compared to consultancy roles.

4. Financial Systems Analyst:

Become the bridge between IT systems and financial operations within an organization. Your ability to optimize financial software systems while ensuring compliance and efficiency will contribute to smoother workflows and reduced stress for finance teams, offering a rewarding blend of technical problem-solving and financial acumen without the demands of client-facing roles.

5. Data Scientist in Finance:

Unlock the power of data in the financial sector, leveraging your expertise in IT and finance to extract actionable insights from vast datasets. By applying advanced analytics and machine learning techniques, you'll drive informed decision-making and strategic planning, all while enjoying the autonomy and intellectual stimulation of a data-driven role with less client pressure.

In these specialized roles, your unique blend of IT and finance knowledge positions you for success in environments that prioritize innovation, efficiency, and strategic thinking over relentless work hours and client demands. By capitalizing on your strengths and pursuing a career path aligned with your interests and well-being, you can achieve professional fulfillment without sacrificing your health and happiness.

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |102 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have submitted my Form 15 to my bank in April 2023. My income falls under the non-taxable category against interest received from bank FDs. Bank has not deducted any TDS up to September 2023 but from October 2023 they have started deducting TDS on FD interest earned by me saying that interest earned on my FDs have crossed the limit of Rs 5 lakh. Is the bank right in deducting tax citing this reason? Please enlighten me.
Ans: No, the bank is likely not right in this case. Here's why:

• Form 15G validity: A valid Form 15G submitted before April 1, 2023 is applicable for the entire financial year 2023-24 (assessment year 2024-25). This means if your income falls under the non-taxable category, the bank shouldn't deduct TDS on your FD interest for the entire year.
• TDS exemption limit: The current exemption limit for TDS on FD interest is Rs 40,000 for individuals below 60 years old, and Rs 50,000 for senior citizens (above 60 years old). There's no limit of Rs 5 lakh for TDS deduction on FD interest.

Here's what you can do:

• Reach out to your bank: Inform them that you submitted a valid Form 15G and your income falls under the non-taxable category. You can clarify the exemption limit and point out the mistake.
• Request rectification: Ask the bank to rectify the error and reverse the TDS deducted on your FD interest from October 2023 onwards.
• Seek professional help: If the bank doesn't resolve the issue, consider seeking help from a tax consultant or financial advisor. They can guide you further on how to claim a refund for the deducted TDS.

Additional points to consider:

• Ensure you have a copy of the Form 15G submission acknowledgement for your records.
• Keep a record of any communication with the bank regarding the TDS deduction.

By following these steps, you should be able to resolve the issue with the bank and avoid unnecessary TDS deduction on your FD interest.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1298 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Hi, my age is 29. Married. My daughter is 8 months old. My monthly salary is Rs. 1.33L PM. Monthly expense - Rs. 35,000 Current commitments are: Home Loan EMI - Rs. 43,535 (8 months completed. 30 years tenure) Term Insurance - 1cr (Annual premium - Rs. 36,000 for 10 years. 7 more premium pending) Current NPS Balance - Rs. 75,000. Investing Rs. 15,000 pm SSY - Rs. 12,500 pm. APY - Rs. 409 pm I'm planning to save for Emergency Corpus Fund, get a medical insurance floater policy. My short term goal is to save Rs. 20 lakhs within 4 years for registeration and interior work for house. My long term goals are for daughters UG education, wedding, retirement at 55 years. I took investment risk test and Im an aggressive investor and planning to invest more on equity. Also, I want to diversify the portfolio and invest across asset class.
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach to financial planning! With your solid income and clear goals, here's a suggested plan:

Emergency Corpus Fund: Aim for 6-12 months' worth of living expenses in a high-yield savings account for emergencies.
Medical Insurance Floater Policy: Ensure adequate coverage for your family's healthcare needs, including your daughter.
Short-Term Goal - House Expenses: Consider a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for potential growth while safeguarding against market volatility.
Long-Term Goals - Daughter's Education, Wedding, Retirement: Continue investing in equity through mutual funds or stocks for higher returns over the long term. Also, explore options like PPF, NPS, and diversified funds for diversification across asset classes.
Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay on track with your goals.
Remember, financial planning is dynamic. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your unique circumstances and aspirations. With discipline and strategic investing, you'll be well-positioned to achieve your financial dreams.

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |437 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Career
I completed bams a year ago. I passed 12th in 2014 and prepared for neet 2 times but couldn?t get seat because i was not serious about my career at that time. I had no clearity. I was so confused that I couldn?t focus. Even my parents and relatives were scolding me and not helping me . So I wasn?t thinking roperly focused. Then i gave bams entrance for the first time and got seat. I feel like if they wouldn have helped me or asked me what do i feel then i must not have been in the same place as am today. I feel i have ruined my life. Am currently working in delhi as a physician in a very renowned ayurvedic institute. But i feel like I don?t have passion for ayurveda. Am 26 years old. Everytime i feel like failure as I couldn?t get mbbs. Still my teenage to final year of my college i used to be so confused about my career. As now at 27 am having clearity that i want to be a cardiac surgeon, i feel like it?s too late to restart again. I feel depressed, failed and guilty. I don?t know if its a good decision to appear for neet again or not. I feel like defeated. I dont Feel happy. This time i have a lot of passion for becoming a cardiac surgeon but i am not able to decide this thing myself. I feel helpless. I feel guilty that I couldn?t clear neet exam. On the other hand there are some of my friends who never ever appeared for neet and did bams from private colleges are really happy and don?t have any complaints from this career. Why do i only feel defeated and unhappy.
Ans: Hi,
I cannot help you psychologically. But yes if you are really serious & want to restart give it a second thought that whether you will be able to give another 10 years into study. Plus NEET has become more competitive now as almost 24L+ students are writing this year. Again you won't make it there you will be more depressed. Other option would be MBBS abroad then. But still the question is will you be able to give your next 10 years into study?

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1298 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Hi Jinal, We both partner are 40 year old. These days after having second child (9 month old), I am bit worried about my both sons (Elder one 10 year) future. We couple currently earning 3.5 Lack per month together (In hand). I am investing 15 thousand in LIC SIIP (Last two year), 25 thousand in SIP (SBI, Last two year), and nearly 20 thousand in LIC per month (Last 10 years). I do invest 1.5 Lacks in PPF every year (Last 13 year). With all this investment can i reach a core plus of 60 Lac (For younger one education) by 2030 and another 1 Cr (For Elder one education and marriage) by 2040. I don't have to plan our retirement as we both are government employee and automatically investing in NPS as per government rules (Current value of NPS is 80 Lack combined). Is this investment is sufficient or i have to increase further for our sons education. One more thing I do investment in gold also (Physical) approximately 3 Lack per year from last 2 years.
Ans: It's heartening to hear your dedication to securing your children's future amidst the joys and challenges of parenthood. Your commitment to various investments, including LIC policies, SIPs, and PPF, reflects your foresight and responsibility.

While your current investments provide a solid foundation, it's essential to regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to assess if additional contributions or adjustments are needed to meet your ambitious goals.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, and flexibility is key to adapting to life's twists and turns. With careful planning and guidance, you can navigate towards a brighter future for your children with confidence.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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