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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Singh Question by Singh on May 12, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I m 43 old male , looks ten year younger.sinc3 last 3 months i m infatuated with colleague 30 yr married lady with child .I m continuously thinking about her,her looks,her habits,her choice,her ,hobbies 24 hrs ,even in sleep like a teenager.I dont know how to overcome it.Her attitude is normal ,pure professional with me without any indication of liking. I don't know how to overcome?

Ans: Dear Singh,
What's the point being obsessed with a person who has nothing to do with you?
Respect where she is in her life and more importantly, respect your life, your time and energy.

Focus on things that can help you not just manage your mind, but can add value to your personal and professional life. For example: A hobby, working out, doing a certification course and so on...

What you focus on multiplies and when you focus on something that yields nothing, it's like pouring water in the desert hoping for it to turn into a farmland. So, treat yourself better and start this very moment, NOW!

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!
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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

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Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 47 married and have a daughter of 16 years. From last two years I am madly in love with my colleague who is divorced living in our company campus. She is 35 and have two children of 18 and 16 years. She is from different religion and lives alone. She is extremely beautiful. She knows I am in love with her but refuses to accept. She sometimes cooks breakfast me and brings box for me. She is hardworking and respects me a lot. I want her love. I don't want any illegal affair. I tried to convey this many times directly or indirectly but failed to get her response. I am mad and can't think anything else apart from her. I am giving less attention to my family. What to do to get her love without any sexual affair.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

What you are asking is morally incorrect. Being married to someone and craving someone else's love isn't only crossing the line lines, speaking from a moral point of view, but it has other layers of complexities too. She is not reciprocating your feelings. Bringing you a lunchbox does not have to do with love. It can be because she considers you a friend. Whatever the reason, you are married. She has the freedom to love anyone she chooses because she isn't in a committed relationship. But you are. Other than respecting her boundaries, you should also focus on your marriage. Have better communication with your spouse. Marriage can become mundane after a few years, and such infatuations are not uncommon. But how you deal with it shapes your marriage and the person you are; put effort into bringing the spark back into your marriage.

Take some time to reflect on your current situation and the impact it may have on your marriage and family. If you find it challenging to navigate your emotions and relationships, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Our emotions can be all over the place at times. But with a little guidance, it isn't hard to get it sorted.

The bottom line is that convincing her to love you back or convincing her that you love her is not what you should be focusing on here. I am sure you know it isn't right. Focus on your spouse of many years. If you cannot get rid of these feelings, address the issue with your wife and you both can decide the course of action from there.

Best Wishes.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |844 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir . I am a 34-year-old man with a monthly income of 1.4 Lakh. I have a 1-year-old son. I haven't invested in mutual fund investments before and seek your guidance on how much to invest and in which mutual funds. My financial goals are as follows: Accumulate atleast 6 crores before retirement (in the next 20 years). Save atleast 1-2 crore for my son's higher education in the next 20 years. Set aside atleast 50 lakhs for my son's marriage in the next 25 years. My current investments include: PPF - 1.5 Lakhs per annum for the last 5 years. NPS - 50000 per annum for the last 3 year. ULIP - 1.2 Lakh per annum for last 1 year One SBI scheme - 1.2 Lakhs per annum for last 3 years My wife is also working with monthly income of 1.4 Lakhs. I would greatly appreciate your advice on how to structure my mutual fund investments to achieve these goals. Thank You.
Ans: It's commendable that you're planning ahead for your family's future. With clear financial goals and a steady income, you're already on the right path. Given your aspirations, mutual funds can play a pivotal role in achieving these milestones.

For your retirement goal of accumulating 6 crores in 20 years, systematic and disciplined investing will be key. Similarly, for your son's education and marriage funds, a structured approach can make a significant difference.

Considering your current investments in PPF, NPS, ULIP, and other schemes, mutual funds can complement these by offering diversification and potential growth opportunities. A Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor an investment strategy aligned with your goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Remember, investing is a journey, not a race. It requires patience, diligence, and periodic review. By investing wisely and staying committed to your goals, you can pave the way for a secure and prosperous future for your family. Best wishes on your financial journey!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |19 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 41 working in it mnc. I did well in my career initially and then because of my carelessness and laid back attitude, I faltered and I am in a very depressive situation where I feel as complete failure who failed himself and his family. I am not sure how can I help myself come out of the situation. My wife is also worried and trying to cheer me up but it's not helping much. Please help how to come out of this and move ahead
Ans: Hello there!!
"The greatest success in not in never failing, but getting up every time you fail"!
It's time for you to get up and move!!
With the information you have given me, the conclusions I have drawn are that-
1. you are a person who is aware of what went wrong, this itself is a blessing. There are many who just move in life without being aware.
2. you are still working, you have a job at an MNC. That's good!! Had you been so bad as you are describing yourself, you would not be still working, so cheer up!!
3. you have a caring wife, she is trying to cheer you up .You are lucky.
4 . you are an intelligent man, hence you did well in your job initially

Now the way forward-
1. with so little information you have given me , I have listed 4 things you need to be grateful for. Every morning you'll count your blessings and write them down or say it aloud. You'll repeat this activity before going to sleep.
2. spend 20 mins walking amidst nature. Physical activity and spending time in nature is a must everyday. I am sure taking 20 mins in a day for this should be easy.
The above two activities will make your depressive mood run far away from you.

Next plan of action ,for you to move further in you career-
1. first and foremost forgive yourself for your carelessness and laid back attitude. Past is past ,forget it.
2. plan every action of yours with one leg in the future, is there a new skill set you need to learn or improve upon your Image, Soft skills , leadership skills , etc in order to have an edge over others. Think about it and learn new skills.
3. do not compare yourself with anyone, it's your journey at your own pace. Compare yourself with others if you feel inspired else do not compare.
4. you are just 41.... there is still a long life ahead. Don't beat yourself down for a few mistakes ...Just look ahead now...Look forward to a beautiful future with your family.

All the very best!!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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