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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 30, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024
Relationship

Hi ,Iam 42 year old male married having 2 kids.Last 6 m I come across a colleague who has joined in our organisation as we both have joined new.She is married at 37 and having a toddler.But in the last 6 m I don't know i have a serious couldn't term the right word but a feeling can't live without seeing you with her nor speaking with her.Domt know what it means to me.She is also reciprocating same kind what I feel.Seriously every passing day iam mad at her.She is also very close to me i drop her and she sits close to me etc..Seriously suggest me even in my teenage ,youth I was never like this..She is very nice so caring..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it must be very exciting to feel these new emotions forming, but let me remind you that you are married, with two kids. If you want to act on these feelings, you need to come clean to your partner; let her decide if she wants to part ways with you or live her life with you knowing everything. But it is not morally correct to seek these romantic affections outside of your marriage. Put yourself in your wife's shoes; imagine if she was developing the same feelings for some other man behind your back. How would you feel? I hope this will help you make the right decision.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2023

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Relationship
I am married since 2010 but me and my wife do not get along.We live together for the sake of our 8 year old son.Last year I fell in love with a new female colleague who joined our office. We used to speak very warmly to each other and she shared a lot of details with me about her past life such as her childhood.We would flirt with each other playfully and share details of our daily life.She is also married with a child but she doesn't spend too much time with her husband and seems very independent.I felt like she liked me too. However after 4 months she suddenly said that she looked at me as her office colleague and was not interested in personal conversations. I have sent her many messages on Whatsapp asking her about the reason behind her indifference and she reads everyone of them. She hasn't blocked me but she doesn't respond. Even when I go to her directly she talks to me in a cold manner.But she also asked me about my mother's health when she heard that my mother was undergoing cancer treatment.I am unable to understand why is she acting like this and I also cannot let go of her.Can you please explain what is going on
Ans: Dear Boudhayan,
Office romances are fleeting ones that offer some respite from the routine home environment.

Obviously being married, it comes with it's own set of challenges with having to hide text messages, calls...it's stressful for you and her as well. Did you consider that her being cold now maybe because her husband might have found out OR that she is having a hard time juggling two lives. Out of marriage experiences can be draining...

Instead of seeking solace elsewhere, have you made an honest attempt to work on your marriage? Give that a fair chance first...Stepping out of marriage is an easy thing than working on a marriage which has a clot of challenges...but since you have decided to stay together for the sake of your 8-year old, you might as well work on your relationship with your wife...start with basic communication and seek the help of a professional if necessary...you maybe surprised that things have worked out...if not, then you can see, what can be done...

Intense connections like marriage or a relationship require a lot of time and energy...
Respect what the other lady might be going through...give her time and space to sort out what is happening at her home...also, she cares enough to ask you about your wellbeing...Be happy with what IS and do give your marriage an honest rebuilding...

All the best!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 years old married who is woking at an establishment of a Public Sector company. I am holding a senior position. I have one female colleague who is of my age and married. She very frequently comes to my cabin and sits with me. She sits very close to me almost touching my body. She is very frank with me and discuss very personal things with me. She adores me a lot. Since last couple of days, I have started missing her when she is not around. I don't know how to overcome this situation. I think she also has liking for me. Please advise what to do
Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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