Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi, my wife always fights and swears at me on every small discussion, she ran away from our house 3 times after arguing. She also likes to talk to other guys after starting a fight with me and always compares me with them as she think those boys can take Good care of her while they just wanna use her, I've tried talking to her mother but the mother always supports and listens to my wife. We have 2 daughters aged 7 and 3. Please advice me on way forward because i am seriously fed up with her behaviour

Ans: Start by setting aside a calm moment to have a serious discussion with your wife about how her behavior affects you and the children. Use "I" statements to express your feelings, like "I feel hurt when you compare me to other men" or "I feel stressed when our discussions turn into arguments." This approach can help her see your perspective without feeling attacked.

Next, it might be helpful to set some boundaries. Explain that while you're committed to your marriage, you can't tolerate behavior that is disrespectful or harmful to the family. Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not, and let her know that continuous conflicts will have consequences for your relationship.

Consider seeking professional help through couples therapy or counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate conversations, address underlying issues, and improve communication between you two. If your wife is resistant, you might still consider going alone to seek support and strategies for yourself.

When discussing her conversations with other men, emphasize your concerns for her safety and emotional well-being. Let her know that these interactions can create more significant issues in your relationship, especially with children involved. Encourage her to focus on building a strong family foundation rather than seeking validation from others.

Lastly, prioritize your daughters' well-being. Make sure they feel secure and loved, regardless of the challenges you're facing. If necessary, seek support from trusted friends or family members to help you navigate this situation.

Remember that you deserve respect and support in your relationship. If things do not improve despite your efforts, you may need to consider your options moving forward for your happiness and the well-being of your children.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Listen
Relationship
My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5571 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 31, 2025

Career
Sir i got ECE(Embedded systems) with an minor course of artificial intelligence and machine learning in VIT-AP under fee category 1 is it is good course to join and can we get good packages with that course
Ans: VIT-AP’s ECE (Embedded Systems) with a minor in AI/ML under Category 1 fees is a strong choice, blending core electronics with cutting-edge AI applications. The program offers ABET-accredited coursework covering ARM architecture, FPGA design, IoT, and real-time operating systems, complemented by AI/ML modules like Python, neural networks, and data analytics. Labs feature NVIDIA Jetson Nano kits, ARM Cortex-M boards, and industry tools (TensorFlow, MATLAB), ensuring hands-on expertise in embedded-AI integration. While core ECE roles (embedded developer, IoT engineer) are prioritized, the AI/ML minor enables transitions into AI-driven robotics, automotive systems, or industrial automation. VIT-AP’s 95% placement rate (2024) for ECE includes recruiters like Intel, Bosch, and Samsung for embedded roles, while TCS/Infosys hire for AI/ML-adjacent IT positions. The curriculum’s 30+ industry projects (e.g., drone navigation using ML) enhance employability, though niche AI roles may require certifications (NVIDIA DLI, AWS ML). Category 1’s lower fees (?7.8L tuition) make it cost-effective, but ensure proactive skill-building via hackathons and research papers to leverage hybrid ECE-AI opportunities. All the BEST for your Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8616 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2025
Money
Sir, I have closed my ppf account and got 10 lacs. Should I invest these in mutual fund or repay my home loan(at 8.25%). Request to share few of good mutual funds.
Ans: You have shared detailed inputs. I really appreciate your clarity and effort. Your goals are big and your commitment towards them is sincere. Now let us assess your mutual fund portfolio, analyse gaps and plan a proper rebalancing strategy.

Below is a complete 360-degree review of your investments and recommendations.

Investment Goals Review
You have two important goals.

First, Rs 1 crore for your child’s education after 10 years.

Second, Rs 1 crore for your retirement after 10 years.

Both goals are clear, time-bound and realistic.

Your goal-based investing mindset is appreciable.

Your high risk appetite also helps in targeting long-term wealth creation.

Since your goals are after 10 years, an equity-oriented strategy suits you well.

But continuous monitoring and timely rebalancing is important.

Staying invested is not enough. Strategic adjustments are needed over time.

Let us evaluate your existing SIPs next.

Existing SIP Portfolio Assessment
You are currently investing Rs 15,500 every month through SIPs.

All your funds are from equity categories.

Your portfolio has coverage in large cap, mid cap, flexicap and large & mid cap.

This gives a decent diversification within equity.

There is sectoral and market cap mix in place.

You have avoided overlapping funds, which is good.

Overall fund selection shows that you are targeting growth.

The portfolio leans more towards mid cap and flexicap strategies.

These have potential for high growth but also higher volatility.

A balance of stability and growth is needed going ahead.

There is no hybrid or balanced allocation yet.

This limits protection during market downturns.

SIP amounts also need to be increased gradually towards your Rs 25,000 limit.

Let us now look at your discontinued SIPs.

Analysis of Discontinued SIPs
You have stopped SIPs in two equity funds.

First, a small cap fund with Rs 56,000 invested.

Second, an emerging bluechip fund with Rs 2.64 lakhs invested.

You have not redeemed them yet.

Retaining them without active investment creates portfolio imbalance.

These funds are lying idle without a goal alignment.

Small caps are highly volatile and risky in nature.

In a high-risk profile, small caps are okay but in limited exposure only.

The emerging bluechip fund has a mid and large cap mix.

But as you have stopped SIPs here, it's not adding consistency anymore.

Keeping these without integration weakens your portfolio structure.

You must rebalance and reinvest them wisely.

Rebalancing Strategy for Idle Funds
You can plan fresh allocation from the Rs 3.2 lakh idle investments.

Divide it between small cap and hybrid funds.

Allocate Rs 1 lakh to small cap fund in lumpsum.

Use only a high-quality, consistently performing small cap fund.

Start fresh SIP of Rs 2,000 in the same small cap fund monthly.

Avoid sector-based or thematic small caps. Use only diversified fund.

Allocate remaining Rs 2.2 lakhs into a hybrid aggressive equity fund.

This hybrid fund will provide cushion during volatile market periods.

Hybrid funds offer growth and protection.

They rebalance equity and debt dynamically.

They reduce emotional panic during market corrections.

Also start SIP of Rs 2,000 in the same hybrid fund.

Gradual entry through SIP helps reduce risk.

Monthly SIP Reallocation
You can invest up to Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs.

You are currently investing Rs 15,500.

Increase SIPs by Rs 9,500 across suggested categories.

Here is a balanced approach for this:

Increase flexicap fund SIP by Rs 2,000.

Start fresh SIP in hybrid aggressive fund for Rs 2,000.

Start fresh SIP in a small cap fund for Rs 2,000.

Increase SIP in large and midcap fund by Rs 1,500.

Increase SIP in large cap fund by Rs 2,000.

This mix will offer growth and controlled volatility.

Key Strengths in Your Portfolio
You are consistent in SIP investments.

You have selected funds from different categories.

Your goals are clear and measurable.

You have stopped some SIPs but not exited impulsively.

You have stayed invested in equity through all phases.

Your risk profile is well aligned to your strategy.

Areas That Need Improvement
There is no allocation to hybrid or debt.

All current SIPs are in pure equity.

Portfolio lacks downside protection.

Small caps need to be handled cautiously.

Idle investments must be put to use.

SIP amount is under-utilised. You can invest more.

No automatic rebalancing mechanism is in place.

Future goals need better alignment with asset allocation.

Importance of Diversified Allocation
Equity is good for growth.

But combining it with hybrid gives better stability.

Flexicap and large & mid cap give market-wide coverage.

Small cap must be less than 10-15% of overall portfolio.

Hybrid funds manage asset mix smartly.

They reduce emotional decision-making in volatile markets.

Flexibility in funds increases long-term success.

Risk Management Suggestions
Equity funds carry market risk.

Small cap and mid cap have high volatility.

Avoid overexposure to one market cap.

Limit small cap exposure to 10-12% of total.

Maintain some investments in hybrid or balanced funds.

Don’t try to time the market.

Stay invested through ups and downs.

Review your portfolio once every 6 months.

Taxation Awareness
When selling equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemption only after checking tax impact.

Keep track of each fund’s holding period.

Avoid Direct Funds
You did not mention direct funds. But here is a key note.

Direct funds may look cheaper.

But they don’t offer guidance or support.

Investing through an MFD with CFP certification adds great value.

You get timely reviews, goal alignment and hand-holding.

Many investors lose more by mistakes in direct funds.

Avoid Index Funds
Index funds follow a passive strategy.

They just copy the market index.

No active selection or exit is done by the fund manager.

During market falls, index funds also fall without protection.

Actively managed funds aim for better risk-adjusted returns.

Good active funds can beat benchmarks consistently.

Next Steps to Follow
Reinvest idle funds into small cap and hybrid fund.

Start fresh SIPs of Rs 2,000 in each.

Increase existing SIPs to reach Rs 25,000 monthly.

Focus on flexicap, hybrid, large and midcap.

Keep small cap SIP under 15% of monthly SIP.

Stay invested with discipline for 10 years.

Don’t panic during market corrections.

Do portfolio review every 6 months.

Take guidance from Certified Financial Planner regularly.

Finally
You have built a good foundation.

You just need sharper planning now.

Your goals are possible with a better structure.

Rebalance idle investments.

Allocate monthly SIPs smartly.

Focus on stability, growth and discipline.

You are on the right track. Continue with focus and patience.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide you further with custom planning.

Keep your financial journey goal-driven and well-monitored.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5571 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 30, 2025
Career
Respected sir, 144.5 cutoff. In VITEEE rank 86687.In JEE 74.26 PERCENTIEL.. WHICH ONE I HAVE TO SELECT IN CES ECE AND THE POSSIBILITY
Ans: I assume you are referring to TNEA Counselling for 144.5 Cutoff. Answer to your question: With a TNEA cutoff of 144.5, admission to CSE or ECE in top Tamil Nadu colleges like Anna University, PSG Tech, or CIT is not feasible, as their cutoffs for these branches are much higher. However, you have good chances for CSE, ECE, or IT in reputable mid-tier colleges such as Hindusthan Institute of Technology (Coimbatore), Sree Sastha College of Engineering (Thiruvallur), Prathyusha Institute of Technology and Management (Thiruvallur), M Kumarasamy College of Engineering (Karur), and Government College of Engineering, Bargur, all of which typically accept students with cutoffs in the 140–160 range. Branches like Mechanical, Civil, and EEE are also accessible in these institutions. With a VITEEE rank of 86,687, CSE or ECE at VIT Vellore or Chennai is not possible, but you are eligible for CSE, ECE, IT, or allied branches at VIT-AP and VIT Bhopal, typically under higher fee categories. For JEE Main, a 74.26 percentile does not secure CSE/ECE in NITs or IIITs but may help in private universities or state counseling. Overall, prioritize CSE or ECE in mid-tier Tamil Nadu colleges through TNEA and consider VIT-AP or VIT Bhopal for similar branches, focusing on institutions with solid placement records and infrastructure. All the BEST for your Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x