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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
A Question by A on Nov 23, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Mam
I am a 36 year old male married for 6 years and no kids as of now.
Every time my wife quarrels and compares me with other guys, this is making me mad and feel to run away or to end it.
I do almost everything to make her happy. Kindly tell me what to do.

Ans:

Dear A,

Some people love comparing just to hurt the person.

Now why she wants to hurt you, is something that I don’t have information on. (Your mail is very brief with not much information shared).

If you do almost everything to make her happy as you have mentioned, why would she compare you with other guys?

Obviously, there is something that she feels a lack of. So instead of going mad or running away from it, can you in fact love her and care more for her?

At times, women just need a lot of care and attention, and they respond beautifully to their man.

Maybe she misses that attention from you. If you feel that’s not the case, sit down and talk frankly.

Most of the times, clear and frank communication solves most marital issues. (These are general suggestions as I don’t have much information from you to work on.)

So, communicate more, love more and care for her more.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

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My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

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Anu Krishna  |1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2023

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Hi Anu. I married intercaste in a hurry going against my family. My wife seems loves me a lot but she is also a screamer and likes to create a scene when we fight. She knows it is my weak point and continues to push it with the yelling till the neighbours come to our doorstep. When the fighting got really bad I slapped her a couple of times and now I am the bad guy. Sex life is ok if we are not fighting. But fights get really ugly. After a point I lost all the love and am going through the motions for the sake of my kids. Lately my son also started answering back to her when she screams at him. Do you suggest I go for separation? She says no to therapy as she does not think anything is wrong with her. Infact she thinks I need counselling.
Ans: Dear Ravi,
Sometimes screaming could be a means to get attention. if you notice a toddler, he/she will cry and scream, throw toys around to gain the parents' attention. So, it could just be a way for express her emotions.

Even as adults, at times we are stuck around like we were when we were children and use similar means of communication. She could be doing the same. So, when she is in a calm space, that is the time to speak with her and clearly impressing upon her how her actions have begun to impact the child. If he is modeling her behaviour, she needs to take stock of what's happening with her.
So, you maybe right that she can see an expert; but what I would suggest is: When she is calm, rather than point out her behaviour which she may feel accused for, handle it with gentle patience. Ask her: how she is feeling and what makes her upset over something?
Work on the issue together rather than asking her to deal with it. This approach will make her feel like she is the problem and she will try and defend herself and refuse all help. It maybe difficult given what you are facing, but hey, it's love for the other person that you are willing to do what it takes, right?
In a marriage, the two of you are always on the same side, yeah? So unite to conquer...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |289 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 07, 2023

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I am married person, She is house wife. But she is fighting with me daily and always suicide blackmail and compare to others. What is the solution? My thought is i want to break up this female and find new life partner, is it correct?
Ans: I understand that you're going through an incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing situation. It's clear that you're feeling overwhelmed and at a loss for how to deal with your spouse's behavior. It's essential to approach this situation with care and empathy.

Safety First: If your spouse is making suicide threats, please take them seriously and prioritize her safety. Reach out to professionals or hotlines immediately to ensure she gets the help she needs.
Professional Help: Both you and your spouse should consider seeking the support of a licensed therapist or counselor. The issues you're facing are undoubtedly distressing, and a professional can guide you through the process of understanding and addressing them.
Communication: It's important to have open and compassionate conversations with your spouse. Express your concerns and listen to her feelings as well. Try to create an atmosphere of understanding and support.
Support Her Mental Health: Encourage your spouse to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide a proper evaluation and treatment plan. Mental health struggles can greatly affect a person's behavior and emotions.
Consider All Options: Ending a marriage is a significant decision that should not be made impulsively. Exhaust all available options for working through your issues before considering separation or divorce.
This is a difficult and painful time for both of you, and I encourage you to seek the guidance and support of professionals who specialize in relationship counseling and mental health. Remember that your well-being and the well-being of your spouse are of utmost importance, and compassionate communication and professional help can be instrumental in finding a resolution to these complex issues.

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