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Kanchan Rai |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Irfan on Mar 04, 2023Hindi

My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.

Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

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Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 07, 2021

Question by VZ - Jul 07, 2021Hindi

Hi Anu, my wife is very short tempered and impatient. She regularly shouts at me, when one of the utensils is not washed properly or when I buy breakfast she doesn't like or on rare occasions when I forget to take garbage out. Sometimes she just goes off shouting and I don’t even know the reason. Communication is key here, but the thing here is she again starts shouting, simply refusing to listen to reason or logic. There is no patient talk possible. And I have come to realize that she does this, because she simply can. No other reason. Thankfully, she is all jovial and smiling while interacting with my friends or their wives. Friends thus, have a hard time believing that my wife can be short tempered. Sex life is non-existent because she is always angry about something. On the rare occasion, she simply lies around while I have the sex. She simply has no interest in sex. All I want is a non-angry household. She will also not join me to go to a counselor. I can't afford a divorce because courts rule in favour of the wife and she will get daughter's custody. Not to mention I cannot afford any alimony. All I want is a non-angry, happy household.

Ans: Dear VZ Is your wife always angry? By asking for a non-angry household, do you mean that there isn’t a single moment of peace at home?

It sounds unlikely but I understand that when you choose to see more of what you don’t like, that starts to become bigger.

Also, is it possible for you not to label your wife as short-tempered? Because this is what you will convey to her when in the moment of irritation.

It’s just that’s she is going through a situation which perhaps has gone on for a while now.

Now getting back to the environment at home, has you wife always displayed this kind of behaviour at home or has this been a recent occurrence or has something triggered it?

Sometimes, a massive change within the body due to age can cause it or simply put even excess house work due to the pandemic situation can result in a change in temper.

Can you make an effort to communicate with her and talk to her rather than expect her to change?

Communicate in love and care and support.

State what you feel bothered by and how this is impacting your daughter.

Appeal to her in love and once she realises that you are on her side, she might have a change in perspective and at least be willing to listen to you.

Also, when she has an outburst, do make sure that you don’t react as much as you want to.

Go silent (practice it) and let her release her emotions. Sooner than later when she sees no reactions from you, she might calm down as well.

I realise it might be hard to deal with this at this very moment, but as you are reading this, I would also urge you to focus on the moments of peace with your daughter.

Surely when she smiles at you, you do feel great, right?

Households are not angry and non-angry; people choose to feel angry or happy.

Why not start to focus on why you and your wife married and how a beautiful daughter came through both of you and that your wife must be going through something right now and that you can be a huge support for her?

Create a beautiful life!

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Anu Krishna |825 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Question by A - Nov 23, 2022Hindi

Hi MamI am a 36 year old male married for 6 years and no kids as of now. Every time my wife quarrels and compares me with other guys, this is making me mad and feel to run away or to end it. I do almost everything to make her happy. Kindly tell me what to do.

Ans:

Dear A,

Some people love comparing just to hurt the person.

Now why she wants to hurt you, is something that I don’t have information on. (Your mail is very brief with not much information shared).

If you do almost everything to make her happy as you have mentioned, why would she compare you with other guys?

Obviously, there is something that she feels a lack of. So instead of going mad or running away from it, can you in fact love her and care more for her?

At times, women just need a lot of care and attention, and they respond beautifully to their man.

Maybe she misses that attention from you. If you feel that’s not the case, sit down and talk frankly.

Most of the times, clear and frank communication solves most marital issues. (These are general suggestions as I don’t have much information from you to work on.)

So, communicate more, love more and care for her more.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 07, 2023