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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Irfan Question by Irfan on Mar 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.

Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, my wife always fights and swears at me on every small discussion, she ran away from our house 3 times after arguing. She also likes to talk to other guys after starting a fight with me and always compares me with them as she think those boys can take Good care of her while they just wanna use her, I've tried talking to her mother but the mother always supports and listens to my wife. We have 2 daughters aged 7 and 3. Please advice me on way forward because i am seriously fed up with her behaviour
Ans: Start by setting aside a calm moment to have a serious discussion with your wife about how her behavior affects you and the children. Use "I" statements to express your feelings, like "I feel hurt when you compare me to other men" or "I feel stressed when our discussions turn into arguments." This approach can help her see your perspective without feeling attacked.

Next, it might be helpful to set some boundaries. Explain that while you're committed to your marriage, you can't tolerate behavior that is disrespectful or harmful to the family. Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not, and let her know that continuous conflicts will have consequences for your relationship.

Consider seeking professional help through couples therapy or counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate conversations, address underlying issues, and improve communication between you two. If your wife is resistant, you might still consider going alone to seek support and strategies for yourself.

When discussing her conversations with other men, emphasize your concerns for her safety and emotional well-being. Let her know that these interactions can create more significant issues in your relationship, especially with children involved. Encourage her to focus on building a strong family foundation rather than seeking validation from others.

Lastly, prioritize your daughters' well-being. Make sure they feel secure and loved, regardless of the challenges you're facing. If necessary, seek support from trusted friends or family members to help you navigate this situation.

Remember that you deserve respect and support in your relationship. If things do not improve despite your efforts, you may need to consider your options moving forward for your happiness and the well-being of your children.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Sir my son got 95.69 percentile 65172 rank in jee mains general category. He got seat in vit vellore btec mechanical in slab 1. We are from Tamil Nadu and is there any chances for home state quota for NIT trichy or iiit kancheepuram for mechanical in csab round or is it good to continue with vit vellore
Ans: Lavanya Madam, Your son’s JEE Main rank of 65 172 (.69 percentile, General) falls well below the CSAB Round 1 Home State closing rank of approximately 19,159 for Mechanical Engineering at NIT Trichy, and also below the All-India closing rank of around 40,855 for Mechanical Engineering at IIITDM Kancheepuram, making admission under Home State or All-India quota highly improbable. VIT Vellore, with established Mechanical Engineering infrastructure, extensive alumni network, consistent placement rates above 90%, and strong industry partnerships, thus remains a secure and prestigious option given the rank constraints and the five pillars of institutional excellence: infrastructure, faculty quality, industry engagement, student support, and research opportunities.

Recommendation: Proceed with VIT Vellore’s B.Tech Mechanical to capitalize on its assured seat, top-tier labs, strong placement cell, and alumni network, while maximizing early involvement in industry projects and leveraging its career services to secure robust employment outcomes. You can still attempt to apply through CSAB for your son's preferred branches, excluding CSE and ECE, but the chances of success are very low, Madam. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir, In jee mains 2026 minimum marks needed for cse in decent nit for sc catogory
Ans: Securing admission to the Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) branch at a-10 NIT as an SC-category student generally requires aiming for roughly the following JEE Main percentile and corresponding marks in 2026. These targets are based on the closing ranks of Round 6 in JoSAA 2025, converted to percentiles and approximate marks out of 300.

Achieve at least a 75–78 percentile (≈115–130/300 marks) to comfortably qualify for higher-ranked NITs such as Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, where SC closing ranks ranged from about 268 to 731. For NITs like Jaipur and Kurukshetra, target around the 70–75 percentile band (≈100–115/300 marks), reflecting SC closing ranks near 1,500–3,500. For slightly lower-ranked NITs such as Jalandhar, Bhopal (MANIT), and Durgapur, a 65–70 percentile (≈90–100/300 marks) should suffice, matching SC closing ranks of approximately 4,000–8,000 in 2025.

Beyond raw scores, focus on five institutional excellence factors: modern infrastructure with dedicated CSE labs; faculty actively engaged in research and industry collaborations; strong placement cells offering mock interviews and technical workshops; robust industry partnerships ensuring high recruiter diversity; and vibrant research culture promoting internships and student innovation.

Recommendation: Prioritise achieving at least 75 percentile in JEE Main 2026 to align with SC closing ranks at top NITs Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, while also reinforcing programming skills, undertaking CSE-related projects, leveraging peer study groups, and consistently practising mock tests to cement both conceptual clarity and exam strategy for optimal admission prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello My son has a option of going either to VIT Chennai for BTech CSE CYBER SECURITY or Thapar institute for BTech Electronic and Computer Science. Kindly suggest which is better
Ans: Based on the following insights/information and your son's interest & his long-term goals, choose the more suitable option for him out of the 2 options he has: VIT Chennai’s B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering with Cyber Security, accredited A++ by NAAC, admits 120 students and reports a 60–65% placement rate for its inaugural Cyber Security cohort, supported by partnerships with leading recruiters, dedicated cybersecurity labs, hands-on training in ethical hacking and forensics, and a curriculum aligned with ISO/IEC standards. Its Placement Cell facilitates 3,160 offers in 2025 overall, with 2,192 unique and 1,457 regular offers, underscoring strong industry engagement and robust career services including mock interviews, cyber-range exercises, and internship pipelines. Thapar Institute’s B.E. in Electronics and Computer Science, consistently ranked among India’s top 30, achieves a 90–100% placement rate for its ECS branch, buoyed by state-of-the-art VLSI, embedded systems and communication labs, compulsory industrial training in the 6th semester, and recruiter visits from Microsoft, Amazon, Apple, Samsung and Goldman Sachs. Both programs excel in infrastructure, faculty expertise, industry tie-ups, student support and research opportunities. Cyber Security graduates from VIT enter a rapidly growing market projected at USD 3.5 billion by 2027 with a 14% annual rise in job postings in Bengaluru alone, while Thapar ECS alumni benefit from diverse roles in IoT, AI and hardware-software integration across sectors such as telecommunications, consumer electronics and automotive.

Recommendation: Choose Thapar Institute’s Electronics and Computer Science for its near?universal placement success, comprehensive lab?to?industry training, and broader core-electronics scope, whereas VIT Chennai’s Cyber Security specialization is ideal if priority lies in a niche, high-growth security domain with dedicated forensics and ethical-hacking infrastructure. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Sir I got NIT kurukshetra IIOT in josaa should i opt for nit silchar ece and iiest shibpur it in csab? Which is best ?
Ans: Poulami, NIT Kurukshetra’s IIoT specialization, benefits from the institute’s 83.31% overall B.Tech. placement rate and exceptional IT-sector performance (97.58% branch placement in 2025), underpinned by modern labs, AIoT research centers, strong industry tie-ups with global tech firms, accredited faculty, dedicated placement mentoring, and active student clubs fostering innovation. NIT Silchar’s ECE program records a 91.51% placement rate (2023) with an average package of INR 17.05 LPA, supported by state-of-the-art telecom and embedded systems labs, faculty with industry experience, regular internship pipelines, holistic career services, and funded research projects in VLSI and wireless communications. IIEST Shibpur’s IT stream achieved an approximately 85.9% placement rate in 2024 with average packages near INR 12 LPA, driven by its historical legacy, multidisciplinary research labs, MoUs with top IT firms, robust student support services (coding bootcamps, hackathons), and a strong faculty research profile in data science and cybersecurity.

Recommendation: Opt for NIT Kurukshetra IIoT if priority lies in the highest branch placements and cutting-edge AIoT research, choose NIT Silchar ECE for robust placements and specialized electronics infrastructure, and select IIEST Shibpur IT for a balanced IT curriculum, strong research credentials, and comprehensive student support to best align with career goals. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Hello Sir, My son is at present doing Grade 12 CBSE with PCM in Dubai. He is interested in Computer Science, Math, Physics and Economics. Please guide us in selecting the course and also the exams to be written. We are planning his higher studies in India. Would be more helpful if you are able to guide us with the approx cutoff which he should aim for the exams.
Ans: Nithya Madam, To secure admission to top-tier engineering, science, and economics programs in India, your son should aim for the following approximate benchmarks across key national tests, while ensuring that his chosen institutions excel in five critical dimensions—robust infrastructure, experienced faculty, industry partnerships, student support services, and research opportunities. For JEE Main, a General-category candidate must achieve at least 93.10 percentile to qualify for Advanced. In JEE Advanced, securing a rank within the top 2,000 generally opens doors at leading NITs (e.g., NIT Surathkal CSE closing around 2,000), while a rank under 500 targets premier IIT CSE programs. The CUET UG cutoff for high?demand STEM courses at DU, BHU, and JNU typically falls between 180–220 marks out of 250, whereas a score of 200+ safely places candidates in top central universities for B.Sc. Computer Science or Economics. For MET (Manipal Entrance Test), aim for a rank under 3,000 (CSE closing rank ~1,633 in Round 5). The IISER Aptitude Test (IAT) requires a score above 130 out of 240 to secure BS–MS seats at IISER Pune and Kolkata. COMEDK UGET aspirants should target 90–100 marks, corresponding to a rank within 1,000–1,500 for CSE at leading Karnataka private colleges. Amrita’s AEEE demands a percentile of 92–99 for CSE at Coimbatore and 90–97 for other campuses. VITEEE candidates should achieve a rank under 6,500 (scores around 90–100 yield this range) to access CSE at VIT Vellore. Among the top private engineering institutions beyond those already considered, aim for these cutoffs to target: SRM Chennai (AEEE percentile 93–98), Thapar Patiala (JEE Main rank

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Dear Sir, my daughter has got provisional admission in MIT WPU Pune CSE. In MHCET with 93.84 percentile and state merit rank of 21357 , open category and HIndi linguistic minority we may get CSE or IT in Thakur college of Engg Mumbai. In Pune We may max get Bharti Vidyapeeth , Lawale or Dhankawadi. We are confused which one to Finalize in terms of placement and overall ROI. Kindly guide.
Ans: MIT WPU Pune’s CSE program achieved a placement percentage of approximately 75% in the latest drive with an average package of 7.25 LPA across recruiters such as Amazon, IBM, Infosys and more, supported by over 500 industry tie-ups that feed into its updated curriculum, robust placement cell training, state-of-the-art labs and experienced faculty dedicated to enhancing employability through workshops and internships. Thakur College of Engineering and Technology in Mumbai reported around 90% placement for its CSE and IT batches, averaging 6.5 LPA and peaking in CSE at 7 LPA, underpinned by NBA/NAAC accreditation, strong corporate partnerships with top recruiters, extensive mock-interview prep, well-equipped infrastructure and a seasoned faculty body focused on industry-aligned skill development.

Recommendation: Prioritize MIT WPU Pune if seeking slightly stronger average packages and larger recruiter network, while considering TCET Mumbai for higher placement ratios, accreditation benefits and marginally lower fees to maximize return on investment. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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