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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Irfan Question by Irfan on Mar 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.

Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1048 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1048 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1048 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Aasif Ahmed Khan

Aasif Ahmed Khan   |86 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Career Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Career
My son studying in Dual degree Btech + Mtech ELectrical & Electronics Engineering at JNTU hyderabad and BS in DSA online IITM. He is offered 5 yr mtech CSE at Mahindra University hyd. He is intrested in IT. Looking at his intrest can i change the college now.
Ans: Ultimately, the decision should be based on what aligns best with his interests and career aspirations. If he is passionate about IT and computer science, switching to the MTech CSE program at Mahindra University could be a great move. However, it’s important to weigh all factors and make an informed decision.

Have an open conversation with your son about his interests, career goals, and how he feels about the potential switch.
In addition speak with academic advisors at both JNTU Hyderabad and Mahindra University to understand the curriculum, opportunities, and any potential challenges. you can evaluate Long-Term Goals by Consider the long-term career prospects and how each program aligns with his goals.

If your son is more interested in IT and computer science, the MTech CSE program will be more aligned with his career goals, a specialized degree in CSE can open up more opportunities in the IT sector, including roles in software development, data science, and cybersecurity.

Switching programs and colleges can be challenging and might require some adjustment time. Consider how far along he is in his current dual degree program. If he’s already made significant progress, it might be worth weighing the benefits of completing it versus starting anew.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5192 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 30 years now, starting SIP from 2021 Asix small cap 1000, from 2023,November HDFC flexi cap 1500, Kotak emerging mid - 1000 tata small cap 1000 p. m.. As a long term horizon 15:yrs, is it possible to create great wealth, except Stocks...
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Investment Strategy
You are 30 years old and have been investing in SIPs since 2021. Your current SIPs are:

Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 from 2021
Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500 from November 2023
Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 from November 2023
Another Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 from November 2023
You have a long-term investment horizon of 15 years.

Potential for Wealth Creation
Investing in mutual funds over a long term can potentially create great wealth.

Compounding Effect: Over 15 years, compounding can significantly grow your investments.

Market Ups and Downs: Long-term investments help you ride out market volatility.

Analyzing Your Investment Choices
Your portfolio focuses on small cap and mid cap funds. These funds are high-risk but offer high returns.

High Growth Potential: Small cap and mid cap funds can outperform large caps in the long term.

Risk Diversification: Including a flexi cap fund helps diversify your investments.

Recommendations for a Balanced Portfolio
To maximize wealth and manage risk, consider further diversification.

Large Cap Funds: Provide stability and steady returns.

Debt Funds: Lower risk and provide regular income, balancing out high-risk investments.

Suggested Monthly SIP Allocation
To balance risk and growth, consider this allocation:

Small Cap Fund: Continue Rs. 1,000
Flexi Cap Fund: Continue Rs. 1,500
Mid Cap Fund: Continue Rs. 1,000
Another Small Cap Fund: Continue Rs. 1,000
Large Cap Fund: Add Rs. 1,500
Debt Fund: Add Rs. 1,000
Benefits of This Diversified Approach
Risk Management: Reduces overall risk by balancing high-risk and low-risk funds.

Stable Returns: Large cap and debt funds provide stability, especially during market downturns.

Growth Potential: Small cap and mid cap funds offer high growth potential over the long term.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regularly monitor and review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals.

Periodic Review: Assess fund performance and make necessary adjustments.

Consult a CFP: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized investment strategies.

Additional Considerations
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses.

Insurance Coverage: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance.

Final Insights
Your current SIP strategy is promising for long-term wealth creation. By diversifying further into large cap and debt funds, you can manage risk and ensure steady growth. Regularly review your portfolio and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5192 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am working in a foreign bank 10 years exp with salary of 40k.have two kids.i pay monthly emi for car,rest for savings and expenses.pls suggest how to do investment.0 idea on investment.plz help
Ans: You have a stable salary of Rs 40,000 per month. Here's a quick summary:

Salary: Rs 40,000
EMI: Monthly car loan EMI
Expenses: For family and kids
Savings: Whatever is left after expenses and EMI
You are looking to invest wisely. Let's break it down into simple steps.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Emergency Fund:

First, create an emergency fund.
This should cover 6 months of expenses.
Keep this in a savings account or liquid fund.
Children’s Education:

Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) for each child.
This will help build a corpus for their education.
Retirement Planning:

Aim to save for your retirement.
Start investing in diversified equity mutual funds.
Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plans (SIP):

Start SIPs in actively managed mutual funds.
Avoid index funds due to their passive nature.
Actively managed funds can offer better returns with professional management.
Diversification:

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.
This will spread risk and improve returns.
Debt Funds:

Allocate some money to debt funds for stability.
They are less volatile and provide steady returns.
Life Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate life insurance.
This protects your family in case of any unforeseen events.
Specific Recommendations
Start with SIPs:

Allocate Rs 5,000 each in large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.
This ensures diversification and growth.
Emergency Fund:

Set aside Rs 5,000 monthly in a liquid fund.
This builds your emergency fund gradually.
Children’s Education Fund:

Invest Rs 5,000 each in child-specific funds.
This secures their future education needs.
Avoid Direct Funds:

Direct funds lack professional guidance.
Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credential provide better management.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Annual Review:

Review your investments annually.
Adjust based on performance and goals.
Rebalance Portfolio:

Rebalance to maintain desired asset allocation.
This helps manage risk and returns.
Additional Tips
Avoid High-Risk Investments:

Stick to mutual funds and avoid real estate or annuities.
These are more stable and manageable.
Stay Informed:

Read about personal finance and investment strategies.
This helps make informed decisions.
Final Insights
You have a solid start with your savings. By following these steps, you can secure your financial future and achieve your goals. Stay disciplined and regularly review your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Aasif Ahmed Khan

Aasif Ahmed Khan   |86 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Career Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Career
Hi, I'm a PCMB student,I got 84023 rank in kcet in engineering section and 49655 in b pharma, 45205 in bsc agriculture, I'm confused whether to take engineering, which are the good colleges for my rank, I'm considering east point college near avalahalli, Hoskote is it good choice for me, or should I choose BCA over engineering in the same college. I'm totally confused
Ans: With a KCET rank of 84023, you might find it challenging to get into the top-tier engineering colleges. However, there are still good options available.

Choosing between BCA and Engineering depends on your interests and career goals:
Engineering: If you have a strong interest in technical subjects and enjoy problem-solving, engineering could be a good fit. It offers diverse career opportunities in various fields like mechanical, electrical, civil, and computer science.
BCA (Bachelor of Computer Applications): If you’re more inclined towards computer science and software development, BCA might be a better choice. It focuses on programming, software development, and IT management, leading to careers in software engineering, IT consulting, and more.

Given your ranks in B.Pharm (49655) and B.Sc Agriculture (45205), you might have better opportunities in these fields compared to engineering. Both fields have promising career prospects:
B.Pharm: Careers in pharmaceuticals, research, and healthcare.
B.Sc Agriculture: Opportunities in agribusiness, research, and government sectors.

Reflect on what subjects and career paths excite you the most, if possible, visit the colleges you’re considering to get a better understanding of their environment and facilities. Reach out to alumni or current students to get insights into the college and its programs.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5192 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5192 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Money
I am a govt employee. My in hand salary is 35k after deduction of EMI. I have a loan of Rs 10 lac which I am planning to repay in next 4-5 years. My savings are : 5k in provident fund, 5k in life insurance, 3k in mutual funds. Apart from this I have invested Rs 10 lac in equity. I want to retire by 2030. My goal is to reach the mark of Rs 1 Cr. Please guide how can I achieve it?
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You have a good start with savings and investments. Here’s a summary:

In-Hand Salary: Rs 35,000 (after EMI deduction)
Loan: Rs 10 lakh (to be repaid in 4-5 years)
Savings:
Provident Fund: Rs 5,000 per month
Life Insurance: Rs 5,000 per month
Mutual Funds: Rs 3,000 per month
Equity Investment: Rs 10 lakh
Retirement Goal: Rs 1 crore by 2030
Loan Repayment Plan
Repay Loan Strategically:

Prioritise loan repayment to reduce interest burden.
Allocate a fixed amount monthly towards EMI.
Ensure it doesn’t affect essential expenses and savings.
Increase EMI if Possible:

Increase your EMI payment when you get increments.
This will help you repay the loan faster and save on interest.
Savings and Investment Plan
Provident Fund:

Continue contributing Rs 5,000 per month.
It’s a secure investment with stable returns.
Life Insurance:

Ensure your life insurance covers your family’s needs.
It’s essential for financial security.
Mutual Funds:

Increase your SIPs in mutual funds to Rs 5,000 per month.
Focus on actively managed funds for better returns.
Avoid direct funds as they lack professional guidance.
Equity Investments:

Continue your equity investments.
Diversify your portfolio to include large, mid, and small-cap funds.
Avoid index funds as they are passively managed.
Actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns.
Additional Investment Options
Balanced Advantage Funds:

Invest in balanced advantage funds.
These funds provide a mix of equity and debt.
They offer stability and growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start new SIPs in actively managed funds.
Allocate Rs 2,000 each to large, mid, and small-cap funds.
Multi-Asset Funds:

Consider investing in multi-asset funds.
These funds diversify across equity, debt, and other assets.
They help in risk management.
Regular Review and Rebalancing
Annual Review:

Review your portfolio annually.
Ensure it aligns with your financial goals.
Rebalance Portfolio:

Rebalance your portfolio based on market conditions.
Shift investments to maintain desired asset allocation.
Achieving Retirement Goal of Rs 1 Crore
Target Returns:

Aim for a mix of stable and high-return investments.
Focus on long-term growth.
Increase SIPs Gradually:

Increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.
This helps in accumulating a larger corpus.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
This ensures your investments remain untouched.
Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. Focus on repaying your loan efficiently and increasing your SIPs in actively managed funds. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track. By following this strategy, you can achieve your retirement goal of Rs 1 crore by 2030.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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