I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success

Relationships can have a long life if we are willing to set aside our differences and keep egos at bay. Now read on and think deeper about these questions.

What went on between your wife and mother/sisters? Did you wife end up feeling hurt and lonely? Did she feel that you sided with your mother and sisters more than you did with her?

Constant arguments about things from the past honestly can lead to no good. It is important to know what exactly your wife feels at this very moment, but it seems like she doesn’t want to talk to you.

When you say you have made many efforts towards her and her family, why do you think, she hasn’t come back home or why has she stopped talking to you?

You did mention that she finds a reason to get pissed, but is there something that she expects from you or a certain behaviour that might help her get to an even ground?

Will involving a senior family member to talk to someone senior family member (not your mother) on her side?

With their experiences and their calm minds, they maybe able to break the ice between both sides and get the two of you to talk.

Please find a neutral member on both sides who can arrange for this in a wise manner without bringing in egos or past battles inside.

Communication must be re-established and throwing your hands up in the air may not be very useful if you want your marriage to continue.

Yes, past need not be brought back into the present, but it is necessary to understand what is going on in her mind before concluding anything.

You have left out one very important piece of information. Do you and your wife live with your mother and sisters?

I know in-laws are a bone of contention in most households at some point, but it comes to such an extreme only when people are forced to cohabitate with them. And if this is the case, you need to change the living arrangements pronto.

Never mind whether your wife is right or your family is right; if you want to save your marriage and improve relations between your family and your wife, move out. Immediately.

I’d like you to write in again and tell me exactly what’s going on. And this is for both of you -- if you don’t let go of the past and forgive each other’s past mistakes, you’ll never move forward.

The idea is not to repeat them and fall into old patterns of behaviour.

You need to make a promise to each other that, when having a discussion, neither will rake up past fights unless they have an extreme bearing on the current scenario.

Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?

Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.

What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.

Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.

This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.

At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.

And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.

Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.

If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.

Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.

If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.

Happy rebuilding!