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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife (aged 63 years) is suffering from Obsessive and Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for the 15 years. About 10 years back, she had undergone treatment at the Vellore Christian Hospital and is under medication. She is now better because of medication but her behaviour is very annoying at times. When I come from out side, she thinks that my cloths and all other things have become dirty and washes them. She feels that unless she offers "Puja" for at least 2 hours per day, bad things will happen to our family. Yesterday I flew from Bangalore and as soon as I reached home, she washed all my cloths including my new BP measuring instrument which I brought from there. I have two sons and they are married and reasonably well placed. I don't know what to do. Should I get separated from her? I am 72 and in good health.

Ans: It's important to consult with a mental health professional who can provide specific advice tailored to your wife's condition and your family's dynamics. Here are some steps you can consider:

Communicate: Open and compassionate communication is key. Talk to your wife about your concerns, and let her know how her behavior affects you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming her. Encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings as well.

Consult a Mental Health Professional: Reach out to a mental health specialist who specializes in OCD. Given that your wife has been on medication for a while but is still exhibiting distressing behavior, it may be beneficial to revisit her treatment plan. There might be adjustments needed in her medication or therapy.

Educate Yourself: Learn more about OCD and its symptoms to better understand what your wife is going through. This can help you be more empathetic and supportive.

Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for caregivers of individuals with OCD. This can provide you with valuable insights, coping strategies, and a network of people who understand your situation.

Seek Couples Therapy: Couples therapy can be helpful in improving communication and understanding between you and your wife. It can also provide guidance on how to manage the impact of OCD on your relationship.

Patience and Empathy: Living with someone who has OCD can be challenging, but try to be patient and empathetic. Remember that OCD is a mental health condition, and your wife's behaviors are driven by distressing thoughts and anxiety.

Self-Care: Take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. It's essential to maintain your own health and happiness while supporting your wife.

Legal Considerations: Separation or divorce should be considered only after exhausting all available avenues for treatment and support. Consulting with a family lawyer may be necessary if you decide to explore this option.

Ultimately, the decision to separate from your wife is a deeply personal one and should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of professionals. Keep in mind that with the right treatment and support, people with OCD can improve their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1572 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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Relationship
I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage. I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up. She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused. My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1572 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste. I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg. I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation. During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works. I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing. Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most. If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger. I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same. I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months. My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about. When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right? Why she can't understand it?I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.' Still no use. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear SD,

I have heard your side of the story but haven’t heard your wife on the same issue.

It seems the way you have described that your wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and selfish.

But I do believe that it takes two to tango.

What ever made her turn around differently from what she agreed upon before marriage?

Was she forced into this marriage?

Maybe it’s time to ask her:

What can I do for you?

What about me or my behaviour annoys you?

These questions shift from blame game to a solution space where you also take on the onus along with her to make the marriage work.

Obviously, something isn’t going on right and instead of bringing more instances that will prove that she’s at fault, why not bring in a space where the two of you work on your marriage.

Most times, just a shift in this thinking saves marriages and relationships.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1572 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 68 and my wife is 62, I had heart bypass surgery 9 years ago and she underwent Angioplasty 2 years ago, I had a fling with a foreigner around 4 years ago and we went out twice for a few days and I got caught since she has the habit of peeping into my mobile and copied my conversation and pics and she keeps nagging me for that episode, though it was four years ago and since then we haven't met but her nagging and abuses in front of friends and relatives and family hasn't stopped, whenever I want to have sex, I literally have to beg and listen to her taunts and abuses and that puts me off, I have asked for forgiveness and said sorry more than a thousand times but in vain, she still keeps on taunting and abusing me whenever she's in bad mood and forwards me my pics and messages and makes an issue of it. How to solve this is a mystery.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hurt is hurt and healing from that hurt is difficult as there has been a break in trust.
A mere 'sorry' will not suffice as your wife's taunts reflect her deep hurt. You seriously have to earn her trust all over again...
How?
- Doing things for her that you have not done before
- Offering to help even if she does not ask for it
AND then the game changer:
- Listening to her express her hurt (taunts) and say: I am sorry! I know that you feel hurt by what I did and I want to make it up to you. What do you feel I can do more for you begin to trust me again? (expressing it this way only tells her that you care enough to want to work towards rebuilding the relationship).

If it doesn't work the first time, then try again...This may feel very silly to do, but well, it works like magic! A lot of patience is necessary when you are attempting to rebuild a relationship and YES, don't leave any stone unturned.

All the best!

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |305 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

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Career
What are the chances to get merit out in afcat for flying branch if you've cleared all stages till medical but with a slightly average written marks?
Ans: Hi Gaurav,
Greetings.
Whenever we decide to take an entrance exam, it’s important to review the guidelines thoroughly. Like other entrance exams, CDAC has provided details on their website regarding the examination process. Admission is based on the vacancies available in the respective areas, and candidates will be admitted after a proper evaluation.

As you mentioned, there are several stages that candidates must clear for admission, if a candidate achieves average marks (Point 8a. (v) In order to rationalise the marks scored by candidates appearing in different shifts in an objective manner through a statistical method, before declaration of result marks scored by candidates will be Normalised based on the formula ), it can be challenging to predict their likelihood of admission. The Air Force has the discretion to set qualifying marks for any or all subjects of the examination. Below are points extracted from CDAC to provide more clarity about the admission process.

Sometimes, they may even consider a second cut-off if necessary ( Based on organizational requirements, IAF may impose a second cut-off for particular branch and call additional eligible candidates for SSB testing. These candidates will be shortlisted purely based on order of merit for the particular branch. That particular branch should be one of the choices submitted by the candidate at the time of registration. The candidature of candidates thus shortlisted, will be valid for that particular branch only and not for any other branch. In the overall Order of Merit, they will be placed below the last candidate qualifying the First AFCAT cut off marks {Para 9(a) above}. If successful in the selection process, these candidates will be inducted into that particular branch only, subject to vacancies and order of merit. These candidates would be required to submit an undertaking to this effect).

So,If you've decided to pursue this path, then proceed with thorough preparation.

BEST OF LUCK.
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4401 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

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My daughter scored 94.62 percentile in IIT JEE mains exam 2025 session 1. She belongs to general category. Which colleges she have chances to get admission
Ans: Dr, Here is, How to Predict Your Daughter's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results are declared, many students and JEE applicants start asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Daughter's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Daughter's Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Her JEE Main percentile
Her category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Her Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your daughter's admissions!

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