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Dr Ashish Sehgal  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2023

My wife (aged 63 years) is suffering from Obsessive and Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for the 15 years. About 10 years back, she had undergone treatment at the Vellore Christian Hospital and is under medication. She is now better because of medication but her behaviour is very annoying at times. When I come from out side, she thinks that my cloths and all other things have become dirty and washes them. She feels that unless she offers "Puja" for at least 2 hours per day, bad things will happen to our family. Yesterday I flew from Bangalore and as soon as I reached home, she washed all my cloths including my new BP measuring instrument which I brought from there. I have two sons and they are married and reasonably well placed. I don't know what to do. Should I get separated from her? I am 72 and in good health.

Ans: It's important to consult with a mental health professional who can provide specific advice tailored to your wife's condition and your family's dynamics. Here are some steps you can consider:

Communicate: Open and compassionate communication is key. Talk to your wife about your concerns, and let her know how her behavior affects you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming her. Encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings as well.

Consult a Mental Health Professional: Reach out to a mental health specialist who specializes in OCD. Given that your wife has been on medication for a while but is still exhibiting distressing behavior, it may be beneficial to revisit her treatment plan. There might be adjustments needed in her medication or therapy.

Educate Yourself: Learn more about OCD and its symptoms to better understand what your wife is going through. This can help you be more empathetic and supportive.

Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for caregivers of individuals with OCD. This can provide you with valuable insights, coping strategies, and a network of people who understand your situation.

Seek Couples Therapy: Couples therapy can be helpful in improving communication and understanding between you and your wife. It can also provide guidance on how to manage the impact of OCD on your relationship.

Patience and Empathy: Living with someone who has OCD can be challenging, but try to be patient and empathetic. Remember that OCD is a mental health condition, and your wife's behaviors are driven by distressing thoughts and anxiety.

Self-Care: Take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. It's essential to maintain your own health and happiness while supporting your wife.

Legal Considerations: Separation or divorce should be considered only after exhausting all available avenues for treatment and support. Consulting with a family lawyer may be necessary if you decide to explore this option.

Ultimately, the decision to separate from your wife is a deeply personal one and should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of professionals. Keep in mind that with the right treatment and support, people with OCD can improve their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives.

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Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage. I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up. She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused. My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!


Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2022

Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste. I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg. I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation. During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works. I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing. Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most. If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger. I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same. I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months. My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about. When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right? Why she can't understand it?I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.' Still no use. Please help me.

Dear SD,

I have heard your side of the story but haven’t heard your wife on the same issue.

It seems the way you have described that your wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and selfish.

But I do believe that it takes two to tango.

What ever made her turn around differently from what she agreed upon before marriage?

Was she forced into this marriage?

Maybe it’s time to ask her:

What can I do for you?

What about me or my behaviour annoys you?

These questions shift from blame game to a solution space where you also take on the onus along with her to make the marriage work.

Obviously, something isn’t going on right and instead of bringing more instances that will prove that she’s at fault, why not bring in a space where the two of you work on your marriage.

Most times, just a shift in this thinking saves marriages and relationships.

All the best!


Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2023
I am a 53 year old male having troubled relationship with my wife off late. I am married for 26 years & was happy for 25 years. Recently due to my friendship & chatting with some female friends my wife grew suspicious & started keeping watch on my phone & location through setting on phone. I didnt mind as I was not having any wrong intention & relationship with any female friend. Problem started when my wife started interfering in my daily work by calling during office hours and asking what I am doing and with whom I am chatting etc. 1-2 times in a week this questioning turns into arguments & she use abusive language to confront. She claims that this issue of my infidelity haunts her all day and she cant sleep properly during night. Is she having some psychotic problem? Do we have to seek counseling together or she needs a Psychologist help? She is happy for 2-3 days in a week & this problem is not a everyday problem as she is pretty normal on other days.I love her unconditionally & cant see her sinking like this. Please help.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship. I can offer you some general suggestions that might help in this situation.

Open and honest communication: Sit down with your wife during a calm moment and have an open conversation about your concerns and feelings. It's important to express your love and commitment to her, and also address the impact her actions are having on your relationship.
Seek couples counseling: A professional counselor or therapist can help both of you navigate through these issues. Couples counseling provides a safe space for open communication and can assist in resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and improving the overall dynamics of your relationship.
Individual counseling: In addition to couples counseling, your wife may benefit from individual therapy to address her feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and trust issues. A psychologist or therapist can provide her with support and guidance to work through her concerns.
Establish boundaries and trust-building measures: It's important to establish boundaries that both of you are comfortable with regarding friendships and privacy. Rebuilding trust might involve setting guidelines for communication, being transparent about your activities, and reassurance about your commitment to the relationship.
Patience and empathy: Remember that this process may take time, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with each other. Try to empathize with your wife's feelings and reassure her of your love and commitment. Encourage her to express her concerns and fears openly so you can work through them together.

It's important to note that only a qualified mental health professional can provide an accurate assessment. If you believe your wife's behavior is indicative of a larger mental health issue, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Ultimately, seeking professional help can provide you both with the necessary tools and guidance to work through these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2023
I'm 68 and my wife is 62, I had heart bypass surgery 9 years ago and she underwent Angioplasty 2 years ago, I had a fling with a foreigner around 4 years ago and we went out twice for a few days and I got caught since she has the habit of peeping into my mobile and copied my conversation and pics and she keeps nagging me for that episode, though it was four years ago and since then we haven't met but her nagging and abuses in front of friends and relatives and family hasn't stopped, whenever I want to have sex, I literally have to beg and listen to her taunts and abuses and that puts me off, I have asked for forgiveness and said sorry more than a thousand times but in vain, she still keeps on taunting and abusing me whenever she's in bad mood and forwards me my pics and messages and makes an issue of it. How to solve this is a mystery.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hurt is hurt and healing from that hurt is difficult as there has been a break in trust.
A mere 'sorry' will not suffice as your wife's taunts reflect her deep hurt. You seriously have to earn her trust all over again...
- Doing things for her that you have not done before
- Offering to help even if she does not ask for it
AND then the game changer:
- Listening to her express her hurt (taunts) and say: I am sorry! I know that you feel hurt by what I did and I want to make it up to you. What do you feel I can do more for you begin to trust me again? (expressing it this way only tells her that you care enough to want to work towards rebuilding the relationship).

If it doesn't work the first time, then try again...This may feel very silly to do, but well, it works like magic! A lot of patience is necessary when you are attempting to rebuild a relationship and YES, don't leave any stone unturned.

All the best!
Latest Questions

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Can you please give me any tips for preparing for GRE?
Ans: Hello Vishal,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on preparing for the Graduate Record Examination (GRE). To prepare well and secure good grades, I would suggest the following tips:

1. Get to know the structure or format of the GRE
2. Make a study plan
3. Make use of authentic GRE study resources or guides
4. Practice on a regular basis
5. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses in each component of the GRE. Also, pay more attention to the areas that require improvement.
6. Sharpen your mathematical abilities by solving maths problems
7. Write Essays and pay heed to the format, flow of the essay, and clarity.
8. Enhance your vocabulary through vocabulary apps and flashcards.
9. Brush up on your reading skills by reading journals, newspapers, and literature.
10. Appear for Mock Exams
11. Understand the mistakes you have made in the mock exams and learn from them.
12. Do not practice continuously, engage in brief breaks during study sessions to remain alert and concentrate better.
13. To acquire more guidance, make use of GRE test prep books, engage in courses online, or consider hiring a teacher.
14. Register for the GRE exam well before you intend appearing for the test in order to obtain a seat.
15. If you plan on appearing for the GRE in offline mode, ensure that you visit your exam centre beforehand.
16. Be mindful of any modifications in the structure of the GRE or its rules as well as any updates.
17. Maintain a Healthy Balance
18. Master Time Management. Answer easy questions first and save the difficult ones for later. Avoid dedicating ample time to one question.
19. Stay Confident and remain assured to earn good grades in the test.
20. On the day of the test, carry all the required materials, including the ID and the admission test card.

Preparing for the GRE examination requires one to put in a lot of effort and time. I would suggest that you create a study plan in accordance with your personal strengths and weaknesses.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2023
I have completed my BE in Mechatronics in 2016. Then i started working in embedded electronic segment. But now i want to do masters from USA with top universities in power electronics. What is process. Which university will be best. Is power electronics will be good choice as academically i am from mechatronics background but professionally i am from embedded and power domain.
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear about your plans on pursuing a Master's degree in the USA. As an answer to your question, I would like to let you know that it is indeed possible and rather a fruitful step to shift from a Bachelor's degree in Mechatronics to a Master's degree in Power Electronics in the United States. Take the following steps into consideration.

1. Conduct a thorough study and choose: As the first step in the process, I would recommend that you conduct an extensive study on the field of your choice i.e. power electronics and take into account the employment possibilities it has to offer. Although you have a background in mechatronics as previously mentioned by you, you should make sure that the field of power electronics matches your career objectives and interests, and for the same, I suggest that you get in touch with field experts as they will be able to advise you better.

2. Select Universities: There are a number of universities that are renowned for their programs in the field of power electronics. I recommend that you conduct a comprehensive study and list universities. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, University of California, Berkeley, Stanford University, and University of Michigan are among the prominent ones. In addition, the university’s location, scholarship opportunities they have to offer, the experience of faculty members, and the likelihood of you securing admission should also be taken into account.

3. Appear for the GRE and English Proficiency Tests viz., IELTS or TOEFL: Majority of the universities in USA require students to prepare for and undertake the GRE i.e. Graduate Record Examination. You may also be required to prove your fluency in the English language through appearing for English competency tests viz. the IELTS or TOEFL, if English is not your first language.

4. Submit a Strong Personal Statement or Statement of Purpose: Next, I would suggest that you draft a strong personal statement or Statement of Purpose that outlines your reasons for wanting to pursue a Master's degree in Power Electronics, how your training in mechatronics as well as your hands-on experience in the embedded and power sectors will help you succeed, and the reasons behind selecting the universities you intend applying to.

5. Submit Academic Marksheets and Endorsement Letters: Along with the SOP, you will also need to submit your BE program marksheets, and obtain strong recommendation letters from instructors and employers who can attest to your educational and work abilities.

6. Take necessary courses: As mentioned earlier, you have a background in mechatronics and now wish to pursue your Master's in Power Electronics. To aid in your transition from mechatronics to power electronics, and to fill in the knowledge gap between your training in mechatronics and the particular demands of power electronics, you may be required to appear for certain prerequisite courses. The courses that you may be required to appear for are mentioned on the websites of the universities.

7. Plan your Finances: Studying in the USA can be a costly affair, and so I suggest that you plan your finances adequately. Take into account your financial circumstances. Also universities in USA offer ample scholarships and assistantships, look into the possible financial aid options that universities have to offer.

8. Make Applications to Universities: As part of the application procedure you will need to submit all the necessary documentation, pay the required application fees, and adhere to application deadlines. I suggest that you complete each university’s online application procedure.

9. Apply for a Visa: On receiving a Letter of Acceptance from the university, as the next step in the process, you will be required to apply for a student visa. Generally, an F-1 visa is required to study in USA. I suggest that you submit the required paperwork and adhere to all the visa prerequisites.

10. Prepare to Migrate: The final step in the process will require you to make all the necessary arrangements. Arrange for accommodation, obtain a medical insurance, and make arrangements for other requirements in the country. Understand the customs and academic standards of the country.

As an answer to your query whether power electronics is a good choice or not, I would like to tell you that as you have expertise in the power and embedded sectors, this field can be a fantastic one. Different sectors viz., electric vehicles, renewable energy, consumer electronics, etc. all depend on the field of power electronics. As mechatronics frequently includes the combination of mechanical systems, control systems, and electronics, your knowledge in the field of mechatronics can offer a distinct viewpoint.

Lastly, the university that you select should resonate with professional ambitions and research pursuits with the filed of power electronics. I would suggest that you conduct a thorough study on not only the courses but also the expertise of the faculty members at each university to ascertain which one best suits your educational and professional goals.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023
I am doing WILP M.Sc IT first year BITS It is a course of 2.5 years in BITS. Can i join for 2nd year in abroad universities
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on deciding to pursue the 2nd year of your WILP M.Sc IT BITS Pilani program at a university overseas. As an answer to your query, I would like to inform you that a number of factors including overseas universities’ guidelines as well as your BITS Pilani program’s acknowledgement play a vital role in deciding whether or not you are eligible to pursue the second year of the program at a university abroad. Please take the following factors into account:

1. Consider the program’s acknowledgement and accreditation: Accreditation or getting certified guarantees a student that his/her degree is legitimate and recognized by universities across the globe. As the first step in the process, I would suggest that you make sure that the pertinent academic institutions in India as well as overseas, both recognize as well as accept the WILP M.Sc. IT program at BITS Pilani.

2. Get to know the Transfer Guidelines: Transfer students are generally accepted by certain universities. Nevertheless, they possess unique prerequisites and constraints, and thus, in my opinion, it’s best to consult your preferred universities overseas in order to understand their guidelines with respect to the credit transfer from other schools/universities.

3. Familiarize Yourself with prerequisites for Admission: For transfer students, varying prerequisites for admission may be set forth by varying universities. I suggest that you get to know and adhere to not only their education criteria but also their prerequisites for language competency.

4. Ensure a coherence between the course curriculum: You will need to make sure that there is a coherence between the course of study that was completed by you at BITS Pilani and the program of study at the international university. Remember that in order to fill in any gaps, you may be needed to appear for other extra courses.

5. Plan your Finances: Pursuing studies overseas can be a costly affair, and for this reason, you will need to ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay for your living costs, tuition fees, as well as other miscellaneous expenditures.

6. Get in touch with education counselors: To better comprehend the consequences and the steps involved in the process of transferring to a foreign university, I highly recommend that you get in touch with education counselors at BITS Pilani as they will be in a better position to offer specialized advice based on your circumstances.

7. Get to know the Application Deadlines: You should get to know the last date to apply to your preferred universities overseas. For that, I recommend that you start planning well in advance and send in your application as per schedule.

8. Follow Visa and Immigration Prerequisites: There are visa and immigration prerequisites associated with studying overseas that you will be required to look in. To be able to study in your preferred country, I suggest that you adhere to the visa requirements in order to acquire the appropriate authorization.

I would like to inform you that transferring to an overseas university to pursue the second year of your studies is indeed possible. Nevertheless, you will need to take into account all the aforementioned aspects and plan meticulously. To see if you qualify and to understand the likelihood of transfer, I recommend that you conduct an extensive study and directly get in touch with each university as each may have unique prerequisites and guidelines.

For more information, you can visit our website.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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