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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife (aged 63 years) is suffering from Obsessive and Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for the 15 years. About 10 years back, she had undergone treatment at the Vellore Christian Hospital and is under medication. She is now better because of medication but her behaviour is very annoying at times. When I come from out side, she thinks that my cloths and all other things have become dirty and washes them. She feels that unless she offers "Puja" for at least 2 hours per day, bad things will happen to our family. Yesterday I flew from Bangalore and as soon as I reached home, she washed all my cloths including my new BP measuring instrument which I brought from there. I have two sons and they are married and reasonably well placed. I don't know what to do. Should I get separated from her? I am 72 and in good health.

Ans: It's important to consult with a mental health professional who can provide specific advice tailored to your wife's condition and your family's dynamics. Here are some steps you can consider:

Communicate: Open and compassionate communication is key. Talk to your wife about your concerns, and let her know how her behavior affects you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming her. Encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings as well.

Consult a Mental Health Professional: Reach out to a mental health specialist who specializes in OCD. Given that your wife has been on medication for a while but is still exhibiting distressing behavior, it may be beneficial to revisit her treatment plan. There might be adjustments needed in her medication or therapy.

Educate Yourself: Learn more about OCD and its symptoms to better understand what your wife is going through. This can help you be more empathetic and supportive.

Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for caregivers of individuals with OCD. This can provide you with valuable insights, coping strategies, and a network of people who understand your situation.

Seek Couples Therapy: Couples therapy can be helpful in improving communication and understanding between you and your wife. It can also provide guidance on how to manage the impact of OCD on your relationship.

Patience and Empathy: Living with someone who has OCD can be challenging, but try to be patient and empathetic. Remember that OCD is a mental health condition, and your wife's behaviors are driven by distressing thoughts and anxiety.

Self-Care: Take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. It's essential to maintain your own health and happiness while supporting your wife.

Legal Considerations: Separation or divorce should be considered only after exhausting all available avenues for treatment and support. Consulting with a family lawyer may be necessary if you decide to explore this option.

Ultimately, the decision to separate from your wife is a deeply personal one and should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of professionals. Keep in mind that with the right treatment and support, people with OCD can improve their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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Relationship
I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage. I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up. She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused. My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste. I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg. I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation. During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works. I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing. Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most. If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger. I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same. I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months. My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about. When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right? Why she can't understand it?I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.' Still no use. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear SD,

I have heard your side of the story but haven’t heard your wife on the same issue.

It seems the way you have described that your wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and selfish.

But I do believe that it takes two to tango.

What ever made her turn around differently from what she agreed upon before marriage?

Was she forced into this marriage?

Maybe it’s time to ask her:

What can I do for you?

What about me or my behaviour annoys you?

These questions shift from blame game to a solution space where you also take on the onus along with her to make the marriage work.

Obviously, something isn’t going on right and instead of bringing more instances that will prove that she’s at fault, why not bring in a space where the two of you work on your marriage.

Most times, just a shift in this thinking saves marriages and relationships.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 53 year old male having troubled relationship with my wife off late. I am married for 26 years & was happy for 25 years. Recently due to my friendship & chatting with some female friends my wife grew suspicious & started keeping watch on my phone & location through setting on phone. I didnt mind as I was not having any wrong intention & relationship with any female friend. Problem started when my wife started interfering in my daily work by calling during office hours and asking what I am doing and with whom I am chatting etc. 1-2 times in a week this questioning turns into arguments & she use abusive language to confront. She claims that this issue of my infidelity haunts her all day and she cant sleep properly during night. Is she having some psychotic problem? Do we have to seek counseling together or she needs a Psychologist help? She is happy for 2-3 days in a week & this problem is not a everyday problem as she is pretty normal on other days.I love her unconditionally & cant see her sinking like this. Please help.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship. I can offer you some general suggestions that might help in this situation.

Open and honest communication: Sit down with your wife during a calm moment and have an open conversation about your concerns and feelings. It's important to express your love and commitment to her, and also address the impact her actions are having on your relationship.
Seek couples counseling: A professional counselor or therapist can help both of you navigate through these issues. Couples counseling provides a safe space for open communication and can assist in resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and improving the overall dynamics of your relationship.
Individual counseling: In addition to couples counseling, your wife may benefit from individual therapy to address her feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and trust issues. A psychologist or therapist can provide her with support and guidance to work through her concerns.
Establish boundaries and trust-building measures: It's important to establish boundaries that both of you are comfortable with regarding friendships and privacy. Rebuilding trust might involve setting guidelines for communication, being transparent about your activities, and reassurance about your commitment to the relationship.
Patience and empathy: Remember that this process may take time, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with each other. Try to empathize with your wife's feelings and reassure her of your love and commitment. Encourage her to express her concerns and fears openly so you can work through them together.

It's important to note that only a qualified mental health professional can provide an accurate assessment. If you believe your wife's behavior is indicative of a larger mental health issue, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Ultimately, seeking professional help can provide you both with the necessary tools and guidance to work through these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10854 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.
Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
Career
Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

...Read more

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