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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
S Question by S on Oct 14, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I am 53 and my wife is 45. I never felt happy with my marriage.
She suffers from OCD but is very intelligent. She has never done any cooking in these 23 years of our marriage.
I cook and do household chores in case domestic help does not turn up.

She brings me to suicidal tendency blaming my mother, my brother etc...
She has never allowed my mother to stay with me, and also makes me lose interest in her. But her father is a very good man. I love him and feel like having sex with him though I am also a male. How much ever I ask her to come back to normalcy she does not. I am confused.
My only son is 23 years old. I do not want him to think that he is disturbed. She does not understand others' state of mind. Please help me.

Ans:

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

  • How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
  • Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
  • Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I've been married to my wife for 10 years. In the last 2 years or so I find it difficult to understand her. Once every 2 or 3 months she goes into depression, and brings up old conversations between my mother and sister. It is not that they are perfect; however they have already moved on. She blames I didn't support, if the conversations happened in front of me then I can support but didn't happen. Also, my mother and sister they don't talk to me anything about those conversations. I love her and I have asked her to seek medical help but she doesn't want. I want to help and at the same time I need help.
Ans: Dear A, my first question to you is: how do you know that it is depression?

Has she been clinically diagnosed? Most often, I find people throwing this word around loosely without knowing what depression truly is.

For all you know, she may simply be low or upset over something that comes and goes frequently.

Assuming that this is case from what you have stated in your email, what is the reason that you feel she brings up these conversations from the past?

What triggers it? Is there a reference to your mother or sister in any current context?

Is anyone praising them currently and she doesn’t like it? Is she being compared to them in any manner?

Has she lost or given up anything in the past because of them that is impacting her now?

Do a reality check with her or if you know the answers to these, you will know what exactly is going on in your mind.

Questions like these can point you in a direction that will enable you to help her rather than see her as a problem.

She may not be willing to go to a professional for help as most of us think that it is NOTHING.

Stress and sadness are real and over a period of time, it can rob us of even the smallest of joys that we deserve.

It's easy to say: Forget the past; one cannot forget the past or what happened there BUT one can only change the way they feel about the past.

Replaying what happened means she is reliving the same experience over and over again and feels the reality of this even now which must be dulled and faded away.

Why does she hold onto this is because it perhaps gives her the solace of not doing anything about it now and it’s easy to play the blame game?

At times, we seek refuge under phrases like: My life is a living hell because of this or that. This could also be hiding away from opportunities and blaming the world for it.

What I am sharing here is based on what information that I have got from you.

I suggest start with the reality check questions first and see how it goes as this will give you vital information on what’s going on in her mind.

Most importantly, reiterate to her to be grateful for the things and people in her life right now.

Gratitude as an energy can liberate us from mundane occurrences and can keep us sane and calm.

Best wishes to you and your wife for a wonderful life.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

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I am 33 year old and my wife is 2 year elder than me, we married in 2014 and we have a son who is 5 year old. But i noticed from last 6 years she didn't interested in me. I tried a lot to make her smile many times i do what she want, even if i do something i want she never be so happy. I done a conversation with her a lot about that but she said she is not fit, she always think about her anxiety and cervical issue. We hardly do sex sometimes maybe once in a month, she never ask me to do, she try to hide her feelings her lot i ask many times to be open. She just show anger on me many times on small topics, even she picks issues and those are very small. I ask already do you like to take divorce then tell me, but she didn't replied and angry again. She just give a excuse that i am not well having cervical pain, even we go to many doctors. Many times she is watching reels and Kdramas she keep ignoring me. What should i do ? Sometimes i think i should find someone outside for my happy life ? Because like that i kill my feelings and myself i think that because this is not compromise for family as i think ?
Ans: It is sad to hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. It's important to understand that a lack of interest or intimacy in a marriage can have many different causes, including physical and emotional issues. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship, and it sounds like you have tried to have conversations with your wife about your concerns.

However, it's also important to recognize that if you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your marriage, seeking intimacy outside of the marriage is not a solution. Infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a relationship and can also be emotionally devastating for all parties involved.

Instead, I would encourage you to continue to communicate with your wife about your concerns and explore different ways to address the issues that you are experiencing. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy together, or it may involve taking steps to address any physical or emotional issues that are impacting your wife's interest in intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a deeply personal one that should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. If you feel like your needs are not being met in your marriage and you are considering divorce, I would encourage you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified professional to help you navigate this difficult process.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 3 yr neet dropper.in 2025 it will be my third attempt... I'm trying my best to crack neet ...i don't know what will happen will i score good marks or not ... please help me in suggesting good career options if not crack neet .....there are many options through neet marks also like bhms , veterinary...etc. i will also give entrance exam also like cuet ,gbpuat ,....but i want that what to choose which course will be best for me ...i want to make my life good and happy... having a good degree, good job ,...
Ans: Hello.
Have you analyzed your failure in 2 successive attempts in the NEET examination? If yes, then the question is what you have done for improvement and not then again the question arises why not? Here, I would like to suggest you focus now only on the NEET examination which is your 3rd attempt. Don't think about any other options right now till May 2025. After the NEET exam is over, you have ample time to explore the options available. Depending on your score in NEET 2025, we will guide you at that time. But yet, if you are confused, then looking towards your question and anxiety, you need personal counseling where you can express yourself face-to-face. Only after the NEET exam is over, you contact a counsellor for one-to-one counseling. Till then, keep mum and focus only on NEET. Take this exam as your mission and project. Work on this project, apply forces from all sides, success is there which is waiting for you eagerly.
Best of luck for your bright future.

Some tips: (1) Analyse separately Phy, Che, Bio (2) Prepare a list of hard topics (3) First focus more on the topics which are easy for you and then try to excel in hard topics (4) Appear more and more online/offline examinations (4) Prepare your short-cut file for all subjects (5) Prepare a file for each subject having only synopsis of all chapters (6) Try to solve the problems at the lightening speed and observe the period on regular basis (7) Create your time table to revise the topics on regular basis (8) Do not hesitate to ask your difficulties to your teachers, if you have joined to offline classes (9) Keep the habit of marking the answers which you know 100%. Don't guess the answers and mark them, as there is -ve marking scheme. (10) Be calm, quite, and smiling all the time to release the tension and always have a healthy chat with your friends.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Career
I am looking for a job, I had uploaded my resume in job site. A consultant called me & introduced himself telling he know some of the openings. He had a detailed discussion about my job & my skills. He told need to register to his consultancy for scheduling interview. I registered with him & he got me a interview. Interview was done by the company through skype. I could not see the company persons. They told only they can see me. Interview went on well & regarding salary I told my expectation but they told it is not possible & they told their proposal. Finally I agreed to them. They gave me code & told to visit the company for next round. Consultant called me after first round & told recruiter is very happy with the interview. Regarding salary he told why I agreed for the proposal,he will discuss again & asked to pay charges for some of his services which he will refund the day I visit to the company & take the orders. I paid him. He told there is a increase in salary he has discussed with recruiter & again asked for the money I did only partial payment & further will not pay anything. Second round also happened through skype instead of in person. Interview went on well & salary offered was good comparing to before & there was a big jump. Recruiter told they have planned to give additional responsibilities so they have increased. Finally they gave me a date to visit company. I asked when will I get the order, he replied he will send to consultant as I was taken by them. Till now i did not get the orders, consultant is keep on postponing. Now he told visit to company date is also postponed, he will update in next week & not to worry as job is confirmed. Now not understanding what to do, am I been cheated or wait.
Ans: Dear Mr. Keshava ,

There are many unscruplous job agents who are fake and claim themselves to be a Placement consultant. In short You have been cheated . Before paying any fee for registration , you must ensure that the agency is genuine . If not don't even upload your resume . You may write to company , lodge a complaint against the agency. If the amount is very high , pl. take the help of police . .

...Read more

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