Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.
I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste.
I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg.
I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation.
During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works.
I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.
But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing.
Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most.
If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger.
I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same.
I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.
This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months.
My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about.
When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right?
Why she can't understand it?
I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.
She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.
How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.'
Still no use. Please help me.

I am from mechanical background and work as an engineer. My wife is an IT professional. We got married in 2014 by finding through matrimony site and same caste. I belong from Haryana and she is primarily from UP and we have grown in different cities. She has one sister (IT professional) who got divorced in 2012 and married again in 2014 after our engagement. Everything was fine. The story started after the engagement. I noticed she used to talk her jija (PG guest house renter) and I showed him caution since she did not attend my call in between. I again noticed her commanding behaviour when we were selecting the menu selection (food) for the upcoming function that was to happen at my place but I ignored it. Honeymoon was in Singapore where his brother played a role for ticket arrangement and agency where I paid her half the amount as per her wish. In the honeymoon also, I noticed she use to go to the bathroom and keep sending information to her family members which I ignored. By now I was of a view that she use to share thick and thin with her family members. After we married, I was supposed to go to Pune for two nights and she was alone in our flat. When I came back, I asked the security guard to share visitors list and saw her jija’s name (might be with her sister). I took a photo and went to the flat. I asked her anyone had come and she lied to me. Then it turned to be a hell fight and in the morning she put herself on her knees and said sorry and said it will not repeat. But this did not stop here. My and her office was in Gurgaon and sometimes she said please come for pickup. I went to her office two hours prior to her given time and caught her again with her jija and her sister. This kind of stuff I noticed two-three times. Once, we were roaming in a craft mela and we came across her jija and her sister. She used to go her home without telling for how much time she is going and all. This resulted in no stuff shared by me also. Her parents never called me and I also never connected with her parents and brother or her family. Whenever any fight happens, she shouts loudly to attract attention and she uses sex as a tool to forget every matter and move on. On the festival front, she carries on with her ways and has never accepted our ways. She always mentions, ‘Tum logon ko puja bi nahi karni aati.’ Her brother and parents visited only five-six times in seven years. They have a big time connection with elder jija. We have never take any penny from her salary till now because, on many occasions, I found her of ill-mentality. With God’s grace, we have two flats and our financial background is good. Whenever I try to ask her about her bank balance, she never gives answers. I tried to convince her that you pay my loan, I will give you EMI, but she always said she will think about it. I have four sisters. After we married, we visited them. She never gave them a penny and would always ask me; she would also say that I don’t have khulle paise. On one occasion she said, “Mere paise chori ho gaye.” It was the initial stage so we ignored it. But after that my shirt went missing and some stuff went missing. We also noticed a few times that our money was also stolen. We suspect her but are not sure about her behaviour. My sisters stay in the village and they came once in a year so there is no disturbance from my family. My mother is 75 years old and a very polite lady. She stays with us and interferes nothing in matters. We have two kids now. One of our kids is just ignoring her and the second kid is somewhat going with her and when I am at home he also usually spends time with me. She is never kind of playing and mixing person with kids and my behaviour is to mix and that’s the reason both kids connect well with me. Her parents stay in Dhanbad. She had gone there one year back but the kids refused to go. She put the blame on me. I told her that I can come along with kids to which she said big joke. After coming back from home, I notice she started saying no to everything -- like going our second home in the village or to attend any ceremony or saying no to sex, etc. Though I am a through gentleman, we ignore her but recently she provoked me and I said blah, blah, blah since she also use blah, blah, blah and recorded and called her brother and mother at our home. They use her father only for calling. Her father called and said, ‘Why are you using bad language?’ I said the same was used by her. They came my house twice for meeting. Her brother was quiet and mother overspoke. My wife used to threaten me three-four time for divorce and I kept ignoring her words. I mentioned this to her mother. Her mother in that meeting she will be here with taunting. She did the same thing to provoke second time and this time her mother use to never stop shouting along with my wife. Her brother also used abusive language and they brought one retired inspector. However, that retired person talk genuinely. He was from Haryana and, on many points, he mentioned festivals have family traditions. I never like her food in seven years not due to the bad reflection but due to her making recipe. I tried to change it in initial days, but she always tries to be heavy on me once I approach kitchen. So I left that and started eating. After two recent fights, there are no talks and I have kept one maid to cook my food. Now she used to go in the market/bank /her family frequently to disturb the atmosphere of the family. The big disconnect I found is she is full with backbiting and negative approach behaviour and never gives heed to positive behaviour. Either she will be quiet or she will be loud and attach no midway to discuss and debate. After all this, what I concluded is that my wife is totally hacked mind and adopted ill tactics to down me. Her family members are playing smartly and may be using her money also at the same time I observe that she don’t want to break with me. They want to put pressure on me by emotion/threaten means for the gaps (kids are not connected with her or her family). My thinking is time is a big healer and I have large mind to digest the situation comings. Please suggest me what can be best interest of this situation. Thanks

I have married since 19 years, married ceremony is her elder sister's house. Wife is ignoring me again. She is not buying any new dresses but discuss with both sisters n her mother but problem is not that but why when i am not at home. She calls them in my absent, and does not share anything with me. When asked just quarrels with me n not talking to me normally, even talks very ruthly.

I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.

I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.