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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SD Question by SD on Dec 20, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.
I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste.
I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg.
I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation.
During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works.
I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.
But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing.
Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most.
If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger.
I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same.
I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.
This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months.
My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about.
When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right?
Why she can't understand it?
I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.
She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.
How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.'
Still no use. 
Please help me.

Ans:

Dear SD,

I have heard your side of the story but haven’t heard your wife on the same issue.

It seems the way you have described that your wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and selfish.

But I do believe that it takes two to tango.

What ever made her turn around differently from what she agreed upon before marriage?

Was she forced into this marriage?

Maybe it’s time to ask her:

What can I do for you?

What about me or my behaviour annoys you?

These questions shift from blame game to a solution space where you also take on the onus along with her to make the marriage work.

Obviously, something isn’t going on right and instead of bringing more instances that will prove that she’s at fault, why not bring in a space where the two of you work on your marriage.

Most times, just a shift in this thinking saves marriages and relationships.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

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Relationship
To answer your questions - 1. My wife is giving various excuses saying kitchen is in 1st floor and not on 2nd floor. I kept cooking maid though who used to carry all lunch from 1st floor to second floor. On dinner I used to carry food for her. Now her demand is to keep all time Aya or maid the cost I couldn't simply bear. Every time she used to give various excuses to go to her father's house Both my sister and my uncle talked to her father and family, but seems her mother has a full support on this and her father is mum and they don't listen to my problem at all. I used to serve tea, breakfast to my wife before going to office since she can't come downstairs on first floor. My sister and her husband tried to communicate my wife's parent, but she refused to listen to them I don't think couples therapy will work because my wife will not ready to hear any solution. Only thing I guess is to summon her and her family to court and ask her whether she is willing to stay with me or with father.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
My suggestions were merely trying to enable the two of you to work on your marriage. If you feel that by using force, this may work, you should know that things can get worse from thereon...Be careful about how you achieve what you set out to achieve...Of course, I do understand the frustration of making all efforts and still not having your wife relent and align is really strange and funny.
My question still is: what is the reason that she is so unwilling to stay longer periods with you? Have you tried to ask her this?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I'm 45 years married 16 years with 2 kids . In short my wife has anger issues . She gets annoyed if anything happens against her wish. No one in family can talk to her. She dosen't want to listen anyone's advice or opinion. I work 7 days a week to financially support my family. Also help her in kitchen and household works, Buy groceries. She still complains and get angry. Her behavior becomes rude wherever my parents visit us. She hides all the food or not to buy. I aways tried to calm and relax her to keep our relationship happy. There are months passes without sex She still complain I'm doing nothing for family. I love her and my kids so keep on tolerating. I tried to talk to her but she never cared and told if i wush can leave her as I'm selfish. I need your advice and opinion to bring my meaningful
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, if only she could appreciate all your efforts towards the family and her. But you know what; what she could be missing is the emotional connection with you especially when you work 7 days a week...it leaves you very little time with the family or for her. This can cause a lack within your relationship. Is it possible for you take a day off so that you have time for yourself and your family? It maybe the same job or something else. I know that changes are hard to make BUT at the end of the day, relationships especially the core ones matter the most, don't they?
This change can definitely put things back together and give your wife the opportunity to be with you and appreciate you even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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I have been investing in shares for several years and have seen good returns, but with increasing market volatility, I'm considering diversifying into international stocks or alternative assets. What are the potential benefits and risks of each approach?
Ans: Diversifying into international stocks and alternative assets can be a strategic move, especially given your experience in financial analysis and investment planning. Here’s a breakdown of the benefits and risks of each approach:
International Stocks
Benefits are as follows:
- Diversification – Investing globally reduces dependence on domestic market conditions and spreads risk
- Access to High-Growth Markets – Some international markets, particularly emerging economies, may offer higher growth potential.
- Currency Appreciation – If the foreign currency strengthens against the INR, your returns could increase.
- Exposure to Leading Industries – Developed markets like the U.S. provide access to top tech, healthcare, and finance companies.

Risks involved in international markets are as follows:
- Currency Fluctuations – Exchange rate volatility can impact returns.
- Political & Economic Risks – Foreign regulations, trade policies, and economic instability can affect investments.
- Higher Transaction Costs – International investing often involves additional fees and taxes.
- Limited Information Access – Researching foreign companies may be more challenging compared to domestic firms.

Alternative Assets (Real Estate, Commodities, Private Equity, etc.)
Following are the benefits:
- Low Correlation with Stock Markets – Alternative assets often move independently of traditional markets, helping mitigate volatility.
- Inflation Hedge – Real assets like gold and real estate tend to retain value during inflationary periods.
- Potential for High Returns – Private equity and hedge funds can offer substantial gains if managed well.
- Portfolio Customization – Some alternative investments allow direct control, such as real estate or private businesses.

Risks involved are as follows:
- Illiquidity – Many alternative assets, such as private equity and real estate, are not easily sold.
- Complexity – These investments often require specialized knowledge and due diligence.
- Higher Fees – Alternative investments may have higher management costs and entry barriers.
- Market Uncertainty – Some assets, like cryptocurrencies, can be highly volatile.

Given your methodical approach to financial planning, you might find international ETFs a convenient way to gain global exposure while managing risk. Similarly, REITs or commodity funds could be a structured way to enter alternative assets without direct ownership complexities.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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I'm now 68 years old. Living with my wife. I have 2 daughters. Both are well settled. I don't have any liability. I'm a pension holder. I'm getting Rs 75,000/- pension pm. I have invested Rs1,50,00,000 in FD. 7lakhs in Mutual funds, 6,50,000 in equity. 12 Lakhs in Sovereign Gold Bond, I'm getting Rs 35,000/- House rent pm. I have 25 lakhs Cash in hand. I want to deposit the above amount. How can I diversified the above amount to deposit?
Ans: Your financial position is strong. You have a steady pension and rental income. Your investments are diversified across FDs, mutual funds, equity, and gold bonds. Let’s allocate your Rs. 25L wisely.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Keep Rs. 5L in a high-interest savings account.

Use a liquid mutual fund for another Rs. 3L for easy access.

This ensures quick access to funds in case of unexpected expenses.

Debt Investment for Stability
Invest Rs. 7L in a mix of short-term and medium-term debt mutual funds.

These offer better post-tax returns than FDs.

Choose high-quality funds with stable performance.

Equity Investment for Growth
Allocate Rs. 5L to large-cap mutual funds via SIP.

This ensures gradual market participation and reduces risk.

Avoid direct stocks for this amount, as mutual funds offer better risk management.

Gold Investment for Inflation Hedge
You already have Rs. 12L in Sovereign Gold Bonds.

No additional gold investment is needed.

Regular Income Investment
Invest Rs. 5L in SWP-based mutual funds for periodic withdrawals.

This provides additional income while keeping capital appreciation intact.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-structured. This allocation balances liquidity, stability, and growth. Your pension and rental income provide financial security. Diversifying your Rs. 25L ensures better returns while maintaining risk control.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8175 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

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Sir kindly suggest some mf for steady return for 5 yr in SIP in large cap
Ans: Investing in large-cap mutual funds through SIP is a stable choice. These funds focus on established companies with strong financials. They offer consistent growth with lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Let’s assess how to select the right fund.

Why Large-Cap Funds for Five Years?
Invest in top companies with proven stability.

Less volatile than mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Suitable for a five-year investment horizon.

Provide inflation-beating returns over time.

Ideal for steady compounding with SIP investments.

Actively Managed vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds outperform index funds in varying market conditions.

Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market trends.

Index funds only replicate the market and cannot outperform it.

Actively managed funds provide better downside protection.

For five-year investments, active management ensures stable performance.

Choosing the Right Fund
Look for funds with a history of stable returns.

Ensure the fund has an experienced fund manager.

Avoid funds with frequent manager changes.

Select funds with lower expense ratios among actively managed ones.

Check the rolling returns of the fund, not just past performance.

Tax Considerations
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

SIP investments held for over one year qualify for LTCG benefits.

Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax burden.

Final Insights
Large-cap mutual funds are suitable for stable returns over five years. They balance risk and reward effectively. Choose an actively managed fund with strong historical performance. Stay invested with SIPs for disciplined wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8175 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 01, 2025Hindi
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Money
Sir...I am 56 years old. I want to take voluntary resignation. I will get 45000 as monthly pension and Rs.75 lacs as lumpsum. I have own house and only son is working in TCS. Can i take VRS????
Ans: Your situation is strong. You have a stable pension, a lumpsum amount, and no housing worries. Your son is financially independent. Let’s evaluate your decision from all angles.

Monthly Cash Flow Analysis
You will receive Rs. 45,000 per month as a pension.

Your expenses must be assessed. If your monthly spending is less than Rs. 45,000, then pension alone can cover your needs.

If expenses are higher, you will need an income from your Rs. 75L corpus.

Inflation will increase costs over time. Your pension may not grow, so investment returns should outpace inflation.

Emergency Fund Planning
Keep at least 12 months of expenses in a safe place.

Use a combination of a bank savings account and a liquid mutual fund.

Avoid locking all your funds in long-term investments.

Investment Strategy for Rs. 75L
You must structure investments to generate income, ensure growth, and manage risk.

Allocate funds into mutual funds for long-term growth.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) for steady income.

Diversify across large-cap, flexicap, and hybrid mutual funds.

Consider debt funds for stability.

Avoid high-risk sectoral/thematic funds for income needs.

Tax Efficiency
Pension is taxable as per your income tax slab.

Mutual fund withdrawals are taxed based on duration and type.

Keep SWP withdrawals below the taxable limit to minimize tax burden.

Use tax-saving instruments like PPF and senior citizen savings schemes if applicable.

Health Insurance and Medical Planning
Ensure you have a good health insurance plan.

A cover of Rs. 15-20L is advisable for senior years.

Maintain a separate emergency fund for medical needs.

Consider critical illness insurance for major health risks.

Estate Planning and Will Creation
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Appoint a nominee for all investments and bank accounts.

Discuss future financial plans with your son.

Final Insights
Taking VRS is a viable option for you. Your pension provides a steady income. Your Rs. 75L can be invested wisely to support future needs. Focus on structured investments, tax efficiency, and health security. If planned well, this decision can give financial stability and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |2159 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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