I'm 68 and my wife is 62, I had heart bypass surgery 9 years ago and she underwent Angioplasty 2 years ago, I had a fling with a foreigner around 4 years ago and we went out twice for a few days and I got caught since she has the habit of peeping into my mobile and copied my conversation and pics and she keeps nagging me for that episode, though it was four years ago and since then we haven't met but her nagging and abuses in front of friends and relatives and family hasn't stopped, whenever I want to have sex, I literally have to beg and listen to her taunts and abuses and that puts me off, I have asked for forgiveness and said sorry more than a thousand times but in vain, she still keeps on taunting and abusing me whenever she's in bad mood and forwards me my pics and messages and makes an issue of it. How to solve this is a mystery.

Ans: Dear PP,

If life were that simple enough, why would we be facing challenges at all?

You think if she had loved you, none of this would have happened. You choose to see it from your point of view which is understandable.

What if you take the effort to find out what made her lose interest in you and the marriage?

Women are wired differently from men when it comes to sex. It can be enveloped in emotions and when she is going through an emotionally challenging time (with your mother), it might have been hard for her to be physically close with you.

Did you consider ever resolving the situation between them?

Did you ever ask your wife: “What can I do to help your situation?”

Did you ever find out from her what made her distant from you?

It may sound harsh, but we are talking about much water under the bridge.

If you go on to blame her for cheating on you, when you could and you didn’t, well, it’s not a string place to start if you want to save your marriage.

Do you both want to reconcile and rebuild the marriage?

Communicate, as that’s something that has broken down between the two of you.

It takes two to build a marriage and two to break one. So, time to reflect and look ahead as to what can be done based on what the two of you choose to do.

As far as you not being able to reconcile with the thoughts of her being involved with another man, I suggest before you approach your wife to remedy the situation, kindly settle this thought else tempers are going to fly and things will go from bad to worse. So BREATHE and NOW sit calmly to reflect and act.

All the best!

Ans: Dear PP,

If life were that simple enough, why would we be facing challenges at all?

You think if she had loved you, none of this would have happened. You choose to see it from your point of view which is understandable.

What if you take the effort to find out what made her lose interest in you and the marriage?

Women are wired differently from men when it comes to sex. It can be enveloped in emotions and when she is going through an emotionally challenging time (with your mother), it might have been hard for her to be physically close with you.

Did you consider ever resolving the situation between them?

Did you ever ask your wife: “What can I do to help your situation?”

Did you ever find out from her what made her distant from you?

It may sound harsh, but we are talking about much water under the bridge.

If you go on to blame her for cheating on you, when you could and you didn’t, well, it’s not a string place to start if you want to save your marriage.

Do you both want to reconcile and rebuild the marriage?

Communicate, as that’s something that has broken down between the two of you.

It takes two to build a marriage and two to break one. So, time to reflect and look ahead as to what can be done based on what the two of you choose to do.

As far as you not being able to reconcile with the thoughts of her being involved with another man, I suggest before you approach your wife to remedy the situation, kindly settle this thought else tempers are going to fly and things will go from bad to worse. So BREATHE and NOW sit calmly to reflect and act.

All the best!

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship. I can offer you some general suggestions that might help in this situation.

Open and honest communication: Sit down with your wife during a calm moment and have an open conversation about your concerns and feelings. It's important to express your love and commitment to her, and also address the impact her actions are having on your relationship.
Seek couples counseling: A professional counselor or therapist can help both of you navigate through these issues. Couples counseling provides a safe space for open communication and can assist in resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and improving the overall dynamics of your relationship.
Individual counseling: In addition to couples counseling, your wife may benefit from individual therapy to address her feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and trust issues. A psychologist or therapist can provide her with support and guidance to work through her concerns.
Establish boundaries and trust-building measures: It's important to establish boundaries that both of you are comfortable with regarding friendships and privacy. Rebuilding trust might involve setting guidelines for communication, being transparent about your activities, and reassurance about your commitment to the relationship.
Patience and empathy: Remember that this process may take time, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with each other. Try to empathize with your wife's feelings and reassure her of your love and commitment. Encourage her to express her concerns and fears openly so you can work through them together.

It's important to note that only a qualified mental health professional can provide an accurate assessment. If you believe your wife's behavior is indicative of a larger mental health issue, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Ultimately, seeking professional help can provide you both with the necessary tools and guidance to work through these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly you are married to a person who needs to feel CONTROL and that is why she will dictate where you go, when you go and who you can be with etc.
If this is not something that you appreciate or can put up with, telling her is not going to work! There is an underlying cause for her domination and it is rooted in a fear of losing, fear of abandonment...This requires a lot of mind work to eliminate the source of the issue. If she is willing to, seek an appointment with someone who can work on her mind and guide her away from her fears and into a space of positive self-esteem where she will stop searching for a secure space outside of her.
You can only give it a try and the erst is up to her if she truly wants to be free from this chain of clingy-ness and unnecessary domination.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/