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53-Year-Old Wife Forgetful, Withdrawn: Depression or Schizophrenia?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife aged 53years seems to be forgetful..besides she is withdrawn and prefers not to be socially active. One doctor says she is depressed while another says she is showing signs of schizophrenia...however she is quite normal in her day to day activities. Pleas advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Doctors surely know best but when you have conflicting opinions, it can be very confusing.
Forgetfulness can sometimes also be a sign of overwork, emotionally strung situations, chronic stress over some issue, hormonal changes...
Start with a clean slate...Go through references while choosing a doctor OR you can check with your regular/family doctor who may first run a series of simple tests to rule out simple causes and then if necessary refer your wife to another expert. Every problem always has a solution; it's about taking it one step at a time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 27, 2023

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My wife has schizophernia and mood disorder, married in 2008 we dont know about this and in laws didnt tell us too. I have 2 children 12 and 5. She is sitting all day in room and doing nothing. Eating in odd hours no hygeine My mother looking after the kids. Socially we cannot go anywhere as 1 person need to look after her. We are ging her medicine for last 12 years but nothing happenin What should i do, i am working in private sector and worried about kids
Ans: Dear Verma,
I assume that she has been clinically diagnosed as having schizophrenia. And if yes, it entails a lot of lifestyle changes for the family member/s. I have seen close family friends go through a lot of adjustments when one of their own has been clinically diagnosed. Here is a list that might help you get a grip of the situation:
1. Educate yourself completely on the condition, so you approach the situation not out of worry but with care and caution. You can safely rely on books available on this rather than search the Internet
2. Sit the family down (includes your parents and her parents and siblings if any). Appraise them of the diagnosis, educating them on what you already know
3. Bringing yourself to the understanding that life maybe a bit different in your home in terms of managing your spouse, but with the right care and love, this isn't impossible
4. Talk to your children separately and tell them that no matter what, they are always loved by you and their Mother
5. Involve the families not to come and mope around cursing their luck, but to be of help and support to you and the children
6. Make sure that the medications prescribed by the doctor are been regularly taken by your wife
7. Accept the fact that you may not always be able to take her into social events and gatherings. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If anyone asks you, just tell them. Own the truth, it will shut many mouths. After all, you are her biggest support.
Lastly and most importantly, take care of yourself as well. Most often caregivers forget that they exist. Create a strong circle of friends and meet up as often as you can. Develop a new hobby that can help de-stress and calm you to deal with what's at hand.

It may seem like a lot, but I am sure it will give you a start point to taking charge rather than staying muddled.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: She sounds clinically depressed and definitely needs help. If not a psychiatrist, she can at least start visiting a psychotherapist to help; she need not take medication if she doesn’t want to, but going without any help at all is dangerous.
You have your children to think of too…explain to her that she has to do this for their sake, if not hers. They deserve a well-adjusted, responsible mother and not someone who is too selfish to see to their needs.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu Ma'am. My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No one likes criticism and each of us react to it differently...
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favor will be construed as criticism.
This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction

2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board. Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance. So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings

These 2 suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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T S Khurana

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Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Can you please suggest on capital gains as per Indian taxation laws arising in the below two queries : 1) property purchased with joint ownership, me and my wife’s name in 2015 at a cost of 64,80,000, housing improvements done for the cost of 1000000 and brokerages of 200000 paid and sold the same property at 10000000 in Dec 2023? 2) 87% of the proceeds got from the deal i.e 8700000, have been reinvested to pay 25% amount in purchasing another joint ownership property in Dec 2023, 3) I have invested in another under construction property in Nov 2023 by taking housing loan, which is on me and my wife’s name worth 1.4 cr, here the primary applicant is me only while wife is just made a Co applicant in the builder buyer agreement and also on the housing loan . So what are the LTCG tax liabilities arising from the above 3 scenarios for FY 2023-2024 and FY 2024-2025. I intend to sale off the property acquired in (2) by Dec 2024 and use that proceeds to close the housing loan for the property acquired in (3), will this sale of property be inviting any tax liabilities if the complete proceeds received from the sale of the property in (2) would be utilised to close the housing loan taken in Nov 2023 for the property in (3) ? Since in FY 23-24, I would be claiming the LTCG from the sale proceeds of 1) invested in the purchase of property in 2), and I intend to sale off this property in Dec 2024, will the LTCG claim be forfeited on the property sale in (1), should I hold this property at least for further 1 year so that sale of this property in 2) will not invite STCG?
Ans: (A). Let's first talk about F/Y 2023-24 :
You jointly sold a Property during the year for Rs.76.80 lakhs (64.80+10.00+2.00), & sold the same for Rs.100.00 lakhs.
You have jointly also purchased Property No.3 (I suppose it is Residential only), for Rs.140.00 lakhs.
You should avail exemption u/s-54 & file your ITR accordingly. Please disclose all details about sale & purchase in your ITR.
02. Now coming to the F/Y 2024-25 :
You intend to Sell Property No.2, which was acquired in 2023-24. Any Gain on Sale of it would be Short Term capital Gains & taxed accordingly.
Alternatively, you may hold this sale of property no.2 (for 2 years from its purchase) & avoid STCG
You are free to utilize the sale proceeds in a way you like, including paying off your housing Loan.
Please note to avail exemption u/s 54 only from investment in property no.3 & not 2.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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