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53-Year-Old Wife Forgetful, Withdrawn: Depression or Schizophrenia?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife aged 53years seems to be forgetful..besides she is withdrawn and prefers not to be socially active. One doctor says she is depressed while another says she is showing signs of schizophrenia...however she is quite normal in her day to day activities. Pleas advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Doctors surely know best but when you have conflicting opinions, it can be very confusing.
Forgetfulness can sometimes also be a sign of overwork, emotionally strung situations, chronic stress over some issue, hormonal changes...
Start with a clean slate...Go through references while choosing a doctor OR you can check with your regular/family doctor who may first run a series of simple tests to rule out simple causes and then if necessary refer your wife to another expert. Every problem always has a solution; it's about taking it one step at a time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 27, 2023

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My wife has schizophernia and mood disorder, married in 2008 we dont know about this and in laws didnt tell us too. I have 2 children 12 and 5. She is sitting all day in room and doing nothing. Eating in odd hours no hygeine My mother looking after the kids. Socially we cannot go anywhere as 1 person need to look after her. We are ging her medicine for last 12 years but nothing happenin What should i do, i am working in private sector and worried about kids
Ans: Dear Verma,
I assume that she has been clinically diagnosed as having schizophrenia. And if yes, it entails a lot of lifestyle changes for the family member/s. I have seen close family friends go through a lot of adjustments when one of their own has been clinically diagnosed. Here is a list that might help you get a grip of the situation:
1. Educate yourself completely on the condition, so you approach the situation not out of worry but with care and caution. You can safely rely on books available on this rather than search the Internet
2. Sit the family down (includes your parents and her parents and siblings if any). Appraise them of the diagnosis, educating them on what you already know
3. Bringing yourself to the understanding that life maybe a bit different in your home in terms of managing your spouse, but with the right care and love, this isn't impossible
4. Talk to your children separately and tell them that no matter what, they are always loved by you and their Mother
5. Involve the families not to come and mope around cursing their luck, but to be of help and support to you and the children
6. Make sure that the medications prescribed by the doctor are been regularly taken by your wife
7. Accept the fact that you may not always be able to take her into social events and gatherings. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If anyone asks you, just tell them. Own the truth, it will shut many mouths. After all, you are her biggest support.
Lastly and most importantly, take care of yourself as well. Most often caregivers forget that they exist. Create a strong circle of friends and meet up as often as you can. Develop a new hobby that can help de-stress and calm you to deal with what's at hand.

It may seem like a lot, but I am sure it will give you a start point to taking charge rather than staying muddled.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: She sounds clinically depressed and definitely needs help. If not a psychiatrist, she can at least start visiting a psychotherapist to help; she need not take medication if she doesn’t want to, but going without any help at all is dangerous.
You have your children to think of too…explain to her that she has to do this for their sake, if not hers. They deserve a well-adjusted, responsible mother and not someone who is too selfish to see to their needs.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2023Hindi
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Dear Anu Ma'am. My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No one likes criticism and each of us react to it differently...
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favor will be construed as criticism.
This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction

2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board. Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance. So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings

These 2 suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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My daughter got 97.28 percentile in MHT -CET and our category is SEBC.Can she get CSE/IT In Cummins college or PICT.
Ans: With a 97.28 percentile in MHT-CET, an SEBC (OBC) girl stands below the 2024 CAP Round-III closing levels for both colleges: PICT’s SEBC computer-engineering seat shut at 99.56 percentile and IT at 99.40 plus, while Cummins College’s LSEBC cut-offs were 98.78 for Computer Engineering and 98.08 for IT. Academically, PICT (NAAC B+, NBA programmes) offers 90-plus PhD faculty, AI/ML and cybersecurity labs, and a 92.9% placement rate in 2024 with a ?10 L median package. Cummins (NAAC A, autonomous, women-only) blends industry-curated syllabi with Dell-EMC and Microsoft laboratories, records 98% placements and a ?11 L median salary in 2023-24, and nurtures strong peer mentoring for women engineers. Both run state-recognised SEBC tuition-waiver schemes and encourage funded internships, hackathons and higher-study guidance, but their admission bar remains far above 97 percentile.

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Because current percentile trails both institutes’ SEBC thresholds, apply in CAP Round II/III to colleges such as PCCOE, VIIT, RSCOE or DY Patil Akurdi, whose CSE/IT cut-offs lie between 96–98 percentile yet keep 80-95% placement records; simultaneously claim the SEBC fee-reimbursement scheme and TFWS to reduce tuition burden. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Sir, i scored 90.41%le in jee mains and im in st category but failed in one subject (physics) in ts ipe ( 12th board) with 63.9 % criteria ( st - 65% criteria required) i went through supplymentry exam and got passed that one subject with 65.8% but, still my seat got cancelled in josaa counselling, what can i do now sir!?
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Hi can you please advice if ISE or Computer Science & Business systems branch is better in NITTE meenakshi college bangalore. Any idea about Faculty for these 2 CS allied branches? How about placement opportunities for ISE & CSBS . Will these CS specialised curriculum at par with CSE Branch? will industry accept CSBS for Software developer roles?
Ans: Narayana, NITTE Meenakshi Institute of Technology offers both Information Science and Engineering (ISE) and Computer Science and Business Systems (CSBS) programs with distinct advantages. ISE, established in 2001, provides a comprehensive software-focused curriculum with NBA Tier-1 accreditation and extensive research opportunities in AI, machine learning, and cybersecurity. The department features experienced faculty including Dr. Mohan SG as Head, with strong industry connections through companies like Unisys and McAfee. CSBS, a newer program developed in collaboration with TCS, combines computer science fundamentals with business systems knowledge, preparing students for NextGen business engineering roles. The curriculum is industry-tailored by TCS experts who conduct periodic sessions on emerging technologies, with faculty trained through TCS's "Train the Trainer" program.

Five Critical Institutional Aspects:

1. Accreditation & Rankings: NMIT holds NBA Tier-1 accreditation for ISE (valid until 2026-27), NAAC A+ grade, and ranks 101-150 in NIRF 2024.

2. Infrastructure: The 23-acre campus features state-of-the-art laboratories, exclusive research facilities, AR/VR/MR labs, IoT centers, departmental libraries, and 11 Centers of Excellence including quantum computing and cybersecurity.

3. Faculty Quality: ISE department has highly qualified faculty with extensive research experience and industry collaboration, while CSBS faculty are TCS-trained with periodic expert visits.

4. Industry Collaboration: Strong partnerships with TCS for CSBS, Unisys, Dell, Amazon, and Microsoft for placements and internships.

5. Placement Performance: 2024 statistics show ISE achieving 88.37% placement rate with average package Rs 7.2 LPA, while overall institutional placement rate reached 94.3% with highest package Rs 47 LPA.

Pros and Cons Comparison:

CSBS Advantages: Direct TCS collaboration ensures industry relevance, business-oriented curriculum bridges technology-business gap, emerging field with high demand, specialized training in analytics and machine learning, strong placement prospects in consulting roles.

ISE Advantages: Established department with proven track record, extensive research opportunities, broader technical scope, higher current placement rates, NBA accreditation, diverse career paths in software development and cybersecurity.

CSBS Disadvantages: Newer program with limited track record, fewer research opportunities compared to ISE, curriculum heavily dependent on TCS partnership, limited higher education options specifically in CSBS.

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Mam, I am in relationship with one girl since 2.5 year and my girlfriend told about our relationship to her mom. Every positive point of mine which told by my girlfriend to her mom but every point taken negetivly and denied to her.. Move on from relationship... Leave this relationship. He is not good boy.. The problem of her mother is the caste as well as I am Divorcee person and she is unmarried. We love to each other and want to marry. Due to her mother oppose, she is nervousness totally or told that she has no any idea what to do... How to do.. She is not sure she is convince to her family or not. She told that I don't know how much time she can servive to convince her family. Totally her mind felt like empty, dumb, nervousness. Her father not know about our relationship. When this type moment occurs she behave that sometime it is agree to make efforts for convince and sometime when she is nervousness that time she told that i can not convince and to do the breakup because she is not want to go against the her mom and family. But she told that also she want to marry with me. What should I do?
Ans: I am going with the assumption you both are adults who are thinking individuals. I am also assuming you are both financially independent.

Families, parents are important and it should be so. I understand parents apprehension, having said this, I do not get it why caste and relationship status as previously married takes precedence over compatibility. One should also realise that every relationship needs working upon by 2 people- there is no certainty if someone gets married within their caste or choice of parents/ family.

Coming to your issue there are 2 options

- she is open to take the step upsetting her parents and getting married to you

or

- she and you need to move on and move on in the true sense. which means no connection whatsoever, move out of each other's social media, block contact details and move on, heal yourself and find someone else.

in case you wish to connect you may schedule an interaction with me here https://andwemet.com/relationship-guidance

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