My wife aged 53years seems to be forgetful..besides she is withdrawn and prefers not to be socially active. One doctor says she is depressed while another says she is showing signs of schizophrenia...however she is quite normal in her day to day activities. Pleas advice.

Ans: Dear Verma,
I assume that she has been clinically diagnosed as having schizophrenia. And if yes, it entails a lot of lifestyle changes for the family member/s. I have seen close family friends go through a lot of adjustments when one of their own has been clinically diagnosed. Here is a list that might help you get a grip of the situation:
1. Educate yourself completely on the condition, so you approach the situation not out of worry but with care and caution. You can safely rely on books available on this rather than search the Internet
2. Sit the family down (includes your parents and her parents and siblings if any). Appraise them of the diagnosis, educating them on what you already know
3. Bringing yourself to the understanding that life maybe a bit different in your home in terms of managing your spouse, but with the right care and love, this isn't impossible
4. Talk to your children separately and tell them that no matter what, they are always loved by you and their Mother
5. Involve the families not to come and mope around cursing their luck, but to be of help and support to you and the children
6. Make sure that the medications prescribed by the doctor are been regularly taken by your wife
7. Accept the fact that you may not always be able to take her into social events and gatherings. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If anyone asks you, just tell them. Own the truth, it will shut many mouths. After all, you are her biggest support.
Lastly and most importantly, take care of yourself as well. Most often caregivers forget that they exist. Create a strong circle of friends and meet up as often as you can. Develop a new hobby that can help de-stress and calm you to deal with what's at hand.

It may seem like a lot, but I am sure it will give you a start point to taking charge rather than staying muddled.

Best wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
(Disclaimer: The suggestions made below can be implemented only after a nod from your daughter's doctor who will know whether Mindfulness practices have any contra-indications in people with schizophrenia. Any suggestions here are to be followed under strict advice from her doctor and under his/her supervision only. Also any suggestion here is not a substitute for prescribed medication that she she is taking).

I do understand your anxiety as a parent. But there is no known cure for schizophrenia according to medical sciences.
Medicines help with the symptoms and triggers but also I can suggest that she go for a Mindfulness Course. It will help her regulate her breath which can calm the mind and body. It will also facilitate thought-behavior loop which will go a long way in possibly managing the mind. But medicines must be taken as per the doctor's instructions.

All the best!

Ans: She sounds clinically depressed and definitely needs help. If not a psychiatrist, she can at least start visiting a psychotherapist to help; she need not take medication if she doesn’t want to, but going without any help at all is dangerous.
You have your children to think of too…explain to her that she has to do this for their sake, if not hers. They deserve a well-adjusted, responsible mother and not someone who is too selfish to see to their needs.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No one likes criticism and each of us react to it differently...
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favor will be construed as criticism.
This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction

2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board. Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance. So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings

These 2 suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When one is used to working and managing home as well, it gets a tad bit difficult to just take care of only the responsibilities at home, It can get very dull and monotonous.
Encourage your wife to take on newer challenges that involve getting physically and mentally fit.
It could be learning a new sport or going to the gym or taking up a project that involves her stepping out of home and interacting with people.
She must make that effort if she wishes to move out of the current lethargy state that she is in.
If she does not take that step, then I suggest meeting with a professional who can help break her mind state to move into a better space.

All the best!