Dear Anu Ma'am. My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.

Has she been clinically diagnosed? Most often, I find people throwing this word around loosely without knowing what depression truly is.

For all you know, she may simply be low or upset over something that comes and goes frequently.

Assuming that this is case from what you have stated in your email, what is the reason that you feel she brings up these conversations from the past?

What triggers it? Is there a reference to your mother or sister in any current context?

Is anyone praising them currently and she doesn’t like it? Is she being compared to them in any manner?

Has she lost or given up anything in the past because of them that is impacting her now?

Do a reality check with her or if you know the answers to these, you will know what exactly is going on in your mind.

Questions like these can point you in a direction that will enable you to help her rather than see her as a problem.

She may not be willing to go to a professional for help as most of us think that it is NOTHING.

Stress and sadness are real and over a period of time, it can rob us of even the smallest of joys that we deserve.

It's easy to say: Forget the past; one cannot forget the past or what happened there BUT one can only change the way they feel about the past.

Replaying what happened means she is reliving the same experience over and over again and feels the reality of this even now which must be dulled and faded away.

Why does she hold onto this is because it perhaps gives her the solace of not doing anything about it now and it’s easy to play the blame game?

At times, we seek refuge under phrases like: My life is a living hell because of this or that. This could also be hiding away from opportunities and blaming the world for it.

What I am sharing here is based on what information that I have got from you.

I suggest start with the reality check questions first and see how it goes as this will give you vital information on what’s going on in her mind.

Most importantly, reiterate to her to be grateful for the things and people in her life right now.

Gratitude as an energy can liberate us from mundane occurrences and can keep us sane and calm.

Best wishes to you and your wife for a wonderful life.