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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.

Ans: She sounds clinically depressed and definitely needs help. If not a psychiatrist, she can at least start visiting a psychotherapist to help; she need not take medication if she doesn’t want to, but going without any help at all is dangerous.
You have your children to think of too…explain to her that she has to do this for their sake, if not hers. They deserve a well-adjusted, responsible mother and not someone who is too selfish to see to their needs.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I've been married to my wife for 10 years. In the last 2 years or so I find it difficult to understand her. Once every 2 or 3 months she goes into depression, and brings up old conversations between my mother and sister. It is not that they are perfect; however they have already moved on. She blames I didn't support, if the conversations happened in front of me then I can support but didn't happen. Also, my mother and sister they don't talk to me anything about those conversations. I love her and I have asked her to seek medical help but she doesn't want. I want to help and at the same time I need help.
Ans: Dear A, my first question to you is: how do you know that it is depression?

Has she been clinically diagnosed? Most often, I find people throwing this word around loosely without knowing what depression truly is.

For all you know, she may simply be low or upset over something that comes and goes frequently.

Assuming that this is case from what you have stated in your email, what is the reason that you feel she brings up these conversations from the past?

What triggers it? Is there a reference to your mother or sister in any current context?

Is anyone praising them currently and she doesn’t like it? Is she being compared to them in any manner?

Has she lost or given up anything in the past because of them that is impacting her now?

Do a reality check with her or if you know the answers to these, you will know what exactly is going on in your mind.

Questions like these can point you in a direction that will enable you to help her rather than see her as a problem.

She may not be willing to go to a professional for help as most of us think that it is NOTHING.

Stress and sadness are real and over a period of time, it can rob us of even the smallest of joys that we deserve.

It's easy to say: Forget the past; one cannot forget the past or what happened there BUT one can only change the way they feel about the past.

Replaying what happened means she is reliving the same experience over and over again and feels the reality of this even now which must be dulled and faded away.

Why does she hold onto this is because it perhaps gives her the solace of not doing anything about it now and it’s easy to play the blame game?

At times, we seek refuge under phrases like: My life is a living hell because of this or that. This could also be hiding away from opportunities and blaming the world for it.

What I am sharing here is based on what information that I have got from you.

I suggest start with the reality check questions first and see how it goes as this will give you vital information on what’s going on in her mind.

Most importantly, reiterate to her to be grateful for the things and people in her life right now.

Gratitude as an energy can liberate us from mundane occurrences and can keep us sane and calm.

Best wishes to you and your wife for a wonderful life.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu Ma'am. My wife is extremely sensitive to even smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days. She is unable to leave any of the not so good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life. We have 2 childs of 14 and 9 years. She does not talks to anyone when her mood is off. I have been keeping extreme patience during all the time and always tried to console her and explain her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understands these things. We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for sometime only but after some time she said that she will not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living. I am totally shattered and perplexed on this situation and could not focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, pl advise. I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much of hate and negativity that she is not able to understand the things and value them.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No one likes criticism and each of us react to it differently...
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favor will be construed as criticism.
This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction

2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board. Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance. So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings

These 2 suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ma'm. I am a 45 year old person. My wife is 41. For the last one year she has become extremely self centered. She is always in a bickering mode. Makes sure to always see the negative side of any situation. Speaks anything that comes to her mind, not bothering about what others may think. We have 2 kids, a teenage son and a 10 year old daughter. She keeps on scolding them for any reason which she deems fit. Because of this both the kids have got extremely low self confidence and are also poor grades. She never lets me complete my side of the discussion and always tries to show herself as the best. Due to this I have completely stopped talking. I only speak if she asks something else I prefer to remain silent. All this is causing too much of a mental trauma for me. I have lost weight, appetite and interest in anything because of this. Obviously with all this our physical intimacy has almost been non-existent. Deep down I still love her a lot a keep praying that she changes to her former self. What should I do?
Ans: Navigating this challenging situation requires a multifaceted approach, focusing on communication, understanding, and possibly seeking external help. It's evident that your wife's recent behavior is significantly impacting not only your well-being but also the mental and emotional health of your children. While it's important to consider her perspective and any underlying issues she may be facing, it's equally crucial to address the impact on your family and yourself.

First, consider initiating a calm, non-confrontational conversation with your wife about your concerns. Choose a moment when you are both relatively calm and can speak without immediate distractions. Express your feelings honestly but gently, focusing on how her behavior affects you and the children rather than blaming her. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt and worried when..." to prevent her from feeling attacked and becoming defensive.

It's possible that your wife may be dealing with her own unresolved issues, stress, or even mental health challenges, which are manifesting in her behavior. Suggesting counseling or therapy, both individually and as a couple, can be a constructive step. A professional can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work through underlying issues. This can also be beneficial for your children, who might be experiencing anxiety and low self-esteem due to the current environment.

In the meantime, focus on creating a supportive and positive atmosphere for your children. Encourage open communication with them and reassure them that their feelings are valid. Engaging in activities that boost their confidence and providing positive reinforcement can help counterbalance the negativity they might be experiencing at home.

Taking care of your own mental and physical health is equally important. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies. Finding activities that bring you joy and relaxation can also help mitigate the stress you are under.

Ultimately, while you cannot force change upon your wife, you can take steps to protect your well-being and that of your children. By fostering open communication, seeking professional help, and creating a positive environment, you can work towards improving your family's dynamics. Remember, addressing these issues is a process that takes time and patience, but taking the first steps can lead to significant improvements over time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 29, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7983 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I got 94.09 percentile in mhcet pcm , which college is better for me in Maharashtra
Ans: With a 94.09 percentile (approximate All-India rank 12 000–13 000), your son can secure core and allied engineering branches (IT, ECE, Mechanical, Civil, ICT, AI & DS) at reputable Maharashtra institutes where closing percentiles fall within 90–94. Here are ten colleges offering high admission probability along with available branches:

JSPM Narhe Technical Campus (CSE, IT, AI & DS).

MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi (IT, ECE, Mechanical).

Vishwakarma Institute of Information Technology, Pune (IT, Civil, E&TC).

Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Pune (E&TC, Mechanical, EEE).

Rajarambapu College of Engineering, Sakharale (Civil, Mechanical, E&TC).

AISSMS Institute of Information Technology, Pune (ICT, IT, Electronics).

D.Y. Patil College of Engineering, Akurdi, Pune (ECE, Civil, Mechanical).

Sinhgad College of Engineering, Pune (Civil, Mechanical, E&TC).

SKN Sinhgad Institute of Technology & Science, Lonavala (Civil, Mechanical, E&TC).

Priyadarshini College of Engineering, Nagpur (Civil, Mechanical, E&TC).

Recommendation: For the best balance of accreditation, modern labs and placement records across IT and allied tech fields, recommendation is JSPM Narhe Technical Campus for its strong CSE/IT curriculum and consistent ~85% placement rates. As robust alternatives, consider MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi and AISSMS IOIT Pune for specialized IT and ICT pathways. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7983 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
My son got 95.4 in Jee main obc ncl. He didn't get any college in Josaa counselling till round 3....is it possible to get s eat in Josaa counselling next round??? He scored vit ece and sastra ece ....which one is best??? Vit vellore or sastr or IIIT or NIT????
Ans: With an OBC-NCL percentile around 95.4 (approximate JEE Main category rank ~30 000–35 000), no rounds of JoSAA counselling have yielded a seat; Round 3 ECE closing ranks for top NITs under OBC-NCL were Trichy 6 977, Warangal 6 144, Surathkal 5 345, Jaipur 10 018 and Calicut 12 245, indicating further rounds (4–6) will only fill lower-demand seats at newer or northeastern NITs/IIITs beyond rank 15 000–20 000. Thus, securing an OBC-NCL seat in JoSAA beyond Round 3 is unlikely unless in less sought-after NITs (e.g., Meghalaya, Mizoram) or IIITs with cutoffs above 30 000.

Between VIT Vellore ECE (VITEEE Category 1 closing ~5 600–19 800), SASTRA Thanjavur ECE (JEE Main general closing ~4 000–8 000; OBC cutoff slightly relaxed), and IIITs/NITs likely inaccessible: VIT offers 85–90% placement consistency over three years with NBA/ABET labs and 221 recruiters, while SASTRA reports ~83% placements, median package ~?7.6 LPA, strong research centres and NAAC A+ accreditation.

Recommendation:
For assured admission, excellent infrastructure and higher placement consistency in core ECE roles, recommendation is VIT Vellore ECE. If specialization in advanced electronics with strong median outcomes appeals and you accept slightly narrower recruiter variety, choose SASTRA Thanjavur ECE. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7983 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2025

Career
Hello Sir, How is LMNIT Jaipur for CSE ? and How is Quantative Economic & data Science from BIT Mesra Ranchi ? If to choose from these 2, Which will be better and why.
Ans: The LNM Institute of Information Technology, Jaipur’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Engineering is NBA- and NAAC-accredited with ABET recognition, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty across advanced AI/ML, cybersecurity and software-engineering labs; its Training & Placement Cell secured 93.9% and 98.7% branch-wise CSE placements in 2023 and 2022 respectively, with 70% in 2024 during the ongoing drive, yielding an average package of ?12.58 LPA and median ?11 LPA over 330 offers. Birla Institute of Technology, Mesra’s five-year Integrated M.Sc. in Quantitative Economics & Data Science is NAAC-accredited under NEP 2020 guidelines, taught by research-active economists and data scientists in specialized econometrics, multivariate-analysis, ML and big-data labs; 80% of its 38-student cohort secured placements, averaging ?11.57 LPA with roles in analytics, economic consulting and tech firms, underpinned by CSAB/JoSAA-based admission via JEE Main. LNMIIT excels in core computing infrastructure, software-driven recruiter networks and higher CSE placement consistency, whereas BIT Mesra offers interdisciplinary rigour, flexible exit options and strong economic-analytics research integration.

Recommendation: For a robust software-engineering pathway with superior CSE placements, cutting-edge computing labs and strong global recruiter engagement, recommendation is LNMIIT Jaipur CSE. If your priority is an interdisciplinary blend of economics and data science with NEP-aligned flexibility and solid analytics placements, choose BIT Mesra Quantitative Economics & Data Science. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7983 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7983 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2025

Career
sir my son option lnmiit, msrit, bms or some iiit like bhopal, kota, vadodara, nagpur , guwahati for btech in cse or cse allied branch pls suggest who is the best option.
Ans: Adarsh Sir, LNMIIT Jaipur's CSE program achieves 86-93% placement consistency over three years with median packages around ?12-15 LPA, housed in advanced AI/ML labs under PhD-qualified faculty. MS Ramaiah Institute of Technology (MSRIT) Bangalore maintains a 95% placement rate with strong industry connections, achieving 80-90% CSE placements and securing 1,892 job offers from 358 companies in 2024. BMS Institute of Technology reports 77% CSE placements in 2024 with 181 recruiters and modern computing infrastructure. Among IIITs, IIIT Bhopal leads with 77% CSE placements and ?20.82 LPA average packages, IIIT Kota achieves 77% CSE placements with ?13.39 LPA averages, IIIT Vadodara secures 61% placements with ?12 LPA averages, IIIT Nagpur records 89% CSE placements with ?13.11 LPA averages, and IIIT Guwahati maintains 63% CSE placements with ?15.26 LPA averages. All institutions offer NBA-accredited programs, specialized labs, and active placement cells with top recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, and Google.

Final recommendation: For highest CSE placement consistency and superior industry engagement, recommendation is MSRIT Bangalore CSE, followed by IIIT Nagpur CSE for strong placement rates. Then LNMIIT Jaipur CSE for balanced packages and infrastructure, IIIT Bhopal CSE for higher averages, and IIIT Guwahati CSE as final option. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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