Hi mam, my wife is adultery with others. I know it long back before 10 years. infact she opened up and continuing for long time. As fun it started, and i being part of it making flame. It is just beyond body, now they emotional bonding and appreciation is what she looks from other side. she 46+ and other one is in age of 53. Three years we were out of india and now back to place the relationship can continue. I am sure even if i am not agreeing she will continue to do so as part of emotional support and physical need. What is right for real long standing relationship ?

Ans: Dear MV, I can only imagine what you must have been through. But it's also nice to hear that you know exactly what you want to do.

This is possibly another phase of your life and it's imperative that you start to look at your life with a fresh pair of eyes.

What I mean to say is: If you could go back in time much before you married, what are the things that still excite you?

Any hobbies, any professional pursuits?

This is the time to focus very strongly on building a good NOW and a fine future which means you need to pay attention to what is it that fires and fuels you as an individual.

Also reconnect with old friends and build new connections solely from the point of view of a social circle.

This will engage you with fresh idea, thoughts and this energy also helps you parent your children better.

All in all, when you are happy, your children also send back the same vibes to you.

The past cannot be changed and there is no point going back especially because you have decided to move on.

Then move on with a giant powerful stride by focusing on creating, building something new as it you can fill it like a new canvas and share it with your children as well.

Do what it takes to have a positive outlook in life; friends, work, hobbies, thoughts...let each of these be a choice that you make so that you always be in a positive frame of mind.

When, you do feel down and out, allow it BUT remind yourself that you have chosen this path and that you will come out strong no matter what.

Wishing you a wonderful life filled with strength and joy!

Ans: She’s taking you for a ride for sure. She’s obviously not being truthful or faithful. Just because it’s your second marriage doesn’t mean you let yourself be taken advantage of in a bid to make things work. It looks like she’s in this relationship only for convenience. I would suggest a marital counsellor asap.

Ans: If you are choosing to stay in the marriage because of your children, then the only way is to have an open , honest conversation with your wife. Let her know you know about her relationship and mutually establish some dos and dont's in the marriage.

Ans: Dear Samrat,
I apologize if I am incorrect. But I seem to notice that you keep asking the same question in different ways. It will help if you actually state what is bothering you.
You not willing ;to accept a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage'? Is this about someone that you know? Or is it something that you want to know out of curiosity? If it is only a healthy debate that you seek, I suggest that there are other platforms that encourage answers and responses as a debate. You may want to ask these questions there.
If it is indeed about you having this problem with your wife, then ask so...also as Gurus, it becomes easy for us to address a person's challenge if they come straight to the point. I hope I am making sense.

Ifs and Buts in life are many...are you suspecting that your wife is in a relationship outside of marriage?
I ask because you have mentioned: How will I proceed when I come to know...does this mean that you know or you are expecting this or you have your doubts?
If you know, simply ask her...she does have the responsibility within the marriage to let you know of this.

If you don't know or are playing on your doubts due to your beliefs of: I am unable to accept that a woman getting involved despite warning...Then know that your lack of trust will kill your marriage...

So, my suggestion...do come to the point and ask your question directly. You will be able to leverage this platform better and find a path to your challenges.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Shristi,
What's done is done! You can't turn the clock backwards now...Yes, you are hurt by what she has done and trust is lost...now, is it possible to regain that trust?
I will ask you: Do you want to trust her again? it will happen only if you choose it...else the mind will only be focused on how not to trust her. If she does not pick your call, you may assume that she is with the other guy OR if she reads your text message and does not reply, you may assume that she is chatting with the other guy...The possibilities that will crop in the mind will be unlimited and it will bring in unlimited stress. You can see from your own example how your mind has begun to question if she has had multiple lovers...this is the way the mind will torture you.

So, either you decide to trust her OR not; it's up to you...If NO, then you have a lot of decisions to make...If YES, you really must put the past aside and then find a way of building your marriage. It will require both of you to work as a team and bring the best into the marriage. So, what is it that you want? Just focus on that and move ahead!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/