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Anu Krishna |1418 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Samrat on Dec 03, 2023Hindi

Relationship

First of all, thanks for your answering my previous question. I am still unable to accept that a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage. Let this kind of situation happens with me . How will I proceed when I come to know that my wife is talking and meeting to another man even after my warning for (let say) more than 5 years and saying that she has not committed adultery ? Your answer will be appreciated

Ans: Dear Samrat,
I apologize if I am incorrect. But I seem to notice that you keep asking the same question in different ways. It will help if you actually state what is bothering you.
You not willing ;to accept a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage'? Is this about someone that you know? Or is it something that you want to know out of curiosity? If it is only a healthy debate that you seek, I suggest that there are other platforms that encourage answers and responses as a debate. You may want to ask these questions there.
If it is indeed about you having this problem with your wife, then ask so...also as Gurus, it becomes easy for us to address a person's challenge if they come straight to the point. I hope I am making sense.

Ifs and Buts in life are many...are you suspecting that your wife is in a relationship outside of marriage?
I ask because you have mentioned: How will I proceed when I come to know...does this mean that you know or you are expecting this or you have your doubts?
If you know, simply ask her...she does have the responsibility within the marriage to let you know of this.

If you don't know or are playing on your doubts due to your beliefs of: I am unable to accept that a woman getting involved despite warning...Then know that your lack of trust will kill your marriage...

So, my suggestion...do come to the point and ask your question directly. You will be able to leverage this platform better and find a path to your challenges.

All the best!

RelationshipReply

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Question by Shreyans - Feb 11, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi i am 37 years old and this is my second marriage my wife is not very serious with this relationship? She is more interested to be with her office people and social people at large. While i have encountered her many yimes about this, she only says it is not like what you are thinking. Off late she was caught red handed having a extra maritial affair with her office mate, while i had encountered her she said she will not do it again and block her socially and not talk to this person again, while she is still working in the same organisation i have my trust issues in place. What do i do how do i tackle this situation where i genuinely want her in my life while she is taking me and my family for granted? Please guide

Ans: She’s taking you for a ride for sure. She’s obviously not being truthful or faithful. Just because it’s your second marriage doesn’t mean you let yourself be taken advantage of in a bid to make things work. It looks like she’s in this relationship only for convenience. I would suggest a marital counsellor asap.

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Question by Nagendra - Feb 22, 2023Hindi

Relationship

My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?

Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2023Hindi

Relationship

My wife is having illegit sexual relationship with another guy. I am in different town and she is in different city. I came to know she is having sexual relationship with another person. As a man what shall i do. Please guide

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Have a frank chat about this with your wife.
As much as you hear her side of the story, you need have the space to state yours and how this situation is making you feel. Hear her out too...
Decide for yourself what you want in your marriage now. If you are unprepared to accept this, state it to her clearly and ask her if she is willing to let the other relationship go and come back into the marriage; of course depends on whether you want that or not.
That is why before knowing what to do, you need to ask yourself: What is it that I want? What to do will follow once you know what you want.

All the best!

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hello, I been married for 15 years now. From last 4-5 years, my wife has been getting involved with Random men(Friend circle, internet friends etc). In few times I found out and she promised that she will stop. But In last couple of years, she been deeply involved with a man who is a friend of her. Her friends have been encouraging and helping her to meet him. She keeps giving vague excuses to go out , when i know she is going to meet her. We had multiple discussions and arguments regarding his involvement, but she keep saying she only talks to him as a friend. Her phone is locked, so i cant see the messages between them. But I secretly recorded a few of the conversations she is having with him when I am away at work. I was shocked by the brazen act of her to continue relationship with him inspite of my warnings. I am not thinking of divorce at the moment since the kids are involved. I am not able to figure out what to do, and since it is affecting my career and health and kids well being. Please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that divorce is still seen as a negative thing in Indian society, and as you rightfully said, it can have an impact on your kids but at this point in time, some form of separation, if not legal, is very much required. You cannot stand by while your partner continues to cheat on you. If it is indeed your misconception, you might have to sit together with your wife and clear it out once and for all. But if you are absolutely sure about this affair, taking some form of strict action is important. Love can fade over the years, but cheating is never acceptable and you have to communicate this with your partner. Let her decide between you and the man she claims is her friend. And, coming to your kids- it is better to have two happily divorced parents than two unhappy parents who were forced to stick together.

Best Wishes!

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2024Hindi

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Hi i passed 12th in 2021 ( covid batch ) since everything was closed so in anxiety joined DU as sciences students but kept simultaneously preparing for neet it was very hazardous to manage both in offline neet prep and bsc so shifted to distance education bsc so i was in Du like 2021-2023 then 2023 took distance mode finally when i couldnot clear cutoff i thought will let this distance finish and side wise join some different and good course so came down to law in reputable law college of south . Is my decision ok or am i going too mmuch

Ans: Hi,

The students from the Covid batch have faced numerous challenges and are still struggling to settle down, including those in school. You have done your utmost to support them. Since you have completed your BSc and are now pursuing a degree in Law, you are in a favorable position.

Consider the possibility of becoming a patent attorney, which is a lawyer specializing in intellectual property law focused on securing and protecting an inventor's rights. Even before you complete your course, I encourage you to seek experiences related to intellectual property rights (IPR).
ALL THE VERY BEST.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello Advait. I have around lump sum 35 lacs to invest in stocks and or MF. please suggest the stocks or suitable MFS from retirement corpus perspective. I have around 15Y left for retirement. Also I am doing SIP of 90K in UTI Nifty 50 index fund, PPFAS flexi cap fund and Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Index fund. I am risk averse and therefore don't do any investment in pure small or mid cap MFs. However you may suggest any Mid or small cap fund which has very good risk to reward ratio and I will start 25K SIP in it. Thank you in advance.

Ans: Diversification is the key Your portfolio is well-diversified across large-cap and flexi-cap funds. Adding quality mid-cap and small-cap funds enhances long-term growth potential.
Risk Management is required to Balance aggressive investments (mid/small caps) with conservative debt funds.
Tax Efficiency also needs to be considered if tax-saving is needed ELSS funds .
This strategy ensures you balance growth and stability for retirement over the next 15 years. Regularly review your portfolio to align with changing financial goals and market conditions. Nitin Narkhede , Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub Community.

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Question by Anmol - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

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Took home loan in May 2022. House construction completed in June 2023. Sold old house in Dec 2024. Can I set off the captial gains by repaying my home loan?

Ans: Repaying a home loan does not qualify as a "purchase" or "construction" of a new residential property, so it won't help you claim the exemption. No, you cannot set off capital gains by repaying your home loan. Your Options are -
Invest in a New Property: To save tax on capital gains, invest the proceeds in another residential property within 2 years (purchase) or 3 years (construction).
Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS): If you're unable to invest immediately, deposit the gains in a CGAS before the filing of your tax return for the year of sale. This gives you time to utilize the funds while deferring tax liability. Exemption under Section 54EC: Invest up to ?50 lakhs in specified bonds (e.g., REC, NHAI) within 6 months of the sale to claim exemption.
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I have 15 L in Icici blue chip fund and shifted my SIP of 25 K to Nippon large cap, I also have 5 K SIPs in Hdfc Mid cap opportunities and 5K in Nippon multicap? Is it the right investment for 35 K a month or need a change..I am 50 Yrs age.I am accumulating for 2 Cr corpus in next 7 years. I already have 45 L in my equity and debt funds. I also want to double SIP in next FY to 70 K a month in same ratio in above funds. Retirement goal is 2 Cr. Please advise

Ans: Continue current SIPs but diversify large-cap allocation slightly.
Allocate additional SIPs in FY 2025 to a mix of large-cap and balanced advantage funds.
Annually rebalance portfolio to maintain an equity-debt ratio that aligns with your risk tolerance and time horizon.
This approach ensures you achieve your retirement goal while managing risks effectively.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 29, 2024

Relationship

Hi , male happily married for 6 years . I find my ex collegue very attractive. Part of me is yearning to have some good sex with her. She is also married and a good human being, she likes me but still bit sure if she really wants to have sex with me. She loves being with me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do you have an open marriage? If so, I understand what you are saying. If not, do you understand what you are saying?

I am assuming that you have an open marriage- even so, if you are not sure about your colleague's feelings for you or have no idea about her marital arrangements, it would be a terrible idea to approach her with this. Moreover, she has never voiced her interest in you- “loves being with you” is not the same as she loves you romantically or lusts for you. Please tread very carefully.

I am saying all of these considering you have an open marriage. If that isn't the case, I don't think I have to tell you how wrong all of it is, and how much you should focus on your marriage and whatever is lacking in it; you can even try marriage counseling.

Hope this helps.

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Question by dakshesh - Dec 15, 2024

Relationship

there is a girl and i truly love her but apparently not vice verca, she is dating bad guys and getting hurt again and again but not giving a single chance to me , i truly love her and ready to do anything for her, i confessed my feelings multiple times in front of her but she is like let it be and let the god do whatever he wants also she ghosts me pushed me away and many more things but from the first day we are in a complicated situationship.

Ans: Dear Dakshesh,
I can't speak for her, but I can tell you that when a person, man or woman, is pushing you away and voicing their disinterest, it's best to give them their space. It can either be she is not interested in you romantically or she needs time to get there. But you cannot manipulate, push, or convince her to like you that way. If it happens organically, then good. Or else, you should respect her decision. Moreover, don't you think you deserve someone who likes you back the same way and chooses you over everyone else? I sure think you deserve better.
Please let her make her own choices and as for you, make better choices that are good for you. This toxicity and complicated relationship might be subconsciously exciting right now, but it won't be for long. You will get exhausted.

Best Wishes.

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Question by Neha - Dec 31, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Mujhe love me success kyu nahi milti

Ans: Dear Neha,
Finding love takes time for most people. Sometimes we have no control over these things. I can suggest dating apps. You can add a bio that describes you well and also mention the kind of person you want. This way you will only attract people who are compatible with you. It can increase your chances of having a successful relationship. Nevertheless, everyone's love story happens at different paces. Don't worry. You will find yours too, in time.

Best Wishes.

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Question by Neha - Dec 30, 2024

Relationship

Mujhe love relationship me success nahi milti aisa kyu

Ans: Dear Neha,
Finding the right relationship takes time for most people. Sometimes we have no control over these things. I can suggest dating apps. You can add a bio that describes you well and also mention the kind of person you want. This way you will only attract people who are compatible with you. It can increase your chances of having a successful relationship. Nevertheless, everyone's love story happens at different paces. Don't worry. You will find yours too, in time.

Best Wishes.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024

Relationship

I’m feeling really lost right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and things started out great. We have a lot in common, and we both enjoy going out with friends. But recently, I've noticed something that’s been bothering me. He works as a bartender, and every time I go to his bar, he gets upset about my friends being there. It feels like he’s trying to push me away from them, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Last weekend, we went out, and after a few drinks, I mentioned how uncomfortable it made me that he talked badly about my friends when they come to his bar. I thought I was being calm about it, but he just flipped out. He started yelling at me in the car, and I was so scared because he was driving way too fast and swerving. I told him I was going to call the cops, but he didn’t listen. Eventually, he pulled over, got out of the car, and started screaming and running around. It all felt so intense and out of control. When he came back to the car, things got physical. I slapped him in an attempt to make him stop, which I regret because I’ve never done that before. In the heat of the moment, he slapped me back and pushed me into a bush. The next day, I had bruises, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened. Now, he’s been trying to buy me things and even booked a trip for us, begging me to stay. But I feel so unsure of what to do. I keep telling him that I need space, but it feels like he’s not really understanding the severity of what happened. I’m torn between wanting to make it work and realizing that this situation isn’t healthy. What should I do? Should I give him another chance or listen to my instincts and walk away for good?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, physical violence is never the answer to any problem. I think you already know that. Coming to your main query, I think you should take the chain of events that followed after you confronted him very seriously. It's not healthy to slap and be slapped back and pushed into a bush. I am sure he regrets it just like you, but it can become a pattern. I would strongly urge you to rethink this relationship. If you are keen on keeping it going, I recommend either having an open discussion about what happened to make sure it is never repeated, or even better, consulting a therapist to work through the issues. You can have concerns and queries as to why he doesn't like it when your friends are around- that does not warrant such a harsh reaction.

I hope this helps.

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MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi

Money

Sir I am 39 years old. I want to retire at age 50.Now I have 60 lacs in fd in different banks and post office. I have 3.5 lacs in Mutual Fund. I have different properties including home valuing approximately 3.5 Cr.I have no loan.What is my financial position exactly now.How should I plan to get 1 lac monthly after retirement.

Ans: You have a solid financial foundation , Having static property is good to have, unless it is creating any income, otherwise it will be consuming expenses for maintenance. about plan to get 1 lac monthly after retirement at 50 you need to plan certain investments, for 12L(1L per month) per year you need corpus of 3 CR . Retirement Corpus Allocation: Plan to Achieve Your Goal:
1. Maximize FD Efficiency- Shift ?30 lakhs from FDs to debt mutual funds or balanced advantage funds for better post-tax returns (~7-8%). Keep ?30 lakhs in FDs/post office for emergencies and stable returns. 2. Grow Mutual Fund Investments:
Increase equity exposure to at least ?50 lakhs by systematic investments of ?50,000/month in equity mutual funds (e.g., index funds, large-cap funds). By doing this your Expected returns: 10-12% over 10 years, growing the corpus to ~?1.2 crore.
3. Utilize Properties- Explore rental income or liquidate one property closer to retirement to add to your corpus.
If one property generates ?50,000 monthly, you’ll need a smaller investment corpus for the remaining ?50,000.
At retirement allocate-50% in debt funds/FDs for stability and regular income. 50% in equity mutual funds for growth and inflation adjustment. Build an Emergency Fund: Maintain ?10-15 lakhs for unforeseen expenses post-retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede , Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub Community.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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