When being in a relationship, how long does it take before you really know each other?

Ans: It will help if you sit and make a list of your deal-breakers and negotiables - you may not like to compromise in your deal-breakers while can do so for your negotiables. Length of dates to know if you have met the person differs from person to person - some may know in the first few dates and some take time...Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Getting over the past or meeting someone from your past that you want to forget is not possible. You cannot erase every fragment of memory associated with a situation or a person. You can only dull or lower the way that you feel about it.
- Practice the art of Letting Go which allows you to leave the past where it is
- Accept what comes at you which allows you to embrace things from your past but with no emotions attached
- Learn that the past has been a good teacher which allows you to put that learning to good use
- Create goals that keep you inspired which allows you look forward rather than looking back
- Be in Gratitude for the moment which allows you to be in the present moment

Past serves as a reminder but use it wisely to learn from it and not indulge in it. As for seeing the person every few days, smile (if you can) at them and wish them well. This will let you keep your power within you and also you start to develop neutral feelings towards the person. Happens with a lot of practice; but possible!

All the best!

Ans: Relationships, like any dynamic process, evolve over time. Initially, there's a phase filled with excitement and discovery, often driven by passion and novelty. As time progresses, this high-energy state transitions into a more stable and predictable pattern, which can sometimes be perceived as mundane. The predictability in relationships is not inherently negative; it provides a sense of security and trust. However, the challenge lies in maintaining the balance between comfort and excitement.

Why Some People Seek Excitement Outside the Relationship:
Unmet Needs:

When certain emotional, psychological, or physical needs aren't met within the relationship, individuals might seek fulfillment elsewhere. This isn't necessarily about dissatisfaction but about finding what they feel is missing.
Desire for Novelty:

Humans are naturally inclined towards novelty and excitement. Some individuals have a higher need for variety and may seek new experiences or connections outside their relationship to satisfy this craving.
Emotional Distance:

Over time, couples can drift apart emotionally. If there's a lack of emotional intimacy or unresolved conflicts, one might look for connection outside the relationship.
Validation and Self-Esteem:

Some people seek validation and a boost in self-esteem from new admirers. This external validation can be intoxicating, especially if they feel underappreciated within their current relationship.
Differences Between Men and Women:
While individual differences often overshadow gender differences, certain trends have been observed:

Social Conditioning:

Men and women are often socialized differently, affecting their approach to relationships and infidelity. Men might be conditioned to seek multiple partners to prove their virility, while women might seek emotional connections.
Emotional vs. Physical Needs:

Generally, women may seek emotional fulfillment, while men might be more inclined towards physical satisfaction. However, this is not a rule and varies greatly among individuals.
Communication Styles:

Women often emphasize emotional sharing and communication, which can prevent emotional drift. Men might struggle with this, leading to unmet emotional needs.
Risk vs. Reward:

Men might be more willing to take risks for immediate rewards, while women might consider the broader implications and long-term effects on the family and relationship.
Maintaining Balance and Preventing Predictability:
Open Communication:

Regularly discussing desires, needs, and concerns can prevent emotional drift and unmet needs.
Shared Activities:

Engaging in new activities together can reignite the spark and bring novelty into the relationship.
Emotional Intimacy:

Building and maintaining emotional intimacy through shared experiences, empathy, and understanding can strengthen the bond.
Self-Reflection:

Individuals should reflect on their own needs and communicate them effectively. Understanding oneself is key to understanding the relationship dynamics.
Appreciation and Gratitude:

Regularly expressing appreciation and gratitude can boost self-esteem and reinforce the positive aspects of the relationship.
In the end, each relationship is unique, and understanding the individual needs and dynamics at play is essential. By fostering open communication, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect, couples can navigate the phases of their relationship with greater ease and fulfillment.

Ans: Dont you think 4 months gives you time too to realise if he is the one for you too - please meet others too and go slow without investing any emotions till there is a discussion around seriousness - or else if you are game for casual so be it.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There are no hard and fast rules of a relationship. It is different for everyone. One difference in a relationship between two adults is the burden of responsibilities each has to carry. There’s family, social obligations, and then a busy work schedule. There isn’t as much free time as you have in your youth. The important thing is the quality of the conversation and consistency.

Understand his schedule. Is he swamped with work all day? Does he have a stressful work environment? Does he have other commitments before and after work? Everything together can keep a person understandably busy. But that does not mean he can not find five minutes during the day to reach out to you, even when you have expressed the desire to speak to him.

You should communicate your issue as an ‘adult’. Let him know that you understand his situation but adults also openly discuss their needs and expectations. And when it isn’t aligned, they compromise and meet each other somewhere in the middle, so that both partners’ needs are met.

The bottom line is that neither of you are wrong. Some people crave more communication than others. It does not mean one is more in love than the other. It is merely a matter of personal preference. But you should not be the only one adjusting. If your current situation is not working for you, have a clear discussion and make changes that will work for both of you.

Best Wishes.