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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |105 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am looking for a life partner. I have met 5-6 gals, most of them have liked me and I too like them. I go on date and get along well with them but when it comes to take a decision for marriage, I just take step back and start feeling like she is not the right person for me or kind of start losing interest. I feel I deserve better person. How to make a decision and to know who is the right person? At the same time, I also feel that I am taking lot of time to decide and wasting lot of time. How do we know that the person we are seeing is the right person to be our partner? How long do we need to date / meet to decide on this?

Ans: It will help if you sit and make a list of your deal-breakers and negotiables - you may not like to compromise in your deal-breakers while can do so for your negotiables. Length of dates to know if you have met the person differs from person to person - some may know in the first few dates and some take time...Hope this helps.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

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Hi sir, i am 42 divorced male with no child from previous marriage. Now i m getting a girl with three types 1) divorced girl which my parents dont wants (as thy want unmarried girl) 2) unmarried girl but quite aged 3) unmarried girl with decent age but poor family background n very less educated. I m quite confused with whom i should marry as i m quite scare after my breakoff from 1st marriage which was love marriage and not able to take decision on this. I m well educated smart and earning quite decent. My parents wants girl should be unmarried n can manage house n also take care of them n they dont want working girl too but she should be beautiful educated n good family background. Because of this my marriage is getting delayed n also not getting any match. Kindly suggest what should i do how much which type of girl i should i prefer..i m clueless in this n not able to take decision.
Ans: Tell me something, do you want a wife or a glorified live-in maid for your parents? I cannot believe that in this day and age so-called educated men like you are asking questions like this! “My parents want this, my parents want that”… who the hell is getting married, you or them? You’re a divorcee yourself, but a divorced woman is not good enough for you? A working girl will be frowned upon because THEY want a housewife? If this is the kind of backward-thinking family you come from, it’s hardly surprising your first marriage failed! Man up, go for someone who YOU are interested in, and if you have any common sense, stay separately from your parents after marriage!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2023

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Dear Relationship Guru, I have been looking for lifepartner since many years through online matrinony sites but still single.All these years have been stressful because of not coming across right kind of people.Tried seeking assistance through relatives etc networks but they either suggested non-preferences candidates which only resulted in clash between myself and parents because of differences of opinion and choices or they didn't helped at all.In short,nothing worked out till date.Could you please advise regarding my situation?
Ans: I understand that finding the right life partner can be a challenging and sometimes frustrating process. Here are a few suggestions that may help you in your search:

Expand your social circle: In addition to online matrimonial sites, try to meet new people through various social activities, events, or interest-based groups. This can increase your chances of meeting someone who shares your values and interests.

Be clear about your preferences: Take some time to reflect on the qualities and values that are important to you in a life partner. Consider what you are looking for in terms of personality, values, interests, and goals. Being clear about your preferences can help you filter potential matches and communicate your expectations effectively.

Communicate openly with your parents: It's important to have open and honest conversations with your parents about your preferences and choices. Help them understand your perspective and the reasons behind your preferences. This can help minimize misunderstandings and conflicts between you and your parents.

Seek professional assistance: Consider working with a professional matchmaker or a relationship counselor who specializes in helping individuals find suitable life partners. They can provide guidance, support, and valuable insights into the matchmaking process.

Take breaks when needed: Sometimes, taking a break from actively seeking a life partner can be beneficial. Focus on self-improvement, personal growth, and pursuing your own interests and passions. When you feel ready, you can resume your search with a refreshed mindset.

Stay positive and patient: It's important to maintain a positive attitude throughout the process. Remember that finding a life partner takes time, and it's not uncommon to face challenges and rejections along the way. Patience and perseverance are key. Stay hopeful and trust that the right person will come into your life when the timing is right.

Work on self-improvement: Use this time to invest in yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Focus on personal growth, develop new skills, pursue your passions, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Building a strong sense of self can attract like-minded individuals and contribute to a healthier and more successful relationship.

Remember, finding the right life partner is a process that takes time and effort. It's important to stay positive, maintain an open mind, and be proactive in your search. By taking these steps and remaining patient, you increase your chances of finding a compatible life partner who shares your values and goals.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |254 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi,i am a 28 year old woman being at crossroads when it comes to relationships. I am one of the unluckiest souls in this universe.An old school romantic being following the philosophy of one man woman.My love life consists of numerous one sided loves,crushes,2 three year old failed long distance relationships and terminating one potential long term romance(this was also long distance)See,I would want to be in a loving and long term relationship resulting in marriage.I guess i have always dated to marry. But unfortunately, my search for that one true love is still not coming to an end. I don’t know where am i going wrong? Am i asking for too much? Because the moment i said yes or responded to their advances ,they would become way too busy and i become an option. Before i say yes,they would always court me. I have to initiate the conversations every single time. As i result i stopped looking for love and start working on myself. I don't mind being single forever and skip marriage.I know there's something wrong in my apporach. Just tell me where am i going wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There's nothing wrong with your approach but I want to share a piece of advice that might help you in your dating journey. Instead of approaching relationships with the sole intention of finding a life partner, consider dating for the sake of love and happiness. Not every person you meet will be your soulmate, and that's perfectly okay. Sometimes, we need to experience a few heartbreaks and failed relationships before finding the right one. I appreciate that you have started focusing on yourself, but that does not mean you have to stop looking for a companion. Both are not mutually exclusive. And it's sad but some men indeed lose their interest in a woman as soon as the "chase" is over. But the good news is, it is only some men, not all.

I say stop looking for a man to settle down with because that might lead to compromises to make the relationship work. Instead, find a man who makes you happy. Enjoy the process of dating and evaluate the individual based on genuine compatibility and shared happiness.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1047 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu! So, I'm in dilemma of choosing a partner for me second time. I'm 36 yo divorcee, and met with a person 4yrs back with whom I shared great bonding and chemistry, but he never showed his love and care to me in past these years (as he was going through his divorce process too), but we both know that we both share some exceptional kind of bonding. Now, the twist comes, as we always have this on and off kind of relationship, so I started dating to a man from a matrimonial site. This matrimonial person seems in love with me and show the concern and love to me, the kind I wanted. Now, I am confused, because my previous bf is also thinking our future together as well as the matrimonial one. can you please help me in choosing the right partner for me. I can provide more information about both men in detail.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Aren't we always seeking for something that we lack within us?
Why the yearning for a particular expression of love? And how are you so sure that this person that you met on the matrimonial site already is in love with you?
Having said this, the off and on relationship is a person who will express love in a way that he is comfortable with but that is setting you off...so the matrimonial person seems exciting in a way as it aligns with your way of expressing love.
When in a dilemma, put all the cards on the table...there are other things besides expressing love that goes into making a relationship and/or a marriage. Have you factored all of that?
- List down things that are important to you in a marriage and a spouse
- How compatible are the two of you in terms of emotional bonding?
- Do your respective family values match?
- What are your thoughts on money, children, travel, passion etc?
These questions are a good start point exercise with both the men...it will give you a fair idea as to who is more aligned to your way of life. Then you can go ahead and make your decision.

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |254 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship from past 6 months, I told him about my past in almost starting of it that I had 2 friends with benefits in past and one of that person was my classmate as well as friend, and he used to still contact me, and when I came in relationship also, he called me during that time and I told regarding my relationship status, and I also informed my boyfriend that I talked with him but this thing happened before he knows that I had physical intimacy with him, then when he asked me to block, I suddenly question "what is the point of blocking him" which I regret the most, but I blocked him later by myself, now my boyfriend is sayine me that I have cheated him and he won't trust me till his death, but I told everything in past happened to him. I love him a lot but he is not giving to work together in this relationship and saying that he won't stay loyal to me anymore, he won't trust be ever, as per him I have cheated him, but my intentions were not wrong at all, tho that guy was in contact but I never initiate any conversation with him while I came into relationship, is it really a cheat, is it that he should not trust me anymore? Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

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