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Is a 1-hour night text the norm for adult relationships?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

What does an adult relationship look like. I am 21 year old and the guy whom i am talking to only text me at night where we talk for 1 hr before I sleep. I talked to him and he said that is the only time I'll be able to give. You should see this as an adult relationship. I have just come out of college and don't know what this is. I crave to talk to him but he only talks to me at night. Is this normal and how much time is enough for 2 people in long distance to talk in a day.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There are no hard and fast rules of a relationship. It is different for everyone. One difference in a relationship between two adults is the burden of responsibilities each has to carry. There’s family, social obligations, and then a busy work schedule. There isn’t as much free time as you have in your youth. The important thing is the quality of the conversation and consistency.

Understand his schedule. Is he swamped with work all day? Does he have a stressful work environment? Does he have other commitments before and after work? Everything together can keep a person understandably busy. But that does not mean he can not find five minutes during the day to reach out to you, even when you have expressed the desire to speak to him.

You should communicate your issue as an ‘adult’. Let him know that you understand his situation but adults also openly discuss their needs and expectations. And when it isn’t aligned, they compromise and meet each other somewhere in the middle, so that both partners’ needs are met.

The bottom line is that neither of you are wrong. Some people crave more communication than others. It does not mean one is more in love than the other. It is merely a matter of personal preference. But you should not be the only one adjusting. If your current situation is not working for you, have a clear discussion and make changes that will work for both of you.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi I'm a 40, widow, mother of 3. I'm in a relationship with a man who is 10 yrs older to me. He is married, has his wife and kids. We are seeing eachother for the last 2 years. He is a 100% family man. He is very helpful in nature, he will do all he can to help anyone. The same way he is always there for me.. I ask him for opinions and suggestions, and he readily helps. We get cozy with eachother. He says that he has feelings for me and I too have feelings for him. It pains me when we do not talk or meet due to his busy schedule. But he calls every day. He loves his family very much. But what is our relationship?
Ans: It sounds like you have a meaningful connection with this man, but the nature of your relationship is complex, given his family commitments and responsibilities. While he provides you with support and companionship, his primary loyalty remains with his family. For many people in situations like this, the relationship can feel like it’s in a gray area—somewhere between a friendship and a romance—but it lacks the definition and commitment that usually characterize a stable partnership.

The feelings you both share are real, and it’s understandable that you enjoy his presence, advice, and care, especially since you’re navigating life on your own with three children. However, his involvement with his family sets limitations on what this relationship can be. Despite his feelings for you, his commitment to his family will likely always be his priority, and this can often mean your needs might go unfulfilled or be deprioritized.

Given this dynamic, it may be worthwhile to reflect on what you genuinely want from this relationship and whether it aligns with the reality of his availability and his priorities. Sometimes, knowing the nature of what you need—whether it’s companionship, support, or a romantic commitment—can help you decide if this relationship can give you fulfillment or if you would like something with more clarity and stability.

Ultimately, how you choose to define or continue this relationship is up to you, but reflecting on your own needs and boundaries will help you find a path forward that respects both of you and brings you the emotional security you deserve.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I'm in a relationship, I’m 19, and he’s 26. He works and is the eldest son in his family, and I’m still in college. He’s often busy with work and other commitments, so we only talk for about 1-2 hours at night, but even then, he doesn't talk late, he goes to bed early. Is this okay, because I like talking late, but he doesn’t give me enough time? His family is pressuring him to get married, and on top of that, he’s not from my caste. So, what should I do to make him sure about me and wait for me? Also, lately, he’s been a bit rude, he’s not the same as before. Is it that he doesn’t care about me, or is he taking me for granted, or is it just me thinking that he’s not as good as before?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your wish to keep talking late, but there's a big difference between your lifestyle and his. He is the elder son with responsibilities and a job, while you are a college student; besides studies, you have the luxury of not having all the burdens of your family on your shoulders. His eagerness to sleep early might be owing to tiredness or having to wake up early.
Having said that, if you think there is some other reason, you can always ask him directly. Coming to his rudeness- while I do not support misbehavior in any condition, there still might be reasons like office pressure or family pressure and more. In no way am I excusing his behavior- what I am saying is to talk to him about it. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and you would like to know the reason behind it.

I can't tell you for sure if he is taking you for granted, or has stopped caring for you, but a direct and open discussion with him can certainly offer you some clarity on it.
Best wishes.

..Read more

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