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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
ASHOK Question by ASHOK on Jun 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I have unlogical,opposite thinking n working spouse(wife) also with NPD,What should I don how to adjust?

Ans: Dear Ashok,
Has NPD been clinically diagnosed? There is a lot of material floating on the internet about psychological and mental conditions with online tests very inconsistently concluding that the person taking the test, has a disorder of some kind. So, clinical assessment by an expert is very necessary before coming to conclusions of any kind.

What may seem illogical to you, is logical at some level for your wife. Parallel way of thinking and doing things are not indicative of any illogical behaviour. I am limited here in my suggestions for you as I don't know if she indeed has NPD.
- If NPD has been clinically diagnosed, you may approach the same expert for counselling/coaching sessions to improve communication between you and your wife with focus on certain behavioural therapy

- If NPD has not be clinically diagnosed, it's safe to assume that you and your wife are very different people. Understanding each others' differences and accepting them will go a long way in creating a free flow of communication with no judgements whatsoever. Even if at times, it may seem to be illogical, you can express the same to her and request her help in order for you to understand her better

So, now you know which of the two you need to go with.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Iam also Married Person since last 12 yrs pass no any child that also a problem in family lots of time became angry on wife and mother so give some suggestion of it Sanjay Makwana married dt 12/02/2012
Ans: Hello Sanjay Makwana,

It sounds like you're facing challenges in your marriage and family life. It's important to approach these situations with understanding and patience. While I can offer some general guidance, please keep in mind that I am not a licensed therapist or counselor. Here are some suggestions that might help you navigate these issues:

1. Open Communication:
Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Make an effort to have open and honest conversations with your wife and family members about your feelings, concerns, and frustrations. Encourage them to share their thoughts as well. Avoid blaming or criticizing and instead focus on expressing your emotions constructively.

2. Seek Professional Help:
If your anger is affecting your relationships and well-being, it might be beneficial to seek guidance from a professional therapist or counselor. They can help you understand the underlying causes of your anger and provide strategies to manage it effectively.

3. Practice Empathy:
Try to put yourself in the shoes of your wife and family members. Understand that everyone has their struggles and challenges. Empathy can help create a more supportive and understanding environment at home.

4. Stress Management:
Anger can sometimes be a result of accumulated stress. Engage in stress-relief activities such as exercise, meditation, deep breathing, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Managing stress can contribute to a more peaceful mindset.

5. Quality Time:
Spend quality time with your wife and family. Engage in activities you all enjoy, and make an effort to create positive memories together. This can strengthen your bond and reduce tension.

6. Patience and Understanding:
Marriage and family life come with their own set of challenges. It's important to remember that relationships require effort, understanding, and patience. Be prepared to work through difficulties together.

7. Focus on Solutions:
Instead of dwelling on the problems, focus on finding solutions. Collaborate with your wife and family members to come up with strategies that address the challenges you're facing.

8. Apologize and Forgive:
If you've had moments of anger or conflicts, don't hesitate to apologize when needed. Apologizing shows that you value the relationship. Similarly, practice forgiveness when others make mistakes. Holding onto grudges can exacerbate tensions.

9. Seek Joyful Moments:
Look for moments of joy and positivity in your daily life. Focusing on the positives can help shift your mindset and contribute to a more harmonious environment at home.

10. Be Patient Regarding Parenthood:
If you and your wife are facing challenges with having children, consider seeking medical advice if you haven't already. Parenthood is a journey that takes time for some couples. It's important to support each other and explore all available options.

Remember, building strong relationships requires effort from all parties involved. If you find that the challenges are overwhelming, seeking professional help is a wise step to take. A licensed therapist or counselor can provide tailored guidance based on your specific circumstances.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 26, 2024

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Relationship
Hello sir, Am a 42 years old Married Man working in Public Sector..I have beautiful family.There is no much difference between me & my wife... Recently I fell love with my colleague who is also married...We always together in office..I just don't know what she thinks about me.I just love her at great extent but I know which has no appropriate destiny..I tried to overcome from this & day in day out but I couldn't.. Probably this is the only mental disorder of me...I always want to be with her...When am away from her some time my mind will be on track..But when I see her I can't control myself & entire effort to avoid her goes when I meet her again..I know am doing wrong but really it is out of my control & it is only thing I can't handled in life...I seriously trying to tranfer but very less option to get the same...And am too possessive of her which also getting pain to my mind....& Am familiar with all her family members....It is the lifestyle attachment disorder.....Am suffering from this last one year & not got solution..I became thin & not getting proper sleep.. Pls advise...I want to be normal..
Ans: Navigating the emotional complexity of your situation is undoubtedly challenging. Falling in love with a colleague while being in a committed marriage, and knowing the relationship lacks a feasible future, places you in a difficult position. It’s clear this is causing you significant distress, affecting your mental and physical health.

Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge and validate your feelings without judgment. What you’re experiencing is real and has a profound impact on your life. Emotions, especially those that arise from close interactions in a work environment, can be powerful and sometimes overwhelming. Recognizing that developing feelings for someone else, even when you’re married, is a common human experience can help you approach this issue more compassionately.

Reflecting on your marriage is an essential step. Consider the dynamics of your relationship with your wife, including what is working well and what areas might need more attention. Sometimes, emotional attachments outside of marriage can highlight unmet needs or desires within the marital relationship. Understanding these aspects can be a key to addressing the underlying issues.

Discussing your feelings with a trusted professional, such as a therapist, can provide a safe and confidential space to explore your emotions and thoughts. Therapy can offer you strategies to manage your feelings and help you make decisions that align with your values and long-term goals. A therapist can also help you understand the root causes of your attachment to your colleague and guide you in finding ways to resolve this attachment.

If a transfer or change in your work environment is a possibility, it might be worth pursuing. Being in close proximity to someone with whom you have such strong feelings can make it incredibly difficult to move past those emotions. A different work setting can provide the distance needed to gain perspective and allow you to focus on your commitments and personal growth.

It’s also beneficial to engage in self-care and activities that support your mental and physical health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are foundational to well-being and can improve your resilience in dealing with emotional stress. Additionally, finding hobbies or interests outside of work can provide a healthy distraction and reduce the time spent thinking about your colleague.

Open communication with your wife, if possible, is important. This doesn’t necessarily mean disclosing everything about your feelings for your colleague, but rather discussing any strains or unfulfilled aspects of your marriage. Working together to strengthen your relationship can help redirect your emotional energy towards your spouse.

Lastly, consider the long-term consequences of your actions. Acting on your feelings could lead to significant personal and professional repercussions. By focusing on your values and the commitments you’ve made, you can guide your decisions towards actions that maintain integrity and respect for all involved.

Seeking professional help, prioritizing self-care, and reflecting on your marriage are pivotal steps in addressing this emotional challenge. By doing so, you can work towards finding stability and regaining a sense of normalcy in your life.

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Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
Relationship
How can an elder man attract young women
Ans: Attracting someone, regardless of age, begins with authenticity and mutual respect. If an older man is interested in forming a connection with a younger woman, it’s important to focus on qualities that foster meaningful relationships. Younger women are often drawn to the stability, confidence, and life experience that an older man can bring to the table, but the key lies in presenting these qualities without pretense or arrogance.

Confidence rooted in self-awareness and emotional maturity can be particularly appealing. This doesn’t mean showing off achievements or wealth, but rather displaying a genuine sense of self and clarity about what you want in life. Emotional maturity—expressed through kindness, patience, and good communication—creates a safe and engaging space for meaningful interactions.

Equally important is the ability to connect on a deeper level. Shared interests, respect for her individuality, and a willingness to engage with her worldview go a long way. Relationships thrive when both individuals feel valued and heard. An older man should approach a younger woman with curiosity about her experiences and aspirations, while also offering his perspective in a way that enriches the connection rather than dominating it.

It’s also crucial to approach such a dynamic with an understanding of potential societal perceptions. While age-gap relationships are increasingly accepted, they often come with assumptions or judgments. The foundation of a strong relationship in this context lies in ensuring that the connection feels equal, mutually respectful, and free of power imbalances.

Finally, maintaining physical and emotional health contributes to overall attractiveness. When a man prioritizes his wellbeing, it not only enhances his confidence but also signals that he values himself and his relationships. Attraction in any relationship is multifaceted, involving both external qualities and the inner richness of character.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024
Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , He had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, He told me that I have kept ur pics and videos So that I cannot complain against him in future. so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: At this point, it’s essential to protect your emotional and mental health while addressing this issue. You might consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to share this burden. Talking to someone who knows you and your situation can provide comfort and practical guidance.

If he continues to refuse, you may need to explore your legal options. Many countries have laws that protect individuals from having private photos or videos kept or shared without their consent. Taking this step might feel daunting, but it could give you a sense of empowerment and security. It’s not about revenge or escalation; it’s about protecting yourself and asserting your right to move forward without this hanging over you.

On an emotional level, remind yourself that you are not defined by this relationship or the choices you made while in it. You trusted someone who didn’t honor that trust, but this doesn’t diminish your value or strength. It’s natural to feel regret, but you deserve compassion from yourself as you work through this.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s legal advice, emotional support from loved ones, or even professional counseling to navigate the stress and anxiety this situation might be causing. The most important thing now is to take steps that protect your peace of mind and ensure your future isn’t weighed down by his actions.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3918 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

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Career
Sir i am currently in class 11 th and i just want to prepare for jee mains and advanced 2026 exam so give me some roadmap to achieve and also guide me for computer science
Ans: Shreya, I trust that you have already enrolled in a coaching center, whether it be online or in person, and have finished your eleventh syllabus. (1) If you have not yet created your own short-notes for the 11th syllabus that has been completed, prepare it and continue to revise them every three days until 2026, even after you have commenced studying the 12th syllabus in December 2024. (2) Review the questions that you have incorrectly answered or skipped in mock tests conducted by your Coaching Center and/or practiced independently. (3) In order to increase your rank/percentile by targeting computer science at a reputable college/institute, prioritize mathematics (although all three subjects are equally important). (4) You should be thorough with NCERT books, particularly those pertaining to chemistry, in conjunction with the materials provided by your coaching institute. (5) Have 1-2 reference books for each subject. Not exceeding two. (6) Review the questions that were incorrectly answered or skipped in your mock and practice exams and retake the test. It is advisable to maintain a distinct note-book for these types of questions, which should include answers and elucidating notes, in order to review them repeatedly for all three subjects. (7) Download the SYLLABUS of JEE Main 2025 (available on Google by searching for "JEE Main Information Bulletin") and print it out, as there will be no significant changes to the syllabus in 2026. Maintain it on your study table and continue to update the 11th syllabus chapters and concepts that you have covered to date by marking them with a checkmark. This will boost your confidence if you continue to update the same till November 2025. (8) A slight difference in Syllabus might be visible when you acquire the 2026 JEE Main / JEE Advanced Syllabus. The same can be resolved within 15 days to one month in 2025-26. (9) Increase your productivity by studying for 45 minutes to 1 hour, taking a 10-minute break, and then continuing for 45 minutes. (10) Take a 2-3 minute break every 45 minutes while practicing questions, whether offline or online. This break should consist of closing your eyes and taking long breaths to enhance your concentration and mental capacity. (11) Additionally, it is recommended that you acquire the 20-40 PREVIOUS years question paper book of JEE (Main & Advanced) from Amazon. Arihant's, Disha's, or MTG's publications are recommended. Once you have finished reading a chapter, practice and complete it to determine the extent to which you have comprehended the concepts and to identify areas that require improvement. (12) By October 2025, ensure that you have reviewed significantly more than 90% of the previous years questions. Your confidence will be further bolstered by this. (13) After the mock test is completed at your coaching center, clarify all incorrectly answered or ignored questions and continue to revise and practice them, as these types of questions will significantly disrupt your performance in the actual JEE. (14) If you are a regular school student, inquire with your class teacher about the minimum attendance requirement as outlined in the Board's regulations (State, CBSE, ICSE, etc.). Utilize the remaining 15% by taking time off and preparing for your JEE, if only 85% attendance is required. (15) THE MOST IMPORTANT Value Added Suggestion: Rather than solely relying on JEE, please participate in 5-7 entrance exams/counseling process with a JEE score for getting admission into any one of the private engineering colleges to have a variety of options to select the most suitable one. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1062 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Career
My son graduated BE CSC with 8.9 CGP was offered a job as system engineer inTCS in April when he was in his 8th semister. Till November 23 he didn't get the on boarding letter, in the meantime whe appeared in two' exams under same offer. Advice what has been going on.
Ans: Hello.
Whatever you are saying is just shocking. The track record of TCS is not like that, as you described in your question. It would be better to contact TCS again and ask them when they will give on boarding letter. It is not clear from your query whether your son had done some correspondence with TCS or not related to the job offered. It is also not clear which two exams he appeared in. If not selected in a campus interview, searching for a job might be tedious but not so difficult. Ask your son to post a strong resume on the LinkedIn portal and remain in touch with his seniors. Please visit the websites of renowned companies daily to search for vacancies. There are many job-offering portals where he can register his name. Please ask the college placement division for any placement opportunities.
Wishing the best of luck for his bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |197 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Can you please suggest on capital gains as per Indian taxation laws arising in the below two queries : 1) property purchased with joint ownership, me and my wife’s name in 2015 at a cost of 64,80,000, housing improvements done for the cost of 1000000 and brokerages of 200000 paid and sold the same property at 10000000 in Dec 2023? 2) 87% of the proceeds got from the deal i.e 8700000, have been reinvested to pay 25% amount in purchasing another joint ownership property in Dec 2023, 3) I have invested in another under construction property in Nov 2023 by taking housing loan, which is on me and my wife’s name worth 1.4 cr, here the primary applicant is me only while wife is just made a Co applicant in the builder buyer agreement and also on the housing loan . So what are the LTCG tax liabilities arising from the above 3 scenarios for FY 2023-2024 and FY 2024-2025. I intend to sale off the property acquired in (2) by Dec 2024 and use that proceeds to close the housing loan for the property acquired in (3), will this sale of property be inviting any tax liabilities if the complete proceeds received from the sale of the property in (2) would be utilised to close the housing loan taken in Nov 2023 for the property in (3) ? Since in FY 23-24, I would be claiming the LTCG from the sale proceeds of 1) invested in the purchase of property in 2), and I intend to sale off this property in Dec 2024, will the LTCG claim be forfeited on the property sale in (1), should I hold this property at least for further 1 year so that sale of this property in 2) will not invite STCG?
Ans: (A). Let's first talk about F/Y 2023-24 :
You jointly sold a Property during the year for Rs.76.80 lakhs (64.80+10.00+2.00), & sold the same for Rs.100.00 lakhs.
You have jointly also purchased Property No.3 (I suppose it is Residential only), for Rs.140.00 lakhs.
You should avail exemption u/s-54 & file your ITR accordingly. Please disclose all details about sale & purchase in your ITR.
02. Now coming to the F/Y 2024-25 :
You intend to Sell Property No.2, which was acquired in 2023-24. Any Gain on Sale of it would be Short Term capital Gains & taxed accordingly.
Alternatively, you may hold this sale of property no.2 (for 2 years from its purchase) & avoid STCG
You are free to utilize the sale proceeds in a way you like, including paying off your housing Loan.
Please note to avail exemption u/s 54 only from investment in property no.3 & not 2.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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