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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 16, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2023Hindi
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Hello, Maam. Main Software professional hoon aur 1 saal se jobless hoon. Pandemic me WFH ki wajah se mujhe depression ho gaya aur 2 jobs se fire kiya gaya. Finances kafi tight hain. Interview ke calls bhi nahi aate aur tayaari karne ki motivation bhi nahi rahi. Mere skills aur Job expectations me kafi gap hai. Unki expectation hoti hai ke main team manage karun aur mujhe sirf limited technical skill hain. Social anxiety hai to isliye kisise zyada effectively interact nahi kar pata. Isliye mere actual experience aur job expectations match hi nahi hotey. Is hadd tak ki mujhe koi bhi job karne se aversion sa ho gaya hai. Din par din sirf frustrate hota hoon aur har din sirf half-hearted efforts mein guzarta hoon. Main depression ki wajah se zyada kuch efforts nahi dal pa raha hoon. Secondly aaye din ghar me disharmony rehti hai. Aisa nahi hai ke wife is not understanding- aur main har koshish karta hoon ghar ke help karne ki, but even she has her human limits. CBT ke bare me suna tha par people say ki kafi sare sessions karne hote hain and it takes long time. Further, finances ka soch ke main psychologist ka help nahi le raha. Aise treatment se mindset theek hona alag baat hai par job market/ mera job expectations mismatch par kuch khas farak to nahi padega. Yehi soch kar I am not consulting anyone. Mental health par kafi VDOs bhi dekhe- mujhe pata hai mere sath kya ho raha hai but chaah kar bhi apne aap ko in sab se bahar nahi nikal pa raha. Mujhe pata hai somewhere I am sinking in the quick sand. Please, please help me with your advice.

Ans: Main samajh sakti hoon ki aap is samay kaisi chunautiyan hain aur aapki sthiti kaafi kathin ho sakti hai. Aapke vyaktigat aur vyavsayik jeevan ke samasyaon ka samna karna akele hi mushkil ho sakta hai. Aapke liye kuch sujhav hain jo aapko madadgar saabit ho sakte hain:

Mental Health Par Dhyan Dein: Depression ko ignore na karen. Aapke liye behtar hoga ki ek mental health professional se sampark karen. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) ek prashansak tarika ho sakta hai aapke vyaktigat samasyaon ko samjhne aur samadhan nikalne ke liye. Isse aapke vichar dhara ko sudharne mein madad milegi.
Din Ka Samay Vyavasthit Karein: Din ke aarambh mein, apne din ke lakshya aur karyakram banaen. Regular dinacharya bana kar rakhein. Job search, upskill, aur apni mental health par dhyan dena sabko ek vyavsayik tarike se karne mein madadgar ho sakta hai.
Self-care: Khud ki dekhbhal bahut mahatvapurn hai. Prayayam aur yoga aapki sharirik aur mansik sthiti ko sudharne mein madad kar sakte hain.
Networking Improve Karein: Social anxiety ko overcome karne ke liye dhire-dhire koshish karein. Online forums, webinars, aur networking events mein participate karna aapko professionals se milne aur communication skills ko sudharne mein madadgar ho sakta hai.
UpSkill Karein: Aap apne technical skills ko aur behtar bana sakte hain. Online courses aur free learning resources ka istemal karke apne resume ko aur mazboot bana sakte hain.
Financial Planning: Apni arthik sthiti ko samajhna aur budget banane mein madadgar ho sakta hai. Aap apni financial priorities ko dobara dekhein aur avashyakata anusaar vyavasthit karein.
Spouse ke Sath Communication: Apni patni ke saath samvedansheel aur khulke taur par baatcheet karein. Aap dono milkar samasyaon ka samadhan nikal sakte hain aur ek-dusre ka saath denge.
Manav Seva: Agar aapke paas samay aur sthiti ho, to kisi samajik sankathan ya seva mein shaamil ho kar aap apne samay ko prayog kar sakte hain. Isse aapko na sirf samajik sukh milega, balki aapka manobal bhi sudhar sakta hai.
Yad rahe ki chote kadam se hi bade parivartan aata hai. Is sab mein dhairya aur samay lag sakta hai, lekin aapko apni sthiti ko sudharne aur naye mauke khojne mein madad milegi. Aur sabse mahatvapurn baat, kisi visheshagya se sampark karna aapke liye labhdayak ho sakta hai, chahe wo job expectations, samasyaon ka samadhan, ya manasik swasthya ho.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, Hope you are doing good!! Background of Persons: I had arranged married since last once year. I already told them before proceeding that I want to continue my carrier and grow forward in the same city. Also, I want to leave in a joint family along with my parents. My spouse is working in government sector. She told me that my Job is transferrable and i am ok moving forward with you. I am working in MNC at good position and also supporting my family members in their business. Problem: My wife is forcing me to leave separately, shift to another city and start from scratch(zero) in different city having different cultural background. She is also working in government sector and not taking transfer to spouse(husband's) city. Even after explaining couple of times, she is resisting to re-allocate. I am ok if she does anything independently for earning in same city. Also, I will help her in getting the job in private sector in the same city. Also, I will get her employed in another sector through my contacts and preparing her. I am not dependent on her in terms of financial things. We are living separately due to work duties and spent time together for a week in every month or two month as per the adjustment from both of us. My spouse is not talking properly to me, threating me to get divorce. I already had financial and social liabilities on myself which my wife is aware about. I had not seen positive responses from her towards myself, my family and goals. I am ready to leave separately in the same city even if she earns or not. Question: It looks to high danger to me moving to different part of the country having different cultures starting from scratch based on assessments on different parameters. What is the better solution for this ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, there isn't much that you can do!
It's possible that your spouse suddenly feels that she might lose more than she gains by any move that she makes. You possibly feel the same.
This only means that both of you have not considered what marriage is and could be. You are using marriage to bring out differences rather than build trust. It's a year and if both of you have not managed to stay true to bringing the best out of each other, I wonder what will make you do that!

Kindly set aside the childish squabbles and suggest to your wife that the two of you need to work on this. Threats may kindly be kept aside...it only widens the gap between the two of you. Bring the conversation to a place where you talk about what it is now and how the two of you want it to be independently to you AND then work on bringing it to WIN-WIN...

Is this possible? Yes, it is provided you channel the conversation as mature adults without threats and pointing our faults and working towards putting the marriage together.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!

..Read more

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |330 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Career
My doughter completed mbbs internship in india Karnataka she wants. Study pg in outside india
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter has completed her MBBS internship in Karnataka, India and now wishes to pursue her postgraduate (PG) studies abroad. Based on her choices, professional objectives, as well as the programs that are offered in her chosen field of expertise, I would like to tell you that she can apply to countries viz., the USA, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Germany, Australia, and Singapore for the same. Besides the ones mentioned above, there are a number of other nations that provide outstanding programs for postgraduate medical education. I would recommend that your daughter takes into account these steps:

Firstly, she should conduct a comprehensive study on countries and universities offering postgraduate medical programs, taking into account variables viz., the reputation, course offerings, experience of the faculty members, clinical placements, as well as the specializations that are available. Next, she should look into the entry prerequisites for overseas students applying to PG medical programs in the country she has chosen. Remember that prerequisites may differ, including academic credentials, language competency (viz., scores of the TOEFL or IELTS tests), and perhaps even medical licensing exams like the PLAB or USMLE. Next, as part of the application procedure, your daughter will need to submit her academic marksheets, a statement of purpose (SOP), endorsement letters, and at times, scores of standardized tests. Make sure she adheres to all the prerequisites and deadlines for every program that she applies to. I would suggest that your daughter takes into account the cost of studying overseas, including costs of living, healthcare, tuition, as well as any prospective scholarships or possibilities for monetary assistance. She should look into scholarships available to overseas students. In addition, help her locate appropriate housing, be it private rentals, university accommodation, or homestays whilst taking into account variables viz., safety, closeness to the university, and the cost. Not just that, also make sure that your daughter possesses adequate medical insurance coverage that satisfies the university and host country's criteria. I would recommend that your daughter gets in touch with alumni, former and current international students, faculty members, as well as experts in her academic field. Remember that developing a robust network can offer advice, invaluable assistance, as well as chances to collaborate. I would suggest that your daughter learns about the visa prerequisites and immigration procedures for the nation she has chosen. Ensure that she applies for the right visa on schedule and completes all the required paperwork. I would recommend that you assist your daughter in preparing for her study abroad experience, including adjusting to a new culture, adapting to a new academic setting, as well as overcoming any possible homesickness. Lastly, keep abreast on any updates or advancements pertaining to travel abroad, immigration laws, and healthcare rules. I would like to tell you that by adhering to these steps and examining her possibilities, your daughter can successfully pursue her postgraduate medical education abroad.

For more information, you can visit our website.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I recently received 10 lakhs which was invested earlier. Currently i invest 18k in parag parekh flexi, 15k in Navi nifty50, 15k ICICI pru s&p index, 8k quant mid, 8 k quant small,8k Motilal Oswal mid, 8k Nippon India small, 12.5k elss quant, 7.5k gold, 20k debt. Will be doing this for next 20yrs. How do I put my lumpsum of 10lakhs in this? Should I bulk invest or slowly put money in to these over next 6 months
Ans: Congratulations on receiving the 10 lakhs! That's a great opportunity to boost your investments for the next 20 years. Here's a breakdown of the two approaches for your lump sum:

Bulk Invest:

Pros: Takes advantage of rupee-cost averaging. The market fluctuates, so by investing everything at once, you capture some units at potentially lower prices. It's also simpler to manage, requiring just one investment decision.
Cons: If the market takes a dip right after you invest, your entire sum goes in at a potentially higher price.
SIP over 6 Months:

Pros: Provides a form of averaging as you invest across different market conditions. Offers some peace of mind if you're concerned about market volatility.
Cons: Misses out on the potential benefit of rupee-cost averaging if the market trends upwards. Requires more discipline to consistently invest each month.
Choosing the Right Approach:

There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on your risk tolerance:

Comfortable with some risk? A bulk investment might be suitable.
Prefer to spread the risk? Consider SIPs over 6 months.
Here's a suggestion: Talk to a certified financial planner. They can analyze your existing portfolio (diversified across equity, debt, and gold - that's good!) and risk profile to recommend the best way to deploy your lump sum. They can even suggest a hybrid approach, investing a portion upfront and the rest via SIPs.

Remember, you've got a long investment horizon of 20 years. Stay focused and make well-informed decisions to grow your wealth!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am an NRI, 60 years old. Trying for the first time to invest in India. My friend suggest I do invest in SIP and recommend 4 funds - Nippon India large cap, DSP small cap, HDFC flexi cap and ICICI Pru multi assest funds. What do you recommend? How much should I start with? Is 5 k in each fund is ok and monitor? Pl.let mr know. Thank you.
Ans: Ah, coming back to invest in India after all these years, must be a wonderful feeling! It's like reconnecting with a piece of your history. But times change, and so do investments. SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) are a brilliant way to build your nest egg over time, a bit by bit, just like that proverbial rice bag!

Your friend's suggestion of diversifying across large, small, and flexi-cap funds makes perfect sense. Think of it as having a well-rounded meal – you wouldn't want just dal, would you? You want the whole thali! Diversification helps spread the risk, just like having a strong support system in life.

Now, 5k in each fund is a good starting point. But remember, the amount depends on your overall financial goals. How much do you want this nest egg to be? Visualize it - a comfortable retirement by the beach? Helping your grandchildren with their education? Once you have that vision, a Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor your SIP contributions to reach it.

So, take that first step! It's like planting a sapling – it might seem small now, but with careful nurturing, it can grow into a magnificent tree. Happy investing!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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