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How to balance family needs with sister's childcare requests?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi, My sister is married and lives jus couple of house away from our home both sister and husband work at an MNC they are blessed with baby boy. I to got married recently and we are planning for baby. My wife has an issue wherein my sister almost mon to fri drops her kid at our home from morning to evening stating they have office work and this is affecting my wifes mind i am not sure what i need to do. I want everyone to be happy i dnt want to spoil anything.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ever heard of the word, 'NO'? It's used to draw boundaries. Of course, since it's family that you are talking about here, you can soften the 'NO' BUT never give explanations as people can latch on to that and find another way to push the boundary.

This is what you said:
I want everyone to be happy i dnt want to spoil anything.
>>>
Well, you can't have the cake and eat it too, yeah? Be clear on what you want! When you push back your sister and family, there is bound to be some disappointment from them, but when you know that it's going to help your wife and you, then be firm about it. Someone maybe unhappy and that does not mean that you have spoiled anything...it simply means that they are learning newer ways of adapting to newer arrangements of living and leading life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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I’m 39 male, married for last 10 years and have 2 kids. We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot. We live in a joint family with my two elder sisters. One of my sisters got married in 2012 and got divorced. She lives with me and my other sister got married 4 years ago. She lives with her husband in the same house. We have a big bungalow. My 2nd sister’s husband’s house is very small and my sister doesn't want to live there that's why she lives in the same house with me. The problem is my wife doesn't want to live there with my sister. She always asks why your sister is not going to her husband’s house? Why is she living here? They don't like each other. They talk to each other for the sake of formality. I told my sister to go and live with her husband's house but she says 'I don't want to live there with their family; I will live here. This is my parents’ house.'Because of this I don't talk to her too much. My wife says I don't want to live here with them, let us stay in another house. But I cannot afford another home. I tell my wife that stay here because we cannot afford another home. This is our home. But she does not understand and we fight every week about this. I am stuck and cannot focus on my work because of this. Pls suggest what should I do?
Ans:

Dear C,

It’s a small crowd that you are all living in.

Too many people in one home can have its highs and lows. Privacy can be invaded and too many interferences from family members can cause a crack in the marriage.

Having said this, I do empathize with the fact that affordability of another home is an issue here.

So, have you tried getting back to the drawing board, bringing in all the members together and literally asking them to throw all that they have for and against one another.

If not, please initiate this. Simply explaining to your wife isn’t going to solve the problem.

If so many of you live under one roof, then it becomes everyone’s responsibility to pool in physically, financially and emotionally.

Your 2nd sister cannot cite reasons that she doesn’t want to live at her husband’s home. If she lives with you, how is she contributing to the home?

These are things that must be ironed out sooner than later. So, what are you waiting for?

Plunge in, bring everyone into the ring, talk, delegate responsibilities and ask them how they would like to contribute and share.

This will also allow your wife a feeling that you care, but that she needs to know your financial situation as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Me and my wife are happily married for 10 years and having a twins 4 years before. This incident happened 8 years ago, when my wife and her cousin visited the home town for a temple function they reconnected with this guy who is their old friend ( a distinct relative also), this person had an interest on my wife before marriage and my wife rejected. Now this person is married and having one kid. when they reconnected my wife's cousin used to do conference calls along with this person and my wife. My wife asked me is it ok to talk. i said yes it is fine but just maintain a healthy boundary. So she wont attend all the calls from them. Attended some conference calls for 5 to 15 min and dropped the call saying my husband don't like me in phone too much. this happened weekly once or twice for 2 month(maximum 10 calls). they also had a watsapp group, in that they had friendly chat between them, mostly between wife's cousin and that person. My wife's reply was very less. but when i was going through the messages they are not flirty messages, there i saw my wife saying very positive about our relationship and her cousin also agreed to that saying they are the best couples. but that person has addressed my wife's cousin and my wife occasionally as honey and dear. but both of them ignored and not asked them to stop calling like that. when i checked this with my wife she said that person calls everyone as honey/dear even her sisters and other cousin. Even he calls my wife's mother sometimes honey (she is very aged 60 years).it is habitual for him so she found no meaning in that and she is not bothered to correct that. this is not even a issue for her that's why she did not discuss this with me. that's why she ignored. i asked her to stop talking to him. My wife told she already stopped talking with him as he tried to make personal calls as she did not like it. that time the wats group also not active so she exited from the group and blocked his number. Recently we came to know that one of the relative girl got into affair with this person and this person got divorced due to that. 1. Does the words like honey can be used in friendly way. i have many friends in other gender i never used honey even though i used 'dear' occasionally. As he used this word with my wife, Does this make my wife less pure than other women. Is this cheating ? 2. I cant come in to terms with the fact my wife talked to a person who is a womanizer. does this affect my wife's reputation in the society. they never met in person other than this temple function reconnect.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your queries one by one.
1. Yes, honey or dear can be friendly too. I cannot tell for sure if he was being friendly or flirty, but these are very common terms.
2. How can him calling your wife, or him being of questionable character make your wife “less pure than other women”? I am not sure how these two are even connected. She spoke highly about your relationship, never engaged in one-on-one conversation with the guy, and even stopped talking to him when he tried to call her separately. What is making you question your wife’s character still?
3. No. This isn’t cheating. Not on your wife’s part. Maybe the man did not have good intentions, but your wife did not indulge him. Even if we look at it from 100 different angles, this is not cheating.
4. When your wife spoke to him, none of you knew about his affair and his character. Then how is she responsible for it? And how is she responsible for his misdeeds anyway?
5. No, this does not affect your wife’s reputation in the society. Again, ask yourself, what is her fault in all of this? You are yourself saying they never met in person, never had a one-off conversation, etc.
Please understand that this man’s behavior is a reflection of his character, not your wife’s. It’s unfair of you to blame her or doubt her.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Me and my wife are happily married for 10 years and having a twins 4 years before. This incident happened 8 years ago, when my wife and her cousin visited the home town for a temple function they reconnected with this guy who is their old friend ( a distinct relative also), this person had an interest on my wife before marriage and my wife rejected. Now this person is married and having one kid. when they reconnected my wife's cousin used to do conference calls along with this person and my wife. My wife asked me is it ok to talk. i said yes it is fine but just maintain a boundary. So she wont attend all the calls from them. Attended some conference calls for 5 to 15 min and drop the call saying my husband don't like me in phone too much. this happens weekly once or twice for 2 month. they also had a watsapp group, in that they had friendly chat between them, mostly between wife's cousin and that person. My wife reply was very less. but when i was going through the messages they are not flirty messages, there i saw my wife saying very positive about our relationship and her cousin also agreed to that saying they are the best couples. but that person has addressed my wife's cousin and my wife occasionally as honey and dear. but both of them ignored and not asked them to stop calling like that. when i checked this with my wife she said that person calls everyone as honey/dear even her sisters and other cousin.it is habitual for him so she found no meaning in that and she is not bothered to correct that. thats why she ignored. i asked her to stop talking to him. My wife told she already stopped talking with him as he tried to make personal calls as she did not like it. that time the wats group also not active so she exited from the group and blocked his number. Recently we came to know that one of the relative girl got into affair with this person and this person got divorced due to that 1. Does words like honey can be used in friendly way. i have many freinds in other gender i never used honey even though i used 'dear' occassionaly. As he used this word with my wife, Does this make my wife less pure than other women's. is this cheating ? 2. I cant come in to terms with the fact my wife talked to a person who is a womanizer. does this affect my wife's reputation in the society. they never met in person other than this temple function reconnect.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is cheating and what is not is purely based on the Book of Rules that each of us have within us; it comes from the way we have been raised on a diet of 'right' and 'wrong' AND from our own experiences.
While validating whether a particular rule works well or not, just put in into context and see it.
- Does that rule keep you away from actually seeing things more openly?
- Does that rule keep you occupied with small things that hold no value?

I guess, you must think of it: is this really cheating? When your wife says that she has stopped talking to him, what makes you still obsess over it?
Also, her rule book says that 'honey' and 'dear' might not be a big thing...Plus, how can she control what another person says...yes, she could have objected and she didn't but not that she played on it.

See, the second doubts have crept in, the mind goes all over the place...even if there are no flirty messages, you will still find something problematic to confirm that what you were thinking in the first place.
So, maybe you need to look within to understand if there are jealousies and insecurities within you and that is what is occupying your mind. If Yes, then address this; speak with your wife and it's fine to tell her that you feel hurt and that you don't like it. When you are frank, a lot of things get sorted out...she may very well understand your point of view...and on your part, as you have said: she used to reply less and not respond much to him...
Do you want unnecessary thoughts drive a wedge in your marriage? Speak it out and things fall in place...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

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