No sexual relation for more than 3+years we have a daughter of 10+ and our marriage relation is of 17+ years what to do i am totally frustrated please guide

Ans: 40 is hardly an age to turn celibate! Instead of convincing her, first have a frank conversation about what the trouble is. Does she not enjoy it? Is she repulsed by it? Does she feel stressed or guilty about it? And yes, even if reluctant, I do believe a therapist is required. You’re completely right about bonding sexually; it is important. Don’t ignore the problem, be supportive but certainly address it.

Ans: Dear Naveen,
You can make your sex life smooth by not focusing much on it.
Yes; focus instead on how to bond better as a couple.
For a woman, what happens within the bedroom is directly dependent on what happens outside of it. A lot of emotional connect where she feels wanted, loved, valued, cherished is where you should be spending time and raising feelings in.
Here's what you can do if you haven't done these already:
1. Spend time as a couple going on dates, vacations and more
2. Indulge in common interests together
3. Offer to help out with household chores not just over the weekends
4. Pamper her with not just gifts but encouraging her to spend time with her friends
5. Connect better with her side of the family as well
6. If you have children, offer to be more hands-on raising them
7. Indulge in non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, kissing...

This does not directly impact your sex life but it helps you connect with your wife better where she feels nurtured enough to want to give back more into the relationship; intimacy being one of them!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Vivek,
Keeping these statistics in mind does not help you or anyone. This is not a competition!
De-focus from these numbers and instead start to focus on what made your wife lose interest in sex. This will help you help her and understand her better. And once, you know the root cause, it becomes easier to 'talk' about it and then set things right!
Yes, you need to have that 'talk' with your wife so that she has a place where she can communicate to you as to why she does not feel excited? If it's anything that needs medical attention, then you can act quickly on that as well.
De-focus from what you want to what both of you can work towards! It will be a WIN-WIN!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Did physical intimacy stop all of a sudden? Like, what could have led to your partner not wanting sex?
Usual causes:
- Hormonal changes in your partner causing disinterest
- Boredom of the usual routine in the bedroom
- Lack of intimacy and closeness outside the bedroom scene
- Loaded with housework that leaves your partner tired
- Sense of non-accomplishment if she is used to working earlier and is not doing that anymore
- Need to do something different other than taking care of the house in case she is a full time homemaker

I guess the only way to find out is to find out from her...focusing on her needs may help you ease on your needs...Start with her first and LISTEN to what could be going on in her mind.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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