Hi Anu , I am 43 YO and my wife is 37 . We have a 6 YO daughter. I am not happy with our sexual life. I want to have sex 2 times a week but my wife rarely agrees for it. We have sex only 2 times a month. I am not happy with it . Please advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Did you try and find out why she isn't interested in sex or are you too busy focusing on why you are not satisfied. There are two people involved in the act, then why complain about it? Takes two to tango, right?

So, I suggest, instead of convincing her (a woman who is connected with her partner emotionally and feels safe and secure with him does not need any convincing), try to be empathetic and find out what she is feeling. Is she unwell or tired from the day or is simply not aroused enough? (You haven't mentioned her age; if she is a new mother or approaching menopause or is firefighting at her work place, she might not be in that zone that you are in). Do spend time with her outside of the bedroom connecting with her emotionally. Be genuinely interested in her life's moments. Cuddle, watch a movie, go on date nights...

Start by simply focusing on connecting better as a couple and hear what she has to say. It maybe a very simple thing...Key is to not focus on what's not happening but on what more must be done...CONNECT BETTER first...

All the best!

Ans: There’s no magic number for sex. Different couples have a different rhythm. If your wife has conveyed to you that she wants it more often, well then, do it more often!

Ans: It's common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire, and this difference can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction. Here are some steps you can consider to address this situation:

Open Communication: The first and most important step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desires and feelings. Make sure you approach this discussion with empathy and without judgment.

Listen to Her Perspective: Ask your wife how she feels about the frequency of your sexual encounters. It's important to understand her perspective and any factors that may be contributing to her lower libido, such as stress, health issues, or changes in her life.

Explore the Reasons: Try to understand the reasons behind your different levels of desire. Sometimes, underlying issues like relationship problems, stress, or unresolved emotional issues can affect one's libido.

Seek Professional Help: If the difference in sexual desire is causing significant tension or dissatisfaction in your relationship, consider consulting a sex therapist or couples counselor. They can help you both explore your desires, identify any underlying issues, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Compromise: In many cases, couples find a compromise that works for both partners. This might involve finding ways to enhance your emotional connection outside the bedroom, exploring different ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve intercourse, or finding activities that both of you enjoy.

Self-Care: It's important for you to take care of your own needs and desires as well. Engage in self-care activities and hobbies that can help you manage your sexual frustration in a healthy way.

Respect Boundaries: It's crucial to respect your wife's boundaries and not pressure her into more frequent sexual activity than she's comfortable with. Consent and mutual desire are essential for a healthy sexual relationship.

Stay Patient and Understanding: Remember that sexual desire can fluctuate over time and may be influenced by various factors. Continue to communicate openly with your partner and be patient as you work through this issue together.