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20 Year Old Sam Confused About Arranged Marriage: Should I Go Through With It?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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I am sam i am 20 yr old . When I was 17 my parents talked an alliance i said I don't want to get married but they talked about the groomed so much that I accepted to get married then after 1 month i lied to him that I love someone but so he stopped after 2 yrs they are coming back thinking that I am mature now they want me to get married my dad said he want me to get married to that groom and I am flip flopping

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are young...please think of yourself, your career (if you are career oriented) and do find ways to make yourself financially independent first. That will give you focus on what you want in a life partner and then you will not nod your head to just anybody and everybody.
Use the next couple of years to build an identity for yourself will be my suggestion. But if you really think that you want to get married and what your parents think is right for you, then stop using so much of your mind into it. State a few things that you wish to see and have in the groom and if that is satisfied, what more is the problem?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I am a 29 year old female. My parents recently found a very rich boy who they want me to marry. Initially they asked me to meet him a couple of times and then see if we are a match. However, I met him once and my experience was not great - we have different values in life. I wasn't very happy after that meeting yet I thought I should meet him a couple of times before I make any decision. But now they are building a lot of pressure on me to say yes to him. They are saying things like I will not find anyone better than this, there are no other options out there, this is as good as it gets, I will be throwing away my life if I say no, this is god's blessing that I should just accept. They also said that if I say no, they will just yes to another guy who lives in Canada. I do not understand what is suddenly happening because this was not the case a month ago and they had mentioned that it is my life and if I say no, then it will be a no and there is no pressure. I don't know what to do really, I feel like I am stuck at a cross road
Ans: Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires more than just compatibility on paper. Shared values, mutual respect, and a genuine connection are foundational to a happy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel uncertain or uneasy after meeting this person, it’s worth honoring those feelings and giving yourself time to explore them further. One meeting is often not enough to decide, but neither is it fair for anyone to expect you to commit without clarity.

It might help to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how this pressure is making you feel. Share your thoughts with them calmly, focusing on your perspective rather than framing it as opposition to their wishes. You could express gratitude for their care while also making it clear that you need space to make a decision that you can feel confident about. Remind them that rushing into a choice you’re not ready for could lead to regret, which is not what either of you wants.

If the pressure continues to escalate, consider involving someone you trust—maybe a relative, family friend, or counselor—who can mediate and help your parents understand your point of view. Sometimes, a neutral perspective can ease tensions and bridge the gap between what they want and what you need.

Above all, remember that this is your life and your happiness at stake. While their love and approval are important, the decision to marry should come from a place of certainty and alignment with your values and goals. It’s okay to take your time, ask for understanding, and prioritize what feels right for you. You deserve a partnership that brings joy, peace, and fulfillment, not one borne out of pressure or fear of missing out.

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