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Torn Between Love and Family: What Should I Do?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |409 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I fell in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Besides knowing that family and society will not accept this relationship I fell in love with him and we spend a beautiful nice happy moments with each other. My parents when get to know they forced me to stop my job snatched my phone stopped me to use any social media so that I cannot contact him. And I was not allowed to leave house alone. It's been 9 years now I still don't have my own mobile phone or are not allowed to leave house alone. In these years twice or thrice my partner's parents have called my father regarding our marriage proposal but my father refused. I have tried him alot of time that I can't marry anyone else we want to be with each other we love each other he just don't understand. I have even told him if not him I will always stay here without marrying anyone he said okay love here but I will not allow you to marry him. They are not of our standard he is younger than you he can't keep you. They even have told me false things like he has a girlfriend outside we have seen him with girl. He is alcoholic etc. my partner is now out of patience he said I need you with me now and when are you coming your parents are not agreeing it's been 9 years and same situation. So I initiated a healthy calm talk to my father again three days back. I told him I am 32 now and it's my decision I want to marry him. It might be a bad decision like you think but it would be my decision and I will bear the responsibility of that. And it will also help me to move on. I want to give a chance and want you to respect my decisions and he said you decision or wrong. He is not a good guy his mother has insulted me. And I said I am not living with his mother its him I want to spend my life with. He said I can't see your future their but I was firm on my decision and than he said I will think about it. Today my mother told my younger brother that father has said no to my decision. I don't understand i don't trust my mother she has lied to me before many times. And I am feeling stucked here
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, whatever the reason, it is not fair to make your partner wait any longer. 9 years is a long time and from their side, they have tried to approach your family.
Why your family does not want this to happen can have many reasons, but what is it that you want? What makes you stuck? 32 is a great age to start taking decisions of life, you don't think? Move on this else, you will wait another couple of years and then realize that you have wasted enough time.
So, for once, keep your side of the family aside (in thoughts) and then ask yourself: Am I ready to marry my partner?
If YES, you know what to do and if NO, then you are perhaps making your family an excuse and not willing to move into marriage.
Reality check, but a necessary one...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I am a 30-year-old woman from an upper-middle-class business family. I've been in a relationship for the past four years with a man who holds a government job, while I recently completed my MBA and started working at a reputable company. He comes from a modest background, and we are from different castes. About a year and a half ago, I introduced him to my family as a potential partner, but they were strongly opposed to the idea. At the time, I decided to let it go, but now I feel compelled to try again. However, I’m uncertain about how to approach my parents, and with time passing, I find myself questioning the decision to marry someone from a different background. What should I do?
Ans: First, it might be helpful to reflect on your relationship itself. After four years, you likely know each other well, and it’s good to take stock of what you value in your partner. Think about whether you see a long-term future together, especially in terms of shared goals, values, and mutual support. These are the foundational elements that matter most, regardless of background or status. If you’re truly aligned, you can have confidence that you’re making a choice based on a solid partnership.

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hello, I'm a 49F married for 21years. It was an arranged match, and from day one my husband and sister have not gotten along. I've also been naive and under my sister's control for a long time, which has angered my husband a lot. In March they both had a verbal altercation and have not been on talking terms. Now my husband is not letting my 18y son meet my sister. My husband is demanding a sorry from my sister, post which only my son can meet her. I'm really sad as my sister dearly loves my son, also I don't feel its morally right to involve children in family politics. And my sister will not apologize to my husband. Need help to understand on how to get my innocent son out of this mess. My husband is very controlling, very angry, very interfering person, overall he has a very negative perspective on everything.
Ans: It might help to approach this from a place of calm and clarity, starting by recognizing that both your husband and your sister likely feel hurt in their own ways. Your husband’s demand for an apology may come from years of built-up tension and perhaps a feeling that he hasn’t been supported in the past. On the other hand, your sister may feel hurt or defensive, making her unwilling to apologize. While it would be ideal for them to resolve this between themselves, you’ve noticed that it’s now affecting your son, and you understandably want to protect him from being caught in the middle.

When talking with your husband, you could try sharing your perspective calmly, focusing on your son’s well-being. For instance, you could gently explain that keeping your son away from his aunt might make him feel confused or torn. Rather than asking your husband to change his mind outright, it could help to show him that your main concern is your son’s happiness, not taking sides. If he understands that this isn’t about undermining his feelings, he may be more open to a conversation.

With your sister, if you have a trusting relationship, consider sharing that her relationship with your son is important, but so is reducing tension in the family. Without asking her to apologize, you might just express that a little openness on her part could make a big difference in helping your son maintain his connections.

This might take time to work through, and that’s okay. In the meantime, keep reassuring your son that he’s loved by everyone. Explain to him that sometimes adults have disagreements, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s cared for. Keeping those bonds strong now could help everyone come to a better place down the line.

This is a tough situation, but focusing on your values—family harmony and your son’s well-being—can help guide you through it.

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Pradeep Pramanik  |176 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024Hindi
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Pradeep, I am a professional with more than 17 years of experience in Operations, team management. Currently I have started working in a global MNC in a global position. Earlier I was working with the same organization for more than 10 years. Then during Covid, I lost my job. Finally, settled down with another company with almost 40% less salary. Though I loved the role and responsibilities there. I was a Senior Team Lead there. I liked the role where I was managing the team, working with the team. But due to some internal politics, I lost my job in that organization too in this year only. Why I am saying politics? Because just before they fired me, I got best performer award and best employee of the last quarter 2024 award. Then I rejoined my old organization with lots of hope. But now I am finiding it difficult to cope up in this global role. The top management expected me to know everything within 3 to 4 months and start delivering. One of the biggest hurdle that I am facing is that earlier when I was in this organization for more than 10 years, I was in another process. This time I got in a role where the process is completely different. Also no proper training is provided. I am not get a fulfiling satisfaction from this role. Also I am not able to get job satisfaction and now I am thinking of quitting and start something of my own. A business venture or a consultancy service. But not sure how to start and also afraid of the flow of income. I have a mother who is suffering from age related problems. Have a little kid of 12 years. My wife is not working. I tried to switch jobs. But it seems that no one is there to take someone who is almost at 45 years of age. I am loosing my hope and confidence day by day. Please help.
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