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Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I fell in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Besides knowing that family and society will not accept this relationship I fell in love with him and we spend a beautiful nice happy moments with each other. My parents when get to know they forced me to stop my job snatched my phone stopped me to use any social media so that I cannot contact him. And I was not allowed to leave house alone. It's been 9 years now I still don't have my own mobile phone or are not allowed to leave house alone. In these years twice or thrice my partner's parents have called my father regarding our marriage proposal but my father refused. I have tried him alot of time that I can't marry anyone else we want to be with each other we love each other he just don't understand. I have even told him if not him I will always stay here without marrying anyone he said okay love here but I will not allow you to marry him. They are not of our standard he is younger than you he can't keep you. They even have told me false things like he has a girlfriend outside we have seen him with girl. He is alcoholic etc. my partner is now out of patience he said I need you with me now and when are you coming your parents are not agreeing it's been 9 years and same situation. So I initiated a healthy calm talk to my father again three days back. I told him I am 32 now and it's my decision I want to marry him. It might be a bad decision like you think but it would be my decision and I will bear the responsibility of that. And it will also help me to move on. I want to give a chance and want you to respect my decisions and he said you decision or wrong. He is not a good guy his mother has insulted me. And I said I am not living with his mother its him I want to spend my life with. He said I can't see your future their but I was firm on my decision and than he said I will think about it. Today my mother told my younger brother that father has said no to my decision. I don't understand i don't trust my mother she has lied to me before many times. And I am feeling stucked here

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, whatever the reason, it is not fair to make your partner wait any longer. 9 years is a long time and from their side, they have tried to approach your family.
Why your family does not want this to happen can have many reasons, but what is it that you want? What makes you stuck? 32 is a great age to start taking decisions of life, you don't think? Move on this else, you will wait another couple of years and then realize that you have wasted enough time.
So, for once, keep your side of the family aside (in thoughts) and then ask yourself: Am I ready to marry my partner?
If YES, you know what to do and if NO, then you are perhaps making your family an excuse and not willing to move into marriage.
Reality check, but a necessary one...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Oct 28, 2024 | Answered on Oct 29, 2024
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Actually we both want to marry each other. But as he is younger than me so I was waiting for him to finish his studies and be of age to get marry. My parents have a problem with him first he is younger then he was my student once. They don't have their own house. It's the points what my father says to me and he says he knows something else also but he doesn't want to tell me. but we do elope from my house once because my father was retiring and it's my thoughts that he will now force me to marry someone else. At that time he was underage and not stable I was also not earning his parents convinced me that they will talk to my parents once he gets of legal age to marry and they inform my father to come and get me. There my father told them once my partner gets of age and if we both still wants to marry he will perform the rituals. But after that once I came back my home my father what he had told. I was previously depressed again It triggered me. Then my parents have done everything thing from astrologer to baba they was convinced I am hypnotized by my partner. I have tried many times to make them understand. Till today they never leave me alone at home. I am not even allowed to go out to shop alone. If I say so my mother sees me with questioning look. They thinks I will elope again. I am not allowed to take decisions till now. My mother take all decisions and she has told us this that if you want to live here you should live the way we want. I have two younger siblings everytime when I say them I will only marry him they trigger my younger siblings. Last time when his parents call to my father my father says false things about his mother. I don't know he may be interpreted wrong. But I was then convinced I will leave this house at last moment my father says things to me like if you want to go you can but I will call him and his parents I will insult them in whole society I will shave my head and told everyone it's because of you or I will kill him or I will kill myself and whole family. Them my mother started crying you want to spoil your younger ones lifeyou are this that. And I lost all my confidence all courage. Now my partner's work is growing so I have again gain courage I have decided to talk to my parents that I will marry and I will bear all consequences. It's my life and my marriage should be my decision. My father has said he will think. But I have decided I will talk to him again and again. But I have fear if he doesn't agree what will be my next step. I do want to marry. And I want family kids.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stop getting lost in all these details; then you start to lose sight of what the challenge actually is. It starts to become a very filmy drama and then you will become part of it and start to indulge in it and not move to a solution space.

If you think he is the right person, then do not make him wait any longer...But, what is interesting in your details is the fact that your parents feel that he 'hypnotized' you?
Is it possible that they have picked on something not okay and don't know how to stop you and say things like hypnotize etc? Are you absolutely sure that this person is genuine and the one for you? If YES< you know what is to be done...
I am still curious, the way you have been writing long notes here to me explaining how your family is not okay with this and why they are doing this and that, what exactly is making you wait? Are you still unsure and have your doubts? Why would anyone wait this long if they love a person so much like the way you say that you are? Kindly think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
Relationship
will soon be 25 yrs old but havent got a job yet and my partner is 29 yrs old. We know each other for the past 7-8 years and we are in a very healthy relationship so much happy with each other. We hv told about us in our families. They are willing to let their son marry the girl of his choice and in my family except my father everyone is happy for us. My mom likes him so much. He met my mom few times even came to home but havent met my father yet. I hv told my mom about us since march & my father in july. Since then me and my father are having heated arguments whenever i am trying to explain why i cant marry anyone by his choice. And i wish to marry this person. His issues are- Patriarchal thinking that how can a girl choose a guy for her marriage, its their parents job. Who told me to find a guy on her own. Secondly, Him being a maharashtrian. We belong to UP but living in mumbai for more than 25 years and my father has plans to shift back in UP after his retirement which is after 4 years. So he doesnt want me to leave here all alone by myself. Also he doesnt like maharashtrians, not even a bit. Thirdly, he is doing a private job but he is earning 70-80k monthly since my father is a govt employee. Hence he has got issues. What issues i am facing- he is giving all kinds of threats he can to stop me fir even dreaming about to get marry this person. He says even if the earth ends tomorrow i will not let you marry the person of your choice. It is our job to find a groom not yours. My elder brother who is 4 years older than me and my sister who is one year younger than me both are studying in delhi. It is just me and my mom and my younger brother who is in 8th std living here. And none of our relatives lives here. So he is verbally and physically abusing us. Even threatened me to put my partner and his family behind bars if they forces us to get marry. Since our (my and my mom) convincing and explaining to him is falling on deaf ears , we (my & my partner) are willing to take drastic step and get married in court. We are hoping that now only police intervention can help us to be with each other. But we are not taking this step right now cz many things are holding me back but we are willing to take if things goes even more worse later. Since we are not finding it worth to wait for his approval. Nor he wants to listen why i want to marry this person and what are my reasons to refuse any guy my father chooses for me. Neither willing to see or meet my partner. My mother is on my side. She even asked my partner to meet some of our relatives and family friends everyone liked him and us. Its just my father who is having and creating so many issues. Everyone wants to hlp us but jst because of my father's nature (him being a true narcissist perdon) all are hesitating about how to even start a conversation with him unless he doesnt talks abt this with them. My father is also avoiding to talk about this situation with anyone since it will bring down his reputation, what will the society and relatives think about us. Noone will marry my siblings if they get to know about this that their sister has forcefully left the house to marry the guy of her own choice. Please suggest me something what else i can do to make him understand and should i stop making efforts and do whatever i want to not now but after sometime. Take drastic step and leave the house. I also know what will be the consequences of my actions but can i do if he doesnt want me to see me happy or believing in my decisions. Atleast he should listen and see him personally that what i saw in this person. But he doesnt want. Please guide me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do if your father has a rigid thinking like this? Like you yourself have mentioned: that your father must see what you saw in this person.
So, how much effort has gone into that? It seems that all of you are quick to judge that your father is strict and that he does not like people from certain states etc...Okay, he is who he is, right? So, now tune your efforts from complaining about him to what you can do to make him see the good in your partner.
Also, I hope that your partner is in a reasonably good financial state for his age else this will become an issue with your father.
Address your father's concerns and that will help you and your partner actually move things further. You becoming financially independent also will give your father confidence that you are old enough to make certain decisions of your life.

Also, your mother supporting you is of little use; if your father has always been in charge, she will have little say in the matter, so do not depend on anyone right now. Take it upon yourselves now to address what your father finds worrisome and take each point and build something useful to counter that.
It will not be possible or wise to force him to agree as that may not happen, so work on actually making him see what you see in your partner.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Actually we both want to marry each other. But as he is younger than me so I was waiting for him to finish his studies and be of age to get marry. My parents have a problem with him first he is younger then he was my student once. They don't have their own house. It's the points what my father says to me and he says he knows something else also but he doesn't want to tell me. but we do elope from my house once because my father was retiring and it's my thoughts that he will now force me to marry someone else. At that time he was underage and not stable I was also not earning his parents convinced me that they will talk to my parents once he gets of legal age to marry and they inform my father to come and get me. There my father told them once my partner gets of age and if we both still wants to marry he will perform the rituals. But after that once I came back my home my father what he had told. I was previously depressed again It triggered me. Then my parents have done everything thing from astrologer to baba they was convinced I am hypnotized by my partner. I have tried many times to make them understand. Till today they never leave me alone at home. I am not even allowed to go out to shop alone. If I say so my mother sees me with questioning look. They thinks I will elope again. I am not allowed to take decisions till now. My mother take all decisions and she has told us this that if you want to live here you should live the way we want. I have two younger siblings everytime when I say them I will only marry him they trigger my younger siblings. Last time when his parents call to my father my father says false things about his mother. I don't know he may be interpreted wrong. But I was then convinced I will leave this house at last moment my father says things to me like if you want to go you can but I will call him and his parents I will insult them in whole society I will shave my head and told everyone it's because of you or I will kill him or I will kill myself and whole family. Them my mother started crying you want to spoil your younger ones lifeyou are this that. And I lost all my confidence all courage. Now my partner's work is growing so I have again gain courage I have decided to talk to my parents that I will marry and I will bear all consequences. It's my life and my marriage should be my decision. My father has said he will think. But I have decided I will talk to him again and again. But I have fear if he doesn't agree what will be my next step. I do want to marry. And I want family kids.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stop getting lost in all these details; then you start to lose sight of what the challenge actually is. It starts to become a very filmy drama and then you will become part of it and start to indulge in it and not move to a solution space.

If you think he is the right person, then do not make him wait any longer...But, what is interesting in your details is the fact that your parents feel that he 'hypnotized' you?
Is it possible that they have picked on something not okay and don't know how to stop you and say things like hypnotize etc? Are you absolutely sure that this person is genuine and the one for you? If YES< you know what is to be done...
I am still curious, the way you have been writing long notes here to me explaining how your family is not okay with this and why they are doing this and that, what exactly is making you wait? Are you still unsure and have your doubts? Why would anyone wait this long if they love a person so much like the way you say that you are? Kindly think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8936 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, I am 45 years old. Salaried 1.6 Lakhs per month. I have two kids -Son is 15 years old and daughter is 11 years old. I would like to retire at the age of 55 and allocate 1 crores for children education and marriage. I have own house and would like to have 3 crores as retirement corpus at the age of 55. My current investments are - 40L in mutual fund , 9 Lakhs in stocks and 15 Lakhs in PF. Monthly contributing 15K in PF and having SIP of 60K per month in mutual funds. Pls advise whether the current investments are sufficient to acheive my goal. Thanks.
Ans: At 45, your commitment towards early retirement, children’s future, and disciplined saving is deeply appreciated.

Let’s evaluate your goals, current resources, and what changes you may need. This answer will help you take corrective steps and prepare a practical, structured plan.

Understanding Your Financial Vision
You wish to:

Retire at 55 with Rs 3 crores retirement corpus

Allocate Rs 1 crore for children's education and marriage

You are already:

Saving Rs 60K monthly in mutual funds (SIPs)

Contributing Rs 15K monthly into PF

Have Rs 64 lakhs accumulated already (MF + PF + Stocks)

Living in a self-owned house (no rent expenses in retirement)

These are solid and encouraging building blocks. However, the key question is — are these numbers enough?

Retirement Corpus Requirement Evaluation
Let’s begin with retirement.

You are targeting Rs 3 crores at 55

This needs to support at least 25-30 years of retired life

Your monthly income today is Rs 1.6 lakhs

Retirement expenses (without kids' education or EMIs) may be around Rs 70K to Rs 90K/month

Inflation will make these numbers higher by the time you retire

So, Rs 3 crores is a reasonable and safe retirement goal.

But let’s now assess if you are on track.

Reviewing Existing Investments and Monthly Contributions
You already have:

Rs 40 lakhs in mutual funds

Rs 15 lakhs in PF

Rs 9 lakhs in stocks

You are also:

Contributing Rs 60K/month into mutual funds

Contributing Rs 15K/month into PF

That’s Rs 75K/month of disciplined investing. Very strong effort.

Still, we must assess future growth of each instrument, taking inflation and realistic return assumptions.

Suitability of Investment Mix
Mutual Funds – Rs 40L corpus, Rs 60K SIP monthly

You’re doing well with equity mutual fund SIPs

Make sure these are active mutual funds and not index funds

Index funds lack downside protection and underperform in sideways markets

Actively managed funds provide flexibility in dynamic Indian markets

Focus on diversified equity mutual funds

You must have a mix of large cap, flexi cap, mid cap, and select sector/thematic

Avoid sectoral overexposure, stay away from new NFOs without track record

Stocks – Rs 9L

Direct stocks are high-risk and need continuous monitoring

Don’t treat this as core retirement corpus

Use stock portfolio for opportunity-based returns only

No need to increase stock exposure at this stage

PF – Rs 15L corpus, Rs 15K contribution/month

Good for stability and conservative fixed income

PF will provide a safe retirement cushion

But do not rely on PF alone for retirement corpus creation

Rate of return is fixed and may not beat long-term inflation fully

Children’s Education and Marriage Fund: Rs 1 Crore Target
Your son is 15 and daughter is 11.

So you will need:

Partial fund in next 2-3 years (son’s education)

Major amount by next 10-12 years (daughter’s education and marriage)

This means you need to create a parallel corpus of Rs 1 crore without disturbing your retirement savings.

Plan of Action:

Allocate a separate mutual fund folio for this goal

Do not mix it with your retirement investments

Choose balanced advantage, flexi-cap, and large-mid funds for this purpose

Withdraw from equity gradually once goal is near (start moving to short-term debt funds 3 years before need)

You may already be on track here if you dedicate part of the Rs 60K SIPs

But if all your SIPs are targeted for retirement only, you must either:

Increase your SIPs by Rs 15K–20K/month

OR

Allocate part of your stock portfolio and annual bonuses for kids’ goal

Evaluating SIP Sufficiency Towards Retirement
Rs 60K/month SIP in equity mutual funds for 10 years will build solid corpus only if:

Funds are actively managed by competent AMC

SIPs increase 10% every year (step-up SIPs)

You don’t stop SIPs even during market crashes

You rebalance regularly through a Certified Financial Planner

If you stay consistent, you are likely to reach Rs 3 crore, but without much surplus.

So, there is limited cushion in your current plan. You’re on track, but only marginally.

Required Adjustments for Better Safety
Increase Monthly Investment Gradually

From Rs 75K/month, try to increase SIPs by 10-15% yearly

Use salary hikes, annual bonus, or incentives to fund extra SIPs

Keep PF as it is; no need to increase PF contribution beyond current limit

Separate Goals and Tracking

Create two sets of SIPs: one for retirement, one for kids’ education

Avoid mixing funds or redeeming prematurely from retirement corpus

Avoid Index and Direct Funds

Direct funds lack advisory, tax planning, rebalancing, and behaviour control

You may miss correction opportunities or exit too late during volatility

Better to invest via regular plans with a trusted MFD or CFP

They offer active support, periodic alerts, tax strategy, and customised advice

Many investors earn less not because of bad funds, but due to bad timing and behaviour

Certified Financial Planner brings discipline and strategy in market fluctuations

Insurance and Risk Protection
You didn’t mention any insurance.

At 45 with family responsibilities, review:

Term insurance: Ensure Rs 1 crore+ coverage till age 60

Health insurance: Have Rs 10–20 lakh family floater + top-up

Critical illness cover: Optional but useful after 50

Without insurance, even the best investment plan can collapse under sudden medical or death risk.

Emergency Fund
You didn’t mention cash reserves.

Keep:

At least 6 months' expenses in liquid or ultra-short duration debt fund

Don’t keep this in equity or PF

You may use part of your PF loan provision only if very urgent

Investment Behaviour and Tax Awareness
Stay invested during downturns

Market cycles are natural

Many investors lose by stopping SIPs in bear markets

Those who stay invested enjoy strong recovery

Tax planning

Equity mutual funds LTCG: Only above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG in equity: Taxed at 20%

Debt funds: Taxed as per slab

Plan redemption accordingly with a Certified Financial Planner

Avoid real estate as an investment

Your house is an asset to live in, not a liquid financial tool

Real estate requires high maintenance, has low liquidity, and tax issues

Better to keep your future investments in mutual funds instead

Retirement Withdrawal Strategy
When you retire at 55:

Don’t withdraw entire mutual fund corpus

Keep equity portion invested and withdraw via SWP

Use bucket strategy:

First 3 years expenses in ultra short and liquid funds

Next 5 years in balanced or hybrid

Long-term part in equity

This protects you from selling during market crash

A Certified Financial Planner can set this up and track annually

Keep Reviewing Progress Every Year
Your current SIP discipline is very strong. But review:

Fund performance every 12 months

Goal progress every year

Increase SIPs gradually

Exit underperforming funds only under expert guidance

Avoid chasing star ratings or social media hype.

Key Action Points
Separate children’s corpus from retirement corpus

Increase SIPs by Rs 15K/month if possible

Avoid index and direct funds; shift to regular plans via MFD with CFP support

Keep investing during all market cycles

Maintain term and health insurance coverage

Create an emergency reserve now itself

Use a Certified Financial Planner for tracking and behaviour control

Do not withdraw from mutual funds prematurely

Review and rebalance annually

Finally
You are very close to being on track.

But only with continued discipline, increased SIPs, and expert guidance can you safely reach all goals.

You are doing far better than most. But don’t take comfort and stay static.

Make small changes now. They will give huge benefits later.

Retirement at 55 is fully possible — but only with strong control on investment behaviour and cash flow discipline. With a Certified Financial Planner by your side, you can fine-tune this further.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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